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Reviews
Baby Reindeer (2024)
I Wanted to Hate the Show but It Offered Me Tea
It sounds like the woman this was made about was never arrested, so the jury's still out as to how accurate this "true" story that's had a couple of revisions over the years is. 'Bohemian Rhapsody' was infuriating because most of it was verifiably untrue. 'Baby Reindeer' is more like 'Tiger King', in that we'll probably never know what actually happened because everyone involved has psychological problems.
For perspective, I used to work pretrial services in a jail intake unit, and one of the things I find frustrating about the recent conversation around abuse is that it's phenomenal how abusers and victims have a way of finding each other, and abusers often have a history of being abused. It doesn't make sense to people who haven't been around that stuff, and it doesn't fit neatly into the public discussion. Whether 'Baby Reindeer' is true or not, I appreciate that it explores how complicated and bizarre these cases can get. Often I found myself despising the victims and defendants almost equally, and I'm impressed by Gadd's ability to be so honest about himself. He may be a victim, but he is certainly no hero.
Production-wise, it's solid. Well written, acted, directed, shot, music... everything is pretty good across the board. The characters themselves are fascinating, which is the show's best attribute. After watching the Piers Morgan interview with real-life Martha I think that actress deserves an Emmy- she nailed it!
I would strongly recommend 'Baby Reindeer' if you're in the mood for something dark and disturbing. It's one of those series/films that keeps you watching out morbid curiosity like "The Jinx", "Tiger King", "You", or "The Dark, Sad Life of Boogie2988". You want to see how far down the well of misery it all goes.
X-Men '97: Tolerance Is Extinction - Part 1 (2024)
An Episode for the ADULTS
This might be my favorite episode of the series. I was kind of bored for the first 10 minutes, but then they knocked it out of the park for the last 20, and finally left it on a great cliffhanger for the next episode. The whole series should be like Ep8.
The story took more of a twist than I expected and delved into some deep subjects like fear of robotic replacement, shifting of minorities to majorities, etc, and during these segments I put the show firmly back in the running to win the 'Invincible vs XM97' debate. And then we finally got to see Wolverine wreck stuff like we haven't seen since Ep1! And Nightcrawler! Woo! It's the kind of stuff I'm ideally signing up for when I see some X-Men. Coincidentally it's also the episode lightest on love story subplots- perhaps a correlation?
My criticisms mostly lay around the disposable army, and how given the explanation around their abilities, everyone except Wolverine should be dead, but then they basically turn into Storm Troopers. I roll my eyes every time a car jumps onto or out of an airplane, I don't care if it's a cartoon. And Jubilee? Just pat her on the head and tell her she's "making a difference", she'll get distracted soon; it's not worth getting upset about. Oh, and it's a time travel episode(boo!).
I like the premise of the new villain and his motivations, but I wish there was something a little more distinctive about him. Ask me in 5 years who the big bad of XM97 is and I'll probably tell you it's Mr. Sinister on Venom. But his master plan kind of made sense, and it works with how the rest of the season was written, so he has the potential to become a great AND memorable villain by the end. The other unfortunate aspect of this episode is that it contrasts with episodes 4 and 7 so much that I really wish they'd either done something better with that hour of screen time , or just cut them entirely.
According to the reviews, saying X-Men '97 is anything less than animated perfection is tantamount to a hate crime, but with Episode 9 I'm actually kind of inclined to agree with the Marvel stans. It was an objectively creative and provocative episode which delivered on action and entertainment. It's like the series is finally starting, and it's good!
Stranded (2001)
Birdemic: Shock and Terror... in SPAAAAACE!
This movie is hilarious! IMDb pulled my 10-star review of 'Madame Web' despite having nothing but positive things to say about it, so I have to assume this review will receive the same treatment(but it won't, 'Stranded' doesn't have a bunch of people crying for safe spaces policing the reviews).
