Change Your Image
A9AMouse
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Dragon Ball Super: Doragon bôru cho: With Great Joy! The Repeat Battle-Crazy Saiyan Fight!! (2017)
Cauliflower and Kale Are Trash Characters and Mary Sues
These characters are gigantic Mary Sues and whoever wrote them is an atrocious writer.
The ****-riding is utterly off the charts from these writers, and for the worst characters ever to appear in Dragonball.
Dragon Ball Super: Doragon bôru cho (2015)
Amazing Until Cauliflower and Kale Show Up
SUMMARY: I would give this series a 10/10 without Cauliflower and Kale, who are such misplaced and terribly-written Mary Sues that they reduce it to a 7 or 8 (they're that bad.)
The story and pacing of Super strikes a nice balance between the fun adventures of Dragon Ball and the intensity of DBZ. It gets that aspect just about perfectly, and I'm really grateful for that. The fights and villains were all pretty well done, and the new characters introduced through the Future Trunks saga were all excellent. There even appears to be some amusing playfulness on the nature of each universe's evolution, based on the nature of its Kais and destroyer (beyond the obvious ones). Finding a more nuanced and mature role for Pilaf, Shu, and especially Mai, as well as spotlighting Roshi and his gains and struggles against lecherousness, was excellent (though I wish Yamcha and Puar could be treated with a bit more empathy and Launch is still entirely absent). Beerus and Whis are great additions to the cast, whose extreme strength and arrogance juxtaposed with their capricious behavior and food obsession makes them entertaining. It was nice seeing Android 17 get a spotlight, especially as the androids often represent that cynical voice in the head of the viewer wondering why the fighters don't act more rationally and strategically (without breaking the 4th wall).
All that said, I was sad when DBZ ended, and this filled in a lot of those gaps, which was great. With as suspenseful as the Buu arc was, I didn't get to see the characters interact enough at this stage of their lives with Dragon Ball's cute gag humor, so the last 5 or 6 episodes kind of felt rushed and the Buu saga became a bit of a let down after hundreds of hours watched, including my favorite saga (Great Saiyaman), which was more about character development, one-off adventures, and relationships than just world-shatteringly-intense, high-stakes fighting all the time (which I enjoy, but I have to care about the characters a LOT to remain interested in 10+ episodes straight of the same fight). GT made up for this a little, and I liked the space adventures; it was great to see Goten and Trunks developing; and at that time a single Saiyan (Goten) finally found a sane, non-violent woman to date (Valese) 😂. But Super was the show I was looking for.
TL:DR; I've always found Dragonball to have a lot of lovable characters and deeper meaning hidden behind the gag humor (whether intentional or not), so it was nice to see some well-considered character development amidst the fighting and Vegeta, Goku, and Gohan's growth as fighters.
Now, onto the things I hated - there's just one: Cauliflower and Kale. And they're among the worst-written characters I've ever seen. Not only do they not belong at all in the Dragonball universe, but they're textbook fan-fiction Mary Sues.
Mary Sues are not fun or interesting unless ironic or satirical, which means Cauliflower and Broccoli are absolute cancer to every episode in which they appear.
"Hurr durr - but what about Goten and Trunks?"
What a stupid argument.
Goten and Trunks are NOT throw-away ancillary characters who lack all but the most rudimentary personalities cribbed directly from a mopey 12-year-old girl's dull fan fiction. And, yes, Trunks has a reasonably complex personality: he alternates between the bravado his father has attempted to instill in him and the soft-spoken introspection of his natural personality in realistic ways, depending on his familiarity with his current situation. See Trunks when approaching a novel situation trying to get Mai's attention or meeting his baby sister versus something more familiar like fighting or showing something he finds cool to Goten. And the differences in behavior between Future Trunks and Kid Trunks serve to illuminate the impact of having his father in his life. I could go on.
Moreover, Goten and Trunks trained intensely under Super Saiyans for years, were born of Saiyans who already possessed the ability to turn Super Saiyan when their sons were conceived, and (most importantly) provided needed character development and comic relief, where there was always an element of irony and humor to the ease of their transformations. Those early-age transformations served to show off Chi-Chi and Vegeta's character development as more flexible/realistic and attentive/devoted parents, respectively, while also poking ironic fun at (1) Gohan, who questioned why his mother treated Goten differently and why the boys were handed something he had to work and suffer for years to achieve, and (2) Piccolo, who was constantly frustrated by their lack of seriousness. That lack of experience and seriousness even led to their families being killed, a major plot point in the Buu arc. It helps to highlight the different worlds Gohan and Goten grew up in, which improves the audience's understanding of the passage of time and various characters' psychology. And if I'm going to spend the time to watch a full 600-episode series, I want to understand and care about the characters.
TL;DR: There is poetic and artistic merit to the boys' transformations, and they serve to further several different plot points and character developments in a series (DBZ) that could be (IMO) a bit too heavy on battle and suspense at the expense of the lighthearted humor that made Dragon Ball so enjoyable.
Speaking of Dragon Ball - if someone's going to deliberately make it a point to insert more strong female characters, just bring back Launch. There's a strong, rude, and totally insane female character who actually is humorous and enjoyable to watch, and even fits into the general tenor of the series without shoehorning in this awkward tween drama Mary Sue garbage, which is both cringe and dissonant to the entire aesthetic of the series.
