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Reviews
Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
Bangkok Lame-gerous
Man oh man, how Nick Cage has fallen. From Ghost Rider to Next, National Treasure 2 (not that bad), and now Bangkok Dangerous. This movie was badly paced, with less than stellar dialogue and waaaay too much of Cage's overly-serious narration. The biggest problem I had with this movie is how little talking there was, especially in the latter half. A lot of the scenes were only supported by soundtrack, and actors giving visible reactions. Also it was funny to see super hit-man Joe not be able to hit a guy through some water bottles when he was 5 feet away. Cage is a much better actor than he showed in this movie. It really isn't worth seeing unless you're some hardcore Nicolas Cage fan, and you thought Ghost Rider wasn't a big steamy pile.
It only gets away with 2* because there really are a lot of movies out there that are way worse
Pineapple Express (2008)
Awesome Express
I just saw this movie last night at midnight, and I must say, it was everything I could have hoped for, and more. Ever since I saw the preview on the Superbad DVD, I have been waiting for this movie on pins and needles.
Seth Rogen stars as Dale Denton, a stoner and process server. Apparently a process server puts on disguises, comes to your work and gives you a subpoena. Anyway, the trailers do a pretty good job summing up the plot. Dale witnesses a crooked cop and drug dealer murder someone, so he grabs his drug dealer, a fat baggy of weed, and runs. The killers find out who they are, and chase them down. Hilarity ensues. Pretty much the entire time too. The jokes aren't stale at all, and there aren't even any actors you wish weren't in it. You know that feeling of going to a movie, and that crappy, unfunny actor you don't like keeps popping up and spoiling your fun? Won't happen here.
All the actors are first rate, too. Gary Cole has a great freakout moment about halfway through the movie while on the phone with a Chinese dude. James Franco is absolutely amazing too, hilarious from start to finish. The essence of a weed dealer is very well captured. Craig Robinson is also incredibly funny as Matheson, the hit-man in blue. Watch for a great Bill Hader cameo in the beginning as well.
The action was also pretty first rate. There was definitely a fair amount of gore, but even then you have to laugh the whole time. There just isn't enough I can say to do this movie justice. The story was hilarious, the acting superb, and the writing was crisp and smart. Don't even hesitate. Go see it. Baked or not.
Lil' Bush: Resident of the United States (2007)
devilishly unfunny
This show is not clever. That's basically what it boils down to. The "original humor" that these writers try to pull off to avoid completely biting off the rest of the worlds bush bashing is just unfunny. In another comment, someone quotes a couple hilarious lines. The standout for me was George H.W. Bush telling the kids they're not supposed to watch any TV besides Fox News. Wow. I thought the episodes I saw were bad. The fact that this line is a high point for the series is pathetic.
My problem with drivel like this sad excuse for political satire is that these folks are getting a second season. I'm a liberal republican and I know Bush hasn't been a good president. We all do. But that's no excuse for putting out this utterly poopie waste of time. I place these writers on the same level as the geniuses behind 'Meet the Spartans'. Their formula, bite off as many already unfunny topical jokes as you can and throw in even worse original material to actually be able to give yourself writing credit.
Again, just plain bad. Unfunny, and it just makes me more and more unhappy that crap like this is renewed, but amazing and original shows like Arrested Development are canned after 3 solid seasons. Please don't watch this crap, unless you're one of those green blooded liberal hippies who think any sentence with the words Bush and dumb is comedic gold.
Oh, and the voice of Bush sucks. All he does is slightly emulate a Texan accent, and exhale really hard at the end of his sentences. At least South Park admits the voices aren't accurate. If you want funny political satire, watch Daily Show/Colbert. Or look for any political sketches on Robot Chicken, which is fun to watch, since the stop motion action figure animation is EXTREMELY well done. Look for the George Bush as a Jedi bit on youtube. Priceless
Hulk (2003)
Highly Underrated
People are way too harsh on this movie. I'm not too sure what people were expecting, maybe something like Spiderman. But people seem to forget that Spiderman and the Incredible Hulk are two totally different types of hero. The Hulk is more or less hated by allies and enemies alike, because of his angry nature. But as for the movie, the special effects were awesome, the story did well with more or less sticking to the comics, and Ang Lee's constant use of frames to change scenes give this movie even more of a comic book feel to it than Spiderman or X-Men ever did. The acting is also great, Eric Bana and Jennifer Connelly do wonderfully in their roles, as does Nick Nolte and Sam Elliot. If you're looking for a more serious comic-based movie, definitely watch it. It's a truly under-appreciated film.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Slightly disappointing, but still good
I will not write a long winded review here, since everyone should know the book's plot by now. But of all the Harry Potter movies to come out so far, this is definitely not the best. The only problem with it is the sheer volume of information that is cut from the book. But yes, I do understand that a 750+/- would make a very long movie, I still thank that even another half hour of screen time would have made it better. You cannot imagine my sheer disappointment with the Quidditch World Cup. A lot of subplot/trivial info was cut as well, like Fleur Delacour being part Veela, the Dursleys, or Rita Skeeter pestering Harry, Ron and Hermione terribly, and Skeeter being an unlicensed Animagus. There was even extremely important stuff cut out, too. Like Professor Trelawney not prophesying that Voldemort would come again.
