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bluerosecrow
Reviews
Arcadian (2024)
Fun, but could have been so much better
Overall, I did enjoy watching this movie. I didn't get bored, but there were some moments that were inconsistent or just kind of dumb. So here is a rundown of the good and bad.
The good:
Mr. Nicolas Cage. Him fully planting his flag in the horror realm has been such a treat. And he very much delivers in this. While you don't get full-on-manic and unhinged Nic Cage like you saw in Wicker Man, you do get a very classic Cage performance.
The acting overall is really well done. This movie could have easily fallen apart if the two sons didn't deliver. Both sons did a really great job and I feel that they get you invested in the story and their situations.
The creatures are really cool looking. They have a relatively unique design and there is a scene that shows how they eat people and while it still leaves a lot to the imagination, it was pretty cool. Also, they do this cool chomping thing that I enjoyed.
The bad:
There are some inconsistencies. Earlier in the film, the creatures are shown to be able to do something that seems would be a thing they would do a lot. But then you never see a single one of them ever do it again.
They really don't try to explain anything about these creatures. You don't know where they came from or why. You don't know when they landed and how long the world has been living like this. You don't know where they first showed up. Stuff like this can be ok if you know you are going to get a sequel to follow up on these things, but this movie is obviously not going to get a sequel. Also, I am tired of having to watch multiple movies just to get one story. One story, one movie. I would really like to get back into that way of story telling.
Ok, look, I don't want to spoil anything, but in the third act, you will see something incredibly dumb. When I first saw it, I originally thought I hallucinated it, or possibly wasn't paying attention and just misinterpreted what I saw. I thought that there was no way in hell something so stupid could just randomly happen. But then it happened again. It is so dumb. It immediately pulls you out of the movie because you feel like you are watching a Looney Tunes short. I would like to know the thought process that went into the idea.
Overall:
While it was a good idea, and a fun watch overall, it totally feels like it was made by someone that didn't have the idea and story fully fleshed out. It felt more like I just watched half of a miniseries than a full-on movie. Also, that dumb thing I mentioned above really pulls you out of the movie and there was no reason to put it in the movie. It added nothing, and made me feel like I was watching a cartoon. So while it was fun, and I enjoyed myself watching it, I just can't bring myself to give this movie anything higher than a 6.
Elevator Game (2023)
A very basic horror movie that dropped the ball on the ritual it is based on
I have been obsessed with this ritual since the first time I read it on creepypasta. The idea behind it was so much fun, and I looked forward to the day that a movie was based around this. Most importantly, I was excited to see an exploration of the red world the game took you. Then this movie came out, and I got an ok movie.
The movie itself reminds me a lot of the movie Stay Alive. A bunch of kids play a haunted game and die one by one at the hands of the entity that haunts the game. The main character is a new member of the group that has a connection to the game. The kills are fine.
It's not like this was a bad movie. It was fun in its own right. There were some scenes that were really enjoyable. The problem is that it could have been so cool, and it ended up just being so basic.
For most of the movie, you are really just waiting for the movie to start. Nothing really happens for a while. Then they play the game, but all the horror is primarily just in our regular a$$ world.
Finally a character finally goes into the red world, and it is really cool for the three minutes the character is in there.
Then they add an unnecessary backstory to the game and the entity. It all becomes extremely formulaic and reminds me of the PG-13 horror movies that came out in the 2000's. They all find out how to survive by remembering a children's song about an elevator that tells them how to survive.
They make their way back to the red world at the end which is expected. You get to see the red world for an amazing 20 seconds. This could have been a movie where the characters were lost in the red world trying to find their way back to the elevator. Instead, it is just a generic movie with a decent looking entity. I will remember my disappointment with the movie longer than I will remember the movie itself. The only reason it got a six out of me was because I did really like the way they made the entity look and walk, and I did enjoy the three minute glimpse into the other world.
Late Night with the Devil (2023)
My new obsession
I have been waiting for this movie for a good while. When I first saw the trailer, I got even more excited for it. I went around talking about this movie, showing people the trailer even if they didn't ask, and just about became a complete weirdo about this movie. Because of this, I wanted to make sure I went into it with an open mind. I wanted to make sure that I didn't convince myself that I liked it before I even watched it. Then some scandal came out and fixed that for me. So, what side did I land on? Well, if you saw the rating I gave it, I am guessing you pretty much already know.
This movie was amazing. I was fully obsessed with every minute. The 70's aesthetic fully pulls you in and oddly offers you a sense of safety. I feel that younger Gen-Xers and older Millennials will almost feel an odd connection to it - almost as if you are watching a memory from your childhood.