And their shoehorned speeches about "Girl Power" and taking female fighters seriously whenever they appear are trite and beyond obvious. No one spouted this cringe nonsense when they fought Android 18. In fact, no one batted an eye and it was amusing on its own when she was stronger than Krillin. They had a reasonably-healthy relationship, despite the manipulative abuse she'd sometimes direct toward Krillin to get him to improve himself. No one needed the constant over-the-top commentary, or the needlessly-ugly personalities, or "back-tingles" immediately giving Cauliflower the ability to fly the Millenium Falcon better than Han Solo, or a poorly-acted female Broly that gets triggered whenever the girl she has a crush on speaks to a man. They're supposed to be the most powerful characters in the history of the show without a day worth of effort? Laughable. I can't take these characters seriously.
Cauliflower and Broccoli not only take themselves seriously (i.e., no super ghost bombs, etc.), but every other character treats them seriously, as well, failing to question their farcical strength or neurotic/aggressive behavior in the slightest. They're just accepted by everyone else as they see themselves [*cough* Mary Sue *cough*]. For reference, this would be like everyone suddenly seeing Yamcha as a top martial-artist, lady-killer, and baseball-player like he sees himself and loving him as much as Puar does. (Instead, the other characters have their own perspectives, which diverge sharply from Yamcha's self-perception.) When one character is allowed to dictate how the other characters perceive her, that's being a Mary Sue, and the writer is probably a 12-year-old who hasn't developed the requisite empathy and frame of reference to see through the eyes of other characters, or a millennial who's a beneficiary of nepotism (same thing, tbh).
On top of everything else, these two idiots are allowed to have bad attitudes and be obnoxious and rude to everyone and other characters inexplicably still like them. I don't know who paid who to insert their fan-fic characters into the series, but I'm sick of these two.
If you want fan fiction, read fan fiction. Don't waste my time with this schlock or your terrible justifications of it. They're Mary Sues.
Dragon Ball Super: Doragon bôru cho: A Saiyan's Vow! Vegeta's Resolution!! (2017)
Mary Sues GO AWAY
Mary Sues are not fun or interesting unless ironic or satirical, which means Cauliflower and Broccoli are absolute cancer to every episode in which they appear. And the shoehorned speeches about "Girl Power" whenever they appear are trite and beyond cringe.
"Hurr durr - but what about Goten and Trunks?"
What a stupid argument.
Goten and Trunks are NOT throw-away ancillary characters who lack all but the most rudimentary personalities cribbed directly from a dull 12-year-old girl's mopey fan fiction. And, yes, Trunks has a reasonably complex personality: he alternates between the bravado his father has attempted to instill in him and the soft-spoken introspection of his natural personality in realistic ways, depending on his familiarity with his current situation. See Trunks when approaching a novel situation trying to get Mai's attention or meeting his baby sister versus something more familiar like fighting or showing something he finds cool to Goten. And the differences in behavior between Future Trunks and Kid Trunks serve to illuminate the impact of having his father in his life. I could go on.
Moreover, Goten and Trunks trained intensely under Super Saiyans for years, were born of Saiyans who already possessed the ability to turn Super Saiyan when their sons were conceived, and (most importantly) provided needed character development and comic relief, where there was always an element of irony and humor to the ease of their transformations. Those early-age transformations served to show off Chi-Chi and Vegeta's character development as more flexible/realistic and attentive/devoted parents, respectively, while also poking ironic fun at (1) Gohan, who questioned why his mother treated Goten differently and why the boys were handed something he had to work and suffer for years to achieve, and (2) Piccolo, who was constantly frustrated by their lack of seriousness. That lack of experience and seriousness even led to their families being killed, a major plot point in the Buu arc. It helps to highlight the different worlds Gohan and Goten grew up in, which improves the audience's understanding of the passage of time and various characters' psychology. And if I'm going to spend the time to watch a full 600-episode series, I want to understand and care about the characters.
TL;DR: There is poetic and artistic merit to the boys' transformations, and they serve to further several different plot points and character developments in a series (DBZ) that could be (IMO) a bit too heavy on battle and suspense at the expense of the lighthearted humor that made Dragon Ball so enjoyable.
(Speaking of Dragon Ball - if someone's going to deliberately make it a point to insert more strong female characters, just bring back Launch. There's a strong, rude, and totally insane female character who actually is humorous and enjoyable to watch, and even fits into the general tenor of the series without shoehorning in this awkward tween drama Mary Sue garbage, which is both cringe and dissonant to the entire aesthetic of the series.)
Cauliflower and Broccoli not only take themselves seriously (i.e., no super ghost bombs, etc.), but every other character treats them seriously, as well, failing to question their farcical strength or neurotic/aggressive behavior in the slightest. They're just accepted by everyone else as they see themselves [*cough* Mary Sue *cough*]. For reference, this would be like everyone suddenly seeing Yamcha as a top martial-artist, lady-killer, and baseball-player like he sees himself and loving him as much as Puar does. (Instead, the other characters have their own perspectives, which diverge sharply from Yamcha's self-perception.) When one character is allowed to dictate how the other characters perceive her, that's being a Mary Sue, and the writer is probably a 12-year-old who hasn't developed the requisite empathy and frame of reference to see through the eyes of other characters, or a millennial who's a beneficiary of nepotism (same thing, tbh).
