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Reviews
Retrograde (2022)
Can't agree that this is a 9/10
Obviously this is a human disaster of huge proportions, that's a given. But something occurred to me in the fairly early stages of the movie that continued to nag me throughout the entire film.
Mainly, I don't think I saw more than one native in the entire film who DIDN'T look like he was on the threshold of running or surrender. There is only one man, the general, who has any sort of fight or opposition in him. If my country and way of life were being threatened on a huge scale, I would expect to see fierce, angry faces eager to fight and protect ourselves. There would be patriotic men and women resisting to the last, not eagerly abandoning their country and their families. There's scene where the general goes to the front himself, and the crew he has with him displays no professionalism or discipline, no combat training, and they even had to be told "Get behind the tanks and walls for protection". What kind of troops of any level have to be told this? And they STILL all walk slowly and upright like they don't know any better. And as usual, every one of them has a "I'm going to run, I'm scared" look in their eyes. There were thousands of men and able bodied women, clamoring to get on the US base for evacuation, and none of them were willing to fight for their lives?
Were they so utterly dependent upon the US for their defense that in 20 years they received no training, no moral, no inspiration, and no willingness to defend their homes? They didn't even know how to supply themselves with ammunition. This film almost seems like propaganda sponsored by the general himself, to make himself out a hero. A good documentary should provide varied viewpoints and information. This one took a strange, singular view that I find suspicious. For this reason I rate it lower than everyone else. It seems that the film takes a very.
Elvis (2022)
Gotta say I hated it, and could only stand about 15 minutes
Guess I was expecting a quality bio along the lines of "The Founder or "Love & Mercy". This surely was not that. The nausea-inducing camera constantly flying, flipping, and flashing around every second or so, the constant roar of noise and craziness like something big was going to explode any second, and the over-the-top music-video barrage of sound and vision were more than I could stand. So glad I didn't see this in a theatre - what a disappointment to have to leave a major motion picture because of the ridiculous way the "story" was handled. While I did like that that the flick is about the manager and his mishandling of his client, I'd rather watch a mature movie than this childish, noisy nonsense. I've never been a fan of Elvis, and I was hoping that the film would change my way of thinking after watching an intelligent film made for any by adults, but I think I even enjoyed "Sid and Nancy" more, and it was an awful, disgusting movie.
The Dark and the Wicked (2020)
This is how to make a lower-budget film!
If you see this film, don't go into it expecting one of the regurgitated rehashed horror movie tropes that Hollywood has been throwing at people for too many years. I had very little idea what to expect going into the film, and for that, I'm grateful. Here there are no Hollywood models, no superhero-ninjas, no cookie-cutter movie morons who go down into the basement without turning the lights on. The home and property looks like actual people would live there, versus the usual 2 million dollar ranch that looks like a costly interior decorator and 3 maids work there. The characters who behave and speak like actual people and not Hollywood manikins. There are many little low-budget tricks and effects throughout the film that cost almost nothing and unlike what prevails in most newer "scary" movies, they are so well done that they actually work. Yes it's slow, but that's fine, because it keeps the tension and delicious sense of the unexpected going. This film is bleak, dark, loaded with atmosphere, and very creepy - the type of creepy we used to get in films like "Rosemary's Baby".
Ilargi Guztiak (2020)
The 7 first reviewers already did a great job....
... but I still felt obliged to offer praise. This has almost all of the elements that a "good film" (not "movie") should have. The last movie that I watched before this was Micheal Bay's "Ambulance" (unfortunately), which was a big budget train wreck and polar opposite to the thought, direction, and care that went into this film. Looking back, I don't think I can think of a single thing I can remember being wrong in this film, and if you like what you read in the first 7 reviews, you will enjoy this.
Ambulance (2022)
They used to say that Rock 'n Roll was dying, and now it's movies
Modern formulaic trash including the perfect black human male, the superwoman, more cut scenes than the brain can tolerate, white-man-bad, white man stupid, and other tributes to limp-dick 2020's woke BS. There is virtually nothing in this movie that I haven't seen 20 times before in much better and more original movies. After suffering through ridiculous plot holes, seeing a gun battle between a group of combat-trained servicemen against a lone cop with a pistol, and a variety of other brain-dead action scenarios, I turned it off when what the writers and director felt was really needed was a couple of men kissing. It's all beginner-level movie making from a director that really ought to know and strive for better.
