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The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Not Worth the Hype
I see myself as an open-minded person who tries to not be judgmental about movies, especially fantastical ones like this, but I cannot be that way with this. I will never forget when I was put through the wringer with this special effects-loaded snooze fest: junior year of high school, English class. It was around that time that I got into "The Island of Dr. Moreau," which was just plain awful; "Animal Farm" and "Brave New World." My teacher at the time (God bless him, he is a great soul but sometimes I wonder about him) was very excited to have us read the book in class and then watch the movie.
It leaves pondering minds to wonder what is to like about this movie. To say that this is better than "Star Wars" is preposterous. Granted I can understand certain movies just fine, this had me scratching my head every step of the way. If you take away all of the special effects to this insanely long movie (it's Peter Jackson, who just so happens to love making movies that are upwards to 3+ hours long), you have a bunch of guys and girls (maybe two) rummaging around a green screen with no particular place to go.
Slow as can possibly be, I don't see what the draw is to this movie. You have a bunch of guys trying to protect a mysterious ring and then you have Gollum, an equally insane character who wants nothing more in the world than to claim the ring for himself. There are those who absolutely love this movie and there are those who absolutely hate it. I am one of the latter. It was truly very difficult to stay awake through a movie that has the same tired plot that will leave a lot of "LOTR" fans begging for more.
It is not surprising that this dreadful excuse of CGI even won any Academy Awards. If I recall correctly, absolutely none of them were for acting. Not one. Like I said, take away all of the CGI and the like and you have just another band of clueless actors walking around in the wilderness or on a green screen. I know that this may offend some people to read, but I'm just not into that sort of movie. They bore me almost to death.
In all fairness, I would rather watch "Star Wars." Period. Peter Jackson should honestly just quit while he's ahead.
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
An Unofficial "Die Hard" Ripoff
I enjoyed watching Gerard Butler in movies like "The Bounty Hunter," "The Ugly Truth," "Law-Abiding Citizen," and even "Dracula 2000." When it comes to this, what can you possibly say? He can do action and he can do comedy, but this is neither. All it is is another dreaded attempt to try to get him to measure up to Bruce Willis...and it is a failure. Mr. Butler can certainly stand alone when it comes to action movies, that is for sure.
Butler plays Secret Service agent Mike Banning, who is best friends with the President (Aaron Eckhart), the First Lady (Ashley Judd), and their son. To begin, he gets into a car accident after running into a deer, which ultimately claims the life of the First Lady. Fast forward a year and a half later and he still feels guilty about what happened, having taken a desk job after being removed from the Secret Service proper.
He sulks about his so-called daily life with his wife/girlfriend Leah (Radha Mitchell). One day, things go sour when Washington D.C. is under attack by a band of North Koreans, killing everyone and destroying everything in sight before taking hold of the White House and doing the exact same thing. Fighting through his shame, Mike is called into action to kill the villains and save the President and anyone else of his staff who still happens to be alive. In a cliché with a capital C, he does just that, reunites with Leah and is redeemed by the President.
In the end, I cannot begin to describe the many things that are wrong with this so-called movie. Antoine Fuqua, the very man who brought us the questionable "Training Day," puts Quentin Tarantino and John Woo to shame when it comes to hardcore action, explosions, and gratuitous violence. It certainly shows here, I'll tell you that. Granted I have no problems with any of those things, I was deeply disturbed by what I saw here. It seemed like there had to be blood and explosions everywhere you turned in this dreadful movie.
I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. If you're going to watch a Gerard Butler movie, watch something like "The Ugly Truth" or "Law-Abiding Citizen." Those movies are more his speed than this. Trust me. Once was enough for me, thank you very much.
Copycat (1995)
Not Your Typical Whodunit
Going into this, I had no idea what to think. I forget how and where I got introduced to this work of art but I am glad that I got around to watching it. It has a number of stars in it that all have their equal share of time and no one is in it more than the other. Before I begin, if you really want a suspenseful mystery that will leave you asking for more, this is certainly it.
The movie begins with Dr. Helen Hudson (Sigourney Weaver) giving a speech at a college university and she get distracted when she supposedly sees Daryll Lee Cullum (Harry Connick, Jr.) in the audience and threatens her with a slashing across the throat gesture. She eventually gets back to business and finishes her lecture.
She is then attacked by Cullum following the lecture and the police come in to stop him. Fast forward some time later where she's plagued by agoraphobia and she tries to calm herself after a nightmare that jolts her out of sleep. Then come Ruben Goetz and M.J. Monahan (Dermot Mulroney and Holly Hunter, respectively) who are called to a crime scene where the victim was strangled in the style of the "Boston Strangler."
It is then they have to figure out the style of the killer before he/she kills any more people. As time wears on, the killer claims victims in the styles of the "Hillside Stranglers," "Son of Sam," and Jeffrey Dahmer...which is when things get too close to home when the killer makes Helen's assistant Andy one of his victims. After that, the police finally catch up to the "Copycat Killer" by the name of Peter Foley (William McNamara), who is nothing more than a lab tech who wants his 15 minutes of fame.
Eventually Peter kills a couple more cops and then kidnaps Helen, which alerts the attention of M.J. The bold cop then finds Helen at the university where the initial attack took place with Daryll Lee. A fight ensues and Helen eventually breaks free and runs to the roof, completely forgetting about her agoraphobia. Peter saunters after her and tries to shoot her, only to be stopped by M.J....who eventually kills him.
