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Reviews
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
Complete Garbage
Hollywood is in a bad way, the studios, no matter how hard they try just can't do it anymore. How bad is this film? It's more of a question of how good isn't this film. when the director Liman (what a muppet) complains about using a 'car chase' scene due to budgetary constraints-you know something is a miss, well you do when you consider the budget was $110,000,000 for this trash excuse for entertainment. That's enough cash for about eleven credible independent movies or maybe more. Look at 'crash' it only cost $8 million and it's fantastic (it also utilizes talented actors). Anjelina Jolie can act, but those full lips deem her non convincing for 90% of any roles available. Brad Pitt, he may be attractive, but he cannot act, in fight club he simply gave the Pitt/Cruise (I'm really trying to be convincing by punctuating my words here-performance). Brad Pitt is a terrible actor, in fact my pet goldfish gives more of a performance when darting from castle to castle.
The director Liman is such a retard that he is unable to tell the difference between spies and assassins, the smith's are most definitely not spies (spies, secret service, special forces and the like use tactics in the search for information- they are not hired killers), these guys are clearly hired killers, working for two comic book agencies (insert moral debate about misinforming the youth of America).
Other than the trash that this movie is, do we really need another in bred-studio executive riddled script, no-one understands your sad games and even less people give a damn.
If this is a sign of what is to come and how movies are simply vehicles to fill the pockets of the weak and stupid then Hollywood can take a few steps back and run at full pelt to kiss my ass, but you won't land your lips because your obviously 'not worth it'.
How dare you spend King Kong money on what I find in my toilet bowl every day of the week (exept on Sunday's when I am rudely awakened by the dustman).
I'm off to watch Spy Kids, an entertaining fun movie with talented actors and crew, then I'm off to join the NRA as (The Duke) John Wayne has been resurrected and he's really narked off!
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
AN INSULT TO Film-making
This is undoubtedly the worst movie I've seen this year, and I've seen a few seriously poor offerings. This movie really takes the cake. Being a fan (although not an obsessive) I like many others, could appreciate the tactility of the original works, the use of live action modelling, compelling performances from the cast and a sparing sincerity in terms of the cinematic space. The Sith is a nonsense, saturated with way too many characters, deeming it more of a cgi wet dream than anything else. The acting by all is unspeakable, almost as if little or no effort or direction was given at any time.The story does not convince on any levels-extremely poor cgi. I really am at a loss to find any redeeming quality, maybe the title sequence as it was the only element of the film that offered any warmth-as it was conceived in the 70's I can only say that If the score of zero were available it would be given to this. It disgusts me that such a worthless piece of kaka can receive such high praise. You are all bonkers. If Lucas makes any more films, i dearly hope he only takes on the role of a producer, because he can't direct for toffee.
Melinda and Melinda (2004)
Is Woody Going Limp?
It's not like Woody Allen to concoct misappropriated stories or offer an opinion upon the lives of those unfamiliar to him, but as a testimony to the writers guild of America it is no surprise, in this case, when a number of stories (told in countless other movies) are subverted in order to produce this-which however convoluted, albeit sincere, is a sign that, the American film industry is simply a business and those as creative as Woody are even forced to rely upon rehashed works in order to perpetuate a thirst for film-making. With splashes of his own self, revealed dearly through both male and female characters, we clearly see why this independent filmmaker is a cut above the rest, as he retains dignity and integrity whilst imitators are just plain crass. Unfortunately those with the cash know nothing about creativity and those with the talent are their sap to the parasite. The film should perhaps be fully credited to the WGA as writer. An interesting take on reality, but the ending was just plain 1920's.
Threshold (2005)
Just Another Wannabe Rip Off!!!
Yeah yeah, nice going paramount studios, we film lovers and viewers of TV land are amazed at the frequency of your outdated and unoriginal concepts. we've all read 'challengers of the unknown', 'x files', 100 bullets. So the pitch must have gone a little something like this. Along comes a producer, third rate obviously, entering via the back door of another suspicious production company, for arguments sake, let's call this guy 'alan' Hey guys, he says, I've this great idea for a new TV show (based upon information received- let's not delve into his sources). Anyway, the pitch is made, a writer is found and low and behold a guy with a little more talent than these producer neandertals 'creates' the show. Yeah, he says, the idea is a combination of original concepts, unique cinematography, direction, enticing story lines-same old same old. And thus, Threshold is born. Do we really need this garbage. Bring back the Banana splits and The Space Sentinels, while your at it lower the age of gun licensing to 14 years, cos' this is what society 'really' needs!