The acting was amazing. David Dastmalchian was phenomenal. I was sold on him at the first line delivered, and he was absolutely captivating in the third act. I can't think of anyone that could have played this part better. He made the entire experience feel real.
The horror was great. There were some amazing practical effects and body horror. There were some fun creepy moments. Most importantly, it was all fun. I sincerely had a blast the entire time. And the story was great. I was worried it was just going to be a one-dimensional movie about a possessed girl, and it was so much more.
Now, let's address the elephant in the room. The AI art. Am I bummed out that it happened? Yeah. Did it ruin the movie for me? No. To be honest, I wouldn't have even noticed if I had watched it prior to people pointing it out. And at no point did I run to my tv and try to rip it from the wall because my eyes were angry at the site of it. I took a point off, clearly out of principle. I am not a fan of AI art being used in leu of using an artist, just like I haven't been a fan of AI written content being used in leu of hiring a writer. But it has been happening for a while now. I remember when everyone was playing around with AI art, so it doesn't surprise me that a movie that was filmed at the time also played around with it. At the end of the day, it sucks that it happened, but it didn't kill the movie for me.
Overall, this is an amazing movie with one mistake attached that pulled it from a 10 to a 9.
Immaculate (2024)
It couldn't keep my attention
I had the hardest time staying engaged with this movie. The weird thing is, I really wanted to be all-in on it. It wasn't like a bad movie that I just stopped paying attention to with no regard. There were aspects of the movie that presented it as a good movie. I even rewound it a couple times when I found myself spacing out. I just could not immerse myself in this film.
It was filmed beautifully, and it had some really awesome and rewarding scenes. The visual horror was very quality, and every one of those scenes felt like you were watching a top notch horror film.
I think that the biggest issue I had was that I really didn't care about the characters at all. Any of them. They were just bland. And when there are scenes with bland characters talking in the same "I'm a nun" hushed tone, it gets very hard to keep my ADHD from going absolutely bonkers. I didn't even care about the main character. She was just a person that things were happening to. You never really get a strong idea of who she is as a person.
Also, I'm sure it doesn't help that this isn't really my preferred sub-genre. I am not really huge on religious horror because it always has the same antagonist. It's always Satan. Even if a human is doing the bad things physically, it is always because of Satan. And while I admit that there are some seriously solid religious horror films out there, I feel that unless you are doing something really great, it just blends into the crowd. So while the story in this movie is interesting enough, it really didn't stand out in the realm of religious horror in any way.
So here is the thing, I didn't care for this movie at all. I will not be watching it again anytime soon, if at all. But, I recognize that it isn't a bad movie. It was shot well. It had some really great scenes. It had a decently interesting story line if religious horror is your jams. It just wasn't for me.
The Endless (2017)
A good story with a lower budget
Look, first know that this is a perfectly fine movie. It was totally worth the watch, and I am not mad that I watched it. Now, I am not sure I will rewatch it any time soon, but I am still happy I watched it the once. It had some good and it had some bad, and here they are:
Good:
Story: The story was pretty good. Their play on time and reality was pretty fun. I also very much enjoyed the cult and the entity that they were worshiping. The story aspect would have made for a great novel.
Acting: Everyone did a great job with their roles. No one was wooden and it was surprising to see everyone delivering a solid performance knowing the budget was slim. The acting is probably the best aspect of the movie.
Bad:
Pacing: Some parts of the movie felt like it dragged. While I wasn't easily distracted, there were a few scenes that I felt like I was gonna start spacing out on.
Pay-off: Remember when I wrote above that this would have been a great novel? Well, that is because you can just explain what the entity looks like without needing technology to visually see it. Because they didn't have the budget to create the entity, they just never show it. Though, going off of what you do see, it was probably best that they didn't attempt to show the deity, as it would have created a cheesy moment in an otherwise serious-leaning movie.
All-in-all, it was a pretty good movie. The story and acting were strong enough to deliver a good experience. And it delivered a story line that had me still thinking about it after the movie was over. If this movie had more money behind it, and less writer/directorial influence in the editing room, this would have probably have been great.
Lisa Frankenstein (2024)
An immediate stylistic comfort movie
I slept on this movie for way too long. When it first came out, I didn't really think much of it because I thought it would be cheesy. When it started streaming, my wife asked me if I wanted to watch it one night for date night. I said yes, but didn't really go out of my way for us to watch it. Tonight, my wife put it on for our date night, and I am so glad she did.
After five minutes, I was totally into it. It had a strong 80's vibe with a campy aesthetic. The set design was amazing, creating a pink version of early Tim Burton mixed with Heathers.