On top of everything else, these two idiots are allowed to have bad attitudes and be obnoxious and rude to everyone and other characters inexplicably still like them. I don't know who paid who to insert their fan-fic characters into the series, but I'm sick of these two.
Dragon Ball Super: Doragon bôru cho: Kinkyû jitai hassei! Sorowanai 10-nin no menbâ!! (2017)
Mary Sue
This 12-year-old-girl fan-fiction garbage with "Cauliflower" is almost as bad as Disney Star Wars.
Oh wow. Back tingles. No effort or emotional situation or training. Keep it up girls - all you need is to behave like some edgy 90s character cooked up by the Boomers in the marketing department to appeal to Gen-Xers and just think about back tingles and miraculously you can instantly become a legendary being and accomplish what the protagonist took 30 years to achieve after a lifetime of constant fighting, training, and hardship (oh, plus literally dying, studying with a king of the afterlife, and training non-stop for days with magical healing beans in 100x gravity). Just think of butterflies in your upper back and you become a living legend through the power of hope and fairies and unicorns.
I'm willing to suspend a lot of disbelief to make this series work, including Goten learning to become a Super Saiyan from training with his mother (which makes sense both because she's capable and completely nuts, and because it functions as comic relief as Gohan gets jealous of the more martial upbringing his brother is getting). This character just reeks of Hollywood nepotists shoving their talentless millennial children into writing jobs - it's the same story every. single. time.
...And with a cartoonishly child-like animation style. This better be satire - this is more cartoonish and gag-manga-like than the Arale episode (which was actually entertaining).
Don't let the usual suspects ruin yet another legacy.
DuckTales (2017)
Decent, But Massive Mary-Sue-ism
As with everything modern Disney makes, there's rampant and wildly-unbelievable Mary-Sue-ism. Otherwise, decent.
Virtually every male character is a silly, incompetent goofball. Every single female character lacks any kind of fault approaching a fatal flaw: they're all wildly-over-competent geniuses who are physically stronger than men, have impeccable business sense, and act as the arbiters of rational behavior and modern business ethics.
This kind of misandry and odd masochism from the male members of the cast (are they looking for pats on the head from man-hating Mommy instead of demanding respect?) makes it tough to recommend this show for children. It sets a really bad example for your male children and is going to lead to a situation where a lot of great women aren't going to be able to live up to expectations (kind of like all those hard-working models people are always insulting and criticizing for creating an unattainable ideal for less-ambitious girls).
Not as good as the original, but enjoyable.
The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All (2019)
These Guys Are ALL Losers
I'm surprised that about half of the men on the show aren't on hormone therapy for low testosterone levels. This is more pathetic, petty posturing than a middle school cheerleading team.
Luke can be obnoxious, but he's at least an entertaining "bad boy". That's more than I can say for Mike, Garrett, wussy Luke, or Jeb!. These guys act less mature than most 13-year-old boys.
Frankly, I was rooting for John Paul Jones, Pilot Pete, Connor, and Dustin, but now I just want to ship Eyebrows Mike, Way-Too-Into-Luke Garrett, and Bobblehead Randy Newman to someplace like Saint Louis or Detroit, where no one will ever see them again. This constant cattiness is pathetic and cringe.
(LIVESTREAM UPDATE: Keep up the tryharding for Instafame, Devin. We don't really need to speculate much about why you never even kissed Hannah. Do you have a job yet? 🤣)
The Venture Bros.: Rapacity in Blue (2016)
What happened this year?
Christ, this show is terrible this year.
Did they switch writers, because it just seems nerdy and comic-book-themed and the jokes aren't funny anymore. Constant geek references without any real substance. Seems like they dropped the age on the target demographic by about 10 years, as well. None of the characters act like themselves, Hank and Dean act 6-8 years younger than at the end of Season 5, and every character (even Brock) is now bossed around by women. Another casualty of the gender-bending freaks in Gen Z, I guess.
This last aspect is seriously terrible. I know the Adult Swim demo has always been heavily nerdy, and women are nerds too now, so the demos for Adult Swim now include more women, but f***, the shoehorned demographic pandering here is disgusting. Even the humor occasionally seems more female-oriented, although it mostly just seems more geared for high school students and below its former quality. Did the suits take over from the original writers, or are they being forced to cater to a new or shifting demographic? I just want to know if it'll ever be worth my time to watch again. Thanks.
True Blood (2008)
SO Bad
Wow, this was horrible. It was so absolutely riddled with PC mantra nonsense there wasn't any room for actual content. This godawful show might as well have starred PC Principal.
Moreover, the Southern stereotypes and accents were off the charts ridiculous. Man, to rail against bigotry while demonstrating your anti- Southern bigotry. Hypocrisy at its finest.
What's even more, no one acts like these characters. I felt like I was watching an R rated version of Dawson's Creek. Is this what passes for an HBO series these days? Seriously?
More importantly, though, the acting, dialogue, and scripting are absolutely atrocious. But you probably knew that if you sat through an hour or two of this garbage, so I won't waste my time.
I just absolutely was not impressed. Fargo is 10x better. Watch that.
SuperMansion (2015)
Not Funny
The Adult Swim Pilot of this series was great. Somehow, that gold got turned into garbage by Crackle.
First, the jokes got more predictable.
