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Reviews
No One Will Save You (2023)
No One Will Tell Us This Movie is a Prank
I watched the trailer and wow looks promising. The beginning was good. The alien FX is great too.
But then, she starts to do some illogical actions. You just found out that frigging aliens invaded your home, so you should hide, stay absolutely quiet and stay hidden at least for a couple of hours.
But instead, NOOOO!!! She makes countless of sighs, and phews and yelps, and heavy breathing all the while the aliens are just 5 ft from her. It just does not make any sense! Unless the aliens are deaf. But it cannot be, since the alien heard her footsteps earlier on.
Then, next day arrives and at about this time, 30mins into the movie, I realized that this movie has no dialogue whatsoever. I paused the movie, then googled just to be sure. Yes, the whole movie has no dialog, and here I am, pausing the movie, contemplating whether I should continue watching or not, while writing this review.
It is so disappointing to watch a high potential scifi horror movie, but to be dumbed by non existing dialog. It is just so dumb.
Night Swim (2024)
Unfairly Rated!
Not sure why many low ratings on this one. I am a horror movie critic and to me, this movie fit every requirements for it to be a good horror / supernatural movie.
If I have to edit this movie, I'd remove the intro part where it shows Rebecca taken by the demon. It would build much more suspense.
This isn't a typical monster in the water movie either. There is twist revealed at the middle of the movie which is on point.
Without revealing spoilers, I'd say this movie is on par with Sinister. Acting is on point for most of the main characters, except maybe
Amélie Hoeferle, who played Izzy, could improve her acting circa the sharp glasses injury scene. Her total disconnection with pain after she heard something is unnatural to any human beings.
As a conclusion, a good and enjoyable supernatural movie. There aren't much jump scares but storyline and twist are on par. Highly recommended for a good movie night.
Napoleon (2023)
I love Joaquin but this movie failed miserably
The story teller and writer failed big time in this movie. They tried too hard to tell the whole history of Napoleon into one movie.
Many plot holes, pointless scenes, and pretty much boring storyline. They should have focused on a part of Napoleon life that is interesting, for example, the coup, or Egypt war.
Instead all of them are mushed up together, combined with boring story of extra marital affair of his wife and showing how weak Napoleon was when he just abandoned the war just to see his wife. Meh.
Joaquin acting is on point. So is Vanessa Kirby's, but as a movie it is just absolute bore that I stopped watching halfway.
Avoid at all cost.
Stowaway (2021)
Hold Liquid O2 with your hand while climbing down in a clunky space suit.
It starts off, OK and that's the most annoying part. The writer first mess up is the stowaway guy was found in a bolt up compartment. Who the heck bolt him inside? Nobody cared. Nobody asked.
Ok, letting that go, then we have the poking on a liquid O2 line. Like, don't these things have a port where you can connect to? How does the ground station fuel it up in the first place?
Then the major blunder of all, Anna holding the filled cannister with one hand and climbing down with another and ended up smashing the bottom and losing the cannister.
Can't you tie the cannister on your body like normal people? All these illogical and dumb bits really spoil the movie. And, in the end why does Anna decided to stay outside in the storm, while they already have a lethal injection inside where it would be painless to die?
Stop giving us crap Netflix. I swear another movie like this I am going to unsubscribe.
The Equalizer 3 (2023)
Rarely a third installment beats the first 2.
The satisfaction of watching this movie is absolute high. Rarely we find a third sequel that tops the previous 2 movies. Almost none. But Equalizer 3 did just that.
The satisfaction mostly comes from how quickly and easily Bobby terminated the Mafia's brother and the gang. I found myself clapping after he killed Marco, and raising both of my hands in the air. What a legend! Only Denzel can pull off something heroic like this.
Bobby then proceeded to provoke the Mafia boss, till he came face to face with Bobby, and swearing he would return and kill Bobby and burn the whole town.
Obviously, the Mafia didn't and wouldn't expect Bobby right in the same night. Bobby goes to their lair and wipe them out. The Mafia leader gets a taste of his own medicine.
What an epic heroic movie. I feel like we really could use an Equalizer. Because wherever we are there is always bullies, oppressing others for their own gain.
Hands down the best movie in 2023.
Talk to Me (2022)
FX are great... BUT...