Soon after, a character trips at a party and the song "I Can See Clearly Now" starts playing. That scene is stylistically captivating. It was the scene that fully hooked me, and I never pulled my attention for the entirety of the movie. I was all in.
What follows is a movie that plays through different genres while pulling you into an 80's reality that will both feel comforting and bizarre. The acting is spot on. The music is amazing. The set design is brilliant. This has the potential to live on as a cult classic much like Heathers and Jawbreaker.
Offseason (2021)
I was not expecting to like it this much.
Perhaps it is because I had low expectations, but I actually loved this film. It had many layers that pulled from different sub-genres, and it kept me fully entertained.
It is not without its dumb moments. The exposition dump is incredibly dumb. One character basically just admits that they were told everything, but just didn't believe it but now it makes sense. But the whole scene felt awkward. Like the writer just needed a place to dump the exposition so they decided to just do it during a random car ride scene.
The first act gave a really good set up, and the second act really carried it forward by introducing an atmospheric reality bend. There were some creepy and unsettling moments that were enhanced with a really fun horror score.
The third act upped the tension and added stress to the thick atmosphere. Some fun practical effects were used to add yet another layer into the mix. The whole experience felt like a classic horror - fun horror with a good atmosphere with creepy visuals and scenes that didn't rely on jump scares.
For a very brief period, I was worried that I was going to be disappointed with the ending. But then, as the final scenes progressed, I ended up loving the ending. I was actually bummed when it ended because I was having so much fun with it. You will definitely see a lot of HP Lovecraft inspiration. All to twist more into one of the funnest endings I have seen in a while with a very almost light and quirky epilogue.
Like I said above, it very well could be because I had such low expectations. It has a rating in the 4s, though I did take into account that horror movies are always rated low. But then I saw that the first couple reviews I looked at had some pretty negative things to say. So I was kind of expecting a bad movie with an ok premise. This turned out to be one of the favorite horror movies I had seen in a while. This will easily become a rewatch on at least a yearly basis.
Freaks (2018)
An Amazing Story
There was a series I use to watch as a kid called Amazing Stories. As a kid, I loved it because the stories were always wild and fantastical, but not overly scary. This movie reminds me of that series.
When it started, I didn't know what genre I was jumping in to. It kind of had a slight horror feel with some of the visions the girl saw. It had a bit of a thriller vibe with a paranoid father. Then we start seeing glimpses of the outside world in this reality, and we find one dancing in the realm of sci-fi. As the movie progresses, we find a mingling of the three, though it does plant its feet strongly in sci-fi.
The acting through the whole movie is quite good. At no point did I feel like any character was pulling me out of the story. Each character got me emotionally invested, and I felt like everyone had great chemistry.
The whole third act was an absolute blast. The world and reality they built were all fully explained, so it was as just a whole act of fun and excitement. There were a lot of "oh, this person is a bad-a$$" moments. At no moment did I stop having fun.
Like I said in the first paragraph, this reminded me of Amazing Stories. There were elements of the supernatural and weirdness, but its primary drive was just fun.
Dagon (2001)
A Fun Campy Movie That Is Objectively Bad... But Still Good... In A Way
The first thing I noticed was that the effects felt like this was a syfy channel product. That isn't a bad thing, not by any means. But it did set the stage for what I should expect from the movie itself. And I got what I expected.
While the film was released in 2001, there is no way in hell you are convincing me this was filmed after 1994. It's not just the effects, but the styles and also the wooden acting. The practical effects remind me of when me and my childhood buddy would rent horror movies from West Coast video - the kind of movies that we would rent purely off the cover art. The special effects looked like cartoons.
Now I know I am not doing a very good job at selling this, but the thing is that this movie is actually amazing. The set design is so much fun. The design of the island town really pulled me in. The stone work. The buildings. The wetness. Everything about the town screams fun VHS rental horror.
The acting is not good. That is one of the main things that originally made me think this was filmed in the late 80's or early 90's. Everyone acts like they just came off set of a Cannon Films production. You never care about any of the characters. They are just people that you are ok when messed up stuff happens to them. They are just like action figures a kid would play with. They don't have a defining personality trait beyond one stereotype. They are just people to perform actions from scene to scene. Yet again, I know this isn't selling it very well, but it makes for such a fun and wild ride because it allows you to have fun with the scenes without worry that your favorite character might die.
It doesn't slowly build. Much like a lot of late 80's and early 90's horror, it throws you in pretty quick. Main character is on the island for maybe five minutes before he is already running for his life. Halfway through the movie, the main character runs into an old man who dumps ALL the exposition. He is the only non-fish person on the island, and he is just like, "let me explain this movie to you."
