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Reviews
The Good Fight (2017)
The lifeless, brain-dead zombie of its great predecessor
Don't be deceived by the ridiculous praise... This is not by any means or measure In the same league The Good Wife was. It takes place in the same universe, yes, and borrows some familiar faces, but aside from that, loses all the soul and heart, and ends up being a dead-end for anyone left hungering for more after the finale of The Good Wife
The Good Fight is just a collection of cartoon PC characters and plot lines struggling to keep alive the momentum set by a good pilot--and failing miserably.
What happened? Did they fire the original writing team? I feel bad for some of the actresses, who are grossly wasted. I don't need to subject myself to further character vacuum--- What a pity.
Transformers: The Burden Hardest to Bear (1986)
Rodimus Prime was always cooler when he was Hot Rod
There is a problem with all leaders that were left to fill in Optimus' boots... they had pretty big shoes to fill, and that must have been a killer for self esteem, and a shi*load of responsibility...
Ultra Magnus would have surely kissed Galvatron for stealing the Matrix from him during the movie, and boy, was he happy to leave that little young punk Hot Rod to lead the Autobots against Unicron! Hot Rod didn't want to be the chosen one, he wanted to be Hot Rod, to race, to fight and do all the crazy stunts he could with zero accountability. But when Unicron came and the Autobots were all but extinguished, only one guy stepped up front, took charge and made decisions, and that was Hot Rod. He even went and fought Galvatron to reclaim the Matrix even though he had zero chance of defeating such a powerful foe. He did pretty well for a while, until Galvatron got his hands on him. Then comes the part we all know by heart, he touches the Matrix...'arise Rodimus Prime' Stan Bush's the Touch, and off goes Galvatron straight through Unicron's 'skin', humiliated and helpless.
What happened with that Rodimus Prime? After that, he quickly turned into a self-doubting, self-hating bore. He would constantly appear to find his own space as Autobot Leader, and the next episode he would again be whining about not being right for the role.
But then came two situations in which he was deprived of the Matrix and was forced to reclaim it. (Ultra Magnus, where were you in both occasions?). The First one was in 'Dark Awakening', where the 'zombi' Optimus Prime stepped up as Autobot Leader, only to lead the Autobots into a suicide run against a Quintesson trap. Here again, it was Hot Rod who went after Zombi Optimus Prime to put an end to the madness. He did quite well in hand-to hand combat (although to be fair, that Optimus was a total wreck), and was only rendered unconscious via a treacherous kick. Moved into temporary sanity, Optimus placed the matrix back in Hot Rod's chest.
The second occasion is depicted in this episode. Rodimus freaks out unable to handle the pressure and runs away like a spoiled brat. He is absurdly defeated by a stunticon who bumps him off a cliff, and the Matrix is stolen. The stunticons take the Matrix to Galvatron, who is unable to use it as a weapon. Infuriated, (and freaked out by the autobot specters that emerged demanding the return) he orders Scourge to dispose of the artifact. Scourge, possessing some affinity as a potential Matrix bearer, senses the power and possibilities, and introduces it into his chest. He is then transformed, but perhaps, due to his 'unicronian' reformatting, mutates hideously and ends up like a melted and distorted version of himself.
Who steps up again and faces that monstrous Matrix-powered Scourge? Hot Rod. He defeats Scourge and reclaims the Matrix for the last time, finally comfortable and in command of himself. Right? well, not quite. All this character development is immediately scrapped in the next episode, just as happened after 'Dark Awakening', and 'The Ultimate Weapon'.
What follows is what I consider the horrid 'The Return of Optimus Prime' two-parter. Not horrid because of the return of our beloved hero, but because I feel the execution of the story was sloppy, ridiculous and annoyingly cheap. Rodimus returns to his worst whiner version ever without any regard for his achievement a mere episode away, and is finally deprived of the matrix with no dignity whatsoever, turned into an infected raving fool and sucker-punched into unconsciousness. I always preferred Optimus Prime, but I think Rodimus deserved a better thought ending. In any case, this episode once again shows how to all effects, Hot Rod has always had the Right Stuff, whereas Rodimus Prime didn't. Maybe because the Matrix just artificially advanced him to an adult state that he should just reach by himself... or heck, maybe I'm just reading too much into it, it's just a cartoon after all...
But you know, for us transfans, it will never be just a cartoon ;) On a side note, I think Toei sort of dropped the ball here a bit with the animation, much like in 'The return of Optimus Prime', it's below their best standards and feels a bit sloppy. It's still way above anything AKOM would produce.
