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Smiley (2012)
Horror with a Little Something on Its Mind
Nudity: 0 out of 10 (The closest thing you get to nudity is an unnecessary, but much-appreciated, shot of Nikki Limo's hindquarters. Unfortunately, they are covered by skimpy black underwear and their screen time is all too brief).
Gore: 3.5 out of 10 (Two somewhat graphic scenes involving a knife. The rest of the gore is mild, perhaps due to budget constraints).
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Ashley (Caitlin Gerard - in a wildly uneven performance) is in her first semester at some west coast university. Still healing from her mother's successful suicide attempt and still grappling with bipolar disorder, she decides that she is ready for college. Her father reluctantly agrees.
Proxy (Melanie Papalia) is Ashley's roommate. They live off-campus together in a house that Proxy's parents bought, but never used.
Since it's the first week of college after all, they go to a party hosted by a guy named Zane (Andrew James Allen) that they don't know.
While there, they see what appears to be a man murdered on an online video chat program resembling Chat Roulette. The murderer has a featureless face of skin, save for some black stitches for eyes and a mouth. His name is Smiley.
Legend has it that if you type, three times, "I did it for the lulz" - Smiley will appear behind your unsuspecting video chat partner and slaughter him or her right in front of you.
Ashley and Proxy decide to test whether the legend is real or not on a complete stranger.
Are these murders real or a hoax? Or is Ashley, who has been off lithium for the past six months, losing her mind? Finally, does Smiley also eventually come after those who conjured him up?
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"Smiley" poses two age-old questions to its viewers:
1) If people had the opportunity to harm others with impunity, would they do it? "Smiley" seems to suggest: Yes, many people would, especially when a vehicle like the internet makes it so effortless to do so. (If you'd like to investigate this topic further, please look through any number of message boards on IMDb or other prominent websites that invite anonymous participation).
2) Why? Why would so many people do this? What is their motive? For my money, this was the most interesting part of "Smiley": As Ashley's Reason and Ethics professor (Roger Bart) notes, we live in an age of nihilism, where the only meaning in life comes from sheer willing. What makes an action right and meaningful isn't because God endorses it or some other authority says it's right. It's right for me because I will it. It is completely acceptable for me to do something for the "lulz," for the hell of it. In fact, that's the only reasonable justification that we have left today.
Credit goes to director Michael Gallagher for exploring these weighty questions in a horror movie at the young age of 24, no less. There is a great deal of horror to be mined from the real world impact of "virtual" actions that are stripped of any accountability. I look forward to seeing more from him.
Still, "Smiley" is mostly ineffective. First, distractions like some of Professor Clayton's philosophy gobbledygook (Yes, Occam's Razor is a helpful concept, but why was it included here?) and Ashley's mental health (What was the significance of it? Was the fact that she is bipolar supposed to imply something? Why the repeated visits to the psychiatrist?) derail the proceedings.
Second, beaten to death horses like foreboding dream sequences and "Am I really seeing this?" hallucinations packed no punch whatsoever.
Third, the ending was indecisive. Without spoiling anything, Gallagher wanted it both ways, with the final shot being a groan-inducing one.
Finally, "Smiley" never builds any sense of dread, suspense or, sadly, horror. Aside from a handful of grating jump scares and rapidly shot Smiley stabbings, the movie could easily be mistaken as a drama.
As a result, gore hounds, undergraduate philosophy majors, cultural critics, and admirers of the female form at its barest will all leave disappointed.
The Loved Ones (2009)
Worth a Watch this Halloween Season
Nudity: 5 out of 10 (brief breast shots with a high reward to time-on-screen ratio)
Gore: 6.5 out of 10 (some graphic scenes that would be spoilerish to mention; many of the most effective scenes involving violence are implied)
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Overwhelmed by guilt, down-on-his-luck Brent (Xavier Samuel) is having a hard time finding something worth living for.
Numb to the world, oblivious to pain, Brent plans on attending the prom with his girlfriend, Holly (Victoria Thaine).
His friend Jamie (Richard Wilson), meanwhile, is the beneficiary of a great deal of luck, as the sexy Mia (Jessica McNamee) surprisingly agrees to go to the prom with him.
Finally, third-wheel Lola (Robin McLeavy) decides to make her own luck after Brent turns her down as a prom date.