If you're not into the realm of serial killers, I advise you do some serious reading on them before you go into this movie. Even though the characters explain what the real killers have done, you will be better off knowing about them before they tell you. I guarantee that you will not regret it. Enjoy this gritty film and make sure you watch it on an empty stomach. There are some parts in here that may very well turn it if you're not used to it.
Män som hatar kvinnor (2009)
The Swedes Get It Right
This is another movie that spoke to me from an unknown source. In 2009, I really didn't pay much attention to where certain movies came from and dove in head first. When I first watched this set of movies (before it was even thought of to be remade in a horrible fashion), I had zero idea what I was getting myself into and had no idea what to think. So I eventually checked this out from my local library and sat down to watch it.
Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace, who would later be in "Prometheus") is a devil-may-care computer hacker with her own mysterious past. Then she comes across a story by one Mikael Blomqvist, an editor for "Millennium" magazine, that has to deal with the mysterious disappearance of Harriet Vanger, the daughter of rich man Henrik Vanger. In the process, she runs across a number of interesting characters who try and block her progress.
It is eventually revealed that she is a vigilante who takes great pride in what she does and establishes a makeshift friendship with Mikael by the time the movie is over, for he saves her life from the hands of a hulking brute and a lackey or two. The two eventually part company for the time being, of course, since Lisbeth is not the type of person who likes to stick around for too long.
Forget about the subtitles and just enjoy the movie. Granted it has some seriously dark overtones, sit back and watch it. It has suspense, mystery, action, you name it. If you're into anti-hero female protagonists who have no problem throwing a few punches and defending themselves in rather ingenious ways, this movie is for you.
10 (1979)
Not Even a 10
When I was a kid, we had all sorts of books on classic movies around our house. Of the many that piqued my interest then was "10," for whatever the reason. Maybe it was seeing a young Bo Derek (who is a figure of Summerfest in Milwaukee, where I live) coming up from the sea. After my brother and I sat down to watch this some time later, it was very much of a let-down and wasn't even appropriately titled.
Another Blake Edwards movie, it features Dudley Moore as a typical soul who falls into a mid-life crisis and questions his life choices. He has a great S.O. named Sam (Julie Andrews) who puts up with him every single day but doesn't mind it. One thing leads to another and he separates from her and goes down to Mexico to gather himself.
He has a run-in with an old friend named Mary (Dee Wallace) and try to have some fun together, but it doesn't work. Then comes the iconic scene where he's on the beach and he runs across Jenny Miles (Bo Derek in her heyday). The two get to talking and they have a romantic night together; the only thing that Mr. Moore doesn't know about Jenny is that she's married.
The straw that breaks the camel's back is when the two have a great night together and she gets a call from her husband. True to form, the two break it off and never speak to each other again. He then heads back to Sam to rekindle their relationship, which surprises her to no end.
I would hardly call this a comedy. "Victor Victoria" was a comedy. Here it just seems like Dudley, Bo, and Julie were just phoning it in. Blake, too. This movie just drones on and on and is probably the inspiration for the later movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." Julie was in here for all of maybe 20-25 minutes, hardly worth a credit. Bo was in here for about the same time and not much of the focus was really on her, contrary to popular belief. The one who demanded the most attention was Dudley, who literally had to be in every single scene. In all fairness, that was hardly necessary.
As I stated in my title, I wouldn't even call this "10" or give it a 10. It is a typical droning movie that has no real comedy. When it all comes down to it, it is just putting a real mid-life crisis to film and nothing more. This doesn't even belong in the same class as "Victor Victoria" or anything else that Blake may have done.
The Green Inferno (2013)
Repulsive with a Capital R
Ever since I saw "Cabin Fever," I always pictured Eli Roth to be a very odd duck. I myself am an odd duck but he has some rather interesting tastes when it comes to making movies, tastes that put mine to shame. From what I read about him, he does not like the sight of real blood but has no problems with fake blood. By itself, that part makes no sense. What kind of movie maker (particularly one who makes horror movies) can be so squeamish about the sight of real blood?
Anyway, I digress. Going into this, I had no real high hopes for it. I just wanted to see what it was like and nothing more. True to form, it was typical Eli Roth, the king of shock value. When I watched this (it was late at night and I thanked God I had an empty stomach), it definitely grossed me out...and it takes a lot to do that, by the way.
A group of college environmentalists take a plane ride into the jungle and end up being involved in a cliché plane crash that leaves a number dead and others injured after the fact. Those who survive then have to fight through the dangers of the jungle in order to survive and end up being on the wrong end of a cannibalistic tribe with all sorts of weapons and techniques at their disposal.
There was never a moment in the movie where I didn't squirm in my chair...and, to repeat, I almost rarely do that. If Eli was trying to do an homage to the 1970's cannibal movies by making this filth, he failed miserably. In true survival horror movie fashion, only one of the survivors walks away and heads back to the real world, forever scarred by the horrors that she went through in the jungle.
I have never truly been a fan of Eli Roth. I've seen "Aftershock," which is just as revolting. I've seen "Cabin Fever," which is decent enough for a few scares. Now there's "The Green Inferno," a nonsensical waste of time that should have never been made. There is a reason why those types of movies were made in that time: you were more likely to be scared during the 1970's than you are now, where you become more numb than anything.
I wouldn't even recommend watching this on a bet, not even by yourself or with friends...that is, unless they're friends that you don't ever want to talk to ever again. Watch something else other than this. Your stomach and your friends may thank you.