About 1/8 of the movie is spoken in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish so I have no idea what they were saying. But you really didn't need to know what people are saying. It wasn't that kind of movie. There is no character development. Like I said earlier, just a bunch of living action figures trying to not die at the hands of Lovecraftian fish people.
I very much enjoyed the movie, but I am also a huge HP Lovecraft fan and understand the difficulties of adapting his work. Most of the time the adaptations are just fun and silly, and that's exactly what this is. So, if you are looking for a good strong horror movie that could actively scare you, maybe you should look elsewhere. If you are looking for a unserious and fun ride that makes you think you are watching a VHS in the early 90's with your buddy during a sleepover, then this is exactly what you need.
The Lighthouse (2019)
More of an experience than a movie
This movie shouldn't just be watched casually during the day or during a social event. This is really a movie for people who enjoy film and the art of cinema. I know that sounds very pretentious, but that is the best way I can describe how this movie should be watched. It is really best to watch it in a quiet room, the lights turned way down, and anything that you would want to snack on readily available to you.
The film itself is absolutely gorgeous. But it has to be. Everything that makes this movie had to be made very intentionally, or the movie would be horrible. If this movie was in color, it would be dumb. It is the beautiful shots using light and shadow that really brings you in. Every scene filmed at night took my breath away. The scenes of the mermaid made more surreal because of the lack of color. Like I said, even a touch of color in this movie would have destroyed it.
It is weird and not a typical movie. There is no solid protagonist and antagonist. It is two men falling into madness and the surrealism it depicts. It is a lot of talking, but only between the two main characters. Like I said, not a typical popcorn watching movie. Trying to watch it when it isn't your only focus would be like trying to watch The Seventh Seal at a football party.
So, while I think this movie was beautifully made, be aware of what you are getting into. You will be watching a black and white film of two men arguing, and falling into madness together with pops of the surreal. If that is your jams, then you will love this movie.
Poor Things (2023)
A piece of art that isn't for everyone
This movie is a work of art, and like all pieces of art, it is completely subjective. Where one might find beauty, another finds trash. Me personally? I found one of the best movies of 2023.
Pros:
Visually, it is a masterpiece. Amazing sets, colors, and scenery. Not just the visuals themselves, but also the way it is shot, reminded me of Terry Gilliam.
The acting is top-notch. Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Mark Ruffalo, and all the rest absolutely crush it. The comedy. The soul. The odd. They truly deliver on all fronts.
The story was also great for me. It isn't a simplistic story with a classical villain and narrative plot arc. It is more a journey of self-discovery and growth. Think more like Gulliver's Travels. Each chapter is a new experience in a new setting that adds to the totality of the journey. Each chapter slowly growing more realistic as the childlike optimism slowly builds to the realism of an adult world.
Cons:
Some people aren't going to like it because it is a bit odd. If taken literally or over-seriously, many people could also find it distasteful. While I personally found no issue with any of this, I could see how others could.
It runs a little long. While I personally feel that each scene is fully necessary, some may find that it drags on a little.
Overall:
While I know there is reason some may not like it, I personally loved it. It was a beautiful journey both visually and metaphorically. Filled with optimism, and the setting in of cold realism as the human experience shapes us, until God himself is dead. The movie was a visual masterpiece built on the style of old Hollywood without the overuse of CGI.
I think anyone that appreciates the art of filmmaking with appreciate this movie, even if they don't like it. But I can see why people wouldn't like it. This isn't a fun movie that you can just casually watch and enjoy with some popcorn and 3D glasses. But it is a movie that should absolutely be watched.
Underwater (2020)
The back half is better than the front half
Just minutes into the film and disaster strikes. And that was the first big problem. It literally happens before two characters even interact with one another. You never get to see these characters in a relaxed atmosphere. You don't get to see their casual personalities and the relationships they built together. It just jumps directly into the characters trying to survive. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if the survivors then had a regroup period of calm where they get their thoughts together in a calm and rational way, and spend that time building character connections. But this movie doesn't do that. It is just go, go, go from the jump. I don't know who are friends. Who hate each other. I just know they are all people underwater.
There were a lot of scenes that were visually appealing. But you really had to suspend disbelief. This takes place in a world where it is possible to run at full speed on the ocean floor. But it kind of makes it all the more fun. Some of the effects, especially of things biological, look pretty cartoonish the more you see them. It was like the movies I would watch on Sunday morning on TNT in the early 90's. Just absolutely ridiculous, but equally as fun.