Like 'Madame Web', 'Stranded' is a masterclass in unintentional comedy. The story is beyond lazy, there's absolutely no set-up, it's just "Oh no! We're stuck! Let's jump straight to the part where we hate everything and each other!" I don't know that good acting could save it, but fortunately there is none. Almost every line makes me laugh, every character more moronic than the one before, yet somehow the movie is completely unaware of how trash it is. A++
I haven't read the other reviews alluding to the film somehow getting way stupider than it already is in the first 30 minutes, but I'm here for it! 'Stranded' is apex predator garbage content!
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Leatherface & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I keep thinking as I watch this, "How would I make a TCM in 2022?", and I keep circling back to "I wouldn't". I thought TCM 1 was perfect as a standalone, so I probably wouldn't have even made that cartoon TCM II, but at least with that there was still a sense of "Okay, let's see where this goes" before it went full-tilt into 'Batman & Robin' territory; but now that we've been disabused of notions that there is anything worthwhile left to say about the Carsons or Sawyers, there's simply no reason for an update 50 years later.
So gun to my head, how do I make this movie? Not by ret-conning the first movie in the opening sequence. Where did all of these people come from? There were FOUR in the first movie. And a baby? Are you saying I don't remember what I saw 2 weeks ago? C'mon, movie. Try harder. You're hamstrung by the writing conventions of 2022 film studios and you won't show boobs? What are you even good for? The only thing they got right was a couple of throwback shots of the tiny shorts.
Speaking of throwbacks, this movie supplants being entertaining with throwbacks, but since they ret-conned the whole thing it's more pandering key-jangling than narrative cohesion. Remember the house? Remember the creepy general store? Member??
Like most movies of the past decade, this is just a Xerox copy of something better that came before it with some crayon scribbles added to make it "updated for modern audiences". The more of these I see the less tolerant I get, so I'm not even going to recommend this as a background movie. 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)" IS A HARD PASS -> SKIP.
X-Men '97: Bright Eyes (2024)
Pretty Good Episode, More Style Than Substance
Looking at the other reviews it's clear that saying 'X-Men '97' is anything less than animated perfection is tantamount to a hate-crime, but I'm gonna give a based opinion anyways.
Ep7 a pretty solid episode, probably in my top 3 so far. It was more action-oriented than some of the other episodes, but also more preachy than others. The cameos were cool to see, but also a bit forced. It was good to see Rogue's character evolve; they're giving her a lot of depth, although I can't say the same applies to most of the team. Jubilee, Rogue, Storm, Sunspot, Magneto, and Prof X have been the most developed, and Wolverine has just kind of been there in the background; which doesn't make the show bad, but reasonable people aren't going to award a 10 to an X-Men that focuses on the B-squad either. The movies committed the same sin when they decided to focus on Mystique because Jennifer Lawrence was popular at the time. It's only a concern because there are a couple of episodes remaining and we haven't really seen the core team together in action since the first episode.
Anyways, they finally wrapped up the tangent storylines from the last few episodes and we're back to the main, and I would argue most compelling, storyline of the series. The writing is pretty good, particularly during the first half. The plot didn't conclude with anything on par with Ep5, but the story moved along nicely and led to the revelation of a new villain, so I'm looking forward to the next episode(assuming the show-runners don't go off on a tangent about Morph finding true love at a vegan farmer's market or something). It seems like it would be more cohesive not to drop the Professor X storyline for an entire episode, but maybe that decision makes more sense in the context of the complete season.
Pretty good episode, and apparently if you're a lightweight nostalgia drunk then it's the best thing you'll ever see. I'm still on the fence in the 'Invincible vs XM97' debate, but will likely land on 'Invincible' unless they pull something epic in the finale. XM97 is more creative, but Invincible is more grown up.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Movie Studio Presents: Video Game, the Movie!
As far as movies I rate a 6 go, 'Mortal Kombat' is a pretty good one. Is it 'GOOD', per se? Absolutely not. But could I put it on as a distraction for 2 hours? Absolutely.
The production value looks pretty good, and the acting, surprisingly, isn't the worst. Is it the best? Absolutely not. Is the story beyond ludicrous? Absolutely.