The Cave (2005)
Predictable, Pathetic, Painful
I will be the first to admit that everyone is entitled to their opinion. From what I have been reading, this is not worth making popcorn. This is not worth renting or setting up on your DVR (which my brother had done) whatsoever. I will agree with those who say that this is a ripoff of "Alien." That much I can agree with. For the record, it is also a ripoff of the similarly plotted "The Descent," which came out in the U.K. just a month before this dreaded excuse of film even did so.
In typical creature feature form, a team of avid spelunkers explore a dark and mysterious cave without fearing there is any danger down there. One by one, they get picked off by unknown creatures in a variety of ways. By the time it is all said and done, only two make it out alive and one of them (by no surprise whatsoever) is turned by the creatures and the other survivor sees it for himself.
I have always been partial to the occasional creature feature, but this is not even worth watching. As my title states, it is definitely predictable, pathetic, and painful. Let's not also forget that it's PG-13, which would explain its lack of depth and death scenes. For something of this so-called magnitude, it should have at least been rated R. Most creature features that I've seen have been rated R and they've been worth watching over and over again.
This, on the other hand, is not something you should even watch once.
Victor/Victoria (1982)
An LGBT-Friendly Comedy Before Its Time
I was actually first drawn to this through an episode of "NCIS" known as "Dead Man Talking" where the team has to deal with a transgender suspect who kills one of their own. The movie was referenced in the very end when Abby talks to Tony about movies related to their case at hand and it just so happens that "Victor Victoria" comes up. I believe it was my brother who rented the movie from the library first and then we went from there.
Victoria Grant (the legendary Julie Andrews) is a struggling singer who has problems earning money with her voice and is forced out of her home because she can no longer afford the rent. She comes upon Carole Todd (the late great Robert Preston), who is forced out of his job through no fault of his own. The two then become fast friends and eventually roommates.
With an idea from Mr. Todd ("Toddy" to everyone), Victoria becomes "a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman." (Try to say that five times fast.) She lands her first gig without a problem and comes across King Marchand (the late great James Garner), his bodyguard (the late Alex Karras), and King's girlfriend Norma Cassidy (the ever-funny Lesley Ann Warren) during the opening performance.
She wows everyone involved, particularly Norma...who doesn't know that Victoria is actually a woman. King shakes it off and later talks with "Victor" after the show. After the pleasantries are exchanged, King, his bodyguard and Norma head back to their hotel while Victoria heads back with Toddy to their room that just so happens to be in the same hotel.
After some "performance issues" with King and Norma and her having a conniption fit, his bodyguard sends her back to the United States. In no time at all, Victoria becomes the talk of Paris in more ways than one. And then there comes a private investigator who is bound and determined to make the woman out to be a total fraud. Needless to say, he has some bad luck of his own (struck by lightning, gets his finger stuck in a closet door, etc.) along the way.
Back in the States, Norma does a little performance of her own and then cries to one of King's friends, Sal. After faking tears, she tells the man that King is hooking up with another man and Sal is not too pleased to hear about it. In Paris, King eventually finds out that Victoria is not a man and falls in love with her.
In the final 15-20 minutes, Norma, Sal, and a few other members of his entourage come to Paris to confront King about his "homosexuality." However, Victoria comes in and corners Norma in the bedroom, exposing that she is a woman and not a man. The reaction by Norma is priceless, to say the least. Shortly after that, Toddy takes the reins as "Victoria" and the real Victoria is safe to be with King as the woman that she is without being exposed by the sly P.I.
Back in 1982, LGBT-related issues weren't so much of a hot topic as they are now. Blake Edwards nailed it perfectly without being blunt, as it were. As the title states, this is truly an LGBT-friendly comedy before its time. After all, Toddy is homosexual, King's bodyguard is homosexual, and Victoria is "a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman." I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you will laugh until you cry, fall over, or both. Enjoy this timeless classic because it is not going away anytime soon.
Matilda (1996)
Cruelty Has No Age Limit
As a kid, I was always the misunderstood outcast who was far different than everyone else. I was teased and bullied because I was slightly overweight and I had intelligence that had others feel intimidated. Ever since then, I have been drawn to movies where the victim gets revenge on his/her attackers in ingenious ways. For as long as I can remember, I have always been a big fan of "Matilda" and it is something that I would recommend to anyone who has troubles with bullies in school.
From the day she was born, Matilda was the shunned one and her brother Michael was always looked at like a golden boy...almost literally. As she got older, she became able to look out for herself without help from her mindless, ignorant parents (Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman). She became able to read at an adult level by the time she was 4 and stunned the librarian while angering her father at the same time.
At 6, she has longed to go to school but her father won't let her because he's running a shady business out of his car dealership and needs her as his makeshift go-between to sign for "packages." It as at that point that Matilda (Mara Wilson) discovers that she is able to move things with her mind, also known as telekinesis. When she is finally "allowed" to go to school, she continues to wow her teacher Miss Honey (Embeth Davidtz) while drawing the scorn of her tyrannical principal Agatha Trunchbull (Pam Ferris) as well.
As time wears on, she makes friends and becomes very close to Miss Honey while doing her best to dodge barbs by Miss Trunchbull. The unwavering little girl then discovers that she and her family are being watched by investigators (Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens and Tracey Walter) who are determined to bring her father down. She does everything in her power (literally) to slow them down but it is not good enough.
By the time all is said and done, Miss Trunchbull is ousted from the school for good while Matilda's parents and her brother flee the country, leaving the young soul in the care of Miss Honey. There are no hard feelings, of course, seeing as how her parents and brother couldn't have cared less about her.