The Designated Mourner (1997)
An incestuous nonsense
A drama of evolving inconsequence may evoke a certain appeal, as we hear the meandering rambling from one to another, the authors describe each other and themselves, analyze and criticize without arriving at any apparent conclusion or plateau of resolution. A seemingly unapparent effort in arousing suspicion amongst it's audience-in an effort to suggest a deeper meaning, a plot or subtext (this quite obviously is non existent) And yet, they continue to groan and meet with more intimate resolution as the 'play' takes a more detailed step forward, only to be rudely interrupted by their chief protagonist 'Jack' The whole affair reminds me of production meeting of a fictitious film company, with fictitious goals, offering pointless objectives based upon circumstances manipulated at their leisure as a means to perpetuate their overtly pointless existences. Still, it inspires writing in others, and indicates a challenge to conventional wisdom of broadcasting commissioners.
Overwhelmingly describes the tedious equation of life over time, as seen through the eyes of the oppressed middle classes, with no drive or enthusiasm remaining-or perhaps they are simply too boring to inject the juice into their lives once more.
Did somebody die?-I forget
If you manage to read this review and find your brain elsewhere by the second paragraph, do yourself a favor- rent Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey!
Thursday (1998)
The King Of Clichés
The Genre: A post Tarantino video junkie rambling: Thursday, described as 'an intense thriller full action and eroticism in pure Pulp Fiction style' The Taste: so-called vehement and indifferent, but at the same time, an easily digestible and light(when not extremely violent) The Recipe: Each chapter begins with a marginalized group, violent joys, young and especially masculine criminals(even the girl), that not so much portrays characters as it plasters obese stereotypes with a palette and trowel. The gangsters in Thursday are the respective dealer/ well to-do middle-class architect , a rubber fetishist with a and overwhelming sex drive, a torturous sadist (high on grass) and as usual, the brilliantly clichéd gangster: you know the type-he wears sunglasses-indoors.
This basis of characterization deserves missiles for target practice, as the writer/director seems to have missed the point. In no way are we allowed the privileged of a tangible history, nor rhyme or reason for cartoon behavior, if not only to satisfy a particular group of teen boys. (This is the same guy who wrote swordfish-a film I question for obvious reasons-why test a computer hacker whilst he receives a blow job-why hang Halle Berry, as if she's pre civil rights folly for the KKK-why is John Travolta talking out of his ass!). The writing is immature evoking the sense of masturbation rather than intellect. In Thursday, we remit humor at the expense of the audience and are relived by unforgivable contrivance; If you arrive at a house to kill a guy, you do not find yourself smoking grass with him for hours on end only to decide you still need to shave his face with a circular sander(If this reality actuated itself you probably would-as did the killer-find himself bushwhacked in the garage.the suburbs. Yet, somehow the film beckons viewing, the satisfaction of simplest writing, is poetry to the ill informed or quite frankly.....uninspired sensibilities within us all.
Buffalo '66 (1998)
That's what I'm talking about
After a ridiculously funny monologue by which he delivers his naive motives, Billy convinces the young girl to succumb to his plan of visiting his alienated parents, Janet and Jimmy (Angelica Houston and Ben Gazzara) and fooling them into believing that he is something he is not: happily married and very successful. Buffalo 66 is an original film that is defined by the hyperbolic portraiture of its characters. The film operates on the level of character portrayal, both physical and psychological, through a series of close-ups and monologues of each of the individual characters. This is most clearly seen in the character of Billy, a young man whose extreme bitterness emanates from the child-like resentfulness of not being loved, and whose presence is therefore always associated with some kind of pain (such as when he is seen urgently needing to urinate, wearing tight and undersized clothes, suffering from ulcers or allergies, feeling cold, etc.). Good acting, make-up and costumes add to the hyperbole and give the characters a touching, comical twist.