More importantly, though, they added the hackneyed Captain America character. G-d, if this schtick hadn't already been played out by Drawn Together and Stephen Colbert and American Dad, and pretty much every other hack comic of the past 10 years it might be tolerable. But the 50's traditional American hero made to look like an ignorant, jingoistic buffoon is just old and boring. Yawn.
Not sure what changed between the pilot and this episode, but the new staff should be fired. Same old hackneyed crap you see everywhere.
You're the Worst (2014)
Stop Watching When Gretchen Gets Depressed
Season 2 is pretty funny and functions as its own singular series... until the writers decide they want to "make a difference in the world" and champion stupid social causes. Just stop after the Halloween episode.
The LCD Soundsystem episode is BAD. It is dark, in a bad way, in a show that's supposed to be funny. Gretchen acts 100% out- of-character, and the show demeans its lovable main characters to cast a family of liberal elitist garbage as a positive alternative to the fun people I'd grown to empathize with.
Depressed people don't stalk other people, especially the kind of people this show has mocked for the ENTIRE SEASON. Believe me, I've suffered through depression, and I have a psych degree from a top 10 psych school. This is straight-up schizo behavior from Gretchen.
Moreover, the change in tenor towards promoting hipster pseudo-professionals in worthless fields such as "landscape architecture" is laughable (pretty much a glorified landscaper you pick up from Home Depot for day labor). All of a sudden the characters that spent all season mocking the sad, wanna-be modern American family acting superior because they've "grown up" (when in reality, they just aren't good enough to get by acting young anymore) are made to look pathetic in comparison to a family of unproductive, unhappy, elitist losers. Jimmy looks like an idiot, while Gretchen suddenly wants to be what she has been struggling for so long not to be? Why weren't these people roundly mocked for being everything a person should struggle NOT to be in a relationship. A sad, stay-at-home dad who plays sh***y hipster rock, and a glorified day-laborer so- called "professional" woman. Real winners.
This just felt like propaganda, using a complete lack of logic and reason, combined with strong emotional and visual triggers, to convince the kind of people that watch this show and mock the pathetic family sweater people to become sedentary, judgmental, hipster breeders.
I've NEVER seen a show do a complete 90 degree transformation from lighthearted comedy to taking itself WAY too seriously before. People are literally calling for the show to win Emmys because of a poorly written episode that paints Major Depression as some sort of schizophrenic episode. Maybe the writers should have done more research, because this just came across as crass and unsophisticated to me. Just, what the ****? I won't be watching this anymore.
You're the Worst: LCD Soundsystem (2015)
Wow, This Was HORRIBLE
**Update** Thanks to the cast/studio/fangirls for taking time out of their day to give me 31 downvotes when the most votes any other review has is 2.
Wow, this was bad. It was dark, in a bad way, in a show that's supposed to be funny. Gretchen acted 100% out-of-character, and the show demeaned its lovable main characters to cast a family of liberal elitist garbage as a positive alternative to the fun people I'd grown to empathize with.
Depressed people don't stalk other people, especially the kind of people this show has mocked for the ENTIRE SEASON. Believe me, I've suffered through depression, and I have a psych degree from a top 10 psych school. This is straight-up schizo behavior from Gretchen.
Moreover, the change in tenor towards promoting hipster pseudo- professionals in worthless fields such as "landscape architecture" is laughable (pretty much a glorified landscaper you pick up from Home Depot for day labor). All of a sudden the characters that spent all season mocking the sad, wanna-be modern American family acting superior because they've "grown up" (when in reality, they just aren't good enough to get by acting young anymore) are made to look pathetic in comparison to a family of unproductive, unhappy, elitist losers. Jimmy looks like an idiot, while Gretchen suddenly wants to be what she has been struggling for so long not to be? Why weren't these people roundly mocked for being everything a person should struggle NOT to be in a relationship. A sad, stay-at-home dad who plays sh***y hipster rock, and a glorified day-laborer so-called "professional" woman. Real winners.
This just felt like propaganda, using a complete lack of logic and reason, combined with strong emotional and visual triggers, to convince the kind of people that watch this show and mock the pathetic family sweater people to become sedentary, judgmental, hipster breeders.
Just, what the ****? I'm done.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Ruined in the First 10 Minutes by Charlize Theron
What do you get when you cross the undeserved and awkward haughtiness of Katherine Heigl with the laughable seriousness with which Natalie Portman conducts herself?
Charlize Theron.
Why do people keep reinforcing this stupid delusion Charlize Theron has that she's tough? 15 shots in a row of her giving a stern look to the camera followed by an ironic pan-out to demonstrate the character wasn't actually aware of a camera and was just looking in a mirror isn't good film-making; it's laughable.
Bad music video laughable.
I seriously want to know what demographic keeps Charlize's action career going. Watching another one of these ego-boosting PR shoots is almost as painful as sitting through anything with Scarlett Johansson, but at least Charlize can act when she's not casting herself as another fierce, fresh, fearsome heroine du jour.
Actually, I have another f-word to describe Charlize's action-movie career: f****** awful.
It takes more than a sh***y robot-arm and a disgusting boy-hair- style shaved head to look like a badass. Fight the patriarchy on your own time, Charlize; don't waste mine.