From start to finish, "Matilda" is a classic that will warm your heart. It has some priceless laughs in between, but what more can you expect with a child with telekinesis who uses it to get even with her bullies? While I have never read the book of this by Roald Dahl, I can only imagine that it is just as good.
If you've got kids who are constantly being bullied in school, show this to them to send a message that they are not alone. As the title of my review states, cruelty has no age limit. Kids, adults, it doesn't matter. There are some who are more cruel than others. It is just that simple.
Monster-in-Law (2005)
A Clash of Epic Proportions
Before even watching this movie, I could relate that every family (or just about every family) had a monster-in-law. Take it from me watching a lot of true crime shows on Investigation Discovery that have had to deal with those types of people. In my own family, I have a few in- laws that are yet to be desired. Sitting down to watch this just crystallized it without fail.
Charlie (Jennifer Lopez) is a hard-working temp who nearly kills herself just to make ends meet. She has two loving friends, Morgan and Remy (Annie Parisse and Adam Scott, respectively), who support her 100%. At a party that the three work at, she comes across Dr. Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan), who is sitting among friends of his own. She then bumps into Fiona (Monet Mazur), the dimwitted blonde ex- girlfriend of his, who says that Kevin is gay.
Some time later, we meet his mother Viola (the legendary Jane Fonda) and her assistant Ruby (Wanda Sykes) at a TV studio. Then there comes a girl (Jenny Wade) who asks Viola for an autograph...for her grandmother. After that, Viola goes to her dressing room and the girl talks to Ruby, where the young woman drops a bombshell that spells doom to Viola's career: the legend is being replaced.
And that's when Viola loses it. Literally. After getting treatment, she goes home and is surprised again when she finds out that her son Kevin has a new girlfriend: Charlie. True to form, she tries to remain calm (in real Jane Fonda fashion) and fails. After doing that, Kevin and Charlie move in together and Viola can't take it, so she and Ruby do their best to find anything in Charlie's past that could torpedo the relationship...
...and essentially come up with nothing. Viola then plots Charlie and Kevin's future by planning everything for their wedding, which Charlie adamantly refuses all the way. Viola then falls over in a supposed panic attack and taken to a hospital. When she is checked out, things go from bad to worse when Kevin offers to have her stay with them for a while.
The chaos continues when he goes out of town and Viola goes out of her way to make Charlie's life a living hell. It is clear that Viola wants nothing more than to destroy her son's happiness and will do anything in her power to do it, even if that means loading gravy with crushed nuts, which Charlie is obviously allergic to.
In the end, the two women come to blows just before the wedding and Charlie finally creates an agreement that everyone can live with, even Viola. They then shake hands and go on their merry way without any more muss or fuss.
While not everyone may like this movie, it is certainly good for a barrel of laughs. The wit is razor-sharp and it is priceless to see J- Lo and Jane Fonda duke it out every chance they get with Wanda Sykes and Michael Vartan serving as makeshift referees. Watch it at least once. If you like it, watch it again. Hey, just buy the movie. It is that simple. Enjoy.
The Omen (1976)
Before "Superman" Was This
What does the title for my review have anything to do with "The Omen"? Well, for any film junkie out there who knows a thing or two about either the first original "Superman" and the "Lethal Weapon" franchise, they will know that Richard Donner was responsible for them...as well as "The Omen." If there were any two horror movies that stuck out the most in 1976, they would have to be this and "Carrie." No way around that. God bless Richard Donner for this work of art.
Lee Remick and Gregory Peck are two parents who want nothing more than to have a child of their own. They try and they try and fail. The answer to their prayers comes in the form of a baby born to a mother who had recently died in childbirth. They take the baby home and name him Damien. And that's when things get exceptionally creepy.
Fast forward a few years with a birthday party for Damien. His shady nanny says, "This is all for you, Damien!" and then kills herself by jumping out of a window with a rope around her neck. Next, his parents try taking him to church and he cries and struggles in their grasp. If it isn't one thing, it is another with the boy. There is almost no control over him.
After a few unexplained deaths and a near-miss or two, Mr. Peck finds out through a priest that Damien was not his own but rather the son of Satan himself and a female jackal, which we know to be the Antichrist. He then discovers that the boy has the mark of the beast on his head, that being "666" beneath his scalp. It is at that point that he has no choice but to kill the boy, but police stop him and kill him before he can harm Damien.
From what I have heard, doing this movie was no easy feat because of some rather unexplained instances on the set, as was with "The Exorcist." In the end, have an open mind when it comes to this movie. You may discover some things that you wouldn't ordinarily know about Satan and the Antichrist. Like all other classic movies, this just had to be remade...but we all know that the 2006 version couldn't possibly measure up to this one. It's just not possible.
Anyway, with all other classic movies, you may want to watch this one with the lights on and with a few people around you. The suspense by itself will make you jump a considerable distance and it's good when you have one or two people with you so that you don't have to do it alone. As I said, watch with an open mind...and at your own risk.
The Sandlot (1993)
One of the Best Childhood Classics Ever
I think I was in grade school when I was introduced to this work of art. Since then, it has become a cult classic in more ways than one. I can find myself quoting this movie so much that sometimes I don't even remember doing it. For those of you who have not seen this movie (and I do mean ever), whether you weren't born when it was made or haven't even heard of it, I highly recommend that you do so. This is a movie that many of us kids who were born in the 80's grew up with and I would recommend it to anyone.
