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smeglinm
Reviews
Old (2021)
Another M. Night Shyamalan FAIL! horrendous! less than 1 star!
I seriously question the standards of anyone giving this flop more than 1 star rating. Every single M. Night Shyamalan movie fails and creating a tight plot. No surprise that another M. Night Shyamalan movie is garbage. More plot holes than a block of swiss cheese. Horrendous acting, miserable writing and cheesy script. Did I mention the embarrassingly horrendous acting from every single character in this "movie"...? How or why M. Night Shyamalan keeps producing movies on the big screen is beyond me- just so many plot holes and poorly written scenes. M. Night Shyamalan seriously needs to hang up the writing / directing of movies, he's not good at it.
The Imperfects (2022)
poorly written & BOOORING
My lord. I gave it an honest shot- 3 episodes. It was pure torture getting through them. A bunch of random (diverse) people with far-fetched "powers" that make no sense whatsoever. There's no consistency with their powers- it's like they asked a 7 yo what powers they should give each character. Netflix continues its downward spiral of horrible content. There's no plot. The writing is so novice- so boring. You need more than gore and curse words to make a story- the story went nowhere after 3 episodes. The acting is college level, the effects are high-school level. 3 episodes watching them look for a doctor so they can get pills- no ones cares... too bad, it really could've been something good but the writing is just miserable. I bailed.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
worst writing of all the marvel movies
I've never been so disappointed in any marvel movie than with this one. Maybe michael waldron should've been less concerned with making a horror movie and more into writing a decent story- it was a total mess. Literally took my 4 sessions to complete because I was so put off by how bad the writing was- maybe sam raimi should've been more concerned with the logistics of telling a story rather than the overzealous use of CGI. The plot sucked, the climax sucked and the whole film was just miserable to watch.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
insulting to the viewers intelligence- ZERO imagination. WOKEFLIX movie
Like all the others before it, just a miserable collection of poorly acted and poorly written boring horror scenes- written and directed with ZERO imagination. BUT it did hit on every woke point in today's society: the dumb white american male driving a diesel truck with an american flag, school shootings, cancel culture, racism, white guilt, social media, city libs in a tesla- yup, this was definitely a wokeflix bottom of the barrel tv-grade movie. The magic chainsaw had me amused; I hit one small rock with my chainsaw and the chain is junk- this guy cuts through steel pipes, concrete, metal doors and it just keeps on cutting. I'm literally ashamed of myself for watching this. EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE. Is so poorly written i found myself rolling my eyes at the ceiling more than watching the screen. I'm actually angry at how horrible this was. College level D. Really time for me to reevaluate my netflix membership...
Torden (2020)
okay netflix, you have our attention with this one...
I'll be honest- my heart started racing when i realized this is a thor movie...Lets polish this up and get on with a part 2 and 3!!!
You can turn this into something big if you focus on quality. You have some good actors here. I need to see this through! Huge cliffhanger! Get to work and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Army of the Dead (2021)
hard to find the words to explain how bad it is...
So i wont bother giving you all the reasons why you should skip this absolute pathetic fail of a zombie movie script and i guess I'll just watch more family guy on hulu- at least seth knows how to write...
Jiok (2021)
zero resolution to a 6 episode series?
I literally suffered through the hell this series was thinking it would amount to something- nope. Nothing. Slow, overdrawn dialog from very poorly acted and written scripts. Could've been a great premise if they actually focused on the "hell" aspect- but nope, just the same thing episode after episode. You will never find out what the demons are or what the angel is- i hung in there to find out- never found out. A big flat ZERO!
Ghostland (2018)
UNWATCHABLE! I dont understand the positive reviews!!!
Clues of a clueless director / screenwriter... in the absence of good content, fill the screen with jump scares, naked girls and unrealistically dim lighting. The acting is college level, the writing is high school level and the plot is an absolute borefest! Every scene is full of the most illogical script writing-i wasted 45 minutes before bailing.
Gaia (2021)
not as bad as the poor ratings! people with IQ over 85 will like it.
Seems like the people who rated this poorly are only into bruce willis crap. Yes, it's a slow burn. It's a bit cerebral even (hence the poor ratings from the bruce willis fan boys with no attention span and need 100% action all the time) it's telling a story and it's a pretty darn good one! Plenty of horror moments if thats what you're looking for, but not jump horror... definitely worth the watch and pontification- actually, not far from reality sort to speak; every organic matter grows fungus and mold- not a far reach considering the plot of the phyco-thriller / horror. If your IQ is over 85, give it a watch- you'll like it.
Midnight Mass (2021)
quit afte 90 seconds. cpr on a girl missing half her head?
Yeah, sorry- i was already skeptical watching anything with a religious theme, ugh. But i decided to give it a shot- didn't last 90 seconds. As soon as i saw paramedics at the scene of a drunk driving crash performing cpr on a lady literally missing the top half of her head, i quit. I cant stand stupidity on this level. As a first responder myself, we show up on scene and see a crash victim missing half their head- it's an automatic blanket & bag- NOT cpr 🙄
Cosmic Sin (2021)
didn't pass the 5 minute mark! HORRENDOUS LAZY WRITING!
Corey William Large (writer) and Edward Drake (director) both need to find another career- along with Bruce Willis. 500 years into the future we have interstellar travel, flying cars and have colonized several other planets... BUT, we're still driving around in typical 2021 gasoline pick-up trucks, shooting bullets with the same gun powder through the same typical firearms and still have silly spinning mechanical flood lights- this has to be the LAZIEST writing ever! ZERO imagination and clearly a substantial lack of effort and ambition by director and writer! It's hard to think of the right words to fully capture how ludicrously insanely BAD this movie is!
