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mdross1
Reviews
Time Chasers (1994)
It Takes a Chin.
This backyard movie has it all: time travel, a heroic cleft chin, an evil corporation, and stocky men in pink suits. The plot revolves around a man who builds a time machine out of a Cessna. He seems like a pretty normal, loser-like guy, so he obviously won't be too concerned time traveling "in style" with a DeLorean like some charmingly eccentric mad scientist (well, he actually has no choice, he can't drive). He takes a reporter and a pink suit man along for a ride into TV static and, ultimately, the future.
"The Future" really has almost nothing special in its appearance, other than a food court, which actually looks pretty normal. The closest thing to a special effect is a sign on a building claiming that it was built entirely out of recycled material. When the evil corporation takes over the time machine and does some vaguely bad thing with it (it is suggested that some futuristic was brought into the present), Our hero finds out that the "future" has turned into a local slum populated by a few hobos with guns (not lasers or anything just normal guns). How cyberpunk.
The movie continues with our hero trying to stop said corporation, romancing the girl, "engulfing her" with his chin-butt, getting unpresentably filthy on many occasions, doing irreparable damage to the space-time continuum, dying while unpresentably filthy, and allowing his alternate temporal self to continue this tradition. A showdown occurs between him and the evil CEO during the American Revolution with a Turtledovesque twist an anachronistic Uzi. The movie ends happily with him getting the girl and averting the whole situation.
The movie has a so-bad-it's-good quality that most older bad movies have, whereas new bad movies are just unwatchable. MST3K does a great sendup of it as well. The movie has its strengths such as some humor (especially in the shockingly accurate insight to a loser's lifestyle). It is also disturbingly prophetic in its vision of a future populated by kids who go everywhere with a cell-phone glued to their heads, oblivious to their surroundings.
One Tough Bastard (1996)
Not Exactly Equilibrium. Heck, It's Not Even Ultraviolet.
Being a fan of Kurt Wimmer, I decided that this movie was a must-see for me. Equilibrium is a genuinely great movie and Ultraviolet, though heavily flawed, had enough good action and heart to separate from similar movies. One Tough Bastard, however, is a bad 80's revenge movie made in the middle of the 90's. It would be a typical revenge flick, except it pretty much forgets this fact with some silly subplot involving experimental guns (actually Mini 14's with slight cosmetic modifications). These superguns are a letdown too, since they're only fired once during a test run.
The fight scenes aren't very good, but they have their moments, where Wimmer shows his distinctive innovations.
There aren't many interesting characters, except for corrupt agent Karl Savak. He is distinctively cheesy and entertaining, even though his quips are rather lame (as is most the dialogue). Aside from (don't laugh) MC Hammer's appearance as a villain, the movie does not have many interesting characters. An inner city black child whom Bosworth takes under his wing is particularly clichéd and uninteresting.
It's almost hard to believe that Wimmer went on to make Equilibrium and Ultraviolet.
Ultraviolet (2006)
A Great Sci-Fi Action B-Movie
OK, I actually liked this movie, and the truth is I usually hate these sci-fi heroine movies. AeonFLUX, Resident Evil, Underworld, Tomb Raider
I think these movies lack characterization, good writing, acting, and relatable characters. Had it not been for the fact that UltraViolet was directed by Kurt Wimmer, the genius behind Equilibrium, I would have saved my money on this movie since the premise seemed pretty bad.
The story is terrible, even though I like this idea of a medical-based police state. The background is the same we've seen from similar movies: Super bad-ass race of "vampires" who have the power to make crazy action scenes versus a dystopian government run by humans. The protagonist is not only a sexy, fashionably dressed female buttkicker, but she's a bereaved parent who acts as a protective surrogate mother to a child. Yes, this is one hackneyed plot tool after another, and Wimmer even steals a twist from his own Equilibrium (the bad guy turns out to be a bad-ass buttkicker, too!). When it's not cliché, it's ludicrous. In one scene, Violet encounters some Chinese men and gets in a fight with them
.for no apparent reason; the movie makes absolutely no effort explain this scene's existence. Also the final twist is very silly. A lot of the blame goes to Wimmer for coming up with a stupid idea for a movie, but Screen Gems cut the movie from two hours to less than one and a half. Knowing them, most of this was probably character development.
