Change Your Image
markwiseman5-988-103207
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Dune (2021)
The Most Over-Rated & Over-Hyped Movie In Recent Memory
As a long-time reader and fan of all things 'Frank Herbert' and 'Dune,' this rendition was probably the "prettiest-looking" as far as sets and cinematography go, but the story here is absolutely lifeless - more flaccid than a 95-year-old with E. D.
Reading ALL the books is much more exciting than watching this movie. I seriously thought that if this did not have some of the SciFi elements in it, large swaths of it could easily have been copy-pasted into a National Geographic documentary on nature & nobody would even know the difference.
The world of Dune is a highly dynamic place, filled with political intrigue, clandesine plans-within-plans, exciting battle scenes, and it is a genuine "Space Opera" on par with the Star Wars universe, but little of that gravitas is captured here.
Instead, here we seem to have a myriad of slow-motion sequences of a pretty young boy and girl longingly staring off into the distance, barely acknowledging one antoher's existence - and this is supposed to be some kind of a "love story?!?!" Well, I don't "get" it.
Dune is a wonderful SciFi universe which I highly recommend to everyone to explore. But, just not through this movie - because it's boring, and it's just not that interesting. Much better to stick with the original version of Dune from the 1980's and the TV series "Children of Dune" - both of which were much better and more entertaining than this movie.
The Empty Man (2020)
Didn't Read The Graphic Novel? Don't Bother With The Movie.
I went into watching this movie without any preconceived ideas. I'd never seen a trailer, heard about or read the graphic novels it's based on, or been exposed to any sort of marketing about this film. I'm just a horror fan, came across this movie, and decided to give it a go.
Now, there's a lot to be said here for some decent acting, creepy atmoshpere, and genuinely frightening - in a confusing kind of a way - scenes. The main character's bewilderment, confusion, and terror is palbable across much of this movie as he tries to piece together the case of a missing girl.
Then there are some plot elements that are explored such as how this missing girl is actually his daughter, from an affair, and now she may have either been kidnapped by a cult or joined it voluntarily.
Then, there is this creepy, ancient entity/being who is introduced early in the movie and reappears from time-to-time throughout. The main facial effect seems to have been to place a black plastic garbage bag over its' head and cover it in mud. But, it is not always presented this way. It is at its' most terrifying as an oversized, dismorphic skeleton of a seemingly "giant" nature (maybe 9 or 10 feet tall).
So, this actually did hold my interest throughout most of the way. But, in the end, nothing really came together too well, made much sense, or seemed to tell much of a story that was decipherable. You probably had to have already read & been familiar with the graphic novel for this movie to work for you because if you're like me - coming in dry - this ensemble just doesn't quite work or make any sense.
Devil's Workshop (2022)
Doesn't Quite Get It Right
Technically, everything with this movie was fine - the acting, sound, lighting, etc. I had no issues there. In fact, the acting was spot-on.
For me, the BIG problem with this movie is the overall concept - the whole story. It's just not very good. Or, they got the pacing all wrong, jumping around from one scene and character to the next in a way that threw me off.
When you approach the topic of devils and demonology, there needs to be a certain atmosphere of respect for the enormity of the situation & a certain kind of dread or menace involved. While there was some, here it wasn't effective.
Hypochondriac (2022)
CAST AND CREW DID FALSE REVIEWS, AGAIN
I hate coming online to get good information about a new movie, only to find that it's been bombed with 10/10!!! By its own cast and crew. Usually, that means the movie is a bomb as well. This movie about a gay potter with a history of mental illness is no exception.
Trying to use every cultural appropriation out there that you can, in an attempt to generate more hype for your god-awful movie is just... disgusting, really. It cheapens the real struggles that minority groups have to face in the world. Trying to link them to regurgitated trash like this does nothing to "help" any of their causes.
This movie has been made before, so it's nothing new. It's probably not a "1" for a rating, maybe a 3, but I give it a one for the cheap attempt at cultural appropriation in order to hype their B-rated film.
The Fall of Usher (2021)
Old Edgar Allen Poe Story Set In Modern Times
I remember watching Romeo & Juliette several years ago with Leonardo DiCaprio and liking it a lot. Sure, it's not easy to process old Shakespearean English in our day & age - and it's similar here, with "The Fall of Usher." I especially liked the part where Romeos' father says, "Bring me my broadsword," while grabbing a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun.
But, if you can get past that aspect of the film, I rather like the way Edgar Allen Poe wrote, way back when. And after that, I found the rest of this movie enjoyable enough. It's generally pretty slow in the narration and story-telling, and not necessarily really "scary" or containing a lot of cheap "jump scares."