It all begins with Scott Smalls, a newcomer in a town in the Southwest. Doesn't have any idea what he's doing, makes a complete idiot out of himself without any help. It is at that point that he comes across one Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, avid baseball player. Scotty (as he is called by everyone else) is then invited to go to the sandlot to play some baseball with some other boys.
Of course, his first game is nothing to write home about. The boys make fun of him and razz him to where he doesn't know if he wants to play anymore. By the second game, he's ready to go. As time wears on, the boys become friends and they start to have some fun. One day comes a rival neighborhood team that invades the sandlot and taunts the boys, exchanging insults at the drop of a hat.
Back in the day, "You play ball like a girl" was a serious insult because nobody believed that girls could play baseball. Following that heated exchange, the boys then go to the rival team's field and make sport of them without even trying. To celebrate, the boys then go to a carnival...where they make the biggest mistake ever: take chewing tobacco and then go on a fast ride, where they quickly lose the contents of their stomachs.
Then comes the biggest pickle to ever come their way: Benny (as he is called) destroys one of their baseballs with a powerful swing of the bat, forcing them to get another ball. Scotty, thinking he's done the right thing, swipes his stepdad's baseball signed by Babe Ruth and then plays with it. Unfortunately, he then hits the ball over the fence of Mr. Merle, to which it became property of the notorious "Beast."
True to form, the guys then figure out ways to try and get the ball back, only to fail miserably each time. Having had enough of the madness, Benny engages the Beast in a run around the neighborhood and wins, rewarding them with more baseballs than they know what to do with. Mr. Merle (James Earl Jones) comes out and introduces himself, telling the boys that they could've easily knocked on the door and he would've gotten the ball for them, making Squints the object of ridicule.
"The Great Bambino!" "You play ball like a girl." And let's not forget the obvious one: "You're killing me, Smalls!" I dare anyone say (at least those who are very familiar with this movie) that they don't know these lines. They will stay with you until you remember no more. Watch this gem over and over. Show it to your kids. They may find something that they actually like.
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
A True Childhood Favorite
I know that I was a kid when I was first introduced to this movie and I am glad that I got to watching it. I was, like so many other kids at the time, hooked on Disney movies and I didn't know much about Robin Williams until I watched "Aladdin" about three dozen times. After hearing him and then watching him in "Mrs. Doubtfire," it made me smile every time I heard him crack a joke or whatever.
The late, great man plays Daniel Hillard, a voice actor with a rocky marriage to his wife Miranda (Sally Field) and three kids: Chris (Matthew Lawrence), Lydia (Lisa Jakub), and Natalie (Mara Wilson). When he quits his job because he aggravated his boss, he picks up his kids from school and treats Chris to an impromptu birthday party with all of the trimmings because he knows that Miranda won't be home...
...until a nosy neighbor gets the ball rolling. Miranda blows a gasket and utters the three magic words that no married person wants to hear (especially if they're a good spouse): "I want a divorce." So Daniel moves out and is forced to do some re-arranging of his life. That's when everything starts to change for the better when he answers a personal ad of hers regarding a housekeeper.
When I saw him in the Mrs. Doubtfire costume, I couldn't believe what I saw. From what I hear, when he was on set in the costume and started talking like her, he actually had people believe that he was a woman. Anyway, the kids mature and become disciplined, as does Miranda...well, sort of. A big problem for Daniel comes in the form of Stu (Pierce Brosnan), a friend and co-worker of Miranda who wants to become serious with her after knowing that Daniel was out of the picture.
When it all comes down to it, everything is eventually ironed out and the kids spend an equal amount of time with both parents. As a child of divorce myself, I can definitely relate. For whatever it is worth, it is a comedy-drama that you will enjoy with every fiber of your being. Whether you're a kid of divorce or of two stable parents, I assure you that you will love this movie.
How can you ignore Robin's signature wit and Sally's vast array of emotions? Whether it is one that you remember or both, keep it close to you because you won't ever forget it. It is a shame that Robin is no longer with us. Every time I watch this movie, I have to hold back tears because that was the man that I remember as a kid who brought happiness to so many people. In the end, we must salute the man who brought us characters like the Genie and Daniel Hillard to life. God bless you, Robin.
Soapdish (1991)
A Soap Opera Within a Soap Opera
When I was a kid, my mom became so obsessed with soap operas that she actually recorded them and it drove me and my brother nuts. To this day, we still have no idea why she did that. At any rate, she was watching this movie on TV one day and my brother and I happened to walk in on it, not that she had anything to hide. From the moment that we sat down, all of us were on the floor laughing.
For a fake soap opera like "The Sun Also Sets" (the one in the movie, of course), you have your fair share of drama not just on the set but off it as well. The head drama queen is Celeste Talbert (Sally Field), who is practically the star of the show and everyone else around her is fighting for a place in the spotlight. You have David (Robert Downey, Jr.), one of the studio's producers; Rose Schwartz (Whoopi Goldberg), the show's writer; Montana Moorehead (Cathy Moriarty), who is in love with David; and the list goes on.
As time wears on, you have Lori Craven (Elisabeth Shue), Celeste's long-lost daughter, enter the picture. And then...let's not forget Jeffrey Anderson (Kevin Kline), Celeste's former love interest and Lori's father. The comedic chaos comes to a head when Celeste (in a tearful speech true to Sally Field form) admits on set to Lori that she is the daughter of her and Jeffrey in front of the entire crew.