Transformers: Five Faces of Darkness: Part 1 (1986)
Torn between story and animation
I like the storyline in Five Faces of Darkness a lot. It is a dark and fairly interesting insight into the cartoon transformers' origins. The Quintessons emerge as a truly original and intellectual threat, and the Decepticons' plight at the beginning of the story is quite shocking.
One is rarely moved by the bad guys, much less in a children's cartoon, but here, we see them utterly defeated, demoralized and starving. To my taste, that's a brilliant and fresh approach to the otherwise repetitive conflict that we had seen in the previous seasons.
Here we also see a bold, young and daring depiction of Rodimus Prime that will rarely appear again save for some exceptions during the third season, where he normally appears as a boring, depressive and insecure leader.
Galvatron also seems to have more layers to his personality in this five parter than in the following episodes, with the notable exception of the fantastic 'Webworld'.
The only downside to this 5 part saga is the ugly, cheap animation by AKOM. ranging from pedestrian (but tolerable)to 'carnage in c minor' dreadful. It's too bad that they got to produce half the season's episodes, ruining many an interesting story with lazy, rushed, incompetent jobs.
Transformers: Carnage in C-Minor (1986)
Masterpiece of 'hackness' by AKOM animation
This is actually one of my favorite episodes. Honestly!!! I can't get enough of it!! As much as I enjoy watching 'Microbots','Atlantis Arise' or 'Call of the Primitives (to give some examples) for their truly splendid animation (courtesy of TOEI Animation, I believe),.......
.....that experience is nothing next to the exact opposite, 'Carnage in C-minor'... one of those masterpieces of AKOM hack jobs, that just has to be seen to be believed. AKOM is a Korean animation studio that was already responsible for the atrocious animation in 'City of Steel', 'The Autobot Run', 'The Core', and 'Five Faces of Darkness', and would be responsible for much of season 3's animation, and later on, S4's three-parter 'Headmasters'(their finest effort, though). They were apparently a lot cheaper, and boy, does it show!!! The assessment that this episode has the same number of errors as other episodes can't be correct.The whole episode is an animation error. The artwork/animation is so ugly and lazy that it becomes hysterical. Add to the animation inconsistencies a dreadful, absurd script, and you've got pure gold..
The poor constructicons get the worst part here. They appear everywhere, change sizes, change sides, merge into Devastator several times and always get defeated in the most absurd ways. Once he gets crushed by a jet carrier (Broadside) that falls from nowhere, and the other he's blasted apart by a single shot by Perceptor, the weakest autobot ever. Grimlock grows a mouth, Hotspot appears next to Defensor (When Hotspot is supposed to be Hotspot's chest)... One has to wonder what Nelson Shin's motivations were to unleash this on us poor unsuspecting children of the time. But we do remember you, Mr. Shin!! thanks for accelerating the series cancellation with your cheap-minded decisions. Much similar to Hasbro's own cheap and greedy tendency to produce gradually inferior toys that culminated with pretenders, micromasters and actionmasters.('let's spend less on product, but keep prices the same, that means more money!!!')DUH! Really, this episode is so bad that it deserves a cult status. It's the lowest of all underdogs and that's why it must be loved. It should be revisited now and then for endless laughter. It's the Ed Wood of animation. Even the voice acting is hilariously bad and over the top. It's as if this episode was an intentional effort on everyone's part to deliver the worst possible product. Well, if that was their aim, they created a masterpiece
Invaders from Mars (1986)
Pathetic, Childish, funny... in a retarded sort of way
I didn't remember much of this movie, except that when I saw it as a child, I found it scary and loved it. the 'back of the neck' marks remained in my head even when I had completely forgotten about it. After recently coming back to my memory, I desperately wanted to know this movie's name. Well, after I found out and watched it again......OW!!! I expected it to be cheesy, but not this bad! Forget about the terrible b-grade actors and a mediocre musical score (that starts with a Jerry Goldsmith rip-off and then degrades into an elevator music muzak). The alien ship sets are actually quite cool.... but the aliens, my god! I've never seen anything more ridiculous than this... giant mouths with four legs??? they of course move in a completely awkward and sluggish way, it would take them an hour to cross a room so there's no practical sense to any of it... and I wonder how they built the ship since they are basically primitive, stupid monsters with no hands...oh yes, they do have two tiny, atrophied hands at the sides, but they don't count for much.They always appear in couples, one to look and grunt (and be killed), and the other one to fire some stupid ray from a 'shoulder' mounted cannon (that needs a full bar of copper to be inserted every time it's fired). Really, these poor guys must get their butts kicked all along the universe, they have no chance with such odds against them. Actually, I'm beginning to like them more, now that I see them as such cosmic losers. the alien mastermind is slightly cooler, (must be Quato's great grandfather), and whatever alien menace we get from the movie comes from him and that giant needle drill they use to convert humans to their cause. About the teacher eating a frog... no comment. I'll bet Tobe Hooper thought it was a great idea, which explains his career after Poltergeist. Watch it for laughs. It's so bad you'll be tempted to think it's an intentional spoof, but it's Tobe Hooper we're talking about... this is probably the best he's capable of.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Cheap. Boring. Awful.