The Last Victim (2021)
Better than I expected
I'd like to start by saying that they did an awful lot more right in this movie than they did wrong. I took one look at "Gaboon" and decided I wasn't going to like her (for looking too much like Rick Moranis) but she ended up one of the best characters. Naturally, the camera settles on the most attractive female, who I can say delivers nearly all of the film's eye-rolling moments. In this case it's Ali Larter's character, Susan, who is setup early in the film for new job as a college professor, then spends too-long a portion of the film doing cliche stupid stuff like not running AWAY but staying in the general area of the bad guys, and the always popular leaving guns laying around after various near-death experiences while stumbling off into the wilds defenseless. She miraculously manages to choke some meathead to death in 10 seconds, then leaves him with 2 loaded guns. As in virtually every movie, there's the scenes where she discovers that her cell phone has no signal (suprise!) then waste's the remainder of the almost-dead battery looking at pictures until the screen goes blank. Then there's nearl using up her cigarette lighter to illuminate some graffiti when she could have picked up a burning stick from the fire she just made. Not a strong planner, this Susan. Then finally making it to her nearly new $40,000 truck and which won't start (SUPER cliché eye-roll - bad writer, bad!).
Some of the things done right:
* no pointless, cringey sex scenes
* no black female detective, police chief, mayor, dean, governor, 5 star military general, or president, a huge relief from the predictable characters forced into virtually every movie or tv program.
* To her credit, Susan is seen running in a couple scenes, and not once does she fall, allowing the bad guy to catch her. She also doesn't scream through most of the film, for which I'd like to see the writer or director given some sort of award.
* most of the movie music is worth listening to.
* Virtually all of the script is well written and believable.
All in all, a pretty enjoyable film, and one I'll watch again in the future.
Les saisons (2015)
Simply amazing nature footage
Stunning and beautiful nature photography. If you keep one question playing in your mind throughout the film, you will be as much in awe as I was. The question: "How do they get footage like this"? One scene (of many) comes to mind: a pack of wolves unsuccessfully chase wild horses through the forest. The camera follows this high-speed chase at ground level through the trees as fast as these animals can run, all the while as though the camera were on a railroad track. I considered drones, but there is no way that the diverse wildlife would tolerate the noise and intrusion. So I'm left wondering, and in awe of the skills of these people. I'm sure you will be as appreciative as I am.
Gitler kaput! (2008)
10 out of 10! (with explanation)
There's no such thing as a 10/10 film - even the greatest movies on the planet don't go into the 9's. I went out of my way to give this flick a 10/10 rating, as a way to thank the mindless idiots who come here to give stellar ratings to absolute trash. Whether they were involved in the production, or know someone in the production, or were paid to, doesn't matter. They ruin a good, reliable source of information with their ridiculous ratings and comments, and you now have to wait years until people with sense bring the ratings back to where they belong. I will give this movie a watch, but don't expect to last more than 1/2 hour. Regardless, 10/10, with a tip of the hat to the shills!
Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched: A History of Folk Horror (2021)
Don't believe the shills - this is a boring miss
As usual, people with connections got here first to give this flick a "10-out-of-10" rating, a dead giveaway that something is very wrong. I hate how these idiots have corrupted a good source of information, into a system where we have to return in 2-3 years when the rating has leveled off into a realistic number. Anyhow, the film's subject matter and movie poster promise an interesting foray into a form of fantasy and horror that I've always greatly enjoyed, folk tales. What you get, unfortunately, is a huge outpouring of uninteresting and even hard to follow "viewpoints" from a variety of "experts". A few of these people come from the school of "If I wave my hands about constantly while speaking, everyone will be captivated and assured that I'm absolutely fascinating". Believe me, they are not, in fact, most of what they have to say is recycled over and over until I finally said out loud "YEAH I GET IT!". I thought at the very least this "history" would turn me on to a few films I've missed, and I did get a couple names, but if that was part of their intentions, they didn't do a very good job. I'm disappointed, but hoping that someday someone else will create a much much better film.