Lori, of course, comes to accept that Celeste and Jeffrey are her parents and lays down an agreement that allows her some space. Perhaps one of the best scenes in the movie comes in the very end when Rose and Monica DeMonaco (Teri Hatcher's soap opera character) come on set to reveal that Montana Moorehead is in fact...a man by the name of Milton Moorehead. Of course, this doesn't go well for Montana/Milton and she/he storms off, causing everyone to go into stunned silence.
With a cast of characters that ranges from Sally Field to Teri Hatcher, you cannot ask for anything more with this priceless comedy. It is a guarantee that you will laugh until your sides ache and you fall to the floor with your hands on your stomach. It is just that funny. Watch it once and then watch it again.
Summer School (1987)
Carl Reiner, Movie Magician
My mom introduced this movie to me and my brother and sung its praises like no other. She told us that this was done by Carl Reiner, father of the legendary Rob Reiner. Like with so many other movies that came out of the 1980's, this is one that will never be forgotten. In addition, this is a unique high school movie that will leave you in stitches because you laugh so hard. Then again, that's always been Carl's claim to fame: make you laugh so hard that you forget about a bad day.
It all begins with Freddy Shoop (Mark Harmon before he joined "NCIS"), a devil-may-care gym teacher who is laser-focused on going to Hawaii for summer vacation. Then comes the principal and practically forces him to teach remedial English for summer school. There goes the summer vacation and he has to teach a motley crew of students who don't exactly have the best academic records in the world.
Two of the students he has to teach are horror movie fans who know their way around special effects and the like. You also have pregnant Rhonda (Shawnee Smith before she was in "Saw" and just before she was in "The Blob"), as well as a foreign exchange student and a surfer girl who likes Shoop more than a typical teacher and student should. Everyone has their own story to tell and he has to deal with it.
Probably one of the best scenes in the movie is when Shoop decides to leave and the students make a stand to get him back by scaring the living daylights out of a temporary substitute with the help of their horror movie aficionado classmates, essentially scaring her off. They then go down to the beach, still in their horror movie attire, and plead to Shoop to come back. He concedes, of course, and the students eventually take a formal English test (the fill in the bubble kind, of course), proving the cynical principal wrong in so many ways.
Needing a good laugh? Had a bad day? Sit down and watch "Summer School." It's one of the craziest comedies to ever come out of the 1980's and I guarantee you will watch it over and over again.
Devil (2010)
The Devil Can Be Anyone
When my brother first brought home this movie from the library, I had to look at him kind of funny. He said that he wanted to check it out before he passed judgment, so I caved and joined him. From the moment that he turned it on, my eyes never left the screen and neither did his. Even though it was produced by M. Night Shyamalan, you would never have known it.
Five strangers are in an elevator of an office building, each one going to points unknown. One by one, each of them dies mysteriously. The poor security guy has to sit in the office and watch as everyone dies off. Then comes the ultimate twist. When another member of the security team looks through the sign-in logs and sees that one of the people from the elevator didn't sign in, it is discovered that the devil is...
...the old woman. I cannot say that I was surprised and neither was my brother. Usually I am very good at guessing things when it comes to mystery/horror movies, but I will be the first to admit that I did not see that one coming. I will say that it was a perfect twist. I am a big fan of twists in certain movies but not to the point of where my head starts to ache.
As the title of my review states, the devil can be anyone. An older man/woman, younger boy/girl, teenage boy/girl, anyone. You may never know. In short, this great film will have you scratching your head and looking over your shoulder because you never know if the devil is in your presence, hence the plot of the movie. Enjoy.
Jaws (1975)
An Immortal Classic That Almost Wasn't
I can never remember how old I was when I first sat down to watch this beloved masterpiece, but I can say that it has stuck with me for the better part of 20+ years. My mom introduced me and my brother to this when we were young and we never stopped loving it. Even though we were obviously not even thought of when this movie came out, she told us that there were quite a number of people who lined up to see it and, as we would come to find out, were a bit skittish to go back into the water...for obvious reasons.
Through reading, this was a creature feature that was only supposed to get a limited theatrical release back in 1975. Thanks to some quick thinking and the like, just about everyone and their brother went to the theater to see this and would become a box office smash in almost no time. With a vintage horror movie like this, there is not a lot of blood but enough to make a point. When it comes to this tale, you really don't need it. The book (which was pretty good) was far bloodier than the movie.
Anyway, what I like about this is that you don't see the shark until almost halfway through the movie. When the shark attacks Chrissie in the very beginning, all you see is her being jerked around and then eventually pulled under. With Alex Kintner, all you see is a silhouette of the shark and then the boy being pulled under. Like "Alien," it leaves you with the thought that you are certainly not alone when you go out into the unknown.
And let's not forget the trademark theme. To quote Steven Spielberg to composer John Williams: "Two notes? That's it?" Those two notes have since gone down into movie legend. The theme has been used in other TV shows and movies, some not necessarily horror-related. It is probably one of the best movie themes to serve as a prelude for incoming danger.
This is vintage movie magic, bar none. It was one of many movies that propelled Mr. Spielberg to stardom today. Without lines like "You're going to need a bigger boat," "Jaws" just wouldn't be the same. (By the way, "You're going to need a bigger boat" was not in the script; it was improvised by the late Roy Scheider.) There are two production companies today that owe their names to this movie: Bad Hat Harry and A Bigger Boat.
In truth, it wasn't because of "Jaws" that has kept me out of the water; it's just that I never formally learned how to swim. Hey, there are some people to this day who won't venture out into the open water because of "Jaws." If you have never even seen or heard of this classic, please watch it. I don't know of too many people who haven't seen or heard of this. Watch it over and over. I'm 30 and I can't say how many times I've watched it since I was a little boy.