I found that the movie got more enjoyable for me a little more than halfway through. They actually get a few minutes to relax and just talk, and you get more of a story build instead of just high tension and people trying not to die.
One of the things I did really enjoy was the synth work in the score. The main theme is very solid and gives a very nostalgic feel. If you read some of my other reviews, you will see that I quite enjoy some nostalgia and synth.
The thing you see at the end is cool. The ending all around is pretty cool.
Overall, it's ok. It's cool. It was fun and visually stimulating. It felt rushed in the beginning. It really had me back and forth on the rating. The first half was a low to mid 6. The last half was a high 7. Overall, I love the concept, and I did enjoy myself, so it gets a 7.
Life (2017)
Like Alien, except not at all
Alien was a dark and suspenseful sci-fi horror movie that built on strong characters that felt unique to themselves, and slow building tension that gradually feeds your anxiety. It was a masterpiece. This is not Alien. But, it wasn't horrible by any means.
What went right?
The actors. They did a great job casting this. Rebecca Ferguson is amazing in pretty much everything she does. The rest of the cast follows step by bringing in solid performances. Really, I can't think of a single person that did a bad job with the material.
It's fun and pretty fast moving. I never really got bored because everything moved pretty quick. You didn't really need to put a lot of thought into it, so it made for just a fun romp.
The ending was cool. Not gonna spoil anything. And it isn't really anything that you don't see coming. But the final three scenes jumping between the two characters was well done and enjoyable.
What went wrong?
The people are dumb. All of them. These people are supposed to be smart, but everything that happens, does so because of stupid decisions made by scientists. Really, the movie could have ended at any time in the first one and a half acts if any character made one good decision.
It was over-lit. There was no suspense because you literally see the creature so early on. And because it is CGI, the brightness of the scenes makes it look like a cartoon at times. The creature was cool looking. I am not trying to take anything away from that. But because you can always clearly see it, you lose that suspense that was so prevalent with the use of shadows in Alien.
It doesn't really build. Sure, the creature itself gets bigger. And they say it gets smarter. But the energy is pretty constant. Once the creature starts killing people, it is just the team running (floating?) from the creature into different areas of the space station.
All the characters are pretty much the same. Doctor is the same person as mechanic, is the same person as scientist, is the same person as other doctor. You don't really get a huge backstory on anyone except that one's wife just had a baby. None of them have an individual personality that really stands out. They all basically just want the same thing and they all get along... but in the same way you get along with yourself. There is no reason not to get along because they all react the same exact way to everything.
They could have spent more time explaining the creature. It would have been interesting at least. Seems like they just rushed to get to the killings.
So, while it may look like a disliked it, I have to say that I did enjoy it. Sure, compared to something like Alien, it is going to be garbage. It's not good in that way. But it is still a very fun watch. Like if Alien was made by Michael Bay. Yeah, that movie would be objectively bad. It wouldn't be a good movie. But, and hear me out, it would be so much fun to watch. This is like that. Like Deep Blue Sea with a floaty starfish alien. They rush to the action and just keep it flat. But, it keeps you entertained and watching. For all the bad, I still give it a solid 7.
Blue Beetle (2023)
Not super original, but the city, score, and overall experience is so much fun.
This is not the best super hero movie ever made. It is not my favorite comic book movie, nor is it even my favorite DC movie. But this one is better than average.
One of the biggest things this movie did right was by creating a city that had personality. It was bright, it was purely fictional, and it added to the feeling of the movie. So many comic book movies just take place in non-descript cities. Sure, Marvel is supposed to take place in real world cities, but one of the things I always loved about DC was their ability to create their own cities. This is the first superhero movie since the Burton / Schumacher Batman movies where it felt like a lot of thought went into the world.
I also loved the overall look and score. The score had a lot of synth and it gave off a lot of really fun late 80's nostalgia. It made it an overall really fun watch.
The story isn't really anything special. Kind of just a version of Iron Man and Ant Man. But really, most of the modern superhero origin movies are just reworkings of Richard Donner's Superman. So it isn't like we are swimming in a pool of originality and creativity with these things. You can see why James Gunn didn't want this movie itself to be a part of his new universe, but he did want the character, actor, and setting. This world has the potential to be great with a little more care and creativity with the script.
The city, synth score, and overall look of the film is a fun experience easily worth an 8. I bumped it down to a 7, just because I feel like a little more care could have went into the originality of the script. If this movie came out in 2008, it would have been a hit. But this story line has been way too played out now that we are in 2024.
But don't let the 7 keep you from watching it. 7 is still a good rating, and this movie is a lot of fun.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
I really wanted to like this more
I really thought this movie was going to be better. I deliberately didn't read anything about it so that I could watch it fresh. When it started, I was very into it, but then it continued.
