Reviews

Only recently have I finished watching the original two series of Twin Peaks. I missed out when they initially aired – at the time, I was only a few years old – but the release of the new series motivated me to watch the original Twin Peaks. A dark undercurrent flowed through the original series, expertly woven together with goofiness, silliness, paranormal activity and plenty of black comedy. Characters were weird and wonderful, and even those you perhaps thought were annoying at first were strangely likable (for example, Dick Tremayne). I loved the original Twin Peaks and I strongly suggest that anyone who hasn't watched it should put it on their 'To watch' list immediately. Each show is 45 minutes of pure delight. But enough of the original Twin Peaks, let's move on to Series 3.

I appreciate that much has changed in 25 years and TV viewing preferences have morphed but the third series left me thoroughly underwhelmed and disappointed. I'm not someone who dislikes weirdness or having my mind messed with, far from it, but this series was weird purely for the sake of being weird; a sentiment clearly shared by many others. It (Twin Peaks 3) isn't metaphorical or allegorical, even at some obscure level, contrary to those who say they 'interpreted' the various elements of the series as such. For the most part, it's an incoherent mess of non-relevant characters engaging in equally pointless interactions. Worse still, it's boring.

Some of the series' 'highlights' include a man sweeping a floor for about 3 minutes, Dr Jacoby spray painting shovels for what felt like an age, and episode after episode of characters staring blankly at each other, waiting an eternity before delivering their lines. The Douglas Jones aspect became tedious almost immediately. The police officers /detectives who were supposed to be funny, notably the one with the idiotic laugh, were about as funny as haemorrhoids. And the less said about episode 8 the better. Watching a nuclear explosion in e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n, the Giant floating upwards for minute after painful minute, and a full performance by Nine Inch Nails?! If I wanted to watch a music video, I'd go on YouTube. The pacing of each episode was excruciatingly slow, just for the sake of being slow; the 55-minute episodes could easily have been condensed to 20 minutes and they still wouldn't have felt rushed.

The original series tackled dark issues and the supernatural but it didn't resort to nudity, swearing or any particularly graphic content, things which are now all too common in series three. Not that any of these things bother me at all but they simply have no place in Twin Peaks; in my opinion, it's just not that type of show. Most of the swearing feels totally excessive, unwarranted, forced, and included for no other reason than to include some swearing. The sex scenes seemed pointless too, especially the one in the first episode that was put in purely for Madeline Zima to flash her flesh. The graphic scenes (the crushing /bursting skulls spring to mind) also appeared to have been added for sake of showing graphic content.

Moving on to the original cast and original locations, in series one and two Norma's café, Norma, Shelly, and later Annie, all played important roles. They were the equivalent of the local pub and friendly bar staff that you find in any soap opera, the community hub of the show, if you will. However, in series three Norma's seemed totally irrelevant, as did Norma and Shelly. Audrey too was pretty much a special, and pointless, guest, as were Nadine and Jacoby. In fact, the majority of the original characters were borderline irrelevant and it would have been much better if they hadn't been included at all.

The Bob /Agent Cooper, Douglas Jones /Agent Cooper, Gordon, Albert and Tammy characters and associated themes were (mostly) consistent throughout the entire series. However, virtually everything else that happened was a collection of unconnected mini stories with no bearing on anything else outside of their own tiny sphere of interest; essentially random and irrelevant content. I have seen the words 'Masterpiece' and 'Perfection' thrown around all too liberally in many reviews of the latest series of Twin Peaks and all I can presume is that I was watching something completely different. The climax of the finale would have been quite good if I (like many others) hadn't already given up caring as to what was actually happening, or why, three quarters of the series earlier.

There were a few (heavy emphasis on the word 'few') good points though, it wasn't entirely bad. I liked Gordon, very much how he was in the original series and he delivered a few lines that made me laugh when he responded to things he'd misheard. I found the casino scene – "HEELLLOOOO!!!" – very funny, very Twin Peaks. I liked the song by Au Revoir Simone during the end credits of one episode. And oh yes, you get a few minutes (quite literally) of the ACTUAL Agent Dale Cooper in the penultimate episode in which we are finally shown his friendliness, determination and idiosyncratic personality.

However, I think I need to end this review on probably the biggest failing of the series, something I allude to above. Why oh why oh why was Kyle MacLachlan reduced to a brain dead idiot for 80-90% of the series when he is brilliant at playing the real Agent Cooper? It makes no sense at all, a bit like the series.