In any case, something must be totally lost in translation between Hollywood and normal people these days; everything is so imbued with fugly stoners, nerdy super-hero crap, or androgynous hipster fantasy that I don't find anything believable.
Metalocalypse: The Doomstar Requiem - A Klok Opera (2013)
Bad
I loved Seasons 1-3. Season 4 was bad, and this... I outright hate it.
I'll admit, I can't stand when everyday events are set to song. In this case, it's even worse because the voices don't really sound like the characters, and everything seems forced. I totally "get it," but this was just a poor effort.
I found myself thinking for the first time that I could make better jokes and write better dialog than the writers. The 45-minute "song" wasn't even melodic or interesting in any real way.
The humor is totally different since Season 3 ended, and it sucks.
I literally had to stop 5 or 6 times to make it through this. Disappointing.
Teen Titans Go!: Let's Get Serious (2015)
Best Episode of the Series
I love this show. This ep is just as silly and fun as the rest of the series, but it also takes the creative license to make fun of all the people whining about the show being too silly and fun.
Teen Titans Go!, (a silly kids' show), caught a bunch of flack for being too innocent and silly (pretty much from enraged and mean-spirited hard-core super hero nerds). Despite being a pretty solid and funny show, a bunch of internet troll whiners would not let up about the show's tone or humor. And the show light- heartedly mocked them for an entire episode in return.
Basic gist: The ep pretty much revolves around the characters becoming more "serious" after getting mocked by more conventional cartoon super heroes (where the focus on animation is to be overly cool, pretty, and tough, and where the dialogue is clichéd, overly- serious, and stupid). The characters (predictably) take it to an insane extreme, from which the writers lampoon "serious" super hero conventions.
This made my day. Thanks, y'all.
Teen Titans Go! (2013)
LOVE This Show
This kids' show is hilarious.
1) it's stupid like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but more for kids or people with a conscience (without all the rape jokes, etc),
2) it makes fun of itself, the show it was based on, super heroes generally, and, best of all, soccer,
3) it drives nerds off a cliff with rage (as probably the best part, you get to hear people with nerd monikers like Jediluvr28 and comicbookgeek422 throw absolute fits and almost have aneurysms re: how much they hate it. I literally get enraged nerd hate mail just for rating this show a 9 on IMDb.).
If you need an innocent laugh or just some goofy kids' cartoon to take you away from your daily grind, this will get it done.
Steven Universe (2013)
Lesbian Melodrama Masquerading as a Kids' Show
I have to say, the dialogue, voice-acting, and writing are all quite good. It's easy to get absorbed into the show despite its faults and the fact that it's obviously intended as a kids' cartoon.
On its surface, the show seems to be a simple show about the adventures of a boy and his otherworldly hero companions - and one made in the innocent fashion of 1970's cartoons.
However, the show has very obvious undertones of complex relationships that go beyond your typical children's show. These undertones are what makes the show compelling, but they disturb me in two main ways.
First, the show infantilizes all of its male characters, while depicting most of its female characters as ultra- competent, ultra-intelligent demigods. I think that presenting a show to CHILDREN in this format continues a dangerous trend in children's entertainment towards promoting an extreme ultra-feminist agenda.
Second, the show makes thinly-veiled hints at sexuality and non-traditional relationships, which comprises the true essence of the series. While I have no problem with this content, and have said above that I find it compelling, I find its presentation to be troubling.
The show maintains a very 1970's feel and its marketing is aimed at younger children (In fact, the first few times I saw the show, I believed it was a rerun of a 40-year-old series intended as filler for parents of young children in a dead mid-day programming slot). I believe this is an attempt to get past the guard of parents with conservative or religious values to influence children in a very propagandistic manner.
Make no mistake, this show's subtext is far more mature than either its marketing or animation style suggests. The number of intimate love triangles that have existed among the core characters is impressive. The imagery used to convey this can even be quite sexualized. In one episode, one of the heroines pines over the loss of her fellow heroine, searching out her "sword" and claiming that nothing fills the "scabbard" quite like it. The description of the sword continues, using features that can be metaphorically linked to veins on a certain male appendage, as well as a rose (which has an analog so obvious I won't go further).
I just don't like the fact that this type of material is disingenuously presented to young children in a format more suited to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles than thinly-veiled lesbian melodrama.
Update: I get a laugh when writers/producers/directors (and their friends) write reviews of their own shows.
Mom (2013)
Worthless
If I cared about the lives of dysfunctional and vaguely-attractive women, I'd talk to the women I bring home from the bar.
I don't.
As such, this show holds no appeal for me. I can't empathize with any of the characters. That's a big strike.
Jokes are decent, and this is better than the Big Bang Theory. Still, this is a typical Lorre show, and everything he's put together has been crap except Two and a Half Men with Charlie Sheen, and that was all Charlie.
The attempts at drama are decent - I'll give the show that. But, not caring about any of the protagonists make these attempts fall flat. I just can't bring myself to give a **** about any of the characters. Which means they are useful for an evening where I have nothing else to do, but otherwise get ignored.
Supernatural (2005)
Great, UNTIL Kripke and the X-Files Veterans Left
I admit, when I saw my first episode of Supernatural on the CW, I was concerned: "I'm way too old for this show (in my mid-20's), but it's actually a pretty serious horror show." I hadn't seen a show pull off suspense this well since the X-Files, and that makes sense, as X-Files regular Kim Manners directed many of the early episodes.
