TimDiesel's Reviews

Ragnarok: Till Death Do Us Part (2023)

Season 3, Episode 2

4/10

17 September 2023

I got into this series from the beginning because it was fun, fantastical, but grounded. Marvel is a spectacle, but this? Much more "believable".

Yeah, I know.

But it felt like it was a better representation of what it would be like if gods walked amongst us. And then we arrive at this series, and in particular, this episode. What is this? Riverdale? This is the most teeny-drama episode I've seen of the franchise.

Magne makes decisions that are completely unlike any that he's made in the past. He's immature, vindictive, and just silly. The dialogue is awful. The plot is awful. God, I think 4 stars is too generous, but I did like the preceding episodes. Not sure I'll finish the series now.

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The Witcher: The Invitation (2023)

Season 3, Episode 4

6/10

Good enough. But choreography needs work

6 July 2023

This series overall has definitely taken a dive, but it's still an ok tv show. Some people take issue with the two guys kissing in this one but it made sense to me given how the story was set up. The humor is less present and when it is there it's a little lame. My issue is with ciri's choreography.

Henry cavill can really sell his moves, so it's safe for them to use him for a lot of the shots. They try to show ciri's face as much as cavills during the action sequences, but she can't sell it at all. I get it though, it's hard! But they should either train her better, rely more on a double, or use more cgi/wires.

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Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

5/10

Pretty hollow

11 June 2023

The first chapter was alright. No real new ground was tread, but it was well made and looked fantastic. This chapter doesn't make as much sense to me. I know James Cameron is looking for another franchise and I gather this is it, but... why? It's boring. It doesn't add much to the universe. It doesn't add to the characters stories or anything. It just exists. I really cannot tell why this was a necessary addition to the series, other than the obvious. It's just a cgi showcase.

Hopefully the following chapters justify this one. Otherwise, I have no idea why (narrative-wise) this was made. Lame.

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The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

5/10

Ruined by starpower

13 May 2023

Decent movie! Ruined by current Hollywood trends. I don't know what execs steered everyone away from true, accomplished, voice actors, but the medium is suffering as a result. Chris Pratt does ok. Decent, if pushed. Anya Taylor Joy? Falls completely flat and really takes away from it all. Charlie Day and Keegan Michael Key do well as character actors, and Jack Black absolutely kills it, but that's really only because Jack Black is a recording studio artist and understands how to emote in the recording booth.

I understand the allure of star power, so I get why they bring in big name actors on a project like this. But a lot of big name actors are cast on physical presence, not vocal. That's the integral part.

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Ghosted (I) (2023)

5/10

Serviceable popcorn movie

24 April 2023

A lot of the reviews I read panned it because Chris evans wasn't a believable everyman. I thought he did ok in that role, if the writing was a bit flat. I did not care for the dialogue myself, this is where it lost a lot of points. But overall it was pretty fun. I almost quit early on in the movie though.

I found the sister to be horribly annoying and mean. Sometimes this can work because the person has some insight that others don't, or they're funny, or they cause some awakening in the character. None of that here. Just mean. She's such a small part of the movie overall, so I'm glad I stuck it out.

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The Block Island Sound (2020)

3/10

Yes it's a slow burn, but effective ones hold your attention

16 March 2021

Some of the reviewers may have misunderstood the movie. I understand the genre, it's just not done very well. Without spoiling anything, the end helps bring things to a close a bit. But the journey is like dental surgery.

For a slow burner to be effective, it has to keep you intrigued, wanting and explanation. But with this I was fighting the urge to fast forward or just turn it off for more than an hour. The performances aren't very good. The direction isn't very good. People come and go, and motivations don't make a ton of sense.

If you want something that has a similar feel but is actually done fairly well, try The Vast of Night. If you've seen it and want more, well, maybe just settle for watching it again. Because this ain't it.

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Girl on the Third Floor (2019)

2/10

Starts meh and goes downhill fast

21 February 2021

The first two thirds of the movie are passable amateurish horror. The third act descends into utter nonsense and are just laughable. They pack tons of cliches in a 5 minute climax that adds nothing to and explains nothing about the story. Wait, is there a story? Not sure. Some of the performers are decent enough, but the script and direction are just trash. Skip it.

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Bloodride (2020)

4/10

Seems pretty amateurish

23 September 2020

Like many others, I like the anthology style. But the level of script writing here seems - like the title says - amateurish. Tales from the crypt seems downright Shakespearean compared to this. I could see something like this playing at 3 am on showtime in the 90s. It could be entertaining at times, but it's pretty low brow.

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We Are Columbine (2018)

2/10

Unnecessary and without purpose

24 April 2019

The effort as a whole comes off as really amateurish and unfocused. Production value is good, but that's about as far as my praise can go for this. Meandering, surface level, and just overall unnecessary. I'm really not sure who this documentary was made for. I honestly kept forgetting it was on and had to remind myself to pay attention.