Unfriended (2014)
Can't Even Call This a Movie
Seriously, a horror movie centered around Skype? Give me a break. This is was another movie that I was drawn into by previews and I have to say that I regret it. I thought it was actually be somewhat enjoyable...but it was anything but. Sitting in front of the computer and chatting with your friends is not what I want to watch for 83 minutes. Do that on your own time. The camera that was probably used for this so-called film was most likely a webcam. Why? Nobody moves. Not a soul.
Centered around a group of young people who are haunted by the suicide of another friend of theirs, they just talk and talk and talk about nothing. Even for 83 minutes, it still goes by painfully slow. This must have been very cheap to make because the death scenes are absolutely ridiculous and nobody moved from their respective spots. Um, isn't the idea of a movie to go from set to set and not sit in one place for the whole thing?
I don't see how something like this could have even made a profit. As with so many others like it, there are no scares and you can almost see the deaths before they come because the unseen spirit of the dead friend is tormenting them into killing themselves. Just plain pathetic, if you ask me. I always love a good ghost story, but this was just out-and-out dreadful. No way around it. No special effects, pathetic dialogue, and it all takes place in front of a single computer.
The actors who put this piece of film muck should be ashamed of themselves. Aren't there other worthy horror scripts that young people like this could pick up and audition for? Apparently not. I have never been a firm believer in Instant Messaging or Skype, particularly because I have next to no one to talk to on it. Um, there's something called a cell phone that you can talk to your friends on. You don't need Skype to have a conference call about next to nothing.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)
A War Drama Worth Watching
When my mom, brother and I first sat down to watch this, we were honestly expecting a comedy littered with laughs and sharp wit. Then when we really got into it, there was nothing funny about this. I have no idea why this was labeled as a comedy when it really wasn't. It was probably because of Tina Fey that it was labeled like that...but it didn't matter to us. We enjoyed it every step of the way. Probably another thing that made it good was the fact that it was based off of a true story and Tina channeled the model for the movie perfectly.
I had no idea that Ms. Fey was capable of drama until I watched this. I had previously seen her in "Mean Girls" and "Sisters," both of which were comedies, of course. This, on the other hand, is much different. She is a reporter who goes over to Afghanistan to chronicle the horrors of war and gets involved with a number of interesting people along the way.
The only person that I could have easily lived without in this movie was Margot Robbie. It made no sense to me to have her in there and Tina, for all intents and purposes, ignored her throughout the whole thing. (Probably because Margot's voice is equivalent to nails on a chalkboard.) If Margot was trying to steal Tina's thunder, Tina wasn't having it. She was the star, not Margot. It was just that simple.
This film just proves time and time again that Tina can tackle comedy as well as drama. As I said before, my mom, brother and I all enjoyed this movie and were very pleased with what we saw, primarily because of the previews that we saw with other movies and on TV commercials. If you're expecting a fall-down funny movie with this, you will be mistaken. Take this as a drama that is not loaded with a lot of violence, just thematic elements seen with a time of war. You may like what you see.
The Gallows (2015)
A Movie Worthy of The Gallows
I have never really been a fan of "found footage" movies. I really can't explain why. There's just something to a movie where you stay in your seat and don't move with the director that makes it more enjoyable. I wish I could say the same about this. For the record, I am always on the hunt for horror movies that seem interesting or those that other people watch and can't stop talking about them. With this, I will admit that I was drawn in by some previews that I saw during TV commercials.
It all begins with the performance of a high school play called (of course) "The Gallows." (Really original, right?) One of the performers is accidentally killed by a noose on the stage. Fast-forward 20 years and a group of high school students go to the school where it took place to check it out, just to see if they encounter the ghost of the performer who died onstage.
Before you know it, just about everyone is picked off one by one by some supernatural force that they believe is the ghost of that particular actor. This isn't even worthy of being called a horror movie. It has no scares, little to no suspense, and all of the actors look like they're in a daze three-quarters of the time. To sum it up, it is just lazy with a capital L.
Don't even watch this on a bet. I was bored almost into a coma by the time the movie was through. Spend an hour and a half (or however long this was; I almost forgot how long it was for good reason) watching something else.
Ruthless People (1986)
An Ensemble You Will Never See Again
Not everyone will like this movie but there are many who do. My mom and I absolutely fell out of our seats laughing when we watched this; my brother, on the other hand, barely cracked a grin. Anyway, with an ensemble made up of people like Bette Midler, Danny DeVito, and Judge Reinhold, what more could you possibly ask for? The way I see it, this is a take-off of any kidnapping story that you will see in the news or on true crime TV shows...only there's nonstop comedy at every turn. As my mom and I have said, this is one movie that is not meant to be taken seriously.
Mr. DeVito plays a husband who desperately wants to get rid of his wife, who is played by Miss Midler herself. Then you have Judge Reinhold, who plays one of the bumbling kidnappers. DeVito and Reinhold concoct a plan that is surely foolproof, right? Not so much, apparently. From the moment that she is kidnapped, Bette tries everything in her power to buy her captors' trust and get out.
Probably one of the most memorable scenes in the movie is when she is on the phone and letting off a string of obscenities that you have to hear to believe. My personal favorite line: "I've been kidnapped by K- Mart!" Every time I hear that line, I can just picture her saying it and then I roll over laughing. In the very end, Bette gets revenge on her husband and her primary kidnapper and walks off into the sunset. Can't go wrong with that, if you ask me.