Avenue 5 (2020)
First 8 minutes
The first 8 minutes were enough to assure me that this is a moronic, sub-standard, waste of anyone's time who has ever actually watched an actually funny comedy (yes, like Alan Partridge). It felt like I was watching a cast of first-timers putting on a play at a high school auditorium. 8 minutes was more than enough, to know that it belongs in the rubbish.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Complete, unwatchable crap
This is not a Zack film, as advertised. This is in every way, a Ewe Boll film, and one of his worst at that. 12 year-olds who've never seen a quality horror film with delight in the gore, but more mature viewers will roll their eyes every minute or two at the tired, constant clichés we've seen over and over again in 80's action movies. This is proof that no matter how much money you throw at a film, not matter how good the effects, it's garbage without some originality or believability. Zack made one of the best-ever horror films in Dawn of the Dead, but this is truly a disappointing, cringe-worthy waste of time. After 30 minutes of skipping ahead, I couldn't tolerate any more. And I'm a lover of zombie and horror films. How was the ending? I'm sure I'll never know.
Wrong Cops (2013)
Take a cue from the movie poster
I love black comedies. Really love 'em. This is not a black comedy, and I'm struggling to understand how can be called a comedy at all. I put it on, waited, waited, AND waited, but a laugh never came. Nope, nope, and more nope. It's ugly, dull, pointless, and thoroughly unlikable. I wanted to laugh, but the well was dripping dry, so into the dumpster it went. Eric Roberts? My god, get a new agent, dude. I'm looking at the "Your Rating" stars as I write this, and I'm trying, but I just can't think of any reasons to do more than one star. Instead of sitting down to watch this, spend 90 minutes clipping all your toe nails, cleaning the cat box, searching your partner's scalp for lice, or seeing how far you can get a finger up your nose before bleeding.
Aniara (2018)
"What is it with Swedes?" Pt.2
Scroll down and read the "What is it with Swedes?" review from omendata. It contains the bulk of what will occur during a couple of hours wasted on this film. From the moment you first see the protagonist's face, you know this movie is going to shrink from a story of epic proportions to a militaristic viewpoint from one person's perspective, a character I really struggled to care about. And again, from the moment the camera closes in on a woman's crotch, you know there will be lesbianism. So sad, there's so much potential in the story here, that the movie has to focus so much on sex. If they could edit out about 45 minutes of pointless nonsense and focus on the enormity of what is happening to the thousands of other people on this ship, it might be something to be really enjoyed. Instead, you get a 4-out-of-10 film that I regret to say should be avoided. At the bottom of this text-entry box the form asks the question "Does this review contain spoilers?" and I selected "No", since the movie basically spoils everything itself.
Sacred Heart (2016)
Deserves a higher rating
There's no mistaking that this is an indy film, but some indies naturally glide me into a more forgiving and tolerant attitude than if I would have watching one of Hollywood's massive-budget forays. For that reason I have added an 8th star to the rating - indies have a lot to overcome, and good solid efforts like this deserve a 'little extra push' I enjoy movies that offer something different than the norm, that surprise and delight, that give you unexpected deviations from where you 'think' it's going. This one gave me those little surprise twists numerous times throughout it's run. Filmed with a small budget and cast, this is one of those films that makes up for that using imagination and planning. I rank this high up with another couple of great indy efforts, Coherence (2013), and I Origins (2014). If time is a factor for you, and you aren't impressed with the first 10-15 minutes, then maybe this isn't your type of movie. But if you want to see a film with really solid and professional writing, acting, and direction, then by all means give this one a watch. I'm going to look up what else the writer/director has done, and hope for more like this.
0.5 miri (2014)
Pros & Cons
Pros: Quirky, unusual, fun, well written, and well acted.
Cons: Extremely long (3hrs 15mins), unsatisfying ending.
The first hour is wonderful, unpredictable and fun to watch; it's a shame the makers couldn't carry the momentum through the remaining 2 hours. While the first hour is clearly off-beat comedy, the remaining 2 hours tend to spiral downward into a somewhat depressing mess that you hope will turn around into what made the beginning so enjoyable. But it never does. There are times when movie endings that leave you wondering add to the overall mystery and intrigue of the film, but sadly this one did not. It left me wishing they had cropped one-half of the movie out, and worked harder on wrapping things up. The first films I'd seen starring Sakura Ando, Shoplifters and 100 Yen Love, were simply great films, and I was deeply impressed with her acting ability. Next on my list, Love Exposure. There are many enjoyable moments in 0.5 miri, so it shouldn't be ignored, but it seems there are much better choices that won't tie you down for an overlong period of time.