Here, the horror lies in the descent of a mans' consciousness into madness and the process by which he finds himself undone. It's a slow, psychological kind of horror. I found the movie enjoyable enough.
Rang song (2021)
Best Horror Film I've Seen In A While
This movie is in Thai, with subtitles. It didn't distract me from thoroughly enjoying it, though.
This is a movie that tries to come off as a "documentary," which it does pretty well. But, after a while you just know you're not watching a real documentary.
Otherwise, this tale of Thai superstition, "spirits," religion, and demonic possession carries on at a good pace, picking up more and more steam, right up to the very horrifying end.
It is beyond creepy. People not comfortable with dystopic endings will be extremely uncomfortable by the end of this movie. It goes... "horrifying," and then it just gets worse, and worse, and worse until - by the end - you're just thinking, "OMG, that was disturbing." Which, to me, is what a good horror movie ought to be. I was not disappointed by any part of the movie.
It's always interesting to see a different cultures' take on various genres of film, and this demonstrates that asian ideas of horror are truly more disturbing than those in Western culture, I think.
Movies like The Ring and The Grudge can't even compare to this movie.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
DIMINISHES THE R.E. FRANSHISE, DOESN'T ADD ANYTHING GOOD
The ONLY people who might like this movie are fanboys of the Resident Evil video games. Other than that, I wouldn't waste my time on this. It's bad.
First off, remember the hottie Jill Valentine from the first couple of movies (white, tall, hot, athletic, sassy)? Well, this movie is supposed to be set BEFORE those movies, but now Jill Valentine is played by a Latina hottie. Now, I'm all for racial equality - but not when it comes at the expense of the complete destruction of a good character & it requires the audience to completely suspend their disbelief for the entirety of the movie. It just... feels all wrong. My brain could not get around it.
The writers had the opportunity to take the abandoned mansion and ADD some interesting or spooky or meaningful history to the overall storyline but they wasted it. Rather than deepening the story, they tried to make it about some haunted orphanage where freaky experiments were being carried out on children. These types of movies are common, and almost always deal with the supernatural. But, this movie tried to squeeze in mutating viruses, a hunchbacked orphan hiding in the basement, and OMG they just made a total mess of it.
The acting and dialogue was generally bad to mediocre, the common theme of women being the only competent people in existence & always having to free and save the men was overdone again (reverse misogyny), lots of situations were left unexplained or just didn't make any coherent sense (like, why certain people were suddenly found in a certain scene together, without any introduction or character development), making the whole thing one big fustercluck.
Disrupted (2020)
MOST BORING "THRILLER" EVER
To be fair, I didn't watch the whole movie - just the first dull, slow, boring 35 minutes. Basically, an old man/ex-con in San Francisco goes about his life: going to AA meetings, checking in with his Parole Officer, going out to dinner with his daughter & her fiance. Nothing much is happening. It's not bad film quality or acting - it's just that it's not ABOUT anything. There's no plot. The camera follows this boring man's life around the city & not much goes on. It's not all that interesting. For a "Thriller" or "Action" movie, I would definitely look elsewhere.
Who knows? Maybe the last 1/2 hour turns out to be really good? I'll never know, because I just couldn't sit through the boring non-story any further...
Broil (2020)
Better Than Expected
It's not every day I stumble across a movie with no stars, no rating. I expected another failed attempt at a college film-school project. I have rarely been so delighted to have my expectations destroyed.
This movie slightly reminded me of the Twilight series, with a bit of Hannibal Lecter mixed in. The overall effect was good, with much less of a teen-aged love-story flavor. Some of the themes and plot elements are definitely more in line with a more serious "horror" genre than that other, lighter material.
Beautiful actors, acting, music, settings, and a thought-provoking story line.
It's a little bit hard to follow all of the details at some points, but they do all seem to mean something, and they are not so many that you can't mostly keep up. Actually, I would watch this a second time, to finish examining some of the frayed edges. I suspect it would only lead me to a deeper appreciation of the quality of the fabric.
A different twist on familiar themes of angels, devils, and vampires was original enough to be interesting - and avoided beating those subjects even further into the ground.
Perhaps, after a second viewing, I would revise my rating of 7 stars upwards to 8 stars. I'll see if I get back to it again sometime in the future. I have a feeling that I will. This one "stays with you" for a little while.
Gehenna: Where Death Lives (2016)
ATTEMPTED DEPICTION OF HELL IS HELLISHLY BAD
Anybody reviewed this and gave it 5 stars, or more, is being completely dishonest.
KICKSTARTER SUCKS!!! IDK what "reward" they are giving people to write good reviews, but they are doing all movie-watchers a huge disservice by promoting crap.
