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Barbie (2023)
Folly of the Dolls
The hype, enthusiasm, technology, acting skills, not to mention the iconic doll that promised a fantastic movie does not live up, sorry to say, to the incredibly inane writing of this film.
I was totally with it at the intro though, with the 2001 "Space Odyssey" score and the portrayal of a new concept - a doll that does not need nurturing. I thought this is gonna be great. Even in the first 15 minutes of being exposed to modern movie fantasy sets I still had good expectations, especially since Margot Robbie is so talented. It did not take long, however, for things to fall apart.
The corny dialogue falls flat. Jokes are not funny (unless you are perhaps a fan of American corny slapstick humor). It is not witty either and one has to wonder which age group the writers are aiming for throughout the entire film. I can't imagine a 13 year-old (let alone younger kids with their parents) understanding what is going on in this convoluted sex roll obsessed story that consists of such foolish, not to mention allusive dialogue. If this film was for adults, then that is even more appalling. The aforementioned faults are only part of the problem.
The plot, which I deemed pointless, confusing and totally unengaging was only a minor distraction to the supporting characters, which were either braindead or lacking any kind of believability, (except for perhaps the Ruth Handler character). It is one thing for dolls to be brainwashed and then transported back and forth with a simplicity even Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz would find effortlessly trite, but as said before, the "real life" characters don't have that justification. You can't really relate to any of them.
I almost never write reviews, but this film was so bad I could not get the criticism out of my head.
It is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I gave it a 3 simply because of Margot Robbie and the innovative sets. Otherwise it would have gotten a 1. If you need a Barbie fix, you are much better off with Aqua's "Barbie Girl" from 1997.
Cats (2019)
A masterpiece! Forget the negative "reviews".
It is not often I feel the need to post a review on IMDB, but after reading all the negative remarks and seeing Cats last night I felt duty-bound.
The sets, dancing, and cats themselves are visually stunning - not to mention personable, beautiful and obviously dedicated to giving extremely heartfelt performances.
Francesca Hayward as the new young cat (Victoria) binding the story together (a stroke of genius) was mesmerizing and has to be the most gorgeous face to be seen on the screen since Zoe Saldana in «Avatar»). She is also an incredible singer and dancer and worth the price of the ticket alone.
Other fantastic adaptations were Skimbleshanks - the railway cat, Ian McKellen as Gus - the Theatre cat, and a surprisingly bold move using Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy. I would have given the film a 10 except for the fact that I thought Rebel Wilson's singing (Jennyanydots - otherwise another great scene) could have benefited from autotune.
In conclusion, if you like Cats - the musical, I don't see how you could be disappointed by this wonderful and-state-of-the-art cinematic production. The portrayal of the cats is spellbinding. The CGI and spectacular scenes are mesmerizing and the singing and dancing are all one could hope for in a modern day musical.
Forget the negative reviews, most of which aren't really «reviews» at all.... «my grand-mother cried in the bathroom for two hours»........» This is paraphrasing, but when such comments get 150 «helpful» likes, one has to wonder who is doing the reviewing, and who is doing the liking.
I give it a score of 8.5!
Silent Hill (2006)
Boring Hill
This is the story of a little girl who sleepwalks and in her dreams mumbles «Silent Hill, Silent Hill». This is the catalyst for the movie's direction, and so off drive mom and daughter, leaving behind dad for unclear reasons due to an even more befuddling family relationship. At the beginning of their journey, they are stopped on the motorway by a police woman, for reasons unknown, propelling mom to risk their lives by crashing through a gate on the abandoned road leading to the ghost town of «Silent Hill». When she wakes up in her car, the daughter is gone and so for the next two hours she tracks the little girl (at least we think it is the little girl who keeps running away from her for reasons unknown) calling her name, but to no avail. She is then subject to creatures who attack her from all angels every time an alarm sounds, similar to «The Time Machine» from 1960, with about as much menace.
Radha Mitchell does a good job as the mother and is alluring, but there are no relationships for her to play off of, and in the end I didn't really care about anyone in the film. Even the mother daughter bond is a bagatelle. Perhaps the movie was satisfactory for someone into the video game, or video games in general, but for me, it was void of anything except boredom. I would have given it a rating of one, but because of Radha Mitchell and some interesting creatures, I give it a three. In conclusion, it was one of the worst and most boring movies I have ever seen.
A Stork's Journey (2017)
Appalling
I have not written a review for a long time, but after seeing "Richard the Stork" today, I felt obligated to warn others off this appalling film. The story line about an animal trying to fit in with a different species is overused and cliché. None of the different bird characters Richard hooks up with are funny, interesting, or believable.
The simple plot of the story is that Richard, in trying to stay with his adoptive Stork family, follows them on a haphazard route to Africa. His entanglements are absurd, emotionally uninteresting, and chaotic. There is no real drama in this film or heartfelt relationships alá "Beauty and the Beast", "Toy Story", or even "Bambi". The writing was hardly clever and the dialogue for most of the film was utter nonsense. Even the conflict between mama and papa Stork on whether or not Richard could be a member of the family was mind-boggling simplistic and cliché. I give it a 3, but only for the animation.