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Happy Death Day 2U (2019)

6/10

Decent and entertaining, not worthy of high praise

20 February 2019

Really dug the first one, was excited for the follow up. But this is a different movie almost altogether. The first was sort of a black comedy/horror (as I'm sure you know), this is more of a comedy/sci fi movie. Not an element of horror, no scares, none of that. The cast carries their own really well, so if you liked them in the first movie, you'll like them here.

They tease a 3rd installment, so if they go through with that I hope they reintroduce some of the suspense and horror from the 1st. I'll probably see it regardless.

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The Wandering Earth (2019)

3/10

Don't look below the surface

8 February 2019

I am absolutely amazed by how well rated this movie is here. It's currently sitting at 8.1/10 after more than a thousand reviews, so it seems most everyone who saw the movie and made it to IMDB liked it a lot. Really? This?

This movie looks great, it's obvious they spent a lot of time and money on cinematography and CGI. But the characters are not at all compelling and leave with you with no vested interest in what happens to them. I really didn't even care what happened to the teenage girl, and kids are easy to get the audience invested in. And DEAR GOD the story is AWFUL. Let's completely leave alone how terrible the story is and just say if you're going to sell something that fantastical, either lean into it and make it a self aware b movie joke, or make sure there are no ridiculous, glaring plot holes.

So yes, the movie looks great. Just don't expect anything more than that.

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Serenity (I) (2019)

4/10

What the f...

25 January 2019

Warning: Spoilers

Like Burger King or Wendy's, you see a well crafted product in advertisements and a smashed mess of a product in real life. What's advertised is a mystery thriller/drama starring well known and highly talented actors, what's delivered is the squandering of their talent in a film that makes you want to walk out when you find out what it's about.

It goes all Truman Show in the middle, but worse. A video game? He's a sentient character in a video game? What, did the worlds greatest actor Gerard Butler pass on the role and they thought to tap the second, our boy Matthew McConanneh... I don't know how to spell it. Whatever. You get it.

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Mortal Engines (2018)

2/10

Destined for mystery science theatre

18 December 2018

Let's keep this brief. This might be the worst movie I've seen all year, which is saying something because I watch a lot of movies. They tried to cram a trilogy worth of material into one 2 hour movie, so the progression is stupid accelerated. It's been 24 hours and she loves him, despite not really having had a full conversation? Alright. The dialogue is piss-poor, the action is boring, and even visually it kind of falls flat. God, what a terrible movie.

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The Foreigner (I) (2017)

9/10

Best Jackie Chan movie in 20 years

19 July 2018

Warning: Spoilers

I love this movie through and through. I've made all my friends and family watch it, and I've seen it myself no less than a dozen times. It is precisely my cup of tea. Why? Well, I'm not too great at explaining myself or critical thinking on film, but I'll give it a shot.

The pacing. Starts out with a bang, dials it way back, then turns up gradually. We don't so much see a mystery unfold as we do go through a process somewhat behind the eyes of Jackie Chan's character. He takes his time, not that he bides it.

The fallible hero. Jackie Chan is old. You didn't know? Well he is. And it shows. They don't try to go the Stallone route where he somehow hasn't lost a step and can fight a tank even though he's in his 70's. When he gets hit, it hurts. No more 30 minute long fights with ladders and folding chairs.

The villain. Pierce Brosnan is one of my faves, and he turned up a good performance, in my opinion. An ex-extremist gone soft, playing politics. His presence enough would've been enough to satisfy, but he played the part well. Thankfully.

The score/soundtrack. Carpenter-esque, and it really sets the tone. Keeps it tense. People who aren't familiar with Carpenter might liken it to the score used in Stranger Things. And I think it's perfect.

I guess those are the major points. Now go watch it. It may be the last time you get to see Jackie Chan in a decent movie.

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Deadpool 2 (2018)

6/10

Good, but could have used less winking and nudging

31 May 2018

Let me say off the bat that I'm really happy with Marvel's decision to take a chance on the first Deadpool movie based on the strength of the demo Reynolds made. As we all know, it paid out handsomely. And for good reason! It was fun, funny, and had... a story. I wont say it was great, but without Morena Baccarin, it wouldnt have been what it was.

Deadpool 2 was good. I liked it. The cameos were awesome and unexpected, Josh Brolin and the woman who played Domino were great, and the action scenes were decent. Morena Baccarin was good again. My complaint is with all the 4th wall breaking and the avalanche of pop culture, MCU, DC, and other relevant jokes. It takes away from the story. Yeah, I know it sounds funny. Like anyone went to see Deadpool 2 for the story. But when you have a storyline that requires a bit of acting and emotion, it's hard to buy into it when it's preceded and followed by "thanos fart dildo Wolverine buttplug lol" jokes like, for 20 minutes at a time.

Again, I did like it, and I did think there were plenty of funny moments, but it'd be neat if Reynolds could find a way to stop sucking himself off so much in the next one. I'm sure there are plenty of others would do it for him. Not that I'm volunteering.

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TimDiesel

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