The reason it's "good" is that it's the kind of movie that I could see watching over Christmas vacation with my dad and brothers. It has a lot of swearing but it's otherwise "safe" for a general adult audience. The violence is tame and there's no nudity. It's dumb like something that should be starring The Rock, which doesn't mean it's not basically entertaining. Throw in some familiar characters, and it's not awful.
'Mortal Kombat' is stunningly adequate. People who played the video games and who like seeing things from other things in things will especially appreciate it.
Simulant (2023)
I Can't Believe It's Not 'Bladerunner'!
I was browsing YouTube and flipped over a thumbnail about the guns used in 'Fallout' and thought, "Hey, didn't I watch a movie a few days ago where they were shooting air waves at robots falling from the sky?" Anyways, here's a review of 'Simulant'...
As you can see, the movie clearly made a huge impact on me. I think it turned less into 'Bladerunner' towards the middle, but it was still 'Bladerunner'. The maid robot stands out for looking like a human made entirely out of prosthetics, which I'm sure to see again in future nightmares.
In summary, either see 'Simulant', or don't. It's a movie for nihilists, so it won't matter.
Shôgun: Crimson Sky (2024)
In the Emotional Ballpark of 'Euthanizing a Pet'
I'll review the series after the next episode, and tbh I've been enjoying 'Shogun' too much to review individual episodes, but THIS ONE, however, deserves pause.
In particular I couldn't help but notice the transformation of our main character from the beginning of the series until now. He's matured and became more calculating, and discovered the value of keeping his cards close. On the other hand the translator has developed through the gradual telling of her backstory to the point where we understand where she's coming from when she makes radically consequential decisions. The writers have brought us on a journey with these characters, and a result when those consequential decisions come to a head in this episode they are a 1-2 gut punch.
Without spoilers, there was a part (YOU KNOW WHICH PART) where on paper what was taking place on screen was absolutely INSANE, but everyone involved was doing exactly what was in character, and the main character was forced into a dilemma that would make Jigsaw from 'Saw' look up from his workbench. ...yet somehow he was also making almost the greatest statement of love possible. This show messes with your emotions.
On top of everything else, the acting was phenomenal.
I know 'Shogun' isn't for everyone because of either the subtitles or the violence(my sister in-law likes 'The Boys', but apparently can't watch 'Shogun' or 'Breaking Bad' because the violence is "too real" or something), but in my mind 'Crimson Sky' is as good as an episode of television can get. I try not to rate things 1/10 or 10/10, but the people who worked on this episode absolutely deserve every bit of recognition they get.
...now I'm thinking about Jigsaw in feudal Japan, where he gives up on building violent traps because it's simply more efficient to leverage dishonor against people...
X-Men '97: Lifedeath - Part 2 (2024)
Show is Giving Me Whiplash
I'm not just hating on the show, there is a DRAMATIC difference between episodes in terms of writing quality. Episodes 1 & 2 were enjoyable, 3 was fantastic, 4 was time I'll never get back, and 5 was mundane until it concluded with one of the most powerful moments in animated tv history. And now we're back to Storm and... Professor X? Did I miss something?
I don't understand the show's fixation on romances. I understand that love story subplots were always part of X-Men, but the show runners are putting a lot of emphasis on the soap opera elements for this iteration of the franchise. It's in literally every episode, so maybe I'm experiencing the Mandela Effect in thinking that the 90's kids show focused more on action than the development of romantic relationships between characters. Either way, I'm not interested in seeing Professor X run through Brie Larson's singing planet storyline from 'The Marvels'.
The resolution of Stom's story is probably the high point of the episode, but the entire thing seemed kind of unnecessary in the first place since we've already thoroughly explored the "mutant gets cured of powers" premise in the 18 year old movie. She had to be defeated and overcome obstacles to build herself up, so that was a little different, and good in terms of character development. I liked the speech Professor X gave towards the end. ...but then the big cliff hanger was reminding the audience of the legitimately awesome cliffhanger in episode 5, followed by teasing a villain that we've already seen defeated in a previous episode.
