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jlopezf
Reviews
The Good Girl (2002)
Black comedy that made me laugh out loud
When I saw this film in the TV listings, I made a mental note to give it a wide berth, imagining a standard rom com from the woman with the hair - but it isn't that at all.
Jennifer Anniston is so different from the other roles I have seen her in, much more believable than I would have thought possible. This film made me re-judge her as an actress.
The film deals with small-town frustration and adolescent angst with a deadpan humour and knowing parody that makes me think that the writer has some first-hand experience of the tortured artist trip.
There are so many insightful, almost Dickensian caricatures in this film, that it has a wonderful emotional texture. If you have a dark sense of humour, don't miss this one.
Crank (2006)
Excellent idea, pretty well done
I really enjoyed this film. The basic premise is wonderfully effective at ensuring a hero who can't slow down, and providing tension even when you are looking at an empty room - has he slowed down too much...? Stratham is hilarious as jacked-up killer with an imagination for violence and a lot of humour comes from eccentric problem-solving from someone who really has nothing to lose.
Do not expect the sort of underworld chess that you see towards the end of Carlito's Way - This film is more of a cross between 24 and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
The slightly weaker point, for me, was the love interest, which was rather parodied along the lines you might see in a Hong Kong action film, and sometimes slowed the action down. But I can forgive it for that, as this film doesn't need to be taken seriously.
Overall, a very entertaining film, which doesn't quite manage to keep up a constant stream of tension. Still, very good.
Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
Unforgivably bad (much worse than Gigli)
I don't think it is possible to write a spoiler for this film, as that would imply that it was not already beyond repair. This is the only film I have ever paid to see that I could not watch to the end, because it made my flesh creep it is so bad.
Appalling. Dire. Useless.
There is one part, with Bruce Willis in, recounting a story, which is OK. Quite good actually. But enough balance - this film sucks SERIOUS RECTUM. All of the dialogue is knowing "banter" and "wordplay" that, rather than leaving me chuckling in Oscar Wilde-esquire irony, leaves me taking the DVD out of my player and doing something more pleasurable, like pulling out all my own fingernails.
This piece of crap makes "Batman and Robin" look acceptable. It makes "GIGLI" look reasonably good! I managed to sit through 75% of Gigli on TV, including the end, and I could only make it through 50% of this.
OK, if the director quit half-way through, and the second half was a musical, then I have seriously wronged this production, but I doubt it.
I didn't think you could assemble this much talent for a turkey quite this bad.
You can.
The Missing (2003)
2 1/2 hours of my life are missing
It could have been so good. Tommy Lee Jones and whatserface in a middlebrow production, but somehow the only feeling I am left with is pain.
The pain of sitting through such prolonged meanderings. OK, to be fair, I watched it on TV, and there were quite a few adverts, which never helps, but when a character shot themselves to end the agony, I could really relate to that decision.
If they cut about 45 minutes from this film, apart from giving me time to make a sandwich, it could really have improved the pace. The reason I am a bit miffed about this indigestible offering is that I sat through it into the small hours, with fairly unconvincing background characterisation - which is OK if the action and plot developments keep up, but they just didn't.
I fought sleep for this schtinker, and I only wish I had lost.
Shadow Conspiracy (1997)
A laugh-a-rama
This film starts with a pedestrian setup before blundering into the standard sort of suspense action where an office worker keeps beating up trained secret service men etc.
I couldn't say the acting was bad - there were some good "surprised" faces by Hamilton and Sheen - but then I really wouldn't have to.
Risible finale did at least give me a good laugh for my pains. Still, if my life was flashing before my eyes, I think I would fast forward this 90 minutes.
I have to write two more lines of text just to get this thing published. Yes, very resistant suit that sheen wears. I made a special promise to myself never to watch a film this bad again.
Flightplan (2005)
Excellent cinematography, can't quite hold it together
I really loved the first 45 minutes of this film. Every single shot is exquisitely framed, and they really make the most of the architecture. The first shot, just showing Jodie Foster's face, conveys so much emotionally without bumbling around to explain too much.
Unfortunately, the second half of the film was a fairly standard action film. While mood and emotion (at least for Foster) were painstakingly, indeed beautifully established in the first half, the second half was a bit slap-dash by comparison, and did not make as much sense.
Shame really, as I was silently adding it to my top ten films for the first half hour.
There is still plenty there to make it worth watching, and here's a tip - don't trust people when their hair is too well-managed.
The Butterfly Effect 2 (2006)
Ooh, this one's pretty bad
Imagine someone taking the Godfather part II and defecating all over it. Done that? Well that is close to the profane act that these bozos have performed on the Butterfly Effect.
They took an excellent idea, which worked really well in the first film, and took all the exciting and thought-provoking elements out of it.
Firstly, the pace of the film was atrocious. I was bored within the first few minutes, as they laboriously hammered out a rather dull background scenario with no real characterisation. Even illicit sex scenes had me looking at my watch, as they were utterly devoid of excitement.
Secondly, the acting was at best mediocre. I couldn't really care less about any of the characters here, and there is no real acting or characterisation to show the love or friendship between the main characters. Compare that to Ashton Kutcher's speech to his girlfriend to show that he loves her and knows her, when just having had sex is not enough proof. This comparison shows just how far this paltry effort falls short.
"I'd do anything for you guys!" How about not making awful films?
**SPOILER**
someone wakes up to find someone sucking him off, only to realise it is not his girlfriend, but a man. He barely shows any surprise.
**END OF SPOILER***
Third - lack of imagination. The first film showed lots of different permutations that could happen in your life, and is quite imaginative in finding different avenues you could go down - some of them being downright brutal, but in terms of ideas, not in terms of visual gore. Truly inspired. The sequel is so clichéd in the initial tragedy, and some of the trips to change history are so futile, I wanted to leave half way through.
Save your time and money - steer clear of this one.
MacGyver: Lost Treasure of Atlantis (1994)
Side-splittingly bad
There is a certain element of ennui and self-derision involved in deciding, as a fully-grown adult, that you will devote an hour and a half of a weekday afternoon to watching this drivel.
And what do you get in return? First of all Mac's mullet - it takes a good 40 minutes for it to sink in just how terrible it is.
Also Brian Blessed - noted loud-voiced actor who came to fame in Z-cars (before my time) and did a marvellous Long John Silver in an ITV serialised adaptation of Treasure Island, which was never repeated.
But this is unashamed pap from the hearty shouter.
Risible history element.
But it is still nice to see two favourite childhood actors earning money and keeping out of trouble in this hastily assembled pot-boiler.
7 thumbs up.
SPOILER (if anyone really cares) The best moment for me was when Macgyver was keeping stum with the police about the stolen medallion and exchanged some hammy glances with Blessed, which of course the policeman doesn't notice.
At the end, when he proves that Atlantis invented democracy, treated women equally, etc etc, just from spending 5 minutes in a collapsing room with some decomposing scrolls that he didn't read.