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Run Home, Slow (1965)
Listen To The Moonlight, Bouncing Off A Rotten Carcass
Absurd. That is the only descriptor one can put on "Run Home, Slow". Written by English teacher Don Cerveris, this Z grade western is best known for the appearance of lead actress Mercedes McCambridge and the soundtrack by then 23 year old Frank Zappa.
After the hanging of the family patriarch, the remaining members of the Hagen Family rob a bank and murder the man who led the posse. Ritt, or is it Rip?, Hagen (Gary Kent), the brain trust of the family, is shot during the murder and the family try to getaway to Mexico. I would say the escape doesn't go as planned, but they don't seem to have one. Older sister Nell (McCambridge) takes over and leads Ritt, mentally deficient hunchback brother Kirby (Allen Richards) and Ritt's also mentally deficient wife (Linda Gay Scott, doing her best Barbra from "Night Of The Living Dead, several years before that film) into the desert where they receive their comeuppance.
The acting ranges overall from almost decent (Kent, who only really acts during the last ten minutes of the film) to ridiculously over the top (Scott and Richards) to simply puzzling. McCambridge bites some good chunks out of the scenery and channels that famous Demon she played in "The Exorcist" - with a bow-legged walk that has to be seen to be believed - while Scott and Richards chew through it so thoroughly that one could use it to make paper for a much better script.
As something of a connoisseur of bad films I can tell you this one ranks right up there with "Manos-The Hands Of Fate". This film, unlike "Manos", at least moves forward in something close to a narrative way. The thing that sets this apart from "Manos" and other Grade Z films is the Zappa score. The music really helps to move the film along and shows that Zappa could have made a career in film scoring had that been his wish. Several themes that would show themselves in his later work have their debut here. I gave the film a 6: One star for the film, five stars for the score.
During the film there is one standout bit of cinematography. A quick shot from below of hunchback Kirby crying, while his tears drip onto the lens, could come from a European art film. Otherwise the photography is from the "Point the camera at the actors and let it run" school. Which makes the crying scene jump out in a very surprising way.
Worst I've ever seen? No, I've got to give that nod to other films. But this is definitely the worst film I can recall seeing with an actor of any note. Seriously, did McCambridge have a loan shark threatening to break her legs? That's the only reason I can think of for her to take this gig. I can understand her appearance in "Johnny Guitar", another rotten western, because that allowed her to work with Joan Crawford and Sterling Hayden but "Run"? I'll never get it.
This film, and Zappa's score, is summed up best by the title of this review which is a line from the script, "Listen to the moonlight, bouncing off a rotten carcass". Bad film fans, and Zappa geeks, will find quite a bit to like. Others should probably stay clear, if only for their own sanity.
Black Devil Doll from Hell (1984)
Proof Anything Could Find Release In The Early '80s
During the early years of the "Home Video Revolution", video rental outlets needed items on the shelves and needed them NOW! Distributors were grabbing just about anything that ran long enough to be considered a "film", slapping a grabber of a cover on it and putting it out. A distributor took a look at a homemade shot to video movie called "Puppet", renamed it "Black Devil Doll From Hell" and this stinker is the result. BDDFH would be relegated to a single VHS copy in Chester N. Turner's sock drawer otherwise. We would be the poorer for it.
This film has everything. The dumpiest (Sorry, Shirley) leading lady in cinema history, the worst heavy metal title song ever, titles straight off a Commodore 64 that go on over six minutes at the beginning and nearly that long at the end. A soundtrack that features some of the worst electronic hum and worst mixing ever committed to video. A score that is performed on a Casio keyboard. Acting that actually rivals "Manos, The Hands Of Fate" in ineptitude. Silly camera work and without a doubt the most amusingly overwrought dialogue I've ever seen. But the star of the show by far is "Puppet", a ventriloquist dummy with braids and what appears to be one of Thurston Howell's jungle explorer outfits from "Gilligan's Island". Hideous, and hilarious, from start to finish. Only watch this with friends you know well. Anyone else will immediately label you "insane" and call the appropriate authorities.
UFO: Target Earth (1974)
If Tommy Wiseau Made A Sci Fi Film...
WARNING: This review does not contain spoilers, as there is no discernible plot to spoil.
I'm pleased to say that, as something of a connoisseur of bad films, this one goes straight into my top ten worst I've ever seen. Generally these films appear as one-offs. The crew manage to cobble together a script, borrow some equipment, find a local businessman with deep pockets to give them some cash and they make a movie. In this case, writer/director/producer Michael DeGaetano somehow managed to make three films! I sincerely hope (and seriously doubt) the others are better. As for "UFO:Target Earth", where does one start? -Characters constantly appearing out of nowhere with no description of who they are or why they are there.
-A character begins to deliver a line and just...stops. Later,the same character blows a line but the take was kept.