Seasons 1-3 were taut and, though some of the writing belied an intent to relate to a teen demographic, really kept my interest. I was honestly touched at the chemistry Sam, Dean, and their father shared. The show had a very steady and logical buildup to more intense enemies and plot lines, and it seemed to be written with a hand much steadier than most CW fare. This makes sense, because Eric Kripke originally wrote Supernatural as an organic 3-season project, and it was supposed to end at the end of Season 3.
However, due to the show's success, Kripke wrote 2 more seasons. While the overarching story arc of these seasons was of slightly lower-quality (likely due to the fact that it was tacked on after the original three seasons, which had been written as a standalone artistic project), episodes were suspenseful, and some of the best scares in the show came from the horror-driven episodes in season 4. The show still took time with plot development, and concentrated mostly on suspense (a la the X- Files) and character development with Dean, Sam, etc. It was still great.
However, since Kripke's departure, the show has really lost its touch. Kripke was dark and grandiose, but displayed a fine touch that allowed him to intricately weave plot points into jump scares and classic mythical monsters, angels, and demons. The new writers seem to have lost touch with the things that made this show great.
No longer is the show dark and brooding - it was almost comical when the possessed girl slit her roommate's throat in S08E01. No longer does the show seem to be based in long-established mythology - season 7's Leviathan and season 8's tablets of god's word and hell-gates seem way more sci-fi/Star Wars/Marvel Comics than horror (aka, nerdy). The new creative team even seems to eschew the basics of episodic buildup and the masculinity that defined Sam and Dean's way of life. Moreover, the moments of familial bonding are gone. When Sam and Dean fight in S08E01, they seem to just be going through the motions, not having a genuine brother-to-brother moment after a year apart (with Dean even having been banished to PURGATORY). The storyline seems contrived, and the show even seems to have cheaped-out on its monster effects (the purgatory monsters look like humans with extra teeth - not scary).
I just can't empathize anymore. Instead of two bad-ass ruffians who can handle themselves and some justifiably-paranoid hunters, we now have dorky 17-year-olds who only talk about their SAT's and backup colleges (don't get me wrong, I'm a USC alum, but I was never this big a dweeb about it). Castiel has been more annoying than cool since season 6 ended, and not even Mitch Pileggi (also of X-Files) was able to save that mediocre season (mostly due to the stilted, jumpy writing). During seasons 1-5, I was hard pressed to propose ways to improve any specific episodes; now, it is rife with technical and writing errors that make the show almost un-watchable.
Watch seasons 1-5 for some of my favorite television of all time, but quit at the end of season 5 (oddly enough, same treatment as the X- Files).
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (1992)
How do you not like Jay Leno
I'll always be sad I skipped out on my tickets during one of Jay Leno's last shows in LA in 2013. Jay headlined this show for over 20 years, and I grew up watching Jay crack good-natured jokes at every celebrity's and politician's expense. I miss seeing him every night, in a definite case of "you don't know how much you need it until it's gone."
Jay's monologue was always the best part of the show, and the intermediate bit between the monologue and the guests was usually pretty great. "Headlines" was always a favorite of mine, as was Beyondo. Though the Jay-walking segments weren't my favorite, they managed to inspire me to become a better person and citizen. I usually skipped the necessary corporate/studio promotional material - aka guest interviews - because they didn't have enough of Jay. Still, Jay had great chemistry with everyone, and I never had to worry about an awkward interview.
The show hit its peak with Ed Hall's self-deprecating humor and Kevin Eubanks heading the band while cracking up at Jay's unfiltered banter. They always had a touch of old-fashioned class mixed in with their dirty jokes and ridiculousness, and that's something Conan's more yuppie d*****baggery (I still like Conan) and Jimmy Fallon's new-age clearly- forced silliness (an astute viewer can tell Jimmy hates his job) can't quite pull off. One thing I absolutely hated: Ross. He's gone on to work with perennial nasty, wrinkled old bag Chelsea Handler, so I can see why I was never a fan.
Jay was the consummate professional, loyal to his staff, and a really great guy. He made fun of everybody on an equal basis, and tried to stay away from the mean-spiritedness that can ruin an entire night for a viewer or the lampooned public figure. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno was great, and I miss the joy Jay brought to his work and into American homes.
Blitz (2011)
A Below-Average Endorsement of Police Misconduct
Let's get one thing straight; Jason Statham is the bad guy in this movie.
Statham is a hybrid good-guy/bad-guy, but he isn't your likable criminal, a la Porter in Payback; he's a bad cop - a really bad one. He steals from merchants, physically attacks suspects and witnesses while causing SERIOUS bodily harm, barges into private residences without warrants to search and stare-down the occupants, and intimidates the good-guys in internal affairs who actually try to protect the people. Statham's character is exactly the kind of thug psychologists talk about when they say cops and gangsters often share the same psychological profile. He's the worst type of criminal - the kind that exploits a position of power and authority to abuse the helpless - and this movie expects the viewer to empathize with him: impossible.
