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Reviews
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
It's a chinese movie...
Made by and for china. You can tell because it's cringe, bad acting, not funny, over the top nonsens and bunch of dumb one liners.
People wonder if this movie is bad or knows what it is so doesnt take itself seriously.... It's none. It simply a generic chinese movie. The only difference is that there's so much money involved that they could afford Jason Statham. I love Jason but i'm pretty sure he's just here for the paycheck.
The chinese actors are bad, that woman in the first one (Lin B.) is a terrible actress and that Wu guy is no better. That half asian kid is beyond bareable and let's not start with the main vilain....
Don't waste your time. Life is not short, ot's what you do woth it that makes it short. - Seneca.
You Won't Be Alone (2022)
Give this director a gimbal
Movie is great, very poetic. Life and humans seen through the eyes of a witch. Not so much a horror movie than a realistic take on the subject (witches can be cruel). I'm aaying this because people might expect a horror film with gore and jumpscares. It is more like a Terrence Malik film.
The only drawback for me is the camera shots: way too shaky and tilting. I don't understand the point of filming everything like we're on a boat. Maybe to make it feel more "human" but it's overdone, it gives nausea mire than it adds values.
The photography could have also been more "stylised". Seems like there's only a desaturated effect.
But overall a very good film!
Exception (2022)
Brilliant! Finally an anime for adult and not geek nerds
Don't listen to the bad reviews, they obviously didnt get it. Sure the design and animation are not conventional. I personally loved!
We're faaar away from the tiring coming of age teenage anime. Exception focus on plot and not characters which is a great thing as average animes usually focus "just being cool".
Exception has everything: coherent tech, interesting characters, tension, friendship, ... it also makes us question on how far we're willi g to go in order to survive.
The design is what will make people not watch and that's a shame. I wasnt a huge fan of Amano's character design in the 90s but with maturity, I now really apprectiate the details brought to each character. Yes his style is feminin and it has NOTHING to do with political trans/gender issues, he's been designing character this way since the 80s!!!
Give it a go, it might take 2-3 episodes to get used to the design but the story is worth it! If you're a basic One piece nerd, don't bother, no one is trying to look "cool" or "goofy". This is a true scifi piece on the same level as Alien or Sunshine.
Zalava (2021)
Don't look at the score
I don't know why the score is so low. I watched it today at the NIFFF and it was BRILLIANT!
Never had so much tension because of a pickle jar! The acting is great, the editing is great, the stress is real! It's not so much a horror movie as there's no horror... what's horrible is how superstition leads to stupid actions.
If you like to open your mind on foreign cinema, this is it!
Money Heist: Korea - Joint Economic Area (2022)
The Office, anyone?
When NBC remade the Office from the BBC, they copied-pasted the first episode and realised it was going to fail. So instead they did their own US version abd it was a massive success!
Somehow Netflix did not learn from this and did the laziest thing: take the same story and translate it. Lame, sloppy and tasteless.
The Spanish characters have so much charisma, I couldn't even imagine who would do them justice. Spoiler alert: no one. I mean Nairobi? How badass she is in the Spanidh version and souless in the Korean one???
The only people who will line this remake are:
- yellow fever nerds
- korea fanboys
- people with no cinematographic tastes
- bored people who watxhed the entire netflix
- simple minded teenagers
- people who've NEVER heard of the originsl Money Heist (is that even possible...)
Do not bother, do not encourage netflix to make more if these rubbish.
The Northman (2022)
Dont listen to the marvel fanboys
This film is brilliant, from the acting to the sound design, the mise-en-scene etc. It's clearly a film for adults (or mature young people), certainly not your average marvel/starwars crowd.
Extremely refreshing to see an original movie, we simply dont make enough of those these days. Whoever hated it have their tiny brain lobotomised by disney.
Moonfall (2022)
Moonfail
No seriously, havent watched such ridiculously film for a while... all actors are terrible, the editing is off, the rythm is shaky, the stakes are dumb, way too many expositions, the action scenes are ludicrous... and that useless chinese "actress" who can't act and is around just for the chinese market.... And don't get me started with all the Tesla ads.
Do yourself a favour, don't waste your time.
