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The Strays (2023)
Wow, this movie is racist
I'm not sure what the director's intentions were with this movie, but to me, this movie has some damaging, racist messages that Netflix tries to sell as 'racial tension'. These messages are:
- black men are dangerous and violent
- whiteness is weakness
- black and white don't mix
- a black person could only live in a white community by completely denying their own personality and identity
The director is very good at creating tension, but not so good at writing a coherent story. The evil characters are too evil for their backstory. And the choices the victims make, make no sense at all.
An mediocre film that seems to have been made with malintent.
Father Christmas Is Back (2021)
Christmas movie without sympathetic characters
This is an odd movie in that all characters are awful people and there is none of that traditional Christmas spirit that makes you feel for cardboard characters in spite of you knowing better.
At one point Kelsey Grammars character says 'I would do anything to be part of this family' and the only thing I could think was 'Kelsey, you're better off without these awful bags of sh#t and you're not so great yourself either'.
There is this weird tone in this movie where the direction seems to suggest we should empathise with these people, but there is just nothing to be empathetic about. This family could burn before my eyes and I would just go on with my day. There are many worse christmas movies that are much worse, but make for a much more enjoyable viewing.
Weg van jou (2017)
So bad it's not even funny
I have a weakness for very cheesy romantic Dutch films that are terrible. Because they are always so awful and cliché you just have to laugh. This film... Unfortunately does not have that (lack of) quality. The main character is basically the worst person ever to walk the earth. Her being unsympathetic takes up most of the film. In the end of course she learns a valuable lesson, but even during this process you just want to smack her in the face with an ironing board. It also has all the toxic tropes every Dutch film for women has: the main character is to be celebrated for her behaviour but the men are supposed to be the bad guys because of the exact same behaviour. Did I mention the main character is the worst person ever? This film could be saved only with her funeral at the end, but it's someone else's...
The Batman (2022)
So disappointed
I am European so I don't really know the Batman comics. But I absolutely love Batman, mainly because of the Burton films (Batman Returns is my favourite), the Arkham games series and the Nolan films. This movie ups the darkness a bit more from the Nolan films, it's super moody and that's , in a sense, what's Batman all about, but personally I missed the feeling of the fantastic that my favourite iterations gave me. This movie is all about being dark and moody and it reminded me a bit of Seven. 3 hours is way too long for a movie that is moody / depressing for all of its running time though. In my opinion, they have taken the psycho batman myth one notch too far with this one.
The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window (2022)
Ridculous
I really enjoyed watching this untill the ridiculous ending. Also, they shouldn't have marketed this as a comedy as it has no jokes. Except for the the laughable plottwist of course.
Kitz (2021)
Engaging teen drama
I see a lot of very bad reviews here but I'm not sure why... This is just a lot of fun to watch. My 8 stars may be one or 2 too many but it's to compensate for all those extremely low ratings. I saw someone from Austria complain that the Austrians in this series have German accents. This may be but for me as a Dutchy it's great because I can at least understand everything everybody is saying.
Single All the Way (2021)
How the straights want to see us
Ok, romantic comedies are the worst, even worse when they are Christmas movies! This one is as bad as most of them. It's a straight Christmas movie where the female protagonist is replaced by a gay guy. This is not the life gay people live, thankfully. If you're gay, this is 3 stars, if you're a woman who would go to a gay bar for a hen party, you will probably enjoy this.
Love Hard (2021)
So toxic
While of course it all ends well, the premise of this film is so extremely toxic I could die. I'm not even woke but everyone involved in this garbage should take a long hard look in the mirror.
The Last Duel (2021)
Wait for it....
Act 1 and to are necessary for act 3 to flourish but boy, do they test your patience!
Act 3 makes up for it though, with a gripping storyline, a very realistic and gritty battle that really had me on the edge of my seat and enough to ponder on afterwards. Highly recommended, but really it could have been a lot shorter and, at least in act 2, not as gray.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Clearly bad, still kind of fun?
This movie is clearly not good at all. However, it seems like the makers wanted to do a grindhouse pic and I think in general they have succeeded in that effort. See this with low expectations and the right kind of audience and you will have a good time, not I spite of but because of its many, many faults.
The Mick (2017)
Laugh out loud funny!
This was such laugh out loud fun! What a waste that only 2 seasons got made.
You know how many seasons Melissa and Joey got?! 4!! This world is just the worst.