-Boom mics, camera tracks, out of sync audio, strange zooms and pans, jarring edits, time-shifts, .
-A horrible prequel to the orgasm scene from "When Harry Met Sally".
-Characters standing half obscured by trees.
-Constant rumbling crackle and pop in the soundtrack which I assume must have been real aliens desperately trying to stop the production for the sake of mankind.
-Bad '70s music of every stripe, creepy electronic music for no reason whatsoever and I swear during the final scene, music stolen from much better films.
-A General having a serious conversation while seated at his desk, twiddling a letter opener. No, wait...(pause)...THAT'S A BUTTER KNIFE! But the question that will bug me forever is this: Where did they get the power to run the equipment at the lake, and why choose to bring several televisions but Coleman lanterns instead of electric lights? The dialogue is trying desperately to be deep and meaningful, but the total lack of characterization and story line makes it laugh out loud funny.
Some of my favorite lines: "I feel as though you are trying to bind my soul with your technology." "It's that light. No, it was like a big star.It was coming all...It was making me all naked". "That was just your waking star, son. Everyone has a waking star". (No, that's actually a desperate plea for help from an abused child.)
"Somehow, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of an enormous chasm of time, and space. It's a swaying sensation as if I was about to fall in."
Hard to sum up the movie any better than that. The idea for the film isn't the worst I've ever seen, but this is one of the two or three most inept attempts at movie-making I've seen. And, yes, I've seen "Manos:The Hands Of Fate". If you like bad film, or just want to see what happens when a filmmaker leaves out every element necessary for a watchable movie, you should see this. Two stars, because it's too entertainingly bad to call "awful".
Reflections in a Golden Eye (1967)
Reflections On An Empty Movie
"Reflections" has a fantastic cast. Brando, Taylor, Brian Keith, Robert Forster? Hard to find a better group of actors. But "Reflections" fails on almost every level. Taylor, as usual, looks lovely and plays her part well. Forster isn't given much to work with but does a good job with what he has. Brando? Well, Brando walks around looking confused and bewildered for most of the film and is totally wasted here. The look on his face after the horse beating incident is supposed to be "horrified" but comes off more along the lines of "chronic brain damage". I don't think "laughing out loud" was quite the effect Brando and Huston were going for, but that's the effect it had on me. Throughout the film the characters and their relationships are almost totally unbelievable. The only worthwhile character with any depth in the entire film is Brian Keith's Lt. Col. Langdon, who is struggling with his depression and loneliness in his relationship with his wife, ably played by Julie Harris, who is mentally unstable after the death of her child. John Huston's direction is competent and well done but his choice of the "goldtone" filter on every scene was odd and distracting.
The ending manages to be shocking, unsatisfying and ridiculous at the same time. Quite a feat.
I'm the kind of person who will quit a film if it doesn't hold my interest. And for whatever reason "Reflections In A Golden Eye" kept my interest. I will probably never watch it again but I am glad I saw it once.
The Room (2003)
Tommy Wiseau and the American Dream
Where ever Tommy Wiseau grew up (a subject of some debate) he heard that America is the land of opportunity. A place where dreams can come true. And oh yes, Tommy had a dream. Tommy wanted to be an actor, a star. To one day appear on the Silver Screen in his own movie, Tommy's movie, made Tommy's way. He came to America and struggled but he never once let go of that dream. And he realized that if he pretended to be what he wanted to be, eventually he might get there. And somehow, despite everything being against him, Tommy succeeded and starred in his very own film. He brought his artistic vision into reality and put every bit of talent and ambition he had, nay his very SOUL, onto that screen. Tommy bravely never let anything get in the way of his goals. Total lack of talent, basic filmmaking ability, basic understanding of his adopted culture, the ability to speak the language of his new adopted home in a comprehensible manner? Mere obstacles to be bludgeoned out of the way in whatever way possible.
Tommy Wiseau is the living, breathing embodiment of the American Dream. He set out to make a classic, and he succeeded. "The Room" may not be the classic Tommy INTENDED to make, but he tried. And one thing about America is undeniable, we respect those that try. And in that "The Room" may very well be the perfect American film. So watch "The Room" and shed a patriotic tear for a man and a film that ONLY America could have produced. A film as unique as the man who made it.
The Hateful Eight (2015)
Best Or Worst Tarantino Film? Neither
I felt that The Hateful 8 was, if not Tarantino's BEST, it certainly ranks among his best work. Cinematography? Fantastic. The open landscapes slowly closing in by way of the snowstorm until finally we are trapped in Minnie's Haberdashery is enhanced and made more immediate by his choice to use the 70mm Panavision process. Script? Maybe not his greatest, but it certainly was as well written and nuanced as his previous work. Acting? Tarantino has a way of taking less well known and under-appreciated actors and bringing out their best work. Overall it's not perfect, but it is engaging in spite of its length.
