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Crush the Skull (2015)
Equal parts funny and tense
I stumbled into this movie by accident; it was the one that I could see at that moment that seemed to have the most interesting title. I was very happy that I did.
The basic premise is that a group of robbers--some competent, some not so much--try to pull off a heist at a house in the middle of nowhere. Unbeknownst to them, the house is actually a torture chamber for a serial killer. Criminal is pitted against criminal, and craziness ensues.
Typically, horror/comedies end up being a bit scary with a few amusing moments, or mostly goofy with some cheesy horror-like moments. This movie jumps back and forth from having the audience laugh out loud to having legitimately tense parts. The ability to do both sides well made this movie very enjoyable for me. Granted, there were times where the jump between the two were almost too quick, making the emotional flow a little awkward. There were also a couple of forced jump-scares. But over all, a movie I would recommend seeing.
The Time Machine (I Found at a Yardsale) (2011)
...but it was on a Red!
I watched this on YouTube and was amused that, in the description, they made a point of telling people the film was shot on a Red. It seemed like the idea was that better camera = better movie, but that sadly is not true.
Virtually the entire movie is comprised of static shots of the actors in front of a green screen. The lighting doesn't match, and the picture is completely flat. Most of the time, the actors appear to be reading their lines from a cue card with the emotion and presence to match. There is also a lot of "Oh my gosh! Look what's happening just off screen! We can't afford to show you anything that's happening, but trust us! It's amazing!" Probably the most astonishingly awful scene was the shovel scene: The actor was standing in frame; the actress walked into frame; they both looked at the camera for the cue from the director; and then they began their lines. There are also several shots of them drinking where you can tell that they're watching the director, waiting for a cue to drink at the same time.
There's also the "CGI" that is completely awful and flat. The dinosaur. Good God, the dinosaur.
As far as the story goes, the plot drifts incoherently, while having absolutely no character development whatsoever. A guy finds a box containing a magical vocoder that takes him anywhere in time. So he goes far into the future to find a flock of female slaves dressed like purple nuns. He rescues one in another breath-taking scene involving more standing around. They go further into the future to find an abandoned spaceship that the actor (who has never seen a spaceship before) instantly becomes an expert at flying. He then tries REALLY hard to be the coolly-detached stud hero, but only manages the detached part.
For almost the rest of the movie--except the very end--they completely ditch the whole time travel idea and instead focus on helping a group called The Resistance simply because a voice recording they discovered on the stolen ship told them to do it. It was never established who The Resistance is, why they're fighting, or if they're people you'd want to help in the first place. The good thing is, the members of The Resistance that they do find openly help them without question. So trusting for rebels!
---Galactic belly dancing. 'Nuff said.---
After that they find treasure and stuff while walking in front of stock Windows desktop pictures. They also blow up poorly-animated spaceships that look like they came right out of a 1990's PC game. Then he tells his family that he's going steady with Slave Girl. And then--SPOILER ALERT--they do a coin flip on a beach. Yup. Pretty much.
I never thought I would find a movie worse than "Birdemic", but I now have. (Hell, meet frost.) But at least this film was shot on a Red!
Rubber (2010)
Surrealist, absurdist, comedic horror
After watching some MST3K, I was looking on Netflix for some non-riffed bad horror movies. "Rubber" was suggested, and the plot looked monumentally goofy, so I thought I'd give it a go. I'm glad I did.
The movie is rather artsy and surreal, meaning that it's definitely not for everyone. The whole concept of the movie is essentially, "This is all BS, so deal with it." There are many moments that intentionally make no sense whatsoever to reinforce this point. Even more so, there are breaks in the fourth wall and frequent addresses to an on-camera "audience".
While the movie was a bit slow in places, I found it quite hilarious. The movie assumes the audience is intelligent, and as a result, it doesn't jump out and beat you over the head with its humor. Some of the humor is very subtle. (I almost want to watch it again, simply because I'm sure I missed things.) If you sit back, pay attention, and just roll with it (pun intended), it is quite entertaining. If you're looking for brain-numbing humor or a movie to scare your pants off, this movie is not for you.