The movie starts off with some very solid mysteries. You don't know who to trust. You don't know what is happening or why it is happening. It very much had an M. Night Shyamalan feel. And like some M. Night movies, it gets less interesting the longer it continues.
I was about an hour into this two hour and twenty minute movie when I realized that the tension and mystery wasn't building, but just kind of hovering. No new information is ever really delivered. A couple times, Mahershala Ali's character delivers some information that he learned from his friend and his work, but each time, the story changes to the point where it sounds like he is just making it up as he goes and is maybe a compulsive liar.
Because you don't get to see much of anything new, you are stuck with just these two groups living together. In situations like that, you really need to like or be invested in the characters. That doesn't happen in this movie. At no point did I care about a single one of these characters.
There is one pretty cool scene close to the end. But that was really it. It was like seeing a glimpse of something interesting, on a very boring ride. By the time it ends, you are just left thinking, "was that it?"
Vamps (2012)
This movie is bad in such an amazing way.
Let's just get this out of the way, objectively, this is a bad movie. How is it bad?
You can see the budget. And it gets worse as the movie moves forward. It looks like it was filmed in chronological order and that they progressively ran out of money. One of the scenes at the end makes it very obviously that they are filming in front of a green screen. One of the final scenes looks like it os a scene from an IBM computer game from 1996.
If you were to ask me what the plot of this movie is, I am not sure I could give you a definitive narrative plot. It's just like a bunch of stories happening at once that just kind of merge at the end.
So why did I rate it so high?
This movie is actually amazing. It's filled with camp, charm, and a cast that looked like they had so much fun making this movie.
Sure, the budget is nonexistent, but the scenes that show it the most are the most fun to watch. It doesn't even try to take itself seriously.
Sure, there are a lot of story lines just happening at once, but every aspect of every story was worth watching. Every character gave something to the story and the movie. Every scene was fun to watch, and never made you feel like you were wasting your time.
This movie feels like a bunch of friend got bored and just decided to make a film together, it is just that all of the friends are relatively famous people. Like every scene feels like they are just having fun, and everyone just seemed to click with one another.
Also, may I just add that I really enjoyed what they did with their vampire lore. It was new and fun with some different spins, but showed a lot of respect for the older movies and mythologies.
This movie won't impress you with things that are stereotypically looked for when classifying good movies. But this is a movie you will have fun watching. This is a movie that you will think back to certain scenes with. This is a movie that will just stick with you in a fun way. You will be happy that you watched it.
Do not watch this if you are looking for a flawless movie. But do watch this if you are in the mood for a fun campy film with a lot of heart.
The Passenger (2023)
Maybe a slow drive, but still a good one.
This is the kind of movie that fully relies on the acting. The story is ok, but nothing that is unbelievably creative. We have all seen Falling Down and all the movies where the character snaps and forces the audience to empathize with its toxic perception of the world. With that said, you really need to rely on the acting and the acting delivered strong.
Kyle Gallner absolutely killed it in this. I have always been a fan of his since his Smallville days, but never expected a performance like this. He absolutely crushes every scene that he is in, making it hard to not get sucked into this world.
Johnny Berchtold did an amazing job as well. He played a part that could have easily been annoying if not played correctly. He added an emotional drive of someone lost and struggling to live life. Everything down to his simple facial expressions sold everything.
While there may have been one or two scenes that I felt ran a little long in the beginning, they still added value to the build of the movie. And while the movie isn't really in a hurry, it keeps you fully engrossed. Even a simple conversation keeps you hooked, because the acting is that good. And while this isn't the kind of movie that you will want to rewatch multiple times, it is a movie that you will still think about a good deal after seeing it.
X (2022)
Not bad. Not great. Just there.
I think this may have been overhyped for me. While I thought it was good, I feel like I spent a lot of the film waiting for something better to happen. Let us take a stroll through the good and the bad shall we?
Good:
The atmosphere was really well done. Ti West did a great job at capturing the time period. Not as well as he did with The House of the Devil, but it was still a really solid atmosphere.
Mia Goth and Brittany Snow do an amazing job. Really, I think the whole cast did great. For half of the movie, interest in the movie solely relies on the characters holding your attention, and they all did a great job.
It has a relaxing quality to it. While generally you want a sense of suspense or anxiety to come with horror movies, sometimes it is fun to watch one that has almost a calming quality to it. Like, you can watch it right before bed and not feel the need to watch something light to help you calm down to go to sleep. Just a super chill killing spree on a farm.