Twin Peaks was just one large, Lynch-driven, 18-hour vanity project. If it hadn't been called, 'Twin Peaks' or had Lynch's name attached, the series would have been instantly overlooked by far more entertaining new TV shows like, 'Watching paint dry in 60 minutes' and 'The floor sweeping world championship'. Ultimately, it would have disappeared into obscurity, which I suspect it still may.

Putting into words how incredible Ben Matlock is will be very difficult but I will try!

For starters, his skills as a lawyer are the best, bar none, and no matter how bleak the situation looks for his client or how incriminating the evidence is on the person he's defending, Matlock always manages to win the day. Whenever he's cross examining witnesses, he manages to tie them in knots and it's always just a matter of time before they crack under Matlock's relentless questioning pressure. As far as lawyers go, Matlock is a goliath, a titan, a truly unstoppable force. *SPOILER* Even when he is drugged by a bunch of criminals and is left, barely lucid, to stumble through the middle of an extremely busy highway, hundreds of cars swerve out of the way in fear of being damaged beyond repair by Matlock's power.

However, Matlock's skills go far beyond his day job of a $100,000-per-case lawyer. His gun-toting prowess with a firearm is exceptional, as is his ability to wield a sword or kendo stick. If you squint, you could easily mistake Ben Matlock for Neo out of The Matrix films. Matlock is also a Michelin star chef and he makes no apologies for this fact by spending 40-50% of each episode stuffing his face with hotdogs, Monte Christo sandwiches and anything else into which he can stick a fork. In addition, Matlock is not only extremely handy around the house as he is able to carry out roof repairs, he is also an exceptional baseball pitcher in his spare time. To cut a long story short, if you are in need of the world's greatest lawyer but also require the services of a bodyguard, chef, sportsman and DIY person, Matlock is your man.

When defending his clients and searching for the truth, Matlock is helped along the way by a medley of wonderful assistants. Firstly, whenever Matlock needs to take a break from fist fighting, the duty of dishing out 'knuckle sandwiches' fall upon Conrad McMasters. Conrad's day job is as Matlock's private investigator and his ability to carry out this function has earned him the name, 'The Chameleon' for the way he can effortlessly blend into any role. *SPOILER* One week he'd be a bartender with mixology skills worthy of the International Bartenders Association, the next he'd be performing in adult themed movies, all in the line of duty. Conrad was also ice cool, circa minus 273 degrees Celsius cool, that he is only matched on the coolness scale by Kojak. For all you petrol heads out there, throughout the show Conrad also drives 11 different Ford Mustangs (models range from 1965 to 1994) so try to spot them all if you can. As you can imagine, Conrad's sublime choice of vehicles makes him a 'one' (so to speak) with the ladies, which itself is a recurring theme throughout the entire show, often resulting in a number of comical escapades.

Next up in Matlock's arsenal of crime fighting were his two gorgeous female assistants. First was Michelle Thomas, Matlock's partner for a few seasons, who was then followed by Leanne MacIntyre; a lawyer and Matlock's daughter. Just a flash of either's eyelashes or a smile from their pouty lips is usually enough to make any witness crack under the heat when they're being cross-examined. These small but significant facial actions by Matlock's sultry sirens are enough to get one's heart racing to such an extent that the show should really come with a health warning, aimed at the show's predominantly elderly and retired viewer demographic.

How do I sum up Matlock? Well, he has the demeanour and dress sense of James Bond, the physical dexterity and mental determination of Jason Bourne and quick wit and phenomenal intellect of Richard Feynman. Matlock blows all other courtroom dramas into the middle of next week with a realism that you could only seek to replicate in a genuine courtroom. For any budding lawyers out there, I advise you watch Matlock to see how to get the job done inside the courtroom, and out! For everyone else, Matlock makes compelling viewing as it has a bit of something for everyone: Action, drama, thrills, spills, sex appeal, comedy and mystery. Often more like a psychological thriller than a courtroom drama, I regularly felt that Matlock was more comparable to a Christopher Nolan film than the Perry Mason show, to which Matlock is usually compared. Either way, I loved Matlock; one of the best TV shows ever created!

