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The Big Hit (1998)
If there's one thing this movie taught me...
...it's to shut my piss!
Also, Lou Diamond Phillips was hilarious.
Drenched in 1998-ness, right down to Save Ferris prominently displayed during an over-the-top comedic montage, "The Big Hit" is for turning off your brain and allowing its insanity to wash over you in big, comforting waves.
Mort's drunk scene easily steals the show for me, with his tirade against his wife and daughter and even sticking up for Melvin right before projectile vomiting all over Cisco. This is immediately topped by an excellent firefight.
Claims of unrealism are clearly missing the point: this is an outrageous comedy which happens to feature bad guys with guns. It's not supposed to be realistic. Cisco offering a fellow hitman non-dairy creamer for his cuppa joe WHILE in the middle of killing a target perfectly illustrates what this film goes for.
If you don't believe me, just watch it and shut your piss!
A Little Late with Lilly Singh (2019)
Woke, broke and unfunny
It brings me great pleasure that even with the entire might and girth of woke Hollywood behind this tripe, Lilly Singh and her "hate everything not BIPOC or gay" approach still failed after two seasons. Which was two seasons too long. Goodbye Lilly, it's been agonizing.
Phantom Thread (2017)
A Film So Masterful, Today's Audiences Hate It
Is it CGI saturation? The omnipresence of mass-produced superhero nonsense? An almost interminably long absence of originality?
For whatever reason, when a film these days is meticulous about nuance, subtlety and carefully crafting characters, people immediately label it "boring" and "slow." When a story doesn't develop in the same manner as all romance films that precede it, people say "there is no story." I say the problem then lies in the viewer, not the artistry. I've seen reviews giving this film a 1 out of 10 -- in what alternate reality is this film below a 6 for ANY reason?
Daniel Day Lewis delivers another career-high performance in a career full of them. Reynolds Woodcock is a brilliant but impenetrable dressmaker, driven by routine and idiosyncrasy. He takes an occasional lover from his well-stocked stable of beautiful women who all wish to be draped in his creations, but soon tires of their own idiosyncrasies, only to dispose of them when his equally regimented and calculating sister and confidante Cyril agrees. Once the debutante is dispatched, the House of Woodcock is in order again, and the master may resume his work.
Enter Alma (Vicky Krieps), the diametric opposite to Reynolds Woodcock. She is clumsy, unrefined, prone to whimsy over pragmatism. She also unknowingly possesses an elegance and grace that only Reynolds can access and cultivate. In Reynolds, Alma finds an ingenious if not obsessed creator and strong man; in Alma, Reynolds finds a beautiful muse so powerful he sometimes forgets himself. This is what frightens him most about her.
But this careful balancing act cannot last forever, as her lack of structure begins to irritate him all over again, thus repeating his cycle. She begins to take advantage of annoying him, as the stress she induces guarantees he pays her more attention. Reynolds, in kind, does not shy from confronting her behavior in increasingly frustrated and vicious retorts. Alma resorts to ever more desperate attempts to maintain his attention, culminating in one of the most twisted and satisfying co-dependencies I've seen as of yet.
There is a generous amount of humor as well. The insults so intelligently and politely crafted, yet so cutting of the ego. Cyril, taking Alma's measurements, commends her figure saying "You have an ideal shape," to which Alma says with much surprise, "Really?" -- the slightest inkling of a smile forming -- and Cyril coldly replies, "Yes, he likes a little belly," instantly eradicating Alma's joy and replacing it with a frown and confusion. It's so delightfully rude.
Or the breakfast-shattering scraping of butter onto toast, which is apparently enough to ruin an entire day for Reynolds.
Another interaction involves Alma's choice of preparation for the asparagus: everyone knows Reynolds Woodcock prefers oil and salt, yet Alma has foolishly used butter. During his tirade against her, Reynolds admires his own gallantry for even entertaining such poorly prepared asparagus, informs her he doesn't need her, and when fully convinced she is part of a cabal against him, asks to see her gun. The lengths he will go to humiliate and shame know no bounds. It's actually hilarious.
The acting by everyone is top tier. Day Lewis once again completely inhabits his character: the eye movement, the speech pattern, the rigid adherence to protocol. Whether you like or loathe Reynolds Woodcock, you believe him to be real. His sister Cyril (Leslie Manville) is his better, and expertly acted here. She knows everything about her brother and how to gauge his every mood. She even feels some sympathy for the revolving door of lovers, knowing before even he does that he is through with them. And then we have Alma (Vicky Krieps), who gives such a beautifully nuanced and realistic portrayal of Reynolds' own phantom thread; the one only she can find and manipulate. We get many tight face shots of her earnestness and vulnerability, and it's fascinating to watch her eyes narrow as her hurt rejection turns to anger.
The direction and cinematography are gorgeous; the rich wood and white tones of the house or the vibrant fabrics of the dresses, the long single shots, the close-ups of scuffed and gruff fingers threading a needle. This goes hand-in-glove with the audio: it is positively blissful, whether it is soft speaking, the faint rustling of fabric, the creaking of wood floors, the crackling of the fire. Then there is a near-constant piano score that creates an atmosphere warmly ensconcing the film, which also vanishes during most dialogue; the opposite of what most movies would do. There is also an occasional ringing tone, like that of a dying ear hair cell, indicating a character about to act outside of themselves.