If you haven't seen this movie, but you are browsing through these comments, chances are you enjoy bad movies from time to time like I do, maybe to laugh your head off. This is a horrible movie indeed, but not in the StarTrek V or Starcrash kind of way... those movies will have you bending over in pain after hours of unrelenting laughter... but Alone in the Dark, it's not even funny. I don't know what's worse, the fact that this is apparently a big budget film shot as a cheap TV episode, the incredibly wooden and amateur acting, the clueless directing, or the nonexistent plot. No, the worst insult to you as a viewer is that this movie actually dares to take itself seriously!!! Pretentious to the point of nausea, you can't take your hand off the FF because you're compelled to get the excruciating film to move forward in some way and get it over with. The production values are so appalling!! You'll quickly realise that they are redressing the same set for several different scenes. One moment it's a museum, the next it's Slater's apartment, the next it's an abandoned factory, the next it's an underground laboratory.... it's just embarrassingly obvious. So, where did the money go? It seems all, and I mean all the budget was spent on creating the creatures, which are fine, but not that big a deal. But after you see the little payoff you'll get from the monsters, you'll find it all the more painful that you got them in exchange for a bargain-basement production.
About the 'actors', dead extras can't even remain still, since one actress is seen getting up when the actors are leaving the scene. Sloppy!!! Cheap!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, who's more to blame for such a stupid blunder? the actress who can't understand that she has to wait for a few minutes, the director for not re-shooting the scene, or the editor, for not trimming those few seconds that constitute the final nail in the coffin? Why did they even bother to make this movie??? It's such a half assed effort on everybody's account, it just makes no sense. No script, no acting, no directing. Lifeless!!!!!
Don't waste your time, the people involved in this movie certainly didn't feel like wasting it either...
Star Trek: Voyager (1995)
Just more bumps on the foreheads and spatial anomalies. Wow.
Star Trek Voyager was supposed to be groundbreaking, a fresh challenge, a slap in the face of what we had known. At least that's the way they sold it to us. The U.S.S. Voyager would be stranded in a remote sector of space unknown to mankind, truly exploring the unseen while looking for a way back. Too bad they(producers, writers) chickened out right from episode 1. What we got was more of the same, tired aliens of the week with a generic bump on their foreheads that spoke English perfectly, and loads of spatial anomalies and enough technobabble to fill Jupiter's Red Spot. We were supposed to have the first female lead, a female captain which was a wonderful idea, but we got that annoying midget of a woman, with a grating voice-pitch and schizophrenic personality. We got a stiff imitation of Leonard Nimoy, and a bunch of useless, unlikeable, bland and annoying characters as a crew. Plus, the ship always seemed a ridiculous coffee spoon. Not all was horrid, of course...naturally, Robert Picardo as the Holographic Doctor, the Special Effects, Jerry Goldsmith's Main Theme, and the Borg along with the sexy Seven of Nine did make this show watchable, and at times, even enjoyable. But it's sad, because, for a show that was supposed to throw all conventions through the window, it surely was the most conventional of them all.
Salem's Lot (1979)
Vampires used to be scary!!!!
For a long time since I saw this as a child, I've frequently had haunting (if vague) recollections of certain scenes of this miniseries. I didn't even know the series' name nor remember the actors involved. But I remembered those scenes as being truly terrifying. The kind of genuine terror that is completely amiss nowadays. A terror not based in gore, but on atmosphere, on the implicit menace instead of the explicit- A few days ago I encountered a two DVD set in a local shop. It had a Nosferatu-like creature on the cover and it looked disturbingly interesting. I took a peek at the back cover, and ¡wham! there it was, I had just found what I'd been looking for-- Salem's Lot, a Stephen King vampire tale adapted for TV in 1979..