Jacob's Ladder (2019)
the director of this film should be shunned from Hollywood!
If you're here because you were wondering if Jacob's ladder (2019) is any good and you haven't seen the 1990 original- dont do it. Dont even watch 5 mins of the 2019 remake- it's insulting, it's terrible. The 1990 original was one of the best horror / thriller films ever directed- just watch the 1990 original and forget about the 2019 remake. You're welcome.
Jupiter's Legacy (2021)
like a cheesy power rangers movie
Just gonna say one thing...
if you were an aspiring criminal in the day of super heroes, would you really rob an armored truck in the middle of a city in broad daylight? I reluctantly watched the first episode and then deleted the season from my watch list- no way could i get through 7 more episodes of this poorly written fairytale. 🙄
Dark (2017)
thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
I was just about giving up on netflix- then found DARK! anazing sci-fi with a supernatural twist. i highly recommend watching with the german audio & english subtitles- english audio is available but so much is lost. literally binge watched the 2 available seasons in 3 days! ufb! story, acting... off the charts! better put your thinking cap on and pay attention! if you miss even 1 line of dialogue, you'll be lost! i can't believe the second season cliff hanger- it's ummm...out of this world one might say... 😉
Black Summer (2019)
defies all common logic
I'm just 30 minutes into the first episode and know i wont make it to the 2nd. i really dont want to bother wasting more time on a review- the movie reality is stupid, the writing is just bad. it doesn't realistically portray how people & military would react under such circumstances. for some reason, writers (netflix) today have a really tough time coming up with a new concept and then writing a reality to explain it.
The Silence (2019)
horrible acting, horrible writing, just horrible
This is basically a modern version of alfred hitchcock's 1963 horror "the birds" with some walking dead spice mixed in. the acting is over-rehearsed and rigid. the problem I have with these movies that focus on monsters that attack on sound (like bird cage- another flop fest) is how much imagination the writers lack. for example, the car scene; instead of blowing up the other car to cause a diversion, why not just use one of the cell phones- load a game on it and toss it into the woods, then drive away as the creatures attack the cell? the whole cabin scene with the cells was asinine. scene after scene of just poor writing and silliness. lace a house with explosives, turn the radio on and wait for the things to invade the house- then blow them away! so simple. this is the kind of movie you put on in the background while cleaning your house and look up occasionally to see what's happening. I'm actually typing this as the movie is playing.
Polar (2019)
very fun & strange movie!
I kept ignoring this title on Netflix because it sounded like another boring action movie- been there- done that... however, I was totally wrong! I LOVED IT! more of a dark comedy / action movie with great acting. you have to pay attention and listen carefully- some hilarious banter between the actors.
IO (2019)
Watch in the morning so you stay awake! BORING!!!!
It literally took me 4 takes to get through this snore fest.
Interesting subject, but the acting and writing were soooo bad.
Zero chemistry, super ...s...l...o...w... storyline and really boring conversation between the actors.
Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
Almost a great movie... almost.
I really wanted to like this movie but there were flaws. I liked the premise of the movie and the first 1/3 was interesting enough to keep me entertained and invested in the characters but the writing fell apart halfway through, and the climax was just hollow and predictable. Spoiler alert beyond this point: the name of the movie is Velvet Buzzsaw- which is a very catchy title- but there's nothing relevant in the entire movie to Velvet Buzzsaw other than 4 seconds of dialog explaining how the name is in reference to a metal band- and the last few minutes of the movie where the decades old buzzsaw tattoo comes alive on the skin and kills the person with the tattoo. I felt like the director forgot the name of the movie was Velvet Buzzsaw, then with a few minutes left in the movie, asked his 13 yo son how to include the Velvet Buzzsaw in the story line, and the 13 yo responds by telling him to just have the tattoo come alive and kill her- which totally didn't fit the narrative of previous character deaths! With a bit more imagination this movie could've been a great hit.
The Wraith (1986)
typical 80's flick with tons of logic flaws.
I was lmao during the last scene- sheen drives the "ghost" car to where his brother is working at the burger joint... walks in and gives his brother the keys to the "ghost" car that just got finished running down and killing people all over town- tells his brother to care of it because it's the only one in existence.... well, geee, thanks bro. I guess I'll just cruise around town in this murder car that everyone is looking for? During just about every explosion scene, you see car rear axles flying through the air... then they show the car that was just blown up roll out of the smoke- so where did the "extra" axle come from? attention to details was clearly not top on the directors list!
Battle of the Damned (2013)
I have to question the standards of anyone who rated this above 2 stars
it's bad on so many levels- I don't even care enough to get into all the logic flaws in the story; here's just a few of the dozen... from the "hardened" borderline-elderly super delta soldier who's supposed to be the best of the best- but has moosed up gel in his hair the whole movie and needs glasses to read a map... to riding a silly motorcycle up & down the streets in a zombie infested city- a motorcycle? really? how do they pump gas at all the stations with no electricity? even the robots were lame; in one scene the robots are slinging zombies everywhere- then a few minutes later, 6 silly zombies are able to destroy a robot... why are zombies even interested in a metal robot when they can't infect it or eat it? if a zombie was into robots... then they would also be into eating cars! STUPID!
you never have any REAL connection to any of the characters- so much of the story just doesn't make any sense if you think it through.
acting = F Directing = D Story = C+ Script= D-
I was actually waiting for Rambo to pop out with a knife in his mouth. the protagonist was a total "rambo" wannabe. this movie was a total cheese fest- one of the worst executed scripts ever.