All My Friends Hate Me (2021)
Wow, a 1? For real!?
Some people should just stay away from ratings. That movie was brilliant abd took me to an emotional rollercoaster!
You sometimes sympathise with Pete, you sometimes hate him. But you're always thinking about what is going on!
The actors did their part well and I was engaged during the whole time! Don't listen to the 1ers... i'd lime to see THEM make a good movie...
Gwledd (2021)
Dont listen to these American teens...
No jumpscares with this one, only great ambience and superb acting! It's NOT slow, it takes its time which is very different!
Some haters rated with a 1 while admitting NOT finishing the movie... WTF!!! Who do you think you are? Dont rate a movie if you haven't watched!
The tension is real and the end goes completely bonkers! It was my first Welsh film and can't wait for more! Bravo IFC!!!
Scream (2022)
Funny thing is...
... at the very begining, the girl managed to cite REAL good horror movies like The Witch, It Follows, Hereditary and The Badabook... THESE are horror film worth watching! No jumpscares, real story/plots, good acting!
Scream is just another popcorn sht cheap "horror" cash grabbing movie.
Pass, life's too short for this time wasting film.
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
The force is not with this serie...
So apparently the Japanese don't know how to tell a star wars story without jedis... oh i bet they looove sith because they're sooooo cool *barf*...
1 or 2 episodes had decent design, the rest is just kiddo anime, otakus will love them.
Story is less than crap, no stakes, no drama, just "cool" scenes and exposition. Lame.
Mulan (2020)
how do you say "LOL" in chinese xD
SOOOO, that witch could have just flown to the emperor and murder him from the beginning...
And here lies all the flaws that come from this poor movie. Bad acting, bad story, bad effects. Mulan will be easily forfotten and that's a good thing.
The Lodge (2019)
Finally true horror!
Those little teenagers trashing the movie cannot get scared without dumb jumpscares... how pathetic. The Lodge is a true horror film up until the end. You need to project yourself in every character to understand the hell they're living in!
JUMPSCARES ARE NOT HORROR. When I watch a horror film, i want to be horrified, NOT STARTLED!!! Jumpscares are CHEAP tricks!!!
The Lodge is as tensed and horrifying as the Shinning or Hereditary, true brilliant horror movie!
Zoo-Head (2019)
Best indie movie so far this year!
Zoo-head is a very entertaining sci-fi story about a junkie stuck in a loop. The direction was great and one could feel the diverse influences Navin Dev had (fight club, etc...).
The actors were really passionate about their role, the lead actor even lost 20kgs to look like a real junkie! Remember his name, he'll definitely make it big!
The story wasn't never seen before and yet, you do want to know how it ends. I saw it at the Sci-fi London Film Festival and everyone at one point hold their breath to know what would happen next.
Zoo-head is a very fresh approach to « loop movies » à la Groundhog day or Run Lola run! With a dash of Trainspotting and a splash of Fight club, Zoo-head is for sure a movie that will stay in my mind for a while!
I also must mention the incredible soundtrack that put me back directly to classic John Carpenter tensions (especially « Prince of darkness » and « the thing »). Huge gratz to that!!!
I give it 10/10 also to balance the unfair (and dumb) 1/10 from those who simply didn't get it.
Tidying Up with Marie Kondo (2019)
Marie Kondo is a fraud
She now sells empty boxes for 89$. The show itself is boring. You watch one episode, you've seen them all. The laguage barrier is ludicrous and she gives tips that are already available on youtube. I doubt there will be a second season.
Ghostland (2018)
Jumpscare fest
Do not watch this movie, it's just a jumpscare fest (i counted at least a dozen!!!!!!!), no intelligence, no gore and no tension. JUMPSCARE IS STARTLING, NOT HORROR.
The Karate Kid (2010)
Pffffff lol?
Instead if boring you with a long text, here are the reasons why this movies blows penguins:
- karate in a chinese context movie... morons
- jaden smith, asshole
- he's 11 years old and black, good luck finding a chinese girl.
- chinese are being portraited as assholes... china even had to edit the movie
- jaden smith (yeah I already put it but that's how bad he is).
- horrible acting from everyone (yeah even jacky chan is not doing his best which is already not great).
- obviously made to make money in china