This is a low-budget, claustrophobic, attempt at showing one persons' vision of what "hell" might actually be like. And, the writers' vision is not very good/scary - and not really even worth watching.
Save yourself your own bit of hell by skipping over this movie and watching TV reruns, surfing YouTube trailers, or just going for a walk - which would be a much better and satisfying use of your time.
Jonathan (2018)
WOW! I WILL REMEMBER THIS MOVIE FOR A LONG TIME.
This is a "thinking-man's sci-fi movie." If you appreciate such things, you will definitely not be disappointed.
If you are in the mood for drama, with a little bit of sci-fi, this is for you. Or, you are a deep thinker - because this movie really made me stop and think - about many important questions regarding life, relationships, lies, trust, loss...
I rated this movie so highly because, as far as I know, it's really something original, something different, for a change. I'm sure there's other movies and stories out there which are similar, but I consume a lot of media and can't really think of anything like this.
I highly recommend watching this movie - and, no, I was not a part of the cast or production team. :)
Pitchfork (2016)
NOT BAD - ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AND USELESS.
Calling this a bad movie would be an insult to bad movies everywhere.
This is a low-budget, "indie" horror flick. It's not a very good one, either. In fact, it's a complete waste of time - so don't waste yours.
The scariest part of this movie is how long I suffered through it before I decided to write this review in an attempt to warn other people away from wasting their time. Catch up on some news or the History Channel and you'll be way ahead of this pile of crap.
Cell (2016)
Watch, Rinse, Repeat...
Have you read any Stephen King books or seen many of his movies? If so, I'm sorry. "Cell" is best summed-up as an abbreviated version of The Stand - or, at least it includes many of the same thematic elements: a man who represents evil incarnate, a small band of misfits who band together to fight a not-so-epic battle that will determine the fate of humanity for all time, bad taste in classic rock-and-roll music, and a strangely familiar yet confusing and alienating feeling. IDK, it seemed so very "Stephen King" by about 25 minutes into it - it was just boring and seemed like a lot of his other work. As you can tell, I'm not a big fan. Sadly, that is because I have read too many of his boring books.
I'm looking forward to The Gunslinger series being made into a movie - but I'm afraid it's going to feel like a longer version of this movie, stretched out into a trilogy.
Kill or Be Killed (2015)
Something Different - With Some Overly-Hyped Reviews
Seriously? 10 Stars? If that's not the film-makers and their buddies trying hard to get noticed, then those are clearly some retarded people.
I'm a big horror fan, and I have nothing against a good western - though it's not a favorite genre of mine, either.
If you're either a horror or a western fan, this would be worth watching - if you don't have anything better to do.
This is a low-budget production, and the film-makers have done a very good job here, considering what they're working with: no-name actors and not much money or high-end special-effects. The effects are TV quality, but the acting is decent enough. Some of the scenes and extras are a bit out of place, not up to the quality you might expect to see - like some of the house roof-tops look a little too modern for the old west. Small things like that detract from the overall effort, but it's easy enough to overlook if you're not being too picky. Decent story and plot. It can be entertaining enough, if you allow it to be. So, while it's obviously not a big-budget studio effort, that doesn't mean it doesn't have its' moments.
This movie is "okay" - definitely closer to rating this a "3" than I would be a "5." If you are not a horror or a western fan, I would try looking at something else before recommending this movie to anyone.
Kyaputen Hârokku (2013)
Pretty Animation, Pretty Stupid Story
WOW! This had some very eye-popping animation. Visually, this is stunning. Unfortunately, trying to appreciate the story-line presented here just caused the blood- vessels in my head to start bursting as well. What I'm left with is an overwhelming desire to fall down and experience an epileptic seizure - to help get rid of the headache.
The only complaint I have about the animation is the fact that some of the space combat scenes were repeated more than twice, as so many animation movies are prone to do. Other than that, this is one of the most visually appealing animated movies I have ever seen.
I don't know what it is about Japanese writers that doesn't seem to inform them of any other audience outside of their own culture, but their sappy-happy, juvenile themes of romance and social behavior is just plain annoying to me. Okay, "annoying" doesn't quite describe it. It's downright vomit-inducing.
The worst part of this movie is the fact that no matter how many times the main space ship in this movie seems to be destroyed, it's engines out of energy, the crew worked-over, and the story-line played-out to the very end - no matter how stupid it gets, nothing is more important to the climax than to insist the ship and all of its' crew sail off into the proverbial sunset. The emphasis on continuing the romance trumps all else - no matter how implausible, and no matter how much damage that does to the overall enjoyment of the plot.