OK, knowing that it was made for TV, and that it is a product of the seventies, I expected to be utterly disappointed by what now would be obviously outdated effects, clothing and whatnot. Yes, it is outdated on many aspects, but those scenes that haunted my memory did not fail nor disappoint me at all, they remain as true pearls of suspense and terror.
I've been loving what Anne Rice did to vampires for some years now, until on revisiting Salem's Lot, I've realised how wrong it all was. It's not that her novels were bad, but we've come to see vampires as cool, appealing, handsome and seductive, when they really should be terrifying, barely human and extremely dangerous creatures. On Salem's Lot, vampires are frightening things that can't be reasoned with, genuinely evil, aggressive and nasty. They come at you and there's no dark romantic beauty to it. It is the ultimate rape. In Salem's lot, child vampires are not cute. They are the stuff of nightmares. Special mention goes to 'The Master'. This is the Nosferatu-like creature from which spans the plague, and boy, is he scary! you don't look at him and think, 'wow, nice make-up!.... you truly accept it as a real monstrosity. Maybe it has to do a lot with the stupendous choice of guttural, animal sounds, lighting, or how it moves... It is truly a supernatural vision, a thing that can really justify the existence of a hell. It is also sort of fascinating, you can't help but wonder if there's any kind of rational thought behind 'it', it appears to enjoy the abandonment of all things human. Evil enjoying evil. You can also experience this monstrosity via his 'human' aide, an apparent gentleman that is every bit as evil, remorseless and obscene as his Master would require him to be.
I wish this little masterpiece would be considered by modern filmmakers. Despite its flaws, there's sure a lot to learn about going for quality fear-inducement instead of senseless gore and cheap scares.
Try it out!!!!!
Mysterious Island (2005)
Russell Mulcahy directed this??????????????!!!!!!!??!???
What the devil is this? It's your typical TV-movie garbage... poor story (Not Verne's fault, it isn't even his original story but an adaptation randomly written by 12 monkeys) poor acting (who would have thought it, with Patrick Stewart and Kyle McLachlan's names being in it.) horrible lighting, horrible directing (And it's Highlander and The Shadow's Russel Mulcahy!!), unrealistic, fake and below-average TV-cgi.
There's only one plus for this movie. If you are a Dune fan, you get to see again Paul Atreides and Gurney Halleck together again. But it's curious. It seems Stewart hasn't aged as much as Kyle has since the eighties. It's fun and nostalgic to see them together again. Unfortunately this nostalgia alone can't compensate for the silliness that reeks from every single scene.
Patrick Stewart, as Nemo, is forced to wear a turban that doesn't really fit at all with his occidental complexion. He's also visibly embarrassed and stiff wearing it, and the result is not very convincing. You almost expect Stewart to say 'computer: end simulation' as Picard did every time he left the Holodeck in ST:TNG. It's too bad that the script was so lame because Nemo seems like the kind of character Stewart could have had a lot of fun with. Very similar to Ahab in many ways. A great man gone wrong. Unfortunately the script misses the mark, and he's displayed as a grumpy and slightly moronic host who couldn't find his shoes without his 'multipurpose butler'... a butler who doubles as cook, psychologist, physician---- I mean, this guy is incredible!
Kyle's character is as alive as a chunk of wood. He's also inexplicably hostile towards Nemo without any good reason. He comes across as having horrible manners towards his host, no gratitude at all, and a recurring tendency to awkward reactions. There's a scene when he's dining with Nemo, in which there's a giant crab pincer served as main dish, and he seems completely oblivious to it. Only when Nemo warns him that the island is dangerous due to giant creatures, does he react with surprise and disbelief... well what's that in front of your face then you dummy???
The rest of the characters are either cardboard cutouts or cannon fodder for the cheap CGI monster of the moment.
Speaking of the monsters, one of the worst has got to be the giant rat, because in certain scenes instead of running, it almost looks like it's hovering over the grass.
I won't even comment on the pirates, because they are uncomfortably childish.
I'm a huge Patrick Stewart fan. I've seen some things I didn't necessarily enjoy just because of him being in them. but this is a true test of fan loyalty... Being in the X-men movies I wouldn't have thought he'd be that pressed for money. Because, as judging from my fellow reviewer's opinions, I agree 100% that he can't have thought this was decent material.