'Lifedeath-Part 2' isn't as bad as 'Motendo', but it's definitely one of the weakest episodes of the series. However given the show's track record, there will probably be at least one more banger of an episode before it's over, so I'm not throwing in the towel yet. Now give me your hate, Marvel stans!
Fallout (2024)
Fun & Entertaining. Will Likely Re-Watch.
I haven't played the games, and I had a lot of questions during the first couple of episodes, so I would therefore suggest that non-gamers see a YouTube video going over the Vault lore before watching. There's basically an alternate version of American history starting around 1950, and in the future people will live in different metaphorical theme parks connected by a nuclear hellscape. It helps to understand that Vault 33 is a bit of an anomaly, in that it's connected to other Vaults and the residents are not all plant monsters or brain robots. Also skip the trailer in the mid-credits of the first episode, it contains some spoilers for the early episodes.
Production was top-notch, as were the actors. A+ all-around.
The brilliance of the show is a combination of how 'Fallout' the game is formatted, and how the show-runners chose to commit it to film. The game lends itself to storytelling because there is no "main character", it's more about exploring the bizarre post-apocalyptic dystopia the developers imagined and the kind of "mini-worlds" within it(the Vaults), so you can do almost anything by asking, "What if there were a town where everyone was ___? What would that look like?". Given that, it would have been very easy for the writers to lazily co-opt an existing story/characters, or maybe change the features of one of the core reoccurring game items for plot convenience, but no, they created new characters and appear to have done their due diligence to frame the story within the context of the pre-existing world. And now it's canon to the game world. Well done!
Some people may find the gore and violence to be too much, but I enjoyed all the punching, shooting and explosions. Most of the jokes landed with me, and I appreciate the dark cynical humor that the franchise is apparently known for. I appreciate that the writers took the time to write characters who faced obstacles, failed, and evolved from their experiences to become stronger characters, or "character development", if you will.
There were certainly plot holes, particularly towards the end, but they were either forgivably minor or things that can be fixed in a future season. There were no points during 'Fallout' that really grabbed me emotionally like in 'One Piece' or 'Peacemaker', which is fine, I don't need to cry to enjoy a show, but it's not a "serious" show in that sense. People die all the time, but the main characters always feel "safe" and the minor characters feel like NPCs when they go.
I can't speak for gamers, but I had a great time with 'Fallout', enough so that if I had a game system I'd want to play it just to spend more time exploring that world. I'll probably end up watching it again in the next few months, and then once more before season 2 drops. It's made by the same people as 'West World', and 'Fallout' is almost as good as WW season 1, but WW also fell off a cliff(ha!) during the second season, therefore I have to remain agnostic on Fallout's future. Otherwise it's a great little sci-fi show for people who don't mind swearing and gore.
The Ring Two (2005)
Movie Woke Up and Took Stupid Pills
"The Ring 2" doesn't warrant a review, and I just had it on as background tv; it was about what it needed to be: slow, boring horror using a premise I was already familiar with, and therefore I could just check in-and-out. But then the deer attacked...
What in the Great Kami who came from the sky to create (not the world, but) the country of Japan am I watching? Then we're pulling some X-Men special effects? Stop making me laugh, movie! You're supposed to be scary!
In conclusion, much like the VHS cassettes featured in the movies, 'The Ring 2' should only be viewed by unwitting victims in a cruel joke. However it's maybe just stupid/unaware enough to be okay for roasting with friends.
Fallout: The Ghouls (2024)
Still Enjoying It
Another great episode in what is quickly becoming one of my favorite series. I'm enjoying it more having looked up the general premise behind Fallout and the vault system. Basically, with the exception of a few control group vaults, each one is a different social experiment gone awry which ends up making them each like a themed zone.
There were two main plots being pursued this episode: the A plot following Lucy and the Ghoul, and the B plot following the brother. Maximus was non-existent.