Not Good:
And this is where I feel it may have been overhyped... I kept expecting some kind of twist to happen. But there was no twist. Unless I blacked out. Maybe people are talking about something that is shown on the tv at the end, but that wasn't a twist, it was just a piece of information that didn't change the narrative at all. Maybe you have to watch Pearl to get the twist. I don't know.
I'm sorry, but I found the whole reasoning behind the killings dumb. And while it could have been a throw back to the very early slashers that were being pushed out, I was kind of hoping for a motivation that was somewhat creative or entertaining.
Overall:
It was ok. Some of the kills were made to be more creepy because of their simplicity. The lack of flash and ultra-creativity gave it that touch of realism and just coldness towards other humans - something that was done so well with Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And while some may not like its lack of suspense in any way, like I said above, sometimes it is nice to have a nice relaxing horror movie. It is like the kind of horror movie you would watch on a rainy day. But it isn't going to be a movie that is really going to imprint on you in any way. It didn't do anything that I think people will still talk about 10 years from now. It was just an ok horror movie. Not bad by any means. But not great. Just there.
Would You Rather (2012)
I would rather do a lot of other things
I feel like I am missing something. The acting was very well done by all involved. That was really the only thing that kept me engaged.
The story line was pretty basic. It did t have any sense of commentary or anything deeper than "let's watch this group of people hurt each other." That was really it. They day would you rather hurt this person or that person, and they have to chose.
It was filmed well and the acting was good. If it was on tv, I may watch it if nothing else is on.
Overall, it wasn't bad. It was just kind of bland with nothing standing out. Hence why this is probably my shortest review. If you want something similar, but good, watch The Menu.
Better Watch Out (2016)
Better Watch Out... for those spoilers.
While I appreciate you reading this review, I strongly suggest that you just watch the movie. It is not a movie that you will regret watching. You most likely won't love it, but you won't feel like you wasted your time. Primarily, it is just that even a spoiler free review or piece of trivia could possibly give you just enough information to spoil certain plot points and twist. So, stop reading, and just watch the movie.
So, you are still reading. Ok, I will do my best to keep certain plot points from being figured out.
The movie starts off fun, and gets pretty intense pretty early on. But you can sort of guess that something big is about to drop because the movie gets to the break-in and people in the house pretty quick, so you get to the point where you start thinking, "how the hell can they possibly make this last a whole full hour and 10 minutes more?" You realize that a twist has to happen, or the movie is going to get really redundant really quick.
When the twist happens, a lot of the energy and tension build up that was happening in the first act just kind of disappears. The second act of the movie was pretty annoying to me. One of the characters became very annoying. And while it moved the story along, I found myself getting distracted during the second act.
The third act was pretty fun. There is a scene with a paint can that was quite enjoyable, and the tension built in the first act, then removed from the second act, returns in the third act. I found myself getting back into it, and enjoying the ride.
The ending was ok. I guess it was satisfying enough. Overall, the movie was fine. I was fully entertained for two thirds of the film. Having a lot of tension in the beginning and the end, with zero tension in the middle, kind of made me just focus on how much I disliked one of the characters. And while you are supposed to hate this character, I hated this character so much that it was all I could focus on. I just really hated that character.
I was in between a 6 and a 7 on this. I went with a 6 because I really hated that one character, and I have no real desire to watch it again at all.
It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)
Lifetime and Hallmark bring you... Christmas Horror Movie
I noticed early on that there was something oddly relaxing and comforting about this movie. The way it was filmed triggered something deep in my soul. Then I realized it... this movie is, without a doubt, what it would be like if Lifetime or Hallmark started making horror movies.
It is filmed in Vancouver, and the town looks like the town you would see is any Lifetime holiday movie. The houses are on very plain streets and appear to be unnecessarily fancy. The houses look like what AI imagines "upper middle class" looks like when it shuts its eyes to go to sleep after taking an extra Ambien.
The interior shots have rooms that are very nondescript. Sometimes it looks like they aren't even in a room at all, maybe a hallway, but they put up some decorations to make it look like a room. Sometimes you question if they are in an office building or a house. It is hard to tell.
The writing is very weak. At some points in the movie, things will happen and you will just have to be like, "sure, why not?"
It gets ridiculous!! The town becomes this wild dystopian nightmare, and it is sooooooooo cheesy and theatrical. All in this small Lifetime / Hallmark world. It is BONKERS.
So, naturally, I loved it. I had so much fun watching this. I am sure some people are going to say this review wasn't helpful because I gave it such a high rating - just going off of the overall rating. But I don't care. If you like horror, Christmas, Hallmark holiday, and Lifetime movies, then you not only have the entertainment taste fitting of the gods, but you also have a real treat on your hands with this one.