Come hell or high water, Lola (with help from her "Daddy", played very well by John Brumpton) takes measures to ensure that Brent will be spending prom night with her, not Holly.
What exactly do Lola and Daddy have in store for Brent?
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If nothing else, "The Loved Ones" is memorable.
There are some squirm-inducing moments here, most notably the things that transpire but are not shown.
The glaring flaw of the movie isn't that torture is the centerpiece, but that various developments in the plot undermine the effectiveness of what Brent is enduring.
Many other people have commented on how distracting the Jamie/Mia sidestory is -- and those people have a point. Yes, ultimately, you could argue that the sidestory has a purpose (given Mia's relationship with her brother), but it is such a weak tie-in that it doesn't justify constantly breaking the tension built by the Brent/Lola-Daddy evening together. The comic relief brought by Jamie and Mia's prom night does not complement, enhance, or add significance to the main story.
So, there's that.
But the even bigger weakness is how the horror and suffering of Brent's evening is eventually wiped clean by absurd crowd-pleasing payoffs.
At its best, "The Love Ones" horrifies with its gritty realism (the simple, though wrenching scene in the tree is a fine example of this). I think you can even suspend disbelief and go along with how there are other inhabitants in the house (the reveal of who those inhabitants are may well be the best and most chilling part of the movie).
However, transforming Brent into an invincible cartoon, from a previously tough, stoic hero, leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
Speaking of mouths, the decision to remove Brent's voice for the majority of the movie was also ill-advised.
With glimpses of greatness, "The Loved Ones" just couldn't get out of its own way.
The hurried, ridiculous ending is a testament to that.
Definitely worth a look for horror fans, "The Loved Ones" frustratingly falls short of its potential.
The Task (2011)
The "task" is making it to the end of this stinker
Nudity: 0 out of 10 (nothing even close to a female disrobing in this one)
Gore: 1.5 out of 10 (this movie could have been rated PG-13)
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Six young adults have been hand-selected to participate in a reality television show.
1) Shoe (the luscious Ashley Mulheron who was part of the 2009 effort, "Lesbian Vampire Killers"): The ambitious, ditsy one of the bunch.
2) Dixon (Texas Battle who was an expendable character in Final Destination 3): The muscular, masculine presence in the film. As he notes early on, "people used to say" that he looked like Will Smith, "but now they say Barack Obama." (Yes, he actually says that).
3) Toni (Amara Karan): The cerebral one who is given embarrassing lines such as, "I have the IQ of Stephen Hawking and Einstein... put together."
4) Angel (Antonia Campbell-Hughes): Younger sister of Stanton. Fearless, money-driven. A Brit.
5) Stanton (Tom Payne): Older brother of Angel. The substance of his character is that he was dropped on his head when he was two. Also a Brit.
6) Randall (Marc Pickering): Self-professed "off-the-hook gay" man whose favorite book is OK Magazine. As the doors open to the prison early in the movie, he affirms, "And I thought coming out of the closet was scary..."
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These six characters, in exchange for $20,000, agree to spend the night in an abandoned prison. A number of atrocities were committed there in the past by a deranged warden. It looks like an untoward place.
Once inside, each of the six characters has to perform a task or two that is revealed by a barbed wire-wrapped television set.
If they make it through the night, the cash is theirs.
But is the warden still around to "welcome" his visitors?
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"The Task" is an odd duck.
In January of 2011, when the After Dark original movies hit the theaters, this one was curiously left off the roster. Why the long delay? Did it need more work? Or was it a stinker? We can safely assume that it was the latter.
A few of the movie's virtues: It has a decent set design. A handful of eyebrow-raising ideas. And it sometimes carries a campy feel (in a nostalgic, good way). The best directorial decision of all was having Alexandra Staden on the screen, front-and-center, for a good portion of the movie. Admittedly though, her top was cut a little high for my tastes.
Sadly, just about all of the fun of the movie is vacuumed out by the hideous dialogue, lumbering pace, Alexandra Staden and Ashley Mulheron's unremoved clothes, and the unforgivably lame kills. The darkest elements of the movie are only hinted at (like what the warden did to his female prisoners), but they are never explored.
If you've seen the execrable Halloween Resurrection, you know the drill. Killer in the building appears to be picking off the contestants. Viewers watch the murders on television, but can't decide if it is real or all part of the show. How far are the viewers willing to let it go?