My advice.. skip it. It's not even bad or pathetic in a good way. You won't have fun ripping it to shreds, because you'll probably be asleep or disturbed for most of it's duration.
Man-Thing (2005)
Man Thing's Greatest Power: Boring Audiences to Death
There are things I expected before seeing this movie (it has been released in theatres where I live)..
I expected it to suck.... Obscure Marvel Character+Obscure Release+Obscure Names in the credits... plus, I hadn't heard a word about this project... somehow it all reeked of low budget stench.
But being a Marvel fan, and having painfully endured the likes of 'Daredevil','Blade III' and 'Fantastic Four', I wondered, hell how could it be worse than any of them??
Well, from time to time I take masochistic pleasure watching some bad films and ripping them to shreds while having some good laughs. But the least you can ask from a bad movie, is to at least attempt to be entertaining and unintentionally funny.
Man-Thing is, (aside from completely incompetent in the production, acting and story departments), dreadfully slow-paced and boring.
Almost 3/4 of the movie are filled with moronic one-dimensional characters (and no monster) that seem to belong in a bad Hanna-Barbera episode. Particularly all 'villains' involved: -The Oil Tycoon (laughably exaggerated histrionics) and his dim-witted son...at one point father and son share one of those cartoony evil laughs 'Mwahahah!!' while throwing their heads back. -The dumb, ugly, nasty dirty brothers that serve as a pathetic and extremely puerile comic relief. One of them goes to crap in the swamp and falls on his behind. Who-ho! that's funny!
There are some more completely moronic characters: -The new Sheriff, who for some reason, can only do his work and search for answers during the night. Sure thing, patrolling a swamp at nighttime is a great idea. He does so continually. -the Indian Shaman whom we are supposed to respect, but comes across as a complete and useless fool. -The Bigfoot journalist. Duh!
And then, of course, during the last 10 minutes or so of movie, the MAN-THINGY itself!!! They attempted a Predator-like vision effect but it comes across as a silly 'Benny Hill' paced vision, in which all moves by comically fast, with a sepia filter. I almost expected your typical Charles Chaplin piano music whenever we were seeing through the monster's eyes.
The CGI is, well, ambitious for a direct-to-video release, but crappy nonetheless. But worse than the CGI is the extremely fake and stiff cardboard monster used for the close or out-of-focus shots. Sure, if we're going to cover it in slime and muck, who cares anyway?
The monster has no relation at all with the comic Man-Thing by the way, it looks more like an aborted floral arrangement made out of a tree and Spaghetti with Pesto Sauce.
The way the monster leaves at the end of the movie probably involves the worst CGI ever, it almost looks like Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion monsters on a bad day.
Who knows, maybe instead of releasing this film on videos, DVD's or theatres, they could try to release it in slides. There, it could have a future.
Æon Flux (2005)
It must be something I ate
If, like me, you don't know anything about the Aeon Flux cartoon and characters, this movie will be a giant 'WTF???' from start to end. It's like an acid trip while watching some modern architecture magazine.
If you're lucky, you'll get the basic plot: Aeon (Theron) fights against the Goodchild regime because despite the appearance of normality, weird things happen to the city's population (obscure disappearances and deaths). By the way, the Goodchilds are two brothers who saved the remaining 1% of the world population from dying from 'industrial virus' that took 99% of all human life on the planet.
The Goodchilds head an absurdly narcissistic dictatorship (you can see Trevor's portraits 'a la Andy Warhol' everywhere, even in the subway), bent on extreme architectural weirdness and costume silliness. I can't deny that it's all a very visually impressive experience, but also a bit disturbing. There's a cheesy 60's sci-fi taste to it all.
Technology is so advanced at some points (bio-engineering, water that displays images from anywhere in the city, intelligent marbles that follow their owner and explode walls, people who appear and disappear at will...) that you can't understand how they wield such primitive dart-throwing submachine-guns as main weapons, and several other inconsistencies.
Trevor Goodchild is the 'President', and his brother is the 'vice-president' or whatever. And then there is a council of anonymous 'yes-men' that we are led to assume that share governing duties, but don't have any real purpose other than to follow the brother that displays the biggest attitude.
Trevor is actually not as evil as the rebellious Monicans are led to believe by the mysterious carrot-head (Frances McDormand) that orders them around via dreams. It's just that he is so dumb and weird. Whereas Trevor's younger brother is a one-dimensional 'evil-guy-who-wants-to-take-power' from his own brother. There is a reason for his power lust, but he's developed so poorly and acted so woodenly, that there's no sign of doubt or real conviction, just pure nastiness.