The A plot story wasn't really advanced any, more of a side quest. However we did get to see Lucy's character develop quite a bit. They've done the most work on her her so far, seconded by the Ghoul, which maybe why I enjoyed what is otherwise a detour episode. The B plot took some major strides towards discovering what nefarious intentions propel the experiments conducted on Vaults 31, 32 & 33.
Of the four episodes so far, 'The Ghouls' is probably my second or third favorite. It's not as funny or as action-packed as the others, but there's a lot developed in terms of character and world.
Fallout: The Head (2024)
Another Fun Episode
I took 20 minutes to watch a summary of what the deal is with the vaults in Fallout, so now I have a better context for the world. Basically if "Fallout" were 'A Nightmare Before Christmas', each vault would be a holiday town, only instead of holidays they're filled unwitting participants in science experiments led by a secretive organization. Also there are a few organizations on the surface, each with its own agenda and level of influence, and so far we've only seen a couple in the forms of the raiders and the knights.
Given this understanding, it appears that vault 31, 32, and 33 are linked together through some type of network, which is not the case for other vaults. While it hasn't been revealed to the audience what specific experiment is being performed on Vault 33, this episode hints that the inhabitants are educated, idealistic, likely college professors, very liberal, and the writers have set them up to hit a wall of epic proportions when they inevitably collide with the harsh realities of surface dwellers.
Another enjoyable episode- yes we're chasing a macguffin around, but the 3 interested parties are entertaining to watch, and now we have a subplot involving the prisoners from episode 1 and the residents of V32. 'The Head' is probably my least favorite so far, but the episodes have been evenly matched and I still enjoyed it.
Fallout: The Target (2024)
Fun Episode, Good Radioactive Decay
Solid second episode, from someone who didn't play the games. I remember when the first one came out (friends played) and it reminded me of the underrated cult-classic 'Six-String Samurai'. Episode 1 was more like a less creepy version of 'A Boy and His Dog', but Episode 2 explores the post-apocalypse world more, and I like that it's building out on an already familiar idea. It's like seeing a planet in Star Wars that isn't Tatooine. The two episodes are pretty comparable, but I think I liked Ep 2 slightly more because of the jokes, character building, and fight scenes.
Not quite as many explosions as episode 1, but a fair amount of shooting, punching and violence to be entertaining. The actors had a bit more room to work and the protagonist evolved after experiencing challenges stemming from her sheltered existence, and as a result she has the beginning of a character arc. The squire appears to also have an arc, but the writers haven't done as well at explaining his motivations so far; but can't rule out that it wasn't intentional.
'The Target' gives me a lot of hope for the rest of the series. They could still screw it up, but there haven't been any major red-flags and so far it's just been kind of fun wacky entertainment.
Fallout: The End (2024)
Pro Tip: Skip the Mid-Credits Trailer
I don't have a frame of reference for this besides "that one cool looking game my friends played while I was leveling my blood elf mage". From that perspective, 'The End' was a pretty enjoyable episode. Giving it an 8 might be a little generous, but there wasn't anything beyond what the ratings note that might put anyone off.
It has a fun backdrop, interesting characters, intriguing story, a few different plot threads that could go in a number of directions, and some good fight scenes and explosions. My biggest criticism would be that it's a bit predictable, but there are enough things done well for the genre that the predictability is forgivable.
While this isn't always the case, 'Fallout' appears to be an instance of Amazon relentlessly promoting something that happens to be good. They got a bit overzealous with the promo and put some spoilers in the trailer that runs during the end credits though(for us non-gamers).
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
It's Okay
The camera work and the set decorations are really good. Everything else is serviceable.
Olivia Wilde is doing like a 'Brave New World' thing that's also kind of like 'The Others', 'The Village', 'Get Out', etc. The biggest flaw of this film is that it doesn't bring anything new to the table. It feels like a combination of 30 different movies I've seen before. Florence Pugh is okay, but I don't really get Hollywood's obsession with her. Harry is also okay, and I also don't get Hollywood's obsession with him.
It gets pretty stupid in the last 20 minutes. I would name a couple of other movies it's like, but that would be a spoiler because this movie is in fact not that original. Really dumb ending.