Diagnosis: Murder is an American reality medical documentary that provides a detailed, often eye-opening, insight into the healthcare profession, where, unlike in virtually every other country across the globe, doctors are also criminal detectives and private investigators. This particular documentary follows the day-to-day exploits of Dr Mark Sloan, a medical professional at Community General Hospital, or "CGH", for short. Some of you may recognise Dr Mark Sloan from his earlier acting career when he appeared in Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, which was long before altering his life completely by becoming a medical doctor. After watching just one episode of Diagnosis: Murder I don't think anyone would believe that this change of career is anything but noble as Dr Mark saves hundreds of lives whilst simultaneously solving crimes and murders, thereby ensuring American streets are much safer.

Now, before you start thinking that Dr Mark is some sort of miracle worker with a device that can stop time – I mean how can one person have enough time to be a full-time doctor at a busy and often underfunded medical establishment whilst also having time to investigate criminal activity? – Dr Mark regularly calls on the assistance of his friends, family and colleagues in his quest to heal people and fight crime. In the crime-fighting department, we have Dr Mark's son, Steve Sloan who is a police detective for the local police department. The Sloan family have much to be proud of and the fact that father and son can work together so productively is beautiful, often causing me to hold back an emotional tear. Steve is a warm, generous and kind-hearted guy that he breaks the mould of your stereotypical, hard-talking, tough-guy law enforcement officer; anyone who needs their faith rebuilding in the police need look no further than Steve Sloan, an all-round bloody nice guy! Steve really did deserve a fantastic woman/girlfriend and there were moments when I thought that he'd found the right person. *SPOILER* Unfortunately, this 'nice guy' persona gave Steve a slight sting in the tail, so to speak, when he started dating a beautiful dancer. As an avid viewer of this ground-breaking programme, I've noticed a few themes have emerged which has made me become a little distrusting of the many new people we're introduced to on a week-by- week basis; this young dancer was one of these people that I had a sneaking suspicion that she might be 'dodgy'. Suffice to say, I was disappointingly proved right.

Dr Mark was able to call on the help of his (aforementioned) work colleagues whenever the situation arose. As each new series was filmed, we witness staff turnover at CGH resulting in Dr Mark needing to build new relationships with new staff members (i.e Dr Jesse Travis). I really enjoyed observing this particular dynamic of the programme because we are all aware of how the coming-and-going of team members can be disruptive. However, Dr Mark is able to deftly deal with these challenges and new team members immediately appreciate what CGH is all about and thoroughly understand the hospital's, and Dr Mark's, altruistic ideology. Another member of CGH's staff that needs mentioning is Dr Amanda Bentley. Not only is she absolutely dedicated to her job, she is kind, witty and a fantastic role model for girls wanting to become doctors. Whenever I visit the hospital the doctor, more often than not, is male. However, Diagnosis: Murder and CGH thankfully shows that women can become doctors as readily as men can! Regarding the 'business' side of hospital management, to help provide an even deeper perspective behind doctor/manager relationships at busy hospitals, we regularly see interactions between Dr Mark and CGH's administrator, Norman Briggs. As one would expect, tempers often become frayed between these two titans of the healthcare profession and emotions sometimes bubble over but I believe this is only because they are deeply passionate about healing people. However, I think CGH, and Norman Briggs especially, were extremely commendable for allowing camera crews to film these intimate discussions between doctor and administrator because the content of these talks would usually be of a sensitive nature.

The only thing that baffled me week-in, week-out was that the episode's killer(s) / criminal(s) would often allow camera crews to film the criminal carrying out incriminating phone calls /discussions. If I'd committed a crime, I sure as hell wouldn't allow someone to film me when I was trying to cover my tracks. Aside from this bizarre feature of the programme, Diagnosis: Murder is a thoroughly engaging watch. On many occasions I've been on the edge of my seat as Dr Mark manages to save another life or when, right at the last minute, he's able to catch a criminal. *SPOILER* I did worry at one point that the series would have to be suspended when Dr Mark was captured by bunch of criminals, tied up and bundled into the back of a truck but two of Dr Mark's team had been watching the proceedings and were able to rescue him (and the programme, of course).

Overall, Diagnosis: Murder is a must-see programme for anybody thinking about becoming a doctor or nurse as it highlights that your job will not be confined to the 'four' walls of the hospital, there's the opportunity to assist the local police department too. Personally, I can't think of a more exciting and fulfilling career. I'm actually sad that I didn't go to medical school but if Dr Mark Sloan is able to start off as an actor and then move into the medical arena, maybe there is hope for me yet!

Diagnosis: Murder – 10 out of 10; I'd give it 11 if I could!!