The plot of the movie is interesting. A teenage girl was invited to a group meet, where they summon spirits and actually letting the spirit possess them for a short while. They seems to be having "fun" by doing this. Because the spirit says and do stupid things and they laughed.
But soon they let the teenager girl's younger brother play in the ritual, and that's when everything goes south. The spirit who possessed him appears to be their dead mother. The teenage girl refuse to push the spirit out, and waited for longer time, while she asks questions to her dead mom.
Then, the brother seems to be forced into another possession by another spirit, who is evil in nature. The spirit was able to make the boy hurt himself badly.
Then the girl kept on seeing spirits, and she couldn't differentiate which is real and not anymore and she ended up killing her own father. *facepalm*
The ending is just stupid, because she committed suicide and she ended up being just another spirit who is also tied to the same ritual.
Overall, good effects esp on the spirits, and wounds, but storyline could have been better.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Could've been great but they ruin it with illogical actions
I am a sucker for horror movies. And when a movie like this appear, I just knew it could be a great movie. The plot of being stuck on a vessel with no way to escape, and have a monster on board, is just scary as hell.
The problem is, there is no element of surprise. Right from the start, we already been shown there are these mystery crates with a symbol of a dragon stamped on them.
To those who knew their dracula lore, they'll immediately know that the dragon is a symbol of Order of The Dragon, that Dracula was a member of.
Anyway, the first screw up they did was with the boy. After there are livestock deaths on board the ship, and a crew member bitten at the neck till dead, the Captain told his grandson to stay in the room and lock it inside.
Then when the boy heard of a noise outside what did he do? Yep, UNLOCK and OPEN the door willy nilly... walks out, and even venture on through the belly of the ship.
The next screw up was this trap they were setting up to hurt the vampire. They used the woman as bait on top of the ship, but all of them are also around visible to anyone, not hiding at all. Like, what kind of a trap is this? You cannot even catch a tortoise with this, let alone a lightning fast 500 years old vampire.
It is a shame, I can envision the movie could have been way better, if the storyline, plots and scene are more well thought of. Not difficult, just use your common sense? Or have common sense departed from these movie writers since Covid? Time will tell.
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
Ruined by "Jackie Chan" adventure style plots
The first Meg is a creature movie, there is some jokes scenes, acceptable. Other times are filled with scary and actions scenes. It reminds us of how Jaws movie was.
This second movie has turned into a comedy awkward silly joke scenes circus that are just inappropriately timed.
In the heat of fear and tense, the actors could still whip out these silly banters with each other and laughed and smiled.
While on a boat, trying to be stealth, the main actor said "Shhh quiet".. And the next second, all of them talks loudly like there isn't a Meg nearby listening. *facepalm*
These terrible scenes ruined this movie to hell. Totally regretted wasting my time watching this. And to top it off, it is 2 hours long!
There is just one good scene at the end where the black dude is calling a few women from the water. The first woman has a nice rack. That's the only good scene in the entire movie.
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
What a dumb God
Yes, you read the title right. This is just another homophobic movie backed by a religious event plot - a threat of apocalypse if a gay couple won't kill each other.
As a movie critic, I used to like Shyamalan's movies, not all, but there were gems like Sixth Sense, Signs, After Earth, The Happening, to mention a few, but this movie is definitely the worst of all.
Putting the homophobia aside, the premise of a God who has to destroy the whole hecking world if a few chosen people cannot make or force a couple of gay couple to kill each other, is the dumbest ever.
It just does not make sense and the entire movie plot fails miserably. I was left wondering, why should I even continue watching this absolute rubbish?
Four people, supposedly received the same vision of an apocalypse, and a message to go to the gay couple and their adopted daughter to tell them they have to kill each other to stop the apocalypse.
As a sign, if the gay couple refuses, they can delay the apocalypse, by killing one of their own and with each kill, a major catastrophe will happen. This was shown in the TV at their house. 50 foot tsunami killing thousands, a flu plague and planes falling down from the sky.
Why four people? Seems like the author wants us to linken them to the Four Horsemen? Blergh.
Dave Bautista and Rupert Grint acting was on point though. So were all of the other actors. They acted good. Just felt like they were put on a very bad movie with horrible plots.
Avoid at all cost.
Blood (2022)
Fake negative reviews! Don't be fooled!
Saw a couple of fake reviews, telling that the good reviews are the fake ones. Like come on seriously? As a movie critic I am concerned about the amount of fake reviews giving a false indication about how a movie is.