Sure, there's a guy out killing cops that the movie tries to build up as its villain, but this killer was CREATED by Statham's police brutality and the system's unwillingness to bring him to justice. The killer got the idea to kill cops after being beaten half to death in a bar by Statham's character - for a misdemeanor. Statham and other officers literally play the tape back at the station to laugh at Statham's egregious physical abuse of a civilian. If cops are allowed to act like thugs (aka, Jason Statham's character), the murderer starts to look somewhat like a misguided victim of circumstance, or even an anti-hero. He cannot get justice through the legal channels, so, rather than live in fear of future attacks from Statham's character, he takes matters into his own hands.
Aiden Gillen's villain/victim is a character with a complex psychological background, a cause that is just in principle (though horribly unjust in execution), and with circumstances that are interesting enough to warrant a camera on his activities. The murderer deserves to be the main character, and he would be if this were a decent movie. Instead, the film remains an amalgam of cop and action movie, with a subtext of condoning extreme police misconduct.
Statham's supporting cast acts a little predictably and wooden, and are difficult to empathize with, one-dimensional, and unlikable. This has much more to do with the writing than the actors themselves, but it is definitely a major impediment to the movie's development. One fellow officer berates a man on her first date for saying he'll call, but not telling her EXACTLY when (she accuses him of intentionally keeping her waiting). Another officer unnecessarily chews-out this same beau for dropping her off at home, but not walking her to the door, even as the beau shows up to make sure she's all right. Other scenes add nothing to the movie but filler. A few scenes are entirely unbelievable, such as when a man has a 2-minute death scuffle with an assailant in his apartment, then is beaten to death with a hammer, and none of his neighbors hears. Still, production quality, Jason Statham's action sequences, and the performance of Aiden Gillen bring this stinker up to a 4/10.
You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)
Was Going Well Until the Clicheed Redneck Jokes
This movie was okay at first. Adam Sandler does a good job making Zohan a likable and genuinely funny character. The terrorist-fighting scenes with John Turturro were hilarious, as were the scenes with Zohan's family, as he explains how he'd like to be a hairdresser. Mostly, it was funny to see a movie blatantly engage in needless stereotyping; the movie is intentionally over the top, and it's refreshing seeing someone spitting on political correctness.
However, Zohan becomes less-and-less likable as the movie progresses. After he sleeps with a new friend's mother, he lectures his new friend about how he shouldn't care; d*** move. Then he starts sleeping with every sexually-frustrated old woman in New York for money as the movie steadily devolves into a Deuce Bigalow sequel for the next 30-40 minutes. Though there are good one-off jokes about Palestinians causing more trouble than Israelis and brief periods of mild sentimentality as Zohan/Deuce gets to know his Palestinian love-interest better, they are not enough to bring this movie up from Deuce-Bigalow-knockoff status.
As soon as the movie begins to redeem itself with a new plot angle and some action (Zohan hospitalizes some thugs hired by a shopping-mall magnate to lower property values in the community), a bunch of rednecks jump into the picture, making the most boring, clichéd redneck jokes I've heard in some time. After thanking the magnate for the ability to hurt Jews and "terrorists" at the same time, the lead redneck (Dave Matthews - who is horrible throughout) randomly complains that most successful people with money want to prevent them from owning weapons arsenals in their backyard shacks, against the 2nd Amendment. Aside from Dave Matthews' horrible delivery, these comments don't serve the purpose of showing us how bad these racist rednecks are, and don't make sense in the context of the conversation. It's just a REALLY poorly-executed political statement. I was immediately reminded that I was watching a mediocre movie, and nothing subsequent was good enough to pull the movie back into the list of films worth seeing a second time, especially the terrible (and now dated) Mel Gibson jokes.
The best part of this movie is definitely Emmanuelle Chriqui, who acts well in each of her scenes, and provides a bit of seriousness to a movie that is mostly just a mess. Sandler's old movies (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmour, etc.) had a great mix of ridiculous and seriousness. This one needed a bit more work before it was released.
Supernatural: We Need to Talk About Kevin (2012)
What happened to this show?
I admit, when I saw my first episode of Supernatural on the CW, I was concerned: "I'm way too old for this show (20's), but it's actually a pretty serious horror show." I hadn't seen a show pull off suspense this well since the X-Files, and that makes sense, as X-Files regular Kim Manners directed many of the early episodes.
Seasons 1-3 were taut and, though some of the writing belied an intent to relate to a teen demographic, really kept my interest. I was honestly touched at the chemistry Sam, Dean, and their father shared. The show had a very steady and logical buildup to more intense enemies and plot lines, and it seemed to be written with a hand much steadier than most CW fare. This makes sense, because Eric Kripke originally wrote Supernatural as an organic 3-season project, and it was supposed to end with Dean in Hell at the end of Season 3.
However, due to the show's success, Kripke wrote 2 more seasons. While these were of slightly lower-quality (likely due to the fact that they were tacked on after the original three seasons, which had been written as a standalone artistic project), they were suspenseful, and some of the best scares in the show came from the horror episodes in season 4. The show still took time with the plot development, and concentrated mostly on suspense (a la the X-Files) and character development with Dean, Sam, etc. It was still great.
However, since Kripke's departure, the show has really lost its touch. Kripke was dark and grandiose, but displayed a fine touch that allowed him to intricately weave plot points into jump scares and classic mythical monsters, angels, and demons. The new writers seem to have lost touch with the things that made this show great.
