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badcomrade
Reviews
The Namesake (2006)
Half of a great movie, then Mira Nair blows it to hell with cheese and film school-caliber mistakes.
The first half is breathtaking. The story adheres closely to the lives of immigrants settling in America and the family they start, the roles played masterfully by Irfan Khan, Tabu and Kal Penn.
Then, the phone call happens. A little over halfway through the film, the mother, played by Tabu, learns over the phone that her husband, played by Irfan Khan, has had a heart attack. This is where the illusion of the film is shattered and everything turns into a syrupy, redundant and rambling pile of Hallmark crap.
The phone call scene is unforgivable. Mira Nair, what were you thinking? Who on earth did you cast to read the lines of the medical staff member? It was so bad I thought it was a joke! That it is poorly scripted is one thing, but casting a ferociously bad actress to deliver those very important lines ruined one of the most important scenes of the film.
Then another great moment is ruined when Gogol breaks down on his father's bed in Cleveland. The moment is cut short and derailed by an irritating and unnecessary hip-hop soundtrack. And the head shaving that followed would have been powerful enough on it's own. This happens throughout the film, good scenes ruined by the soundtrack. I began to feel like I was at Virgin Megastore being forced to pay attention to "The Namesake" cd wall display. Sure, the film should illustrate the different cultural roots of the characters through the music, but this was overdone -whoever called the shots in the editing room was far more worried about cd sales than making a great film.
And then there's Zuleikha Robinson. Who is this actress and why does she suck so bad? Of all the talented Indian actresses with British accents in the world, how did she get the part? Was someone bribed or sniffing glue during the casting session? Her scenes in the taxi and when she admits to the affair made me cringe in embarrassment. And moreover, she doesn't even look Indian! She looks like some J-Lo dance video reject with a bad accent.
The last thirty minutes consist of needless flashbacks and meandering heavy-handedness. After Gogol's breakup the film should have quickly ended with his mother's thank you speech to the family and friends and Gogol against the red wall watching in wonder. Cut to the mother singing back in India, and the end. But no, we need more flashbacks (as if we have forgotten what we saw 50 minutes earlier) and a painfully cheesy scene in which Gogol recites Gogol on the train. Vomit.
I feel like it was this sort of overt sentimentalism and the low confidence the director has for her audience that bothered me about her previous films. One would think that by now she would have learned. Guess not.
Doom (2005)
Unacceptable by any standard
The following is a transcript from the very first meeting for the production of Doom the movie:
"Okay everyone, I am really excited about this opportunity and would like to share my vision with you all on how we can bring this legendary computer game to the big screen. You know, I've heard a lot of ideas lately, and I've been considering some pretty attractive options: 'Do it like Final Fantasy' some have said. 'Go watch Sin City, just imagine what Doom could be like if it were made like that!'. But I think if people wanted a computer generated environment, they can just go play the video game. No, I believe we should reconstruct the innovative Doom environment with cheap sets, rubber alien suits, plastic guns and do it all in Prague to save money. I know I know, we could just use the money to do it like that Rodriguez guy did with that Sin City movie, but why take the chance? We can use the money for unknown, mediocre actors and unconvincing sets. And that simple Doom plot that is so captivating in the game? Well, it surely won't work on screen, no, the viewer needs a 3 act structure and character development. Mindless violence and disturbing situations will only drive our audiences away...we need exposition and clichés. Can someone get Davey on the phone? He's writing the script. Hello, Davey?" "Yes, I'm here." "Hi Davey, you are on speaker phone. I was just telling everyone what we want to do with Doom. Do you feel like sharing?" "Sure. Well, i don't have that much experience with scripts but I basically felt that as long as we stick to the well-worn path of past sci-fi successes, the film will just drive itself. I have taken elements of the Doom scenario and plugged them into this cool screen writing software that writes the script for you, it's really easy and fun. I set the program to include a character twist in which Sarge turns bad, and to add some extra spice, I bumped the "Cliche Level" up to 8 in the preferences menu. Oh, and I added my own scene in which the crazy doctor tears off his own ear." "Sounds exciting Davey, we can't wait to see a draft." "No problem. Oh and if my script program crashes, I'll just give that Cape Fear guy a call." "Sure, you do that Davey. Keep up the good work. Okay...the cast. We think we have the Rock. We tried to get Vin Deisel but his agent said Prague reminds him of "XXX". Anyway, The Rock is really the only actor we need, but rather than have a 'lone soldier against an army of demons' story, we are going with a 'group of soldiers against 3-4 different demons, but the real enemy is themselves' story. This can also cut back on having to show more than 3-4 demons from the game. Even then, our director wants to employ every possible trick in the book to avoid showing a demon or any on screen action." "The rubber suits look like crap, Laura. I don't have much choice." "This is Eastern Europe, Andrej. Not Skywalker Ranch. Tell them how you are going to cover the sex angle." "Well, I think a love scene might be a bit of a stretch, because while we want to make Doom as formulaic and predictable as possible, we shouldn't stray too far from the game. So I propose we have a female doctor character with hard nipples poking through her shirt." "Brilliant." "Thanks. I also think it would be a nice ironic twist to have a scene in which a soldier uses a computer monitor as weapon to fight a demon." "Andrej, you genius, where have you been hiding for so long?" "Poland." "I'm joking. You're great though and we are glad to have you on board. One last thing, just to make sure we have a strong opening at the box office, we'll be getting a lot of friends to place great reviews and comments on internet boards such as IMDb to fool prospective movie-goers. You can never be too careful, we need to make a profit! Well, I guess that about does it. I almost forgot, Mr. Carmack, would you like to add anything?"