What I specifically want to address is the reaction both this film and Django received over the use of certain racial terms and the violence. Although working in a different medium, Tarantino's work strongly resembles Frank Zappa's in one very specific way. Zappa made some of the most important and intricate music of the 20th century and cloaked it in some of the most misogynistic and ugly lyrics ever written. BUT those terms and images were there to make a point and to remove the closed minded in the audience at the start. Tarantino is much the same. If you cannot get past the violence and apparent racism/sexism in his work, you probably won't get or appreciate the rest. Tarantino was making a point about race relations in the US and he did it well. What he said needed saying. And I don't see many minority directors willing to go as far out on a limb as he did to say it.
Also, Tarantino is criticized for "ripping off" genres and directors. In my opinion what he is doing is very much the same as DJ and Hip Hop culture sampling earlier works and making something new out of them. By remixing tropes from earlier films, Tarantino is not only making NEW art, he is paying homage to earlier work AND he is satirizing those tropes at the same time.
I honestly don't believe Tarantino's talent will be appreciated in his lifetime. He's too far ahead of most of his audience. More's the pity for them.
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2004)
Some Kind Of Problem
Full disclosure:I'm yet another of those "Love the first four albums, hate the rest" Metallica fans. I approached the documentary a year after it came out and with no preconceptions. I hadn't heard the "St. Anger" album. And I was, well, not shocked exactly but quite disappointed. Not with the film, which is interesting in a trainwreck sort of way, but in the fact that the train ever reached a point that it crashed. When Metallica came along they were SPECIAL! I purchased several albums the day I purchased my first album by them (Master) and they totally blew not only MY mind but the minds of the other rock fans in the small town I grew up in. Metallica became "our" band, much as they did for many others.
I just watched SKOM again to see if the passing of years had been kind to it. They haven't. Watching James attempt to get himself sober and Lars being a whiny spoiled child is definitely entertaining in all the wrong ways. Lars telling James that he's being self centered is, ironically, the most self centered thing I've ever heard a rock musician say. Kirk Hammett almost seems to have Stockholm Syndrome. He seems so kowtowed by the two leaders makes me believe he feels he couldn't do anything on his own and he is stuck. Which may very well be true but it's hard to watch. The entire thing is hard to watch. 40 something year old millionaires attempting to be angry teenagers is unflattering and frankly embarrassing. After the release of the documentary and the horrible album that came from these sessions, Metallica attempted to release another album on which they "went back to their roots". It was no better. Now in 2016 and a full eight years since their last new music was released, Metallica is for all intents and purposes on par with the current lineup of KISS. Going out flogging the hits, being the world's greatest Metallica cover band. Jason Newsted left the band just as SKOM was being filmed. He made enough money in Metallica that he can do what he wants with his time and talent now with no concern over cash. For Metallica it's all about the money. Sad But True.
The World's Greatest Sinner (1962)
A Big Idea With A Small Budget
"The World's Greatest Sinner" is a failure, but a glorious failure. Tim Carey had a huge idea. A fantastic idea. But working without a budget and outside the Hollywood mainstream doomed that idea and turned it into one of the most ambitious and frustrating B-movie projects I have ever seen.
The problems with this film are many. The editing and sound are horrendous from start to finish. Abrupt doesn't begin to cover most of the transitions. Unrelated shots pop up in the most unnerving places. The soundtrack is either loud to the point of distortion or so low and garbled as to be nearly unlistenable. Which, in most cases, should kill the movie before it starts. But in this particular case the problems almost work as high art, keeping the viewer in a state of confusion that mirrors the confusion of Clarence.
The acting is spotty. Tim Carey is totally over the top and melodramatic throughout, but oddly compelling. The supporting cast runs the gamut from horribly amateurish to passably good, and in two cases (the old woman follower and Clarence's "publicity man") very good.
The word that is most often used to describe this film is "surreal". And it's appropriate. The jump cuts, odd camera work and overall feel of the film make it a truly unique experience to watch. And the Frank Zappa soundtrack add mightily to the whole otherworldly tone of the film. The soundtrack was performed by The Pomona Valley Symphony Orchestra, who seem to be having quite the struggle to play Zappa's score. The score fits the film very well, overall. Shows that Zappa could have been a great film composer if his interest had lain in that direction.
I see similarities between "Sinner" and Elia Kazan's "A Face In The Crowd". One man's ascension to power while descending into a personal hell. While "Crowd" is, clearly, a massively better film, Carey's idea and vision for "Sinner" could have, with more talent, enough budget, and better character development made a film to equal Kazan's.
Ultimately "The World's Greatest Sinner" is certainly interesting, and well worth a watch but ultimately exists as a frustrating textbook example of the worst case scenario of indie films:A fantastic idea frustrated at every turn by the realities of filmmaking.