I saw the trailer and it looks good. Not sure why these people were complaining about slow paced, boring or whatever. This movie is GOOD. Not excellent of course. But GOOD.
The acting is excellent. Sure, the movie goes a bit slow, but I have watched a much slower paced movies that made me sleep. This movie is not that bad.
Jess (Michelle) and both her childrens acting are on point. Kudos to the director honestly. And quite the comeback by Skeet.
If you watch this movie expecting a straight horror movie, you'd be disappointed. But this isn't a straight up horror movie. It is a Horror + Drama movie... which is kind of a fresh make up of real life drama and intertwined with horror/supernatural.
My final say is, ignore the low ratings, and Go for it. You won't regret it. I loved this movie.
Shotgun Wedding (2022)
I thought people were harsh... but no.
Movie starts of OK. But as the movie progresses, we can see that JLO is NOT fit to play this character. At all!
Her acting in this particular movie IS HORRIBLE, sorry to say. I am trying to be positive but, it's hard when she cannot play the character at all.
Sure, she looks beautiful in this movie for someone her age, definitely she can plan the part of someone who is 30-35 yrs old. But her acting appears forced, and awkward most of the time.
It is sad really, because I know she could act, as evident in Maid in Manhattan, or even Second Act, but she really need to put more effort in playing a character like Darcy.
A much better substitute would be Jennifer Aniston, or someone similar, who can play a clueless, funny bride character very well.
I did not manage to watch all of the movie, because I literally fell asleep. Avoid this one guys.
M3GAN (2022)
Lets leave an uncertified Robot AI with your niece at home.
Like the title of this review, that is what essentially this movie is. A woman working on a Robot AI, in desperation to pitch the product to her boss, mash up some codes in the last minute and Megan came alive..
Forget the safety test, forget the failsafe protocols, lets just take it home and pair it up with your niece whom parents just died in an accident. What could possibly happen, right?
No surprise there, genius. Megan developed ways to manipulate the niece into feeling addicted or attached to her, and becomes very protective of hers, even to the point of killing a boy bully (but lets be honest, bullies deserves nothing less).
Oh, when you realize Megan is turning into a monster and want to destroy her, Oopssie! Megan is also made up of a titanium alloy.
Anyways, it is still an entertaining movie to watch. The CGI looks real they did a good job on that. And for that, earn a star.
1899 (2022)
Too Slow, Matrix Tryhard
Trailer appears to be exciting. But as we started watching this series, starts off interesting, but by end of Episode 1, it felt like the maker expanded a 5 minute plot into a 1 hour episode.
Seriously, though, the slow burn, do adds up to the suspense build. But I just cannot go through it till the end.
We gave up on the series up to Episode 6. Then we forward to Episode 8, but still can't make sense of it until the last 5 minute of the series.
Basically all of them are in spaceship in a journey to somewhere, and they are in quarantine, deep sleep state, and their minds are connected together (I guess the machine's job is to ensure they keep on dreaming to stimulate brain activity).
Would've been more interesting if it were a ghost story.
Last Seen Alive (2022)
Great suspense and action, BUT....
The movie is entertaining, crime action thriller. Everything is great, except for subpar explosion CGI at the end, and a dumb detective.
A husband (Will) is sending his wife (Lisa) back to the wife's parents home, and on the way they stopped at a gas station. There, Lisa was kidnapped by an old friend's of her while going to buy a drink at the market.
Will waited a while and when her wife didn't return to the car, went to look for her and nowhere to be found. He contacted the police and when the detective came, all he did was ask for the cctv footage and when the cashier (Oscar) said the cctv's busted, the cop didn't bother to check further, and just left.
Will was the one who saw one of the cctv had a red led blinking, which means, there is a recording available. After Will forcefully took the recording from Oscar, he brought it to the detective and they watched it and saw the man who took Lisa.
Will also took a snapshot of the video using his phone and showed it to Lisa's parents. They recognized the kidnapper as Knuckles, the local repair man.
Will then took on to himself to hunt for Knuckles and finally he found him and got out of him that his wife was brought to Frank. Frank runs a local drug factory, as later Will found out. Will sneaked in and got into a gun fight with Frank and shot Frank dead.
During the fight a fire started and explosion occured. Will found Lisa finally in a locked trailer and saved her.