'Don't Worry Darling' isn't offensively bad, but it's not good enough that I would recommend it to anyone. Also you probably don't want to watch it on date night since it's a 'men are evil' movie, and it'll be awkward afterwards.
X-Men '97: Remember It (2024)
Show Doesn't Mess Around
I was skeptical of the decision to drop the Storm storyline because the last two minutes of Episode 4 was the only redeeming part. I thought Episode 5 would be another disappointment filler episode, and with no action until about the 20 minute mark I was thinking that they'd better do something big, but probably wouldn't. Then the writers dropped a BOMB of an ending. Wow. The reason people are rating this a 10 is because objectively speaking that ending was a literal and metaphorical nuclear detonation. Bravo show-runners!
The one downside to all of this is that they have Jean clones running around now, which lowers the stakes because anyone can just be cloned, or time-traveled, or Phoenix-forced.
The first 20 minutes were definitely "political", but in the way I think of traditional X-Men. My understanding is that they represent 'outcasts', generally speaking, which exist in all social groups, hence the appeal to people of different philosophical persuasions. I appreciate this approach to GA entertainment more so than Episode 2, which was a bit more on-the-nose and I would argue divisive. The parts that were cringe (I'm looking at you, mutant utopia and your President Magneto dance scene) carried undertones of cynicism which compensated for the cringe by being thought-provoking.
And the tela novela of Rogue's love life... meh. But dear lord, that ending... it more than makes up for my criticisms of the first 20 minutes. I stopped reading the comics in the late 90's so maybe 'Remember It' is based on an old storyline, but if you like X-Men then you should see this episode, because it's a game-changer.
I think Episode 3 is still my favorite so far, but Episode 5 is a gut punch like "The Red Wedding" and proves that the characters you love WILL NOT be saved by plot armor. At this point it feels like there has been more than enough set up so that multiple story-threads will collide into an epic conclusion to the series.
The Crazies (2010)
Fun Remake
It's like a better version of 'The Happening'. There's not a lot else to say. It does a good job of capturing the essence of the original without being pandering. They advertised the bejeezus out of it in 2010.
There's another movie out there like this called 'The Signal', which is a... signal-based version of 'The Crazies'... It's also a fun watch. I just remember someone beating the brains out of someone else with a tank of roach spray.
The acting is good, the production is good. There are a lot of plot holes and things that don't make sense about the crazy disease itself, but I'm not looking for scientific accuracy in a high-budget horror B-film. The writers basically created a setting similar to 'The Purge', but it's also under siege by a dystopian military. Good times!
'The Crazies' is a solid watch and it's made to appeal to a broad audience, so non-horror-nerds will likely enjoy it too (assuming they like outbreak movies or post-apocalypse movies). If there was an AFI Top 100 of Horror I could see it being somewhere in the bottom 50.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Movie Tells You How Stupid it Thinks You Are
Lol @ the sheer audacity to commit your creative process to film through a character with a boss who's basically holding a gun to his head, and then to literally call out Warner Bros. This movie flat-out tells you through character dialogue, "Yes, we know it's trash, the studio is making us do this, and we're not even going to pretend to try, but you'll still give us your money". And it shows! We can't rule out the possibility that the Wachowski's goal wasn't to do something so boldly incompetent that Warner would free them from any additional contractual obligations. I do the same thing when my wife asks me to wash the dishes.
I thought the concept of human Matrix Police running around looking at program variations while fighting agents was an interesting concept that could lead somewhere, so I was giving the film the benefit of the doubt, and for the first 8 minutes thought I might be the anomaly who enjoys it. Unfortunately at 00:08:30 it leaps off the high-dive and does a bellyflop.