Assassin's Creed: Valhalla (2020)
Most bloated AC thus far
This game just keeps on going on and on... Even with fast travel points you are just horseback riding all the time, going from quest to quest. The main quest is filled with too many characters. Any time they return in a different chapter I have already forgotten who they are.
The side quest are mostly terrible. I'm sure the writers think they've written some top notch comedy setpieces but ehmmm.... No. England was filled with idiots that need you help for the most mundane things imaginable, apparently.
Gameplay is dull and repetitive. Too many systems competing with each other. Too much to do, none of it particularly exciting. Everything looks beautiful, but also generic.
It's a pity because AC really was great again with the last two games, but this one might very well be my last AC. It is definitely the first one I will not finish, and I have played every previous release.
Doris (2018)
Standard romcom, but filmed in my street!
This is pretty standard romcom stuff, but quite charming. Especially if you live in Amsterdam West, or if you are Dutch. I have spent half the movie figuring out where exactly scenes where filmed. Some of them where in my very own street so I enjoyed that immensely!
The Dark and the Wicked (2020)
Spooky but makes no sense
The atmosphere is great in this film. However the lack of logic (not necessarily real world logic, movie logic would do just fine) is a letdown. Still a lot better than most horror films, right?
Nomadland (2020)
What a snorefest....
Make a pretentious film without a story and critics will call it poetic ...
I would love to see a good documentary about this subject. Nomadland feels like someone forgot to edit in the filmmakers narrative in a documentary. I was so bored watching it.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Not the worst DC title, or maybe it is
I don't know why I keep watching these godawful DC movies. The reason is probably the same as the reason why they keep making them: I like Batman.
This movie has the most ridiculously sloppy and insane plot, yet it never becomes funny. Watch the Pitch Meeting on YouTube instead, it is the only fun thing to come out of this 200 million dollar disaster.
Sneekweek (2016)
Bad, but not much worse than a Hollywood equivalent
Basically the Dutch I know what you did last summer. Terrible. Yet not in any way worse than any other teenage slasher b-flick. That's as high as my praise will get 😛
Champions (2018)
Ouch!
Can't get through more than one episode. As a gay man, I find the kid character more offensive than the second Sex and the City movie. I read reviews that the show gets better after 6 episodes, but I. This day and age, with so many shows to choose from, who would still be watching?
The Hunt (2020)
Not good but fun
As a satire this falls flat on almost every level. I expected this to be a story where I as a European would loathe the heroes until at some point I would root for them and thus would feel confronted with my own prejudices, but this never happened. Nonetheless, it was great fun! Betty Gilpin does a great job and the action is comically fun. Just ignore the so-called 'politics' and enjoy this!
La casa de las flores (2018)
Season 3 is amazing!
Season 2 was a letdown, even though it was still quite funny, but season 3 more than makes up for it. Season 3 is laugh out loud funny, emotional and ties all loose ends together. I will be watching the entire show multiple times, and not just for Poncho's rock-hard abs 😜
The Two Popes (2019)
Yes but what about child abuse?
This is a nice, pleasant film about friendship. So I would recommend watching it to enjoy a pleasant evening. However, for a film situated during the child abuse scandals of the Catholic church, it's shameful how this movie just brushes over these facts.
Walk of Shame (2014)
Far-fetched fun
Sure, the premise is super far-fetched, but Banks is amazing in this and there are plenty of laughs. I can see how this wasn't enough for the silver screen but this is a perfect Netflix film, which is right where you will watch it. The critics can suck my balls, I'm sure they will find them too salty.
Child's Play (2019)
Like Child's Play, but for kids
If this were an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark it would be ok, minus the terrible CGI. But as a horror movie for grownups, this is just ridiculous. Avoid it.
Downsizing (2017)
The new Idiocrasy?
Apparently this movie had a trailer that gave the wrong impression. Hate when that happens. I have never seen that trailer and I can tell you this movie has heart and makes you think about the world you are living in. It reminded me of Idiocrasy in that it is a flawed film that nevertheless tells a story that seems to ring true. And I expect that the same thing will happen with Downsizing after a while: people might be referencing this film to show that we have been warned, and that no one listened, and we are all idiots.
The Perfect Date (2019)
Must have been written by an algorithm
This movie feels so insincere, it's like Netflix has an algorithm write their latest movies and series (I actually would not be surprised if this turns out to be true). It's got a charming lead but the predictable plot will make you lose interest really fast.