As Above, So Below (2014)
As Above, So Below My Expectations
Overall it was ok. The concept was interesting. The acting was good. I probably would have liked it a lot more if it wasn't a found footage film.
I find found footage films hard to follow, and this made it worse with how tight the shots were with them being underground in catacombs. Where a film like Descent can be both claustrophobic and wide enough to follow, this misses that second aspect with every shot coming from a camera attached to someone's head. So you get a lot of running and shaky shots of walls and stuff, which is pretty common with found footage films.
I understand that this shooting technique is great for young film makers or projects with a tight budget, but it is just very difficult for me to connect with films shot this way most of the time. I feel like you lose strong narratives and character connections when the third act is just watching people running away from something you only got to see a slight glimpse of.
Super fun concept. Great acting. All given a disservice by not being able to follow what is happening through multiple points of the movie. I really hope that the found footage style of filmmaking goes away.
The House of the Devil (2009)
Rented this on Betamax from Earls Movie Rentals for a quarter
So many movies try to do throw backs to the 80's. They always make it flashy and super colorful. That wasn't the 80's. This feels like the 80's. The camera cuts. The soundtrack. The clothes. The set design. Even the acting. It all feels like it came from the 80's.
This is definitely a slower burn. But the style of the movie keeps you engaged, so you enjoy the ride.
The first two acts are essentially just setting the stage - bringing you into this retro nostalgia driven world, and building the unease of reality. You experience small creepy moments, but nothing that really hits you.
The third act takes a wild turn. Like a build up from your favorite early 80's horror film, the blood starts flowing late in the game, but it flows plentifully. You get some amazing visuals and the story really takes a fun turn. It is almost unexpected because of its simplicity.
I didn't think I would ever again be able to see a really good early 80's horror movie for the first time. I thought that part of my life had passed, as I have already seen them all. The experience of watching this and the nostalgia it delivered is something I am quite thankful for.
Because of its slower first two acts, I thought of giving it a 7. But ultimately, the 80's style made it such an enjoyable watch that I never found myself getting bored. With all that in mind, I give it a solid 8. But, be warned, if you aren't one apt to feel nostalgia and joy towards watching a slower early 80's horror, then this may not really be for you.
Skinamarink (2022)
A film, yes. But a movie it is not.
I personally hated this movie. I appreciate what it was trying to do, and the experimental way it was delivered. I am sure that this is an absolute jam for some people. Just not me. Maybe when I was younger, and had more patience for this kind of experimental story-telling, but at my current age and lack of free time, I am primarily looking for movies with a narrative and scenes and all of that fun stuff you would expect to see in a movie.
I almost paid for AMC+ only to watch this. I am glad I didn't and waited for it to come on to Hulu, which I already subscribe. I wanted to watch this for so long by going off of the synopsis. And, I mean, I guess the synopsis is true. I just feel that this shouldn't have been made into a full movie. A short, like it's original, is plenty enough.
I would have rated it lower out of my personal taste, because I was bored out of my mind just watching graining video of walls, ceilings, and a couple toys, with some distorted spoken word sprinkled through. I hated every moment that I watched. But I do appreciate that it has value to some people as a new approach to film making, and I can appreciate that they attempted to do something new.
If you like heavily experimental film making, that you can sit around with film friends and talk about and dissect (though I don't know what there is to dissect about walls and a toilet) and all that stuff, then maybe this would be your speed. If you are looking to watch a movie, then you should probably sit this one out.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Not what I was wanting, but still some good fun
This movie was not what I was originally wanting it to be, but I still had fun watching it. I can see why they made it the way they did. It makes it pretty impossible to compare it to Willy's Wonderland, as it is almost the exact opposite.
In Willy's Wonderland, Nic Cage doesn't speak at all and you get no backstory to him. In Five Nights, most of the movie is backstory and character building.
In Willy's Wonderland, most of the movie is blood and murder. In Five Nights, all the kills are off screen and the kill count is pretty low.
While I personally enjoyed Willy's Wonderland more, I still had fun with this. It was light, and easy to watch. There were scenes in it that I very much enjoyed, and I could see this as a good intro to horror movies for the younger generation. The puppetry and animatronics were absolutely amazing and it is great to see practical effects with The Jim Henson Company bringing the creatures to life. The puppeteer work is what really made this movie.
Overall, it was a lot of fun, but not really the kill fest and all-out animatronic blood bath that I was kind of expecting... until I found out it was PG-13. This is a great gateway horror for people just getting into the genre. But watch Willy's Wonderland if you are looking for something more bonkers and vicious.