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The Purge (2013)
Made me wanna purge too
This movie reached a rare level by me as it proved unwatchable - the entire concept couldn't even get off the ground after 38 minutes, by which time I shut it down. It was ultimately a 'who cares?' that envelopes, then smothers this dog of a flick. Everything wound up being telegraphed and the concept, under cover of the founders of the New United States merely stokes fires of hatred, pain, revenge, misogyny, sadism and probably a lot of other under-superlatives to describe the worst kind of drek on screen and within the human heart. The concept itself sounds good on paper - one day a year to unleash the beast, keeping it bottled up in the meantime for the sake of societal peace and security. This movie ain't sci-fi, it ain't psy-thriller - it is merely psychotic, wrong-headed and a true waste on so many levels. Just look at the take for this flick - over half its money on the opening weekend and then - freefall. Read into it what one will, but I say folks wised up to the fact that this wasn't entertaining, it wasn't cathartic and, if anyone else's reaction was like mine, one just felt slimed and manipulated. There is surely a place in movies for manipulation and slime (Aliens anyone?) but I still struggle to get the grime off - after only 38 wasted minutes.
Sharknado (2013)
Worse than Troll II?
An utterly droll, inept movie that has no redeeming value, unless one is inclined to waste a couple hours playing Mystery Science 3000 upside this bomb. Probably a small club and I seem to be a member because I watched this to its entirely over-the-top climax of chainsaw-fu on a great white shark.
The acting was atrocious. Tara Reid gets top billing and she is at her most wooden and unsympathetic. Her male co-stars try to convince us that they have a solution to dissolving tornadoes that us Midwesterners have yet to figure out and they keep a straight face during their attempts (and we probably shouldn't mention that the flick is about a hurricane threatening Los Angeles but we get water-spouts and tornadoes instead).
Oh, and be-darned the science behind this flick. Incredulous is the only word that fits.
The only reason I rated this as high as a 1 was that I did manage to struggle to the end, so it has value as a "did I really just see that?" flick.
Troll II is nearly a masterpiece compared to this and Sharknado now rates in my Bottom 10 All-Time Worst Flicks list. Enjoy if you dare.
Scary Movie 5 (2013)
Incoherently related skits bemuse and amuse to extremes
There are some serious spoiler alerts issued as this movie is nearly impossible to review without mentioning certain scenes with specificity - now ya know.
Things to like/enjoy/be humored by, etc: Snoop Dogg has two scenes of varying interest based upon his stoner rep - he's always been one to poke fun at his own persona - good thing; the Charlie Sheen/Lindsay Lohan opener is merely OK, but there are a couple good lines that save it from pure mediocrity; the possession scene after the invocation (Army of Darkness reference) is over the top; as a husband kisses his maid "m-m-m...You remind me of my father"...remember to pick self off floor following guffaws; death timeline - one of the few truly laugh-out-loud moments; the bonus extended benefactor scene - it all shoulda been kept in this rather short flick.
The bad (and some was really, REALLY bad): lesbian scene - ridiculous; possessed vacuums - stupid bad; Heather Locklear dance scene - beyond the pale grotesque; baby and shepherd - really guys?!
One knows what to expect from this franchise and this delivers about 1/2 the time, hence the 5 outta 10 rating. If one sets the bar low enough, even uneven drek can be successful. If ya paid $15 to watch this - man, did they see you comin'. If ya rented it from the local library for only the cost of your local tax bill, then hurrah, yer as brilliant as me.
Recommended with serious reservations - hide this from prudes and sub-teen kids. For everyone else, laugh and groan, it's all the same for this crew.
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Cross Die Hard and Under Siege, maybe
Gerard Butler carries this fairly preposterous tale with solid, in-the-pocket acting, playing it straight and for all its worth. And it is worth the life of the president and the continuation of the free world that he pull a John McLain-Casey Ryback and send all the bad guys back to whatever hell exists when one gets out of North Korea.
So, the White House is attacked by ski-masked commies and a turncoat S. Korean diplomat who is really a great N. Korean spy whom no one knew what he looked like, so he was able to get close to the president (underplayed by Aaron Eckhart). And the entire federal district is overwhelmed by a strafing plane, to amazing effect, as one will see.
The White House is all but leveled during the course of the blow-em up, shoot-em up, take-torturous-liberties-against-yer-enemies shenanigans unleashed by Butler as he works to save the day and the world. And maybe even the president.
Butler makes it all seem genuine and plausible and Morgan Freeman takes a run at being the president du jour and you know he means business after tail-whipping one of his Pentagon hot buttons and eliciting a 'yes sir' that just makes ya wanna stand up and cheer.
Non-stop action that'll give ya 90+ minutes of romp-em and stomp-em madness and mayhem.
Bai she chuan shuo (2011)
A mesmerizing ride
This is a powerful, exotic tale of the interaction between supernatural worlds and our 3-D reality, everything hinging upon the power of love to overcome forces of destruction/selfishness that constantly work to tear it all apart.
The special effects/CGI are amazing to behold, so otherworldly and over-the-top. The fight sequences are spectacular and with Jet Li as the lead, we would expect nothing less. They are on par and surpass even some of the wildest fight scenes in Kung Fu Hustle. And the demon puppies morphing into wisps of smoke and emerging from within bamboo shoots as will-o-the wisp beauties is a new one by me - disconcerting, yet wow! The tale itself can be very confusing but keeping in mind that this is based upon a Chinese fable, then one knows the truth always lies hidden within its representation. And for further confusing fun, put the English track on while also reading the English subtitles. Not intentionally funny, probably, but a gas all the same.
Know Your Mushrooms (2008)
Mushrooms can be fun and delicious
I had been hoping this would be more than a primer - it didn't rise above the entry level, but that is OK because I think it was intended for newbies, not aficionados.
All the same, kind of fun and innocuous, unless seeing folks ingesting psylocybin is a turn-off. The factoid shroom was amusing, even if it did resemble low-key PBS early morning children's viewing stylings.
I would highly recommend a follow-up attempt as mycophobia in America is endemic. Go for more identification of edible species, highlight more of the "eat these and die a terribly horrible death" shrooms, include a section exclusively for the psychoactive shroom examples (c'mon, they mentioned amanita muscaria without sharing about the various types of amanitas in the wild nor did they clearly state - PROCEED WITH CAUTION WHEN EATING THIS VARIETY).
A good attempt that generally informs and entertains and they surely left plenty of room for others to do it even better - where are you Discovery Channel?
Identity Thief (2013)
What a waste of effort and celluloid
Interesting enough premise but the movie becomes tiresome and tedious because the Melissa McCarthy character has no redeeming qualities and, having sat through the first hour, the ending is telegraphed and one knows that the McCarthy character is doomed to unlikeableness. It also does not help that the cops come off as stupid and ignorant - they never could have gotten a search warrant for a drug search at his new company based upon their stated premise - no right-minded judge would have issued one under his or her own name. By the time redemption comes, who cares?!! I sat through to the end just to see if the movie met my lowered expectations - since it did, I guess it was successful on that level. All one needs to do is lower the bar low enough.