It would have been so much more satisfying to see this come to an end about 25 minutes sooner than it did - with a little more blood and guts to go along with the epic battle scenes. Just when you think someone has reached their end - no, there's some stupid plot twist that brings them back to life. Forget the fact that they're no longer an essential part of telling a good story - it's so much more important that everybody stay around, feel good, and stay around for more adventures to come. We MUST have a happy ending - because isn't that how epic battles always end?
Gåten Ragnarok (2013)
A Decent Adventure Movie
I had been wanting to watch this movie for a couple of months, but I could not find a version that had been dubbed in English - until now. This is a Norwegian film, so you'll need to find it with sub-titles or a version already dubbed in English. The quality of the audio dubbing was not all that great, but it worked. It was a lot better than having to read sub-titles or watch it in Norwegian.
A down-on-his-luck archaeologist is having problems with his job/research into Viking mythology. He's a widower and a single father of 2 children. After losing funding for his work due to lack of progress, his friend shows up from the northern coast of Norway with an ancient rune-stone, which launches them all into their next adventure.
Nothing here is too exceptional, scary, or gory. It's a decent movie for the whole family - and I'm not generally "into" family movies. So, I was surprised that I liked it so well. Honestly, I was expecting a little bit more from the "monster," but it wasn't completely cheesy either.
Overall, the plot was pretty predictable. I think I enjoyed it so much because there were believable characters and good acting - especially from the child actors. I find many child actors tend to make or break a movie like this, and these kids can hold their own. The main character was also a good actor. None of the acting was completely bad, which is why I think the whole thing worked. For being a lower-budget production, this movie holds up very well. It's a bit of a slow start, but once it gets going it steadily builds tension and held my interest right up to the ending.
Ascension (2002)
Let's go watch some paint dry!!! It would be much more fun.
WHY, OH WHY, DIDN'T I PAY ATTENTION TO ALL OF THE "1" SCORES?
Yes, unfortunately for me, I did indeed watch every last bit of this movie. With all of the talk in this movie's descriptions about "miracles," there is not a single one which takes place in this movie. The one miracle I did actually experience was when this hatefully bad film finally came to a close - THANK GOD! My time would have been better spent watching paint dry.
A few descriptive words: excruciatingly slow, insipid dialogue and setting, extremely low- budget, with the most anti-climatic ending I have ever witnessed on film. Really, THE MOST ANTI-CLIMATIC ENDING IN THE HISTORY OF FILM. Yawn. And, once more, YAWN. Giving this film a Raspberry Award would be an insult to every other "horrible" movie out there, because this is not worth mentioning at the Raspberry's.
Three ladies, walk up a flight of stairs, in a 12-story building - only, there's about 300 flights to go on the inside. These ladies would lose a race to a turtle. They step over a few dead bodies along the way. They occasionally talk with each other and sit down to take a rest. Every time they get back up, it takes several minutes for them to stand again. They talk a bit more. They take a couple of steps, come across a few more dead bodies, sit down, stand up, talk, walk slowly some more, etc. At the end, only one of the ladies makes it to the top - where she walks up to a young boy and reaches out to take hold of his hand. THE END.
This movie might - possibly - make sense to somebody with a Ph.D. in philosophy, a complete "Art Fag," or another one in the long line of spiteful and hateful "feminists."
Sorry, sitting through this mush-terpiece has awoken a mean streak inside of me which I rarely experience feeling.
Note To Self: NEVER WATCH ANOTHER FILM BY THIS DIRECTOR.
AC1: Alien Contamination (2014)
Don't Bother
Thought I would look for a decent horror movie to watch this evening - this wasn't it. Poor everything: acting, cinematography, special effects, plot, directing. Just thought I would post a review to help others not waste their time.
I have seen some of my high-school friends put together movies that I found more entertaining - with G.I. Joe, Star Wars, and other toy action- figures.
There is nothing here worth watching, unless you are a masochist and like to have painful experiences.
This is just to take up space, because this stupid site says you have to write at least 10 lines to do a proper movie review.
This is also just to take up space, because this stupid site says you have to write at least 10 lines to do a proper movie review.
2047: Sights of Death (2014)
Too Painful To Watch
It brings a shiver to my spine to see the likes of Rutger Hauer, Danny Glover, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, and Daniel Baldwin appear in such a low-budget, poorly created ensemble. I think of movies they were in like Blade Runner, Predator 2, Kill Bill, etc. and it amazes me these actors have fallen so low in their careers that they would even sign on to a D- list production such as this.
This is a high-school or community-college film-making class gone wrong - with former big-name actors in it. I am bewildered and confused by this whole train-wreck. Please stay away from this movie- it will leave you questioning your sanity and the future of film-making, in general. I have to go and drink a 5th of vodka now - so I can hopefully wipe out the brain cells that contain these sad memories.