The whole time, only Will took the necessary actions to save his wife. The detective didn't break a sweat, and does not act like it is the utmost priority to investigate.
It is really disappointing to see the detective's laid back attitude and simply being a dumb cop. What's scary is, this is what actually could happen in real life when some one you love is missing.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
James Earl Jones voice is the only good thing
This is a limited series, which is like a very long movie.
The whole plot is about an ex-youngling (Reva aka Third Sister) who is now grown up seeking to kill Darth Vader because he killed all of her friends (ie the time when Anakin killed all the young Jedi).
Obi Wan story is just a side story. Really the main character of this movie is Reva. But instead the camera focuses on Obi Wan. Reva was using Obi Wan to get to Darth Vader all the time.
But what's funny is, Reva's way to kill Vader is just to run towards him, turn on her saber and shout "Yaaaahhh!!". Like, are you serious?
Did she miss the memo on how powerful a Sith Vader is?
So many dumb bits I can't even begin to list them all down here. Effects are good sure. But all that is drowned by bad acting, bad directing, bad plots.
If you have nothing else to watch, meh, you can go for this. Or just watch it just because you have to watch all Star Wars movie and cannot miss any. Otherwise, skip this one.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Angel Has Wings
At first I thought this was a movie based on a Stephen King's book. It isn't. But every plot, dialogue and every scene felt just like one.
The storyline is a little bit cliched, especially when the new visitor to the island brought a large trunk that knocks back when the visitor knocked it - a sign that an evil being lurking inside.
At first, I thought what hidden inside the trunk is some criminal, perhaps Monsignor Pruitt himself. Perhaps he murdered someone and had to hire someone to sneak him in back into the island.
But as the story progresses, with mysterious cats deaths with torn throats, for sure there are evil spirits at work.
The best part is how religion fits in all of these happenings. How any verse of the holy book can be quoted to fit a situation, often to the benefit of the beholder. How similar the ritual of eating and drinking Jesus's blood and flesh (Communion) to what is actually happening.
Without spilling much details, this limited series is by far on par with the best Stephen King movies like It, or Pet Sematary. Throughout episodes 1 to 6, all are well made. Episodes 7 has some dumb bits, but forgiveable. Illogical actions by people who are terrified of the evil, acting so calmly, when they should be running for their lives.
Overall, a MUST WATCH. Supernatural movie fans, don't miss this one.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Writer and Director become dumber after Covid?
Let me start off by saying I love Jurassic Park movie series. But I am not sure why, the latest installment had so many dumb scenes that I cannot even imagine why or how any human would act that way!
For example, one scene where they all went to find Bryce in the jungle, suddenly T Rex and Dominus Rex appeared, and one of the Rex try to eat the kid climbing the stairs but the metal cage around the stairs stopped its jaw. At this particular time, the kid just stays there like an idiot. You're supposed to be scared and just continue to climb faster!
There are many other scenes that are dumb. In conclusion, the movie is a an entertaining movie but due to the so many dumb bits, I am unable to give any higher than 6 stars.
Verdict: Watchable but Leave your Brain at the Door.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Multiverse, without Marvel Superheroes
The movie is about a woman (Michelle) handling her laundrette business, juggling between family affairs and unmanaged taxes, and rebellious teen daughter.
Things took a weird turn when suddenly in the IRB office, her mind got pulled out into another dimension, seeing both universe simultaneously. Meeting her husband of another universe, telling her what to do.
The movie progresses with her discovery of the existence of multiple universes existing at once, with multiple versions of herself and everyone else. And in the other one universe, some people have found out a way to connect.
The funny part is how one activates the connection - from wearing shoes in reverse, eating snot, and inserting buttplug-like trophy up their own arse. Lol!
Overall an entertaining movie, with action and funny bits appropriately inserted. And by far, the best acting performance by Michelle Yeoh.
Great unique story, eventhough it resolves around the familiar topic of multiverse. Must watch!
Together Together (2021)
The most horrible ending
This movie is probably the sweetest and most beautiful movie in 2022.
Story about a man, wanting to start a family alone, finds a surrogate mother and an egg donor.
And the relationship developed between them is really beautiful. The storyline is well written and the continuity, and plots are well made.
The only downer is the abrupt ending. I can never forgive the writer for ending a movie like this, no excuses, unless he dropped dead.