To its credit, "The Task" does try to shake things up a little bit at the end. But it is hurried and unsatisfying.
This one is only for After Dark diehards. Otherwise, it is unessential viewing.
A similar and far superior low budget movie is Marc Evans' "My Little Eye."
Scream of the Banshee (2011)
One of the Weakest After Dark Movies So Far
Nudity: 0 out of 10 (absolutely none, though there is one wildly shot love-making scene that jumps all over the place, making you wonder if actual people are even in it).
Gore: 2.5 out of 10 (a few scenes of violence, the rest is suggested by having a substance resembling blood splattering on various things like windows, people's faces, and the ground).
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Professor Isla (Lauren Holly of the Dumb and Dumber fame) along with her two research assistants are in the bowels of an unnamed university.
They are up to their ears in historical artifacts, busy organizing and identifying them. Suffice it to say, it is time consuming and tedious.
Along comes a box with no listed sender. It contains the sort of glove that a knight from a distant time would wear - along with a map.
Using her expertise in all things old, Professor Isla speculates that the glove is from the 12th century. It is of Irish origin.
It turns out to be a good guess.
And the map is of the very basement that they are in.
What is the map trying to get them to look for? Where did it come from? After a brief search, they find a box (think: Hellraiser's pandora's box only bigger and with less ominous etchings) hidden behind a slimy wall. In the box is something that is breathing and vibrating. It is something of unspeakable terror.
I will try to speak of it though.
It is an ancient banshee. If you hear it scream (which our heroes unfortunately do), it will haunt you and leave you with only two options:
#1 Submit to a grisly death
OR
#2 Seek out a lunatic professor who was forced into retirement after committing a number of crimes - with the hope that he will tell you how to stop it. Why this professor possesses this knowledge is unclear and, in terms of advancing the story, unimportant.
- Scream of the Banshee is definitely one of the weakest After Dark movies in what is now its 5th year. It is at the bottom of the barrel with the likes of Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror, Lake Dead, Tooth and Nail, Crazy Eights, and Perkins 14.
Why? No scares. No originality (leave Nightmare on Elm Street alone!). A mess of a script that felt that it was put together over the course of drinking a couple of beers one afternoon at the local saloon. Boring characters. Meaningless subplots that are ploys to get you to care about the characters. A sterilized mood and atmosphere (as though it was tested at a focus group consisting entirely of 12 year olds).
FYI, the banshee reminded me of the vampires in Fright Night, but not nearly as disturbing.
You need a three drink minimum to get through this one.
Make 'em stiff.
Mary and Max. (2009)
Angry, Dense, Unforgettable
"Mary and Max" is a difficult movie to review.
A good place to begin is by pointing out that Adam Elliot painstakingly created a broken world here. The inhabitants of this world are, with few exceptions, wounded or maimed. It is a world not governed by a loving God, but by chance.
By chance, Max Jerry Horovitz has asperger's syndrome.
By chance, Mary Daisy Dinkle was born with a birth mark that looks like a poo stain, has an alcoholic mother, and stumbles upon a stray rooster.
By chance, the two become pen pals.
Mary and Max's lives and relationship with one another are at the heart of movie. Both have miserable/nonexistent family structures. Both are so alienated from society that two of their main sources of pleasure come from eating and watching a television show called "The Noblets." About halfway through the movie, I came to the realization that "Mary and Max" is really a portrait of contemporary, industrialized societies. War, poverty, alcoholism, bullying, obesity, mind-numbing careers, distrust, distorted body images, suicide, mental illness, loneliness, half-hearted self-help books - heck, even siphoning off charitable donations is covered in a quick 80 minutes.
One of Elliot's most impressive accomplishments in the movie is the pace: we feel the sluggishness and lethargy of the two main characters.
Yet, Elliot also treats us to many disarmingly hilarious scenes. One minute you'll be cringing, the next you'll be genuinely moved, and in a blink, you'll be grinning ear to ear. Sounds like a microcosm of life itself.
The quotation that closes "Mary and Max" invokes God in a surprising way. I honestly don't know what to make of it.
In my opinion, "Mary and Max" is a work of high art and one of the finest movies I have seen in a long time. It will stay with you. A must see.