No longer is the show dark and brooding - it was almost comical when the possessed girl slit her roommate's throat in S08E01. No longer does the show seem to be based in long-established mythology - season 8's tablets of god's word and hell-gates seem way more sci-fi/Star Wars/Marvel Comics than horror (aka, nerdy). The new creative team even seems to eschew the basics of episodic buildup and the masculinity that defined Sam and Dean's way of life. When Sam and Dean fight in S08E01, they seem to just be going through the motions, not having a genuine brother-to-brother moment after a year apart, with Dean IN PURGATORY. The storyline seems contrived, and the show even seems to have cheaped-out on the purgatory monsters, who just look like humans with extra teeth (not scary).
I just can't empathize anymore. Instead of two bad-ass ruffians who can handle themselves, we now have dorky 17-year-olds who only talk about their SAT's and can't act. Castiel has been more annoying than cool since season 6 ended, and not even Mitch Pileggi (also of X-Files) was able to save that mediocre season (mostly due to the stilted, jumpy writing). During seasons 1-5, I was hard pressed to propose ways to improve any specific episodes; now, it is rife with technical and writing errors that make the show almost un-watchable.
Game of Thrones (2011)
Most Overrated Show in History
This is easily the most overrated television program in history. It is the Forrest Gump of TV: a bunch of assorted vignettes, shot using actors who (on the whole) lack any notable prowess, and then haphazardly forced together with minimal connective substance, all with the intent to quickly evoke and dispel fleeting and superficial emotional responses from an audience whose attention span is about as long as your average commercial advertisement. No scene is particularly visually stunning, no storyline is particularly compelling, and not much of the dialog is particularly well-written.
If good film making allows the viewer to be drawn in to empathize with characters and fully experience each scene, Game of Thrones is a nightmare. It's difficult to make sense of the overall experience of the characters or really feel much of anything because Game of Thrones is such a desensitizing roller coaster. For instance, the show reached a point where the writers had to kill off nearly the entire family of protagonists because they couldn't find any meaningful plot twist they hadn't already used. This heavy-handed amateurism rewards the voyeurs and sensationalists at the cost of desensitizing everyone else to any events that could still evoke an emotional response.
Yes, there are a ton of characters and story lines. But, every character seems generic, because there's not enough time spent on any character in particular. Yes, there are many layers to the story. But, no, none of the story lines are very deep, nor do they demonstrate the patient hand required of a great writer or director. Why is this the highest-rated thing I've ever seen on IMDb? I struggle to make sense of this.
The only insight I can glean from listening to the people that religiously watch this show is that the fantasy elements of Game of Thrones bring in the Lord of the Rings Crowd, the Marvel Comics crowd, people who are happy with whatever schlock you throw in their face as long as it has to do with something mythical or a super hero. These are the people that made The Avengers one of the most successful movies of all time - despite the fact that the only good acting in the entire movie comes from Robert Downey, Jr. These are the people that keep Scarlett Johansson employed - despite the fact that she isn't really good at ANYTHING, whether acting, stage fighting acrobatics, being likable, OR even just looking pretty on film.
Game of Thrones is essentially an amalgam of The Tudors and Spartacus with mildly better acting and effects. If you can't accept that, go make another stupid meme or internet game about it.
Detour (1945)
1/2 Great Movie, 1/2 Mediocre
I hate to rate this film a 6. I really do.
So much is good about this film. The storyline is interesting, the plot is taut and moves briskly, the scenario is believable, and the acting is great. It was easy to empathize with the main character and his girlfriend, even though this movie was made 70 years ago. In short, I really wanted to like this movie.
However, the action breaks down around the 3/4 mark. Once the lead character is saved from outing himself by selling the car, the excitement steadily winds down without any sort of climax or denouement. Our protagonist begins to act irrationally, blaming himself for the death of his captor and skipping town without contacting the woman he loves.
I understand that film noir is intended to be dark, gritty, cynical, and potentially tragic. It wasn't the unhappy ending that got to me; it was the lack of a payoff after the buildup, the lack of climax after an entire movie of wondering how the lead character would get out of the situation. His captor merely dies suddenly, then, in the next frame, he's in Nevada. Not exactly Oscar-worthy material.
In short, the first 3/4 of the movie is great and gets 8/10. The second half is totally anti-climactic and gets 3/10. I average that out to a 6/10.
Impact (1949)
Showed Promise, Until the Romantic Subplot
This is absolutely NOT film noir. It's filled with romance and monologues on hope and doing the right thing, not the gritty, pessimistic ambiance of the urban jungle. In fact, it's almost after- school-special-like. Just because a movie has a crime as its major plot point does not make it film noir!
That said, I was at first mildly impressed with this film. The poetic justice initially visited upon Mrs. Williams was genuinely clever. The venomous defense attorney was a nice touch. The trickery used by the protagonist to outwit his cheating, murderous wife was interesting.
Then, all of a sudden, the film (like others in this faux-film-noir genre - see Kansas City Confidential) was ruined by a needless romantic sub-plot. Instead of darkly, cynically punishing his murderous wife, Walter Williams listens to his new belle and has a change of heart. Her speech wasn't even that convincing: "But that doesn't give you the right to take justice into your own hands."
In fact, his wife's attempted murder DOES give him the right to mete poetic justice. That denouement would have made this film interesting. It would have made it dark. It would have made it film noir. Instead, the film's creative potential was sacrificed for a dopey romantic subplot. I'm not impressed.