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Theshornwonder
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What Keeps You Alive (2018)
Could've been good, wasn't
At the beginning I turned this off, it seemed like it was going to be boring. Then I went back to it the next day. A lesbian couple go to the family lake house one of them owns, the other is weirdly obsessed with this very outdated "rustic" home and I'm getting bored hearing about how beautiful it is. Then a car shows up, turns out it's a neighbor and old friend who saw the place lit up for the first time in a long time and was checking to see who was there. But, then it gets interesting, the neighbor calls her old friend "Megan" while the wife thought her name was "Jackie", the friend has left but the lovers are now not speaking. So I perk up a little. The next day the name changing wife plays the "I'm sorry I can explain card" and is forgiven, but then goes to town allowing Jules to go to the childhood friend's house wherein she is told that Megan and a third childhood friend had an incident where the third friend died and the neighbor hints Megan is to blame. The wives have another fight but then get on to taking a hike. Alight, things are off but we're back to "I love this place so much" dialogue then *bam* Megan pushes Jules right off the cliff. It was awesome. Of course she survives which is completely not possible at least not in a way she could get up and walk after, but this is required for the story so... fine. Then cat and mouse occurs and Jules gets caught. We learn Megan is a serial killer who had been married before (probably the reason for the name change) and thus needs Jules to dies in an "accident" for insurance, hence why she isn't murdered then but made to wait to fall of the cliff again. In the meantime Jules manages to invite the neighbor and her husband for dinner, but is warned she'll only get them killed to if she tries to alert them, she does of course and they get killed. Again, nice twist, fun. But Jules is the worst protagonist ever and you want her to die at this point. She lets both of the guests get murdered but just sits there and lets it happen, doesn't even try to run (granted she shouldn't be able to move given the fall and the and an admitted "broken ankle") but again I guess required. Finally cat and mouse resumes, Jules manages somehow to get a tranquilizer dart and stab Megan causing her to of course fall down and out, but while escaping inexplicably decides to go back to "make sure" her serial killer wife "never does this again". Fine, a final showdown. We get Chekhov's gun out of the way and finally Megan manages to toss Jules off the cliff a second time, this time for good. Very satisfying ending at least. I though, "alright, not bad". But then we get these flashbacks implying Jules has near MD knowledge of drugs and has replaced Megans's injection medication (of some kind) with peroxide thus causing a stroke and killing Megan, who she leaves a video for to let her know she's about to die. This was ridiculous! You can't suddenly add at the end that the hapless victim who couldn't even escape properly is suddenly a chemist PhD or MD. There was *zero* indication for this and it was the dumbest thing in the entire (not very believable already) movie. Having Megan get insurance payout and sit next to Jules' parents at her funeral would've been a much more satisfying ending and film. Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
Hangman (2017)
The Latin
Evictionem is not the Latin for eviction. I don't get it.
Time Trap (2017)
Did the entire cast and crew write these reviews?
This was an interesting set up, with a terrible execution. The idea this movie has a 6.5 is laughable. The acting was ok, the set up ok, the execution and story were atrocious. Unless Nickelodeon produced this, it was trash.