As for the acting, I will still say that these kids are extremely impressive. The very embodiment of the series' heroes. But you already know that. The other actors in the movie are also great, with a great performance from Ralph Fiennes playing the newly resurrected Lord Voldemort. It's also unfortunate that Robert Pattinson won't be appearing any more, because his acting as Cedric Diggory was also quite strong. And I will also say that I am exceedingly happy that Cho Chang has finally entered into the Potter movie world, since she was nowhere to be seen in "The Prisoner of Azkaban". A lot of the movie's humor would have been lost without her.
The movie has an accurate portrayal the main plot of J.K. Rowling's 4th novel. But unfortunately, the movie suffers because it doesn't really stray beyond that. But it is still a good movie, and definitely worth the ticket. (Which isn't always the case these days...) Hopefully, though, the mass-cutting of subplot does not occur in the 5th movie, being that the novel is as important as it is to the wizarding world. But again. Read it. Then see it.
P.S. Hermione's hot! ^_^
The Skydivers (1963)
Face flapping and acid jumps. How could it not work?
I personally feel that this movie should not be where it is at this point(Oct. 4, 2005) on the bottom 100. It is a crapfest, but Coleman Francis did MUCH worse ones. i.e. Red Zone Cuba. Anyways, this movie is quite bad. But I've actually come to notice that his cameo as the guy chewin' on a cigar like it were a Slim Jim was not a bad piece of acting. But everything else that is bad in the movie hovers over it. Whether it be sliding wigs, shapeshifting boats, 3 second falls from 200 and such. The constant use of coffee as a means of calming someone's nerves, or welcoming them into a group hold up here, as in Red Zone Cuba. Fortunately, that's all that they really have in common. Except just about every main male character from Red Zone Cuba appeared in this movie in some role or another. But yeah, this movie should definitely be above such films as Space Mutiny, Red Zone Cuba, Final Sacrifice and the Wild World of Batwoman. But I'll leave that up to the viewer. Happy watching ^_^
The Final Sacrifice (1990)
Pure Canadian Pain
The Final Sacrifice is the perfect example of a Canadian movie that had potential. It had the basic story of an unlikely duo teaming up and fighting an evil cult. Very Indiana Jones-esquire. But that's where the creativity stops.
The movie starts with a short scene of an unknown man being chased by unknown thugs. I think the important thing here is to see the hockey-haired, trenchcoat wearing man who is obviously our villain. The scene ends with the unknown man being shot, but this is expertly done by simply showing a stand of trees, and a gunshot played over as a sound effect. After seven years of credits, we see a boy visiting a grave that one has to assume is that of the man who was shot in the scene earlier. This then cuts to a scene of the boy finding something about lemon mines in the attic, and a VERY wrinkly letter from "Mike Pipper". This then cuts to a short scene about a guy unable to start his car. And then back to the boy. As he apparently studies about lemon mines in the comfort of his home, he is outwitted and then attacked by a hood. His house is overrun by machete wielding grunts, led by the same man from the first scene, who apparently decided seven years of hockey hair was enough, and got it changed. The ensuing chase of a car NOT being able to catch up to a skinny guy on a bike is very heart pounding.
As the movie progresses, the boy, named Troy, meets up with our hero. The legendary Zap Rowsdower! The two have a long series of misadventures, one of the highlights being Rowsdower accidentally bumping his crotch against Troy in an underground tunnel. After a lot of chasing, and a VERY scary grizzled mountain man who sounds like a mix of Yosemite Sam and Randy "Macho Man" Savage, the movie ends with Troy being selected as the final sacrifice, which will give the bad guy with big nostrils an invincible army of zombies, with which he can take over Canada, and then get demolished by every other country in the world.
I won't spoil the ending, but suffice to say, you know it's coming. The movie is uninspired, boring, and just plain bad. Mike and the bots work their magic on this one, creating a very memorable episode from the not as wonderful Sci-Fi era of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
The Alternate (2000)
Terrible, but has the chuckle factor
I personally was brought up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. In light of that, I have to say that what makes this movie good is the riffability. The plot is weak, the acting's bad, the situations are totally unbelievable. Some highlights include Eric Roberts' constant gasping for air and groaning, the Super Soaker flamethrower, and the bad guy's ability to kick the back of his head.
This movie has terrible editing, terrible action, really crappy fighting. Essentially, it's sheer cinematic punishment. How the bad guy can fling a heavy chain around Eric Roberts' gun holding hand is beyond me. It's not exactly a whip. The reason I don't give character names is because there are none. But I digress. The straw dart guns are fun to watch. Watch for Eric Roberts' sneaker/tux combo when he and his team first enter the hotel. That also leads me to think about the 20 person protest against the President of the United States. What they're protesting, I don't know. It definitely isn't plot-related. Watch for forgotten lines, and this one Secret Service dude who appears in about three other roles. He's kinda overweight with reddish hair.
This movie avoids a 1 rating due to the fact it is so darned funny!
The whole point of getting this turd would be to get in a few cheap laughs. I don't wanna give the other points of hilarity away, but I will say that it is worth the few bucks for a used VHS. Buy it. Take it home. Watch. Laugh and be satisfied.
P.S. Michael Madsen's whole character and his incompetent LAPD is another highlight.