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buckeye22
Reviews
Chairman of the Board (1997)
Take this movie for what it is
So many of the reviewers on this site are reviewing this movie as if they are comparing it to Citizen Kane or Shawshank Redemption. The truth is, this movie is a kid's move. Hear all those zany sound-effects? See all those prat-falls? See all those guys getting hit in the balls every five minutes? KID'S MOVIE. With a couple of saucy words thrown in to get the PG-13 rating. I didn't think the movie was particularly good, or even particularly funny. But, it wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen (see "Death to Smoochy" for that). It was what it intended to be, and you can't say that about a lot of movies these days that try to take themselves seriously and fail miserably.
The Tree of Life (2011)
Even worse than "Eraserhead"
I thought David Lynch's movie "Eraserhead" was the worst movie I'd ever seen until I saw this two-and-a-half-hour-long fountain of diarrhea. I'm not going to repeat what many other reviewers have stated on this site, but I have yet to read a negative review that characterizes the movie inaccurately. In short, it's excruciatingly boring, horrendously long, inexcusably pretentious and a complete and total waste of good acting and a good script.
Even Sean Penn has panned this movie and he was in it. This movie is clearly a result of nobody telling this director "no." It's not experimental. It's not meaningful to anyone else but the director Malick. And, it's not worth your time to go see it.
If this had been presented as a student film at the UCLA School of Film (or any other school of that type), the person making it would have been run out of the program.
Atlas Shrugged: Part I (2011)
Not a perfect movie, but true to the novel
I was so happy to see that my theater was PACKED. That tells me that there are people in this country who still get it. I'm also rating this movie higher than my actual opinion of the movie because there is clearly a liberal agenda to drive down the rating of this movie. I would actually rate this movie about 7/10.
Clearly, there is a message in this movie. It would be silly to say there wasn't. In the 1,100-plus pages of the book, Rand takes great pains to outline her vision. But we also have to remember that this is a NOVEL. It is not a historical treatise, nor is it a political diatribe. Almost every novel written in this general time period from To Kill a Mockingbird to Inherit the Wind to The Catcher in the Rye, had a political message.
The naysayers clearly have either not read the book and/or have not seen the movie. There is a large anti-Ayn Rand movement out there (read: Left-wing nutjobs) who are trying to hold Ayn Rand up as some sort of GOP/Tea Party hero. All this really shows is their desperation as the Obama administration continues to deteriorate. The Lefties are terrified that an Objectivist movement could catch on. Horrors! Then what? People would actually have to take responsibility for their actions.
One caveat I will put on this review is that if you're trying to decide between seeing the movie or reading the book, read the book. It's full of great imagery and the writing, in general, is superior. Easily the best of Rand's novels.
Jackass 3D (2010)
Some big laughs, but parts of it are completely contrived
Let's face it, you know what you're getting into when you walk into a Jackass movie. You're going to get nutshots, potty humor, vomiting and "interaction" with other bodily fluids. There is plenty of this in Jackass 3D.
What you don't expect to get is forced laughter, fake set-ups and really, really BAD acting. I get why they laugh at the stunts. It's marketing. The harder they laugh, the harder you laugh. It's easier to laugh at something that someone is already laughing at. But the laughter is just too loud, too forced and goes on WAY too long for the "severity" of some of the stunts. The vignette with the *fake* -- and I MEAN FAKE -- gorilla in the idiot parents' hotel room was just beyond the pale. The "mom" has the worst fake reaction of anybody I've ever seen in Jackass. She is so unbelievable that she ruins the whole "gag." And then, supposedly, the "father" had the sh!t scared out of him -- literally. Give me a break. You will find yourself laughing at the stupidity of their reactions. You might also feel a little insulted that they think you're so stupid. It's also obvious that some of the people in the "street" gags are acting. They're just not good enough to pull it off. People know what natural reactions look like, and this just ain't it, people.
There's also a scene where Johnny Knoxville (or Steve-O, I can't tell which) drives a scooter through a plate glass window. Just coincidentally, there is gas in the scooter INSIDE the dealership (never happens; big no-no), the path to the window was completely clear even though every single inch of the other windows in the dealership were cluttered with product, AND he goes through the 10-foot plate-glass window without being cut to shreds. Not even a scratch. C'mon, people.
