Reviews

Initially I was feeling hopeful and looking forward to this movie but unfortunately it wore my positivity down like a slowly dying sparkler.

It looked all glossy and shiny in the trailer but it really isn't.

In fact it felt like they made the trailer first and then padded it out with the chocolate money left after the actors had their fill.

The soundtrack was synthetic, soulless and didn't stop whining throughout the entire film like a wounded dog trapped in a well in the corner of the room. A good score well recorded would have injected far more emotion into certain scenes, all the music does is make us feel like we're in a quirky clothes store watching plastic mannequins stare at each other.

Their accents are all over the place, sometimes they sound American which was confusing but Alexander Skarsgård took it to a whole new level by creating a new accent called "Iricanglish".

The green screen effects are way too obvious and the CGI looked like Playstation 3 cut scenes which totally ruined any potential for immersion. In the tree jumping scene there were shots where Tarzan and Samuel L Jackson had no shadows, light effects were pointing the wrong way and the layers were poorly blended. The train scenes looked looked worse than an episode of "Thomas The Tank Engine" and somebody forgot to put water on the steam boat paddles. Any scenes with multiple animals in shot looked awful due to poor blending and the fact the animals all looked the same. It looks like they created and animated one animal then just hit "copy & paste" for the rest.

Basically to summarise, the whole thing feels rushed, lazy and like a TV movie.

It was bad anyway but the CGI and music really hammered those final nails into the coffin.

Before I slate this film, I just want to make it clear that I didn't find this movie truly awful due to a lack of intelligence and understanding but quite the opposite.

It was painfully obvious from the outset that 'The Lobster' is highlighting the embarrassing awkwardness of conditioned humans trying to find love or feeling forced to.

It made the same point over and over again for nearly two hours whilst smothering the viewer with that obvious, over-used, "quirky" style now common in the advertising industry.

I feel the kind of people this movie would appeal to are the very same over educated, out of touch, pompous people that would spend £1,000,000 on 120 bricks piled neatly into a rectangle.

It's like they used all that hard earned cash they've made producing adverts for Banks with quirky banjo-playing students in the background to make one, big, long, boring film.

I would go into extreme detail picking this film apart artistically but I've already wasted nearly two hours of my life watching it.

It's not Science fiction, it's an over-extended university Arts project.

Wishy-Washy, dull and like an idea in it's early stages.

First impressions were OK, it was visually very nice but the swearing was a bit too frequent, like it was trying too hard to be street.

It wasn't a film that made me feel very passionate so I'm finding this hard. Due to how laid back the whole thing was, it's very easy to watch and forget.

No real real gripes with it apart from the fact it doesn't seem to know whether it is a fictional documentary or a regular movie.

In lots of scenes (mostly at the start) the cast talk to the camera man, but this isn't consistent throughout the film. I'm sure street thugs doing drugs and guns etc might not act as if the cameras weren't there, nor would the cameraman smoothly and calmly film a shootout without cover.

Some of the CGI effects were a bit video game-like which which I can understand on a low budget, but they could have disguised them better with some creative filters.

I gave it 6/10 which is a good score for me, it would have been 8/10 for a low budget movie had the above issues not have been there.

I found it very disappointing that the creators of this movie pointed Bobby Fischer out to be a lunatic rather than having the guts to make a more balanced, controversial film.

The Hollywood-tinted spectacles this film plops on the viewers faces fail to explain how Mr Fischer was used like a pawn himself before being cast into the darkness when his country was finished with him.

The film gave us a few tiny, weeny little clips right at the end to skip over the more important details of how he was treated after the Cold War.

He doesn't like chess, he is more interested in exposing the lies of the American Government.

He called out George Bush for being a lunatic and a law-breaker while passionately claiming all he wants is "the truth".

That doesn't sound like a raving madman to me, nor does being paranoid playing world championship chess against the Soviet Union during the Cold War. Especially with a family from Russia.

The acting was fine, Spiderman and Wolverine's brother did well to keep their mutant abilities in check for some good chess.

I've given this movie 1 star primarily because it felt like Hollywood propaganda and a cowardly cop-out.

It should say "Based on a true story?"

Initially it was promising, but slowly and surely it made my blood boil like lava.

My teeth are well-ground stumps and I'm here writing this review at 3.15am when I should be in bed, only to save others from experiencing this utter,UTTER puddle of drivel.

I held on until the end stupidly.

I think me and my friend suffered more than all the murder victims in this by watching the entire thing.

The main character is at the core of all my rage, he was so unbelievably dumb that he'd be beaten by a cow that has suffered a shotgun blast to the head in a game of noughts and crosses, yet the writer wants us to believe that somehow (thanks to his fairy God-Mother) he made detective.

The only way this pre-pubescent cop would make detective is if he won his badge in a Police raffle, but even then I wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't read the numbers on his ticket.

If this person was real, he would need carers 24/7 to help him walk in a straight line, let alone tie his shoe-laces.

Visually it wasn't bad and apart from the infuriating lead character the rest were very good.

I don't blame the main actor, bad writing and casting is to blame here, it was a total waste of a good team because of something so basic.

If this was a late 80s film it would be funny, but in 2014 it's just embarrassing.

I actually feel much better now this is off my chest.

It's like this film created a small black slug of negativity inside me and I desperately needed to spit it out before it grew into a large snake, consuming me as I sleep.

Ahhhh, night night.