From start to finish, this is a comedy that you have to see to believe. Granted it may not be for everyone, you may like what you see. Enjoy.
Sisters (2015)
Underrated Romp but Good
Yes, there are those who don't like this movie. I can understand that. Like with so many others, this is one movie that I like that not everyone else may like. I actually saw this with my mom and aunt (who are, of course, sisters) and they thought it was good too. My mom and I thought it was pretty funny; as usual, my brother was not one who was easy to win over.
Ever since I was practically forced to watch "Mean Girls" back in 2004, I have found myself drawn to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler time and time again. I enjoyed them but loathed that movie. Anyway, with this underrated gem, Amy is the reserved Maura who finds herself more in love with her work than anything. As for Tina, she's the party woman who has a hard time trying to get through to her daughter. Then there come the parents (James Brolin and Dianne Wiest), who tell them the news that they're selling the childhood home that the ladies grew up in.
So the ladies plan a last-ditch effort to have one final party before the house is sold. They invite all of their old high school friends and purposely leave off one: a character played by Maya Rudolph. As the party begins, Maya tries everything in her power to get access to the party and fails. Once she does get into the party, it goes from bad to worse.
When that happens, the parents are the voice of reason and manage to get the ladies to grow up and bond as sisters. When all is said and done, the bond that they have is tighter than before and they actually enjoy one another's company. Granted it may not be a riot as some people say, it is still funny nonetheless. Watch it at least once. If necessary, twice. You may find something that you may enjoy.
Alien (1979)
Ridley Scott At His Best
As with so many movies that center on isolation and the like (particularly in the 1970's), this one tops the rest. When it comes to space movies, you're bound to feel a bit isolated and claustrophobic. Then add in the element of not feeling alone. Put those all together and you have this dynamic work of art. Before he made movies like "Black Rain" and" "Gladiator," Ridley Scott sat in the director's chair and made this. Believe it or not, I was introduced to this movie through word of mouth from the least expecting person from the church that I used to attend. My brother and I looked at each other and couldn't believe that we heard this unsuspecting guy actually talking about a movie like this.
At any rate, the two of us sat down and could understand where this man was coming from. We practically had to bolt ourselves down to the furniture that we were sitting on because it was chock-full of suspense. If there was ever a movie to come out of the 1970's with legitimate scares and the like, it would certainly be "Alien." We sat down and watched the initial three that followed this and could only come up with one thing: the first one was arguably the best.
With suspense and paranoia literally at every turn, you do not want to watch this either in the dark or alone. You cannot go wrong with isolation and claustrophobia in a sci-fi movie such as this one. In the end, let me say this: watch this movie once and then watch it again. If you truly enjoy watching a sci-fi movie that has more suspense then gore (and there are only a couple scenes in here where there is blood and gore), sit down and watch this. I will guarantee that you will love it.
Under the Skin (2013)
What Did I Just Watch?
The title of my review was pretty much what I asked myself when I chose to sit down and watch this. I truly had high hopes going into this and then they were immediately dashed by the time all was said and done. There was literally no depth to this movie. It almost seems like the director was half-asleep when he was putting it together. Having said that, I'm very surprised that I didn't fall asleep while watching it.
Scarlett Johansson takes on a role that was not suitable for her. She plays a nameless alien who goes around town looking for people that nobody will miss and then kills them. Looking at this, I think that she too was half-asleep and had no idea what in the world she was doing. There was no suspense, very little dialogue, and it trails so slowly that I would be better off watching cheese age or paint dry.
I was not surprised to see her character be killed off in the end. The way that it happened was just downright cliché. When I saw that there was a book on this, I wanted to see if it was better. However, it was very painful to read and might as well have been an entirely different story. The way I saw it, her character may as well have been some type of mutant cow. Like I said, it was very painful to read and I may have interpreted it wrong.
At the end of the day, this is not a movie that you want to watch. You will most likely be put to sleep. Scarlett has certainly made better movies than this and those were more worth watching than this dreadful snooze-fest. That is it, that is all.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Paging Nurse Ratched
My brother had seen this movie and was talking about it as if I knew what he was talking about, which I did not. He was quite surprised that I had not seen it beforehand and practically told me to check it out for myself. Having said that, I found this on a movie channel on TV and set up to record on the DVR. When I sat down to watch, I was immediately hooked from minute one.
There was no better person to play Randle McMurphy than Jack Nicholson. He was truly born for this role and anything else to follow it. Look up "crazy" in the dictionary and you will certainly find his picture. Along with Danny DeVito, Brad Dourif (Billy Bibbit, of course), and Christopher Lloyd, there is nothing that you can find wrong with this movie.
Perhaps the real villain of this movie is the infamous Nurse Ratched, practically the devil in a nurse's uniform. She does her best to block the guys at every turn and does not care how she looks or sounds when she does it. Having seen this timeless classic, I believe that "Nurse Ratched" should have been a catchphrase for diabolical nurses who take their job way too seriously.
It was actually before I saw this that I read the book of it by Ken Kesey. It's not very long and you can get through it in one sitting. To put it mildly, the movie is very faithful to the book and I highly recommend both of them. When this movie came up for the Academy Awards back in the day, it would have been shocking if it didn't win any of the awards that it was nominated for. It truly is that good.
Like with so many other timeless classics, it would be sacrilegious if this gem was ever remade. It wouldn't surprise me if it ever was but I would become very angry. In the meantime, watch this at least once. You will not be disappointed.