That's the bad stuff, now I'm going to explain why I actually liked this movie. Most importantly, this movie has what most of these movies lack: a protagonist who comes off as relatable, vulnerable human being. In Equilibrium, Wimmer proved that he can do well with a movie's human element, and he that he can get good performances from his actors. Most of these heroine movies lack any good performances, regardless of the actress's talents, but Milla Jovovich does very well in this movie and gives a nuanced performance. Violet shows little originality, but she's a well-executed and believably flawed character. Her humanity comes out in sometimes humorous ways when she reacts with frustration to Six's naïve and sometime self-destructive behavior. The composition of the movie seemed like a mess in the theatre, but Violet's motivation and character are more understandable in the unrated DVD, which adds crucial backstory. William Fichtner and a sinister, raspy-voiced Nick Chinlund give great performances. Cameron Bright does a decent job for someone his age, but everyone else in the movie is rubbish. The only bad actor in it who plays a big enough role for it to matter is the French Guy; he's terrible and he sounds like the narrator from Spongebob Squarepants, but it's not like he's any worse than Viktor from UnderWorld or the German accent guy from Resident Evil 2. Chinlund's Daxus provides what most of these movies also lack: a cool bad guy. However, it seems he cares more about medical sanitation than gun safety, as he keeps locked and loaded Berettas in sterilized baggies.
The dialogue in the movie ranges from good to amusingly campy to just bad. Many lines do deliver on the emotionality. Other lines are great campy one-liners that are enhanced by their deliveries by Jovovich and Chinlund. It's not on the level of "Army of Darkness," but it's fun and fitting for the type of movie it is. Other lines include bad expository dialogue (we are introduced to Daxus as he is being told stuff he always knows by an underling). Although I wouldn't call the movie intelligent, I do agree with the pro-life stance it seems to take when Violet gets in a conversationally impossible argument with a bad guy.
Now for the eye candy. Another reason I don't like these types of movies is that the fight scenes are usually not worth sitting through the movie. The action scenes in UltraViolet are every bit as original and innovative as the plot isn't. The editing in a few action sequences is choppy, includes bad zooms, and skips the connections of many a blow, but Wimmer's talent for choreography is still apparent despite Screen Gems' meddling. In one scene Violet beats up a group of guards, shattering their armor like glass, in another scene she fights guards with a pair of submachine guns with katana blades coming from the bottom of the grips. So if you read a review by someone who likes bad action movies by directors with two middle initials who can't choreograph a decent fight scene to change their lives, and he tells you this movie has hackneyed fight scenes, he's friggin' lying to you.
The visual style is very dazzling, with bold colors and a beautiful soft-focus effect. The soft-focus is actually a pet peeve among many viewers, but I think it enhances the futuristic look. CGI is crude, but fitting considering the type of movie it is. Klaus Badelt provides a fitting techno/classical/metal score, but the introduction has a shameful rip-off of the Spiderman theme. Still, right after that you're treated the coolest opening shot since Episode III. Costume design is stylish, and Violet looks sexy despite a garish, curve-hiding bare belly. Also, there are many clever technological gadgets in the movie. I almost feel bad giving this movie such a high rating, but it's a silly movie in a silly genre. The bottom line is that Ultraviolet isn't great, but it's good, silly fun. It may have a pretty low rating on IMDb, but that's probably because some of the people who went to see it are Equilibrium fans who expected another great movie from the director. Most of the others have AeonFLUX on DVD, so their opinion doesn't matter. I'd say it is by far Screen Gems' most watchable movie.
Hopefully, Wimmer will get a chance from some studio make a better movie on par with Equilibrium.
Arrested Development (2003)
People Suck. This Show Doesn't.
Arrested Development is a work of pure, unadulterated comic genius. I simply don't understand how anyone can not find this show funny. First, the dialogue is extremely witty, delivered with flawless timing with superb acting by an excellent cast. All of the regular actors and actresses give stellar performances, especially the snappy and deadpan Jason Bateman. Even if dry humor isn't your thing, the show features many types of jokes, including slapstick. All of them well integrated into the show despite their variety. Two of the foremost strengths of Arrested Development are the hilariously zany situations and the narration. Provided by Ron Howard, it applies the advantages of comic prose to a video format. Many people think it's annoying, but hell, I'll take it over a stupid laugh track any day. There are also numerous pop-cultural allusions, but the show thankfully does not use referential humor as a crutch. Arrested Development also has very sharp and relevant satire, not the preachy, clichéd invective that often passes for such. In fact, it's rather moderate in its political humor, and its creators wisely resisted the temptation to make partisanship compromise the integrity of their comedy. The jokes in this show often force you to pay attention. You really need to watch this show from the beginning to understand the complex serial plot lines and humor. The show's intricate continuity is a strength, but unfortunately it's also a deterrent for many viewers. This feature also makes the show a good parody of bad soap operas.