We all loved the first movie, but anyone living in objective reality will acknowledge the decline as the trilogy went on, ultimately resolving with a feel-good ending where the segment of humanity not enslaved by machines is living in a cave. Yay. Although 2 & 3 were poorly executed, they were at least trying to make a philosophical point about the nature of humanity and existence while being occasionally entertaining. 'MATRIX RESURRECTION', however is mostly concerned with how to hold the viewer's attention for the next minute of screen time, and they don't care how stupid or unreal the film needs to get to make that happen. At one point I thought, "Wait, which pill was the Matrix pill? I think I need to hear that Jefferson Airplane song again." Within seconds there was a music video for that song. It's less of a movie, and more of a Matrix-themed circus side-show.
'Matrix Resurrections' is so greedy, pandering and inept that I feel like it should be enjoyed as a bad movie, but given how depressing the once-great, uh, movie(can't really say franchise when it's a 2/3 fail rate) has fallen and how inundated we are with memberberry-reliant sequels, reboots and spin-offs, it's more depressing than funny. I believe this movie will be much funnier in the future, once society has put some distance between itself and the elements that led to this movie's creation, and I'll likely increase my rating. For now though, it's a not-subtle insult directed to anyone supporting the continuation of its miserable existence.
And the same to you, movie!
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Idk About Making it a Comedy...
The first one didn't seem like it was supposed to be funny. What made Leatherface terrifying was that he was emotionally removed, like a wild animal, hurricane, or machine, and it was the insane family that kept him on a leash.
They decided they wanted to go with the comedy route for the sequel instead of the abrupt shocking terror of the first one, so Leatherface is more of a bumbling henchman when he's not a sympathetic Sloth-from-The-Goonies character. It's like if "Home Alone" was a gross-out slasher snuff film. I can't really fault them for this decision because there were so many cheese-laden horror movies in the 80's that it probably made sense at the time. And it includes Dennis Hopper, so it likely carries unreasonable amounts of nostalgia for a lot of people. I really like the sets, lights, use of fog, etc. It's got that mystical quality that we stopped seeing in movies around the advent of CGI- unfortunately the movie in question is a sequel to TCM.
If you would like to preserve your memory of the first film and not see it turned into a cartoon, then probably skip "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2". If you don't care about that, then it's a dumb horror-comedy from the 80's with a higher production budget, and you'll likely enjoy it for what it is. Also, the sequel is so stupid and the characters are so divorced from what they were in the first movie that the callbacks in the last 20 minutes won't impact the viewing experience. It doesn't really make sense even if you've seen the first one, it's just like, "Oh they're doing their wacky routine again, but this time for the 'Ghostbusters II' audience".
5/10 is a generous nostalgia-goggles rating.
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
As a Movie, 3/10. As a BAD Movie, 8/10.
'Deep Blue Sea' is obviously not the first man-vs-shark movie, but I have to give it props for being one of, if not the first, DUMB man-vs-shark movie to reach a broad audience. I'm not sure where in the release lineup it fits between 'Anaconda', 'Piranha', etc., but the people who made this clearly thought, "We have a big shark and LL Cool J- we can do ANYTHING and audiences will turn out!" And since DBS made a small profit, they weren't wrong. More importantly, these brave pioneers paved the way for much dumber movies, to the point where they started making intentionally bad movies like 'Sharknado'.
There's not much else to say, but since the last 10 years of entertainment have indicated that this is an important metric that we should all consider: it should be noted that the 1999 movie "Deep Blue Sea" features a diverse cast of characters, including strong females.
The charm of 'Deep Blue Sea' is that it was released BEFORE a torrent of bad evil-animal(and Samuel Jackson) movies, so it's able to remain blissfully ignorant of how terrible the premise, script, acting etc are. IMHO a prerequisite for a good bad-movie is earnestness in attempting to make a good movie, so DBS makes a fun watch after a couple of drinks with your buddies.
Bad Kids of Crestview Academy (2017)
That's Gonna be a Hard Pass
Amazon was pushing 'Totally Killer' on me, and I couldn't make it through that one either. This one also appears to be targeted towards the 14-34 female, um, let's say "Velma" demographic, so I'm probably not the audience they're going for. I guess I was expecting more of a "Disturbing Behavior" type movie, but BKoCA is more like a spoof of a horror movie than it is a horror movie.