As predicted, the key of it all relies on the floating banana thing that keeps going in circles over the city, and that people are deceived to believe it's a 'monument'. Inside of it is...uh.... ugh... some really messed up unexplainable things that will probably make you laugh out loud...or develop a drinking problem.
Really, what did Pete Postlewhaite do to deserve being dressed up as a condom?? here you have this wonderful veteran actor, humilliated beyond belief. I just found it insulting. Why does anyone have to wear that ridiculous look? what purpose does it serve? why does he appear and disappear constantly? is he real, is he computer-generated? is he a ghost?? what the hell?? By the end, you couldn't care less about the outcome. It's not just that everything is so impossibly eccentric and absurd, but also because characters have not been really developed in any kind of way, you don't care about their victory because you can't relate to them or their lives. The credits roll and you just think 'geez, it must be something I ate'
King Kong (2005)
To praise this, one must either be blind.... or a liar.
Frankly, I thing this CGI Kong looks outstanding. I just loved him. It's perhaps the best CGI created character I've ever seen on a movie. You could look at him and see life. That makes me give this movie a sole 4 stars, for outstanding CGI effects.
Unfortunately, that's the only positive thing to say about this absolutely putrid remake, which reeks of unbelievable nonsense and lapses of logic too grave to overlook or forgive.
The absurd length of this movie proves that Peter Jackson is a very poor filmmaker, despite the general hype. Someone who is absolutely incapable of condensing his stories into 2 hours cannot be a good storyteller. More so, If all the stuff that lengthens his movies is absolutely pointless to the main story (the Brontosaur Stampede, the endless battle with the insects...etc, characters that are introduced, half-developed and then forgotten).
Every single scene is overdone... Overkill is Peter Jackson's style. Maybe, judging from the amount of positive reviews this movie has on the IMDb, that's what people want. Too bad. Because MORE isn't necessarily always BETTER. Three Tyrannosaurus? Why not 20? One would have been enough, and having only one, the battle would have been a thousand times more memorable, because all the menace would have been focused on that single creature. You'd have the 'hero' fighting a single and formidable adversary. but when you introduce 3 Tyrannosaurus, they lose exclusivity, they lose menace.
But the worst, as I said before is the absolute unbelievability of so many scenes. Suspension of disbelief is one thing that filmmakers misinterpret. I can suspend disbelief and pretend a giant ape can exist, after all, there's been evidence of giant squids and octopuses.
But I can't believe a steamboat can maneuver through rocks the way it does on this film. Like a bloody Ferrari.I can't believe a boat's captain and his crew would ever ignore their destination or heading until they are deep underway, it's so absurd! I'm still waiting to see how they got King Kong into the boat, for that's so conveniently overlooked. I'm dying to know how the 'hero' found Kong and the Girl when they were sleeping,so quickly and easily. Are we supposed to believe that Kong always follows a straight line? When Kong chases Driscoll and finally crushes his cab (with no ill effect to Driscoll), miraculously we see that they reached the street where the girl would be walking toward them.. boy isn't this a coincidence!!!
There are more glaring examples, but it doesn't matter. A lot of people have seen this film and either don't know much about how things are in the real world or they don't care that they are being treated as fools. Who cares if it's nonsense as long as we have cool CGI, right? WRONG.
Fortunately, among studio-payed reviewers, and people without criteria, who join forces to give this garbage a 10, there will always remain a minority of honest reviewers to tell the truth.
Hide and Seek (2005)
Charlie throws everything out the window...plot included.
Did Robert DeNiro really need to participate in this travesty? I don't think he has money problems, so what's the logic in wasting his skills in this pathetically lame 'thriller'?
This movie disguises itself through the first hour as a mildly unsettling horror film. That is of course, until we are introduced to Charlie, and when you get to meet him, you realize you've been intellectually raped. You'll get angry and you will think of leaving before the movie ends. Maybe you'll also think of spraying the whole theater with gasoline and throw a match. Whatever makes your day...
Just when you learn what/who Charlie is, any interest in the outcome instantly dies. It all becomes so insultingly predictable and done a thousand times before that if you're lucky, you'll sleep through the dime-a-dozen ending.
Of course, any movie in which Robert De Niro is forced to say 'aren't you enjoying your meatballs?' sure has a scare factor, that's why this movie gets 1 instead of 0 (as if I had a choice) stay clear of this stinker.