One of the criticisms of this show is that it lacks relatable characters, but this assertion can't be any farther from the truth. In fact, Michael and Buster are strikingly similar to my brother and me. Michael, though exceptionally flawed in some ways, is one of the most sympathetic sitcom characters I've seen. A recovering widow, he is corrupted by his involvement in his father's unscrupulous business, but he is dedicated to his son and wants to raise him as an honest, intelligent person. He eventually defeats temptation and redeems himself at the end of the series by leaving his corrupt family with George Michael. Even Lindsey and GOB seem human, despite how selfish they are. Unlike some lesser comedies Arrested Development does not sacrifice characterization for cheap gags.
Arrested Development is my favorite TV show of all time, and it's a shame that it never got the ratings it deserved. FOX certainly deserves blame for its inability to sell the show, but the main problem was probably that most people just don't have a sense of humor and they'd rather watch hackneyed sitcoms and vapid reality shows.
Sonic the Hedgehog (1993)
Even Better Than the Games
The thing I love about this show is that it's a Saturday morning cartoon with cute cartoon animals that's based on a popular video game, but it still has great character development and a dark, gritty setting. The cartoon breaks away from the game in many ways, and mostly for the better. Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic 2 were excellent games, but they did not provide much background for a good story, and the writers of this show were right to use creative license. Pretty much the only similarities are the presence of Sonic and Tails and a bad guy named Robotnik.
Unlike the bright, cartoony settings in game, the show features a cyberpunk city ruled by the despotic Dr. Robotnik. This Robotnik bears little resemblance with his goofy video game counterpart. He is truly vile, turning cute cartoon animals into mindless robots, and he is also one of the more powerful cartoon villains. While many bad guys come up with some crazy plan every episode just to get beaten down by the heroes, Robotnik has a firm hold of the world he has conquered and he does his part to keep the good guys in their place. The good guys in this show, led by Sonic and Princess Sally, have a difficult time fighting him, and not every victory of theirs is a complete one. Another thing I love about the show is that most the good guys don't come off as stock characters, but as a group kids who had all experienced some great loss in their lives because of Robotnik's actions. Sonic's character is in line with his can-do attitude in the games, but he also has his own suppressed issues. This cartoon isn't afraid to occasionally show him crying like a baby because of his uncle's roboticization. An original character in the show, Princess Sally, is very balanced and well-developed. She is intelligent and assertive without being unpleasant, kind without being sugarcoated, strong without being an unrealistically powerful fighter, and a good, but not invincible, leader. Her romance with Sonic is well done and credible. It's never cloying or ham-handed, and it is fun to watch them bicker and poke fun at each other like a married couple. It is a truly well-developed romance, and Saturday morning cartoons aren't exactly know for that. Bunnie Rabbot is also a good character. She is very friendly and good-natured, but in one episode it shows briefly that she struggles with her partial roboticization. Considering the strong female characters in this show, it's sad that most children's programming nowadays seems to encourage girls to be annoying, materialistic valley girls. Tails is good as an eager child who idolizes Sonic.
The animation is above average for a show of this type. Backgrounds are detailed, characters move convincingly, and faces are expressive. Voicework is good as well. Sonic may be voiced by the infamously annoying Steve Urkell, but Jaleel White does fit well, and he even does a decent sad voice. Robotnik is voiced with smooth malevolence by veteran voice actor Jim Cummings.
Sonic the Hedgehog, despite being a video game adaptation, is original and is one of greatest Saturday Morning cartoons out there. My childhood memories of this show are quite vague and most of my experience of it comes from the past year, so it's not like some cartoons I like more because of nostalgia than any merit of the shows themselves.
Still Sonic "SatAM", despite being light years ahead of other cartoons, has its flaws. Jaleel White's voice is mostly appropriate, but sometimes annoying (like when Sonic does his announcer voice). He also talks in annoying early-90's slang. I suppose having him say words like "mondo" was to make an otherwise dark and serious show appealing to kids. At times it has the strained environmental posturing, but only in isolated bits of dialogue. The 90's are my favorite era for cartoons, but this problem plagued them. At least there was no contrived episode where Sonic where Sonic learned the value teamwork. There are some minor plot holes, but that doesn't detract from the show.
Unfortunately, this show is reviled among more puritanical fans of the games themselves. It is still a great show nonetheless,and most of the people who hate it are anime freaks and gamer dorks anyway. Even if you're not a fan of the Sonic games, you should check this show out; it really is a quality cartoon. Don't be discouraged by the fact that it was based on a video game; it's probably the only good game adaptation out there.
It might have been a good thing, though, that this show got cancelled when it did, since I don't particularly like the ideas they had for the third season, but the cancellation is still one of the greatest examples of television injustice. SatAM was a superior cartoon that did not have the ratings enjoyed by inferior shows; it was a sort of like a Saturday Morning "Arrested Development" to the Power Rangers' "Friends."