That being said, it's a horny/gory teen comedy that leans heavily on current-day tropes which
won't make sense in the future, so if you hadn't heard of this movie before, then you probably won't hear about it again. It employs levels of acting and writing that you would see on The CW. The camera work and audio is well done.
This was made for a pretty specific group of people, so if you're in that group you'll probably love it, but otherwise you deserve a medal for making it through the first hour.
PS- I saw someone else mention that it has themes of "And Then There Were None", but implying that these writers read Agatha Christie is giving them way too much credit. I could see if maybe they watched a YouTube video summarizing the film adaptation.
X-Men '97: Motendo/Lifedeath - Part 1 (2024)
First Episodes Set the Bar Too High
The novelty of the nostalgia starts to wear off in Episode 4, and we're left with one throwaway story for the first half, followed by a lame drama that cuts to "To be continued..." the moment the story picks up. Boo!
The first half is definitely the most pandering episode we've seen so far in terms of lazy virtue signaling, but that's really not the problem. The problem is that it focuses on arguably both the least interesting heroes AND villain, so as soon as they say, "What's a Motendo?" in the first 3 minutes (assuming you've seen the show/comics/video games) you know exactly what's about to happen, and yup, that's exactly what happens. Yay. The inclusion of memberberries for the arcade machine that took the 2nd most amount of my weekly allowance next to Ninja Turtles was nice, but ultimately does-not-an-interesting-story-make. It just made me want to play the arcade game. Also Jubilee is kind of a brat and Sunspot is kind of a loser, which doesn't help anything.
Cut to Storm in a desolate bar re-enacting 'Casa Blanca', followed by the beginning of a plot thread to get her powers back involving Forge, then the villain is introduced in a dramatic fashion, and SMASH CUT TO CREDITS.
I really liked Episode 3 and had high hopes for the rest of this series, but Episode 4 is a harsh reminder that at the end of the day this is a show that was intended to air on Fox Kids. The only thing missing from the Jubilee episode was a PSA telling kids to "Stay in school and just say 'No!' to drugs!" The original series had some banger episodes as well as some real cringeworthy ones, so expecting 'X-Men '97' to knock it out of the park every week may be a bit unrealistic. So far we have 1 miss, 1 hit, and 2 not-bad, which is a not-bad average; and the Storm storyline was really intriguing right before the abrupt ending, so maybe they're saving the fireworks for Episode 5(sorry, Jubilee, that didn't count!).
Lost Voyage (2000)
Terrible Movie Aficionados Will Enjoy
I think Rifftrax, MST3k and The Flophouse slept on this one. "Lost Voyage" got me to stop what I was working on because someone delivered a line of next-level-stupid dialogue while sounding like they were coming off of opioids, which got my attention. I thought I'd accidentally put on 'Money Plane'.
It's a lot of fun watching these people try to act and the writers not only fail to construct a coherent story, but struggle to even combine words that sound like something a real human would say. The audio isn't quite James Nguyen quality, but it pushed that boundary a few times. It looks like they had money for sets, effects and a decent camera crew though. Keeping the runtime at a "tight 90" was wise.
I'm rating 'The Voyage' an 8 because I love terrible movies and found myself chuckling after most lines of dialogue. It's not the best bad-movie, but it's pretty good-bad. If you're a SANE PERSON, however, you'll probably rate it in the 1-4 range and mourn the brain cells lost in the process.
The Black Demon (2023)
Colossally Stupid
I think I watched 'The Black Demon' the way its creators intended it to be seen: in the background while doing something else. It's a great movie for that because it's a dumb shark movie that wants to take itself seriously, and the premise is idiotic. You've probably seen this movie at least 6 other times to varying degrees of competence. I guess someone could argue that the production wasn't completely incompetent, and the acting wasn't the worst ever in a dumb shark movie... which almost makes it worse as a dumb shark movie. Fortunately I was working on other stuff, so the boring dumbness of the film had less of an impact.
If you've seen any other shark movie, and you've seen the trailer for this film, then you have seen 'The Black Demon'.