Phantom Thread is so masterfully and delicately crafted in every detail. It reminds of the class and dignity of the golden era of film, of the very best they all have to offer. Those who give the perfunctory "slow, boring" assessment will rue the day when style, creativity and grace are completely absent from film. They near are now, and I'm glad Paul Thomas Anderson is keeping them alive... one thread at a time.
Jacob's Ladder (2019)
If this is The Ladder, I'm taking it to the roof... then jumping off
I would normally never review a movie I haven't seen... but since there are so many here who've never seen the original and are praising this flaming refuse heap, here I am.
The trailer tells you all you need to know: ethnicity flipped, clichéd jump scares, overly slick editing, generic thriller twists, horrendously bad CGI, flat acting and riding the coattails of a vastly superior film's name. Shameful.
They should have just created a new story and not tried to shoehorn it in to an existing and beloved intellectual property. I'm glad it flopped and knew it would, and perhaps Hollywood will final get the memo: you don't understand The Ladder, so stay on the ground.
Joker (2019)
This One's No Joke
What can I say that hasn't been said before? Here goes:
- The acting: as nuanced as any you'll see. Joaquin for Oscar or bust.
- The writing/script: spot on, and uncomfortably realistic.
- The dialogue: profound in its meditations on society. Avoids cliché and that "overly cool, always has the right answer" way of speaking that no actual human espouses.
- The cinematography: has a very unique visual style and concept for its colors and various states of dilapidation of the city.
- The score: holy hell, does it swell with disconcerting emotion and power at all the right times. It even manages legitimate glee and laughs (dancing down the stairs!)
- The CGI: THERE ISN'T ANY. FOR ONCE. PRAISE BE.
I don't know if this will usher in a new era of 'splosion/action ludicrousness-free gritty origin story filmmaking, but even if it doesn't this ONE film puts to shame all 'comic book hero/antihero' movies to date, in my opinion. More like this, please.
Nid de guêpes (2002)
Into le hornet's nest we go
Absolutely gorgeous French action. It doesn't rush to the next scene, it takes its time and gets you there in style.
I love the whole theme of cruel, ruthless insects and how people are sometimes indiscernible from them.
The firefights are among the best filmed you'll see, showcasing a vast array of objects being riddled with lead in slow motion to capture every delicious sparking, fragmenting, particulate matter flashing across the screen.
The audio is also top notch; every sound richly engineered and all with purpose, complemented by a beautiful swelling score that perfectly enhances the on-screen drama.
I even read the weapons master for the film was contacted by government agencies to help them do weapons design, and with good reason. Even for being 17 years old, everything looks high-tech and modern.
Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992)
The Cream of the Crop
I quite prefer this one to the original, which I also enjoy.
Why I like this one more:
- This is much faster paced with more action and tighter editing. The original is pretty slow.
- I love the father's bloated, sweaty face. He always looks stressed.
- Gruesome. The nose bleed scene continues to terrify me, among others. The corn field storm is another solid and fairly creepy murderfest.
- Ryan Bollman's "Micah" was intense and frightening. His sermons about He Who Walks Behind the Rows are engaging. I especially love his death scene as he's basically exorcised and then, once in control of his body again, is instantly threshed. I actually felt for him since he was innocent again at that point, but was killed anyway.
- Christie Clark. 'Nuff said there.
- I won't deny The Nostalgia Factor for me regarding early '90s horror sequels in the vein of Pet Sematary II, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Hellraiser 3 and this one. All of these have a similar style in regards to being gory and excessive.
- The score is actually competently unsettling. It takes itself seriously and does not sound cheesy.
I'm fully aware most people don't like it or the aforementioned sequels, but I dig this style and miss these kinds of horror movies.
Judge Judy (1996)
If I had my way...
...I would simply clone a small army of Judge Judy; say, an honest 1,000.
Our troubles would be over. It's that simple. She's a perfect machine -- "The Truth Machine" she's been called -- specifically designed only to pulverize idiots and liars in pursuit of a greater truth and good. She can be harsh, but being nice isn't going to do anything for these litigants; nor is it as entertaining to watch. When you've presided for as long as she has, you just have to trust her on these things, never mind the fact that she's also one of the smartest people alive. We need more Judge Judys walkin' around.
"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining." - JJ
Braindead (1992)
Ultimate zombie flick
Undead intercourse that eventually bears a zombie child. Priests that kick ass for the Lord. Uses for a lawnmower not found in the manual. Edible body parts. A vicious rat-monkey. Add an overbearing mum, an over-the-top ethnic love interest and more gore than the 2000 presidential campaign and you've got yourself "Dead Alive." This movie is soaked in as much Peter Jackson as it is blood. Tight close-ups and rapid camera zooms permeate this film, and one can't help but be reminded of Terry Gilliam's manic pacing and choice camera angles. Jackson shines through in his tasteful use of original monsters and creative violence. It is so overly bloody that you can't help but laugh while retching, and believe me it will make you do both.
I don't think this movie is intended to be scary--and in my opinion it is not--though it is undeniably a "horror film." Campy humor, a B-movie original score and gratuitous guts round out "Dead Alive" as one of the most entertaining zombie gorefests I've ever seen. Keep your barfbag handy and don't be afraid to laugh at the deplorable debauchery.