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Reviews
Napoleon (2023)
Three hours I'll never get back
I give this movie props for the cinematography and costumes. Other than that, it had no redeeming qualities.
It was bland and boring. There was no character development. Napoleon was either a weird, whiny mama's boy or a cardboard cutout. No passion, unless you want to describe his teary-eyed annoyance with Josephine's infidelity as "passion."
When he talks about his love for France and the sacrifices he makes, he may as well be describing the contents of his refrigerator.
My Fitbit actually registered me as being asleep for 90 minutes of this movie (I was awake, but barely).
The battlefield scenes were so-so. Napoleon had the same expression throughout all of them - whether on the battlefield, or watching Moscow burn, or getting his butt kicked at Waterloo.
This movie was basically a historical timeline with some battlefield scenes thrown in.
Spycraft (2020)
The narrator is illiterate
The material is fascinating. I know many of these stories and events. The narrator literally cannot read, though. The amount of words he mispronounces is actually distracting! He sounds wooden, like he's reading a Dick & Jane book. You have actual former intelligence officers pronouncing things correctly, and immediately after that this dolt mangling the language.
Didn't anyone teach this guy to pronounce things properly? It's not like Netflix doesn't have the resources to hire someone to teach this dope how to read! Didn't anyone listen to the track and say, "Oh, this sounds bad. We should have the narrator redo his parts!"
Quantum Leap (2022)
Horrid acting!
I think this could have been a good show, but the lead is a TERRIBLE actor. I mean, awful. Cringey facial expressions, flat intonation, emotionally unaffected... this guy is supposed to be lost and he's seeing a hologram, and he's acting like he's shuffling around after just having rolled out of bed. Even when he tells his fiancée that he loves her, it's lacking any kind of affect.
Ernie Hudson is an awesome actor, but even he can't save this show because the lead is just so bad!
I barely got through the first episode. It just wasn't worth my time. The characters are just meh. Flat. Boring.
Won't be watching any more.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
WTH did I just watch?
Dumb, simplistic, cheesy, dumb, badly written, dumb, did I mention DUMB???? Oh, and boring. I think it was supposed to be funny, but nah. Dumb!
The writing is so bad, I have to wonder if this was some kind of joke! It's actually insulting to my intelligence. Also, badly acted. Good lord!
Astrid... Axel... Astrid... Axel...
T: Zeus
J: THE Zeus?
T: Yes
J: ZeusZeus...
Horrible timing - comedic or otherwise. Costumes that seem intentionally Halloween-cheese.
The emotional parts of what Jane is going through are contrived and simplistic, much like everything else.
Even Christian Bale's talent couldn't save this dumpster fire!
Antidote (2021)
Stupid take on Sartre
This is such an idiotic movie. It's like Sartre's "No Exit," where hell is other people, but with a boring twist.
The "protagonist," if you can call her that, comes back from hell after the boyfriend she murdered absolves her, contradicting the doctor's claim that there's no absolution in hell.
Pass on this one. It's stupid.
The Stand (2020)
Made me buy the 1994 version on BluRay
It wasn't terrible. It was just OK. It felt flat, especially compared to the 1994 version. The incomparable Ruby Dee as Mother Abigail cannot be effectively replaced by the boring Whoopi Goldberg. The dude who played Nick was just flat. Rob Lowe brought this warmth to the character - a kindness in his face, soft nods, tiny smiles - the new Nick had none of that. No personality to speak of. The 1994 version of Tom was childlike, innocent, filled with wonder and joy. The new version went for comedic value or something. Miguel Ferrer was a serious Lloyd - someone who worshipped Flagg for saving his life in a moment of absolute desperation, but even then had a seed of doubt when pledging his allegiance. The new version was weird and greasy and had none of the depth or dichotomy.
The characters were cardboard.
Nah. I'll stick with the 1994 version.
Grey's Anatomy: Look Up Child (2021)
It must hurt to stuff this much social justice messaging into one episode
I was a fan of this show from the start, but it's no longer a well-written medical drama, but a vehicle for social justice messaging without much consideration for character development, plot, or anything else.
It's an exercise to see just how much intersectionality you can jam into one show. Everyone NEEDS to be somewhere on the LGBTQA scale. Everyone NEEDS to be married or involved with someone of another race. Everyone NEEDS to lecture the viewer on social justice issues. A character cannot be involved in something kind without some other character lecturing them either about their privilege, or how they're doing it wrong.
I am thrilled to see healthy relationships, no matter what color, religion, gender, etc. I'm interested in their lives and challenges. What I'm not interested in is being lectured about it or having this stuff jammed down my throat just for the message's sake.
This show is no longer interesting or well written. It's just a delivery system for the latest social justice message. I'm done.
Harriet (2019)
I wanted so much more!
The film kind of peters out after explaining the events that led up to Harriet Tubman's escape and subsequent role as a conductor on the Underground Railroad. The film gave a mere nod to the rest of her extraordinary story as a Union Soldier and spy. She was truly a badass, and it felt like it didn't do her justice.
The acting was superb. The main character was a true hero. But the film merely asserted it with text at the end, and that was that. Extremely anticlimactic.
Nip/Tuck (2003)
These wonderful, complex characters!
The writers did an excellent job of making massively flawed, sometimes evil characters into people that are sometimes relatable and sometimes sympathetic.
All, except for the character of Matt. It's been a long time since I've felt visceral hatred for a character, but Matt... This is a person with zero redeeming qualities. Nothing. Ungrateful, entitled, selfish, and outright evil. Just a disgusting human being all around.
I hate the fact that he has been given a happy ending. I can only hope that evil, sociopathic, self-pitying sow murders him like she did her son Adrian.
Supergirl (2015)
Godawful
The only good thing about this vapid excuse for a show was the nod to Superparents Dean Cain and Helen Slater as Superman and Supergirl respectively.
Otherwise, it was filled with bad acting, bad writing, bad characterization, and en vogue feminist buzzwords, as if the social justice messaging could make up for the crappy plot and simpering, wimpy, whiny dialogue.
Melissa Benoit, who was whiny and irritating in Glee, was whiny and irritating as the title character in this show. "If we call her Supergirl," she pouts to her overbearing shrew of a boss after the latter names the new superhero, "something less than what she is, doesn't that make us guilty of being anti-feminist?"
*headdesk*
Mehcad Brooks as Jimmy Olsen
oh, excuse me, James Olsen – the love interest. Yeah, no. He's way too hot, masculine, and sexy for the innocent young girl that Supergirl is supposed to be! I'm not a purist, so to me, he doesn't have to be a complete and utter dork, but he looks more like her older uncle and mentor, rather than a love interest. And even though the show tried to create this spark between them, he's just too sexy for her! No!
Calista Flockhart as the media mogul boss is just a screeching harpy. You seriously want to smack her in the face. Why is it that the most financially successful female on the show, the only one who has ostensibly broken through the glass ceiling in her chosen career field, is a raging jerk? Is the implication that the only way you can be a career success as a woman is if you treat people like something slimy on the bottom of your shoe?
Quite the message to send girls aspiring for career success!
I wanted to like it SO much, and it was just a horrible disappointment.
Please make it go away!