A must watch for adults with feelings.
The Outfit (2022)
A Gangster's Dream
Is to open a tailor shop and make suits for other gangsters?
Probably.
This movie SMELLS like it was made by Quentin Tarantino. The opening reminds me of Inglorious Basterds, just a few people, in a very tense situation.
Without revealing too much details, the plot twist at the end is what made the movie a solid 10/10.
Enough reading reviews, go watch this now.
Firestarter (2022)
A 6/10 and that's being generous
As a Stephen King fan, this movie is a bit disappointing for me. Armstrong's acting is great, if not greater, then on par with Barrymore's acting, comparing to the 1984 version.
But Zac Efron isn't cut out for a scifi thriller. He is a good actor don't get me wrong, but this is just a fail on casting part. Someone like Miles Teller or Tim Chamelet could've been a better fit as Andy McGee.
The effects of explosions is OK ish but the firestarting/heating parts weren't good enough for me. Compare it with the movie Carrie, where she welded the locks - glowing hot iron effects, scalding paints on the wooden surfaces, is absent in the scenes. Though the burnt cat and agent were done pretty good.
I haven't read the Book, so I can't comment on the storyline that much, and I barely remember the 1984 version, but I felt this was not that good enough to get any higher than a 6.
Still, watchable, and a fun scifi movie.
Morbius (2022)
Not as bad as some reviews says it is.
Quite surprised to see average 5.1/10 stars on this one, but I won't skip a Marvel movie so here goes.
To be honest, early in the story, there are dumb bits - a kid replaces a blown fuse with a spring from a pen, immediately recognised as "gifted"? Then, a scene where Morbius simply put 2 vials of the most dangerous serum that turns human to super vampire, on the table just like that. I mean, he should have hidden them somewhere safe and secure!
The rest of the movie, is, rather good. And Jared's acting is on point. Not great, but not bad either. Matt Smith's acting as a villain is more prominent, I have to be honest.
The CGI, is also NOT THAT BAD. Acceptable to me, not sure what others are talking about.
Action packed, well choreographed fight scenes, and good continuity. Effects that aren't too over the top, and balanced with a good story.
Obviously Morbius won't top The Avengers but I'd definitely say this movie is even better than Wonder Woman 1984. Worth to watch for all Marvel fans.
Metal Lords (2022)
Good, but almost great.
As a metal head myself, this movie feels familiar. Hunter reminds me of myself when I was a teenager. Angry, bitter, and metal. And as always, we learn it the hard way that we can be metal, and nice at the same time. And it would be normal.
Metal music isn't the cause of anger or bad behavior as many would probably say, because metal actually soothes the anger. Absorbs it. Metal even motivates. Anyway I digress.
On the movie itself, I feel like it is a bit messily edited and laid out. It desperately needs a little bit less drama/romance, and a whole more practice sessions. I mean that song list... shown to us, for what reason if they're not to be jammed by the main actors?
Nonetheless, appearances by Legends, like Kirk Hammet, Tom Morello, Rob Halford... is a surprise and a nice one.
Again, it would've been awesome if they added more practice scenes, where they would play not necessarily full length songs, but how the Cello bass would fit in those songs to make great metal sound!
Overall I'd say 7, but gave an 8 instead because any movie made to promote metal music gets a +1 from me. Well worth the watch, good storyline and finally:
The Gods Made Heavy Metal And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell
We Promised That We Would
When Losers Say It's Over With You Know That It's A Lie
The Gods Made Heavy Metal And It's Never Gonna Die!
Old (2021)
M Night Shyamalan crumbles
Mr. Shyamalan has made some good movies. Like Unbreakable, Sixth Sense, Signs, The Happening, Split.
But he has also made some horrible movies. Like The Village, Avatar, Glass.
Old is one of the latter. Poorly planned plots. Rushed ending.
Avoid like it's your mother in law.
Windfall (2022)
Hitchcock? Pft. More like Pitchcork up your...
Extremely SLOW. Illogical situations where an expensive vacation home has no bodyguard, no gardener, no locks, no security cameras, with rolex and 5k money inside.
Empty talks, empty fillers, empty story. Dull, boring movie that I actually stopped watching and walked out of the cinema 48 minutes into the movie.
Thanks for nothing. Wasted 48 minutes of my life that is better spent watching porn.