Don't get me wrong; there are some big laughs in this movie. Big hits, big injuries and BIG falls. But I left the movie with a bad taste in my mouth. Thank GOD my movie wasn't in 3D or that taste could have been something else.
Iron Man 2 (2010)
Pewter Man -- Not quite Iron Man
First and foremost: go see this movie while it is in the theaters. It's a great "big screen" movie: lots of special effects, big sound and big scenery. Lots of reasons to see it in the theater. Mickey Rourke STEALS THE SHOW, in my opinion. I didn't detect a hint of fakery in his Russian accent (and I'm pretty sensitive to stuff like that), his acting was flawless and he was perfectly cast in this role.
Another reason to see this movie is that it's pretty hilarious. It's almost a comedy, it's so damn funny. There are inside jokes and outside jokes and side-side jokes. Just enough humor to make it funny, but not so much that it turns into a farce.
Now the bad news. I won't go as far as to say that I was disappointed in this movie, but two things occurred to me in the middle of it. First, as usual with superhero movies, this movie looks and feels like an advertisement to sell a video game of the movie. Scenes where Iron Man weaves his way through pylons under a bridge, or when he breaks out of a geodesic dome with Oracle's name inexplicably on the side, or when he mows down twenty drones with a new secret weapon on the suit, have you imagining a pimply-faced teenager (or not-so-teenager) sitting in his parents' basement manipulating his Wii controller.
Second, as with the first Iron Man, there is a TON of product placement in this movie. Audi, Oracle -- they even had a product placement on his water bottle after the boxing scene (although the sponsor is escaping me at the moment).
One of the biggest complaints I have with superhero movies is they feel compelled after the first movie (especially if it's wildly successful like Iron Man was) to show the main character as a flawed or dependent or as a tragic character. This drives me crazy. If you're a fan of the comic books, you will see that these characters have pasts (most of the time) and they have secrets, but there's no overriding FLAWS in their character -- that's why they're superheroes! Hollywood INSISTS on bringing the tortured angst of the character forward to try to get us to connect with his (or her) human element. I don't want them to be human. I want my superheroes to be superheroes, even if they are human. Spiderman did this in the second and third movies (the third one was a disaster) in my opinion), the Hulk has done it (twice), and I'm sure there are others.
Another problem I had with this movie was Gwyneth Paltrow. She is UNBELIEVABLY ANNOYING throughout this entire movie. She was so charming in the first movie and the writers simply spoiled her character by turning her into a SHREW. I wanted to punch her in the face. I also wanted to see more of Scarlett Johansson. She is BEYOND yummy. I would eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
All-in-all this is a good movie. It's not a great movie, but the success of the original was going to be difficult to duplicate. It will do well in the theaters and it will likely break box office records in the first weekend. The DVD will sell at Christmas and the Wii video game will sell out. It could have been a better movie, but it isn't and we can look forward to Iron Man 3. The good news is that sequels usually suck, but they seem to learn their lessons, get the garbage all out of their systems and the third one is usually better for it. Maybe they feel they don't really have anything to prove at that point.
One final note: MAKE SURE YOU STAY THROUGH THE ENTIRE CREDITS!!! There's a vignette at the end that gives you a hint of what's to come. It's very short, but you don't want to miss it.
2012 (2009)
Not as bad as I thought it was going to be
I had heard some pretty bad things about this movie. I was prepared for the worst. Yes, the dialogue is hokey. Yes, the plot is implausible (as far as we know). Yes, there are some AMAZING coincidences that take place. Yes, everyone on the planet (except the makers of this movie) knows that jet airplanes can't fly through volcanic ash -- yet they do anyway, several times. Yes, it is a bit preachy all the way through the movie. Yes, according to this movie, white people are pretty bad and black people and people of color are mostly good. Yes, it's a convenient, symbolic, cheesy, bordering-on-racist ending ("The whole African continent has risen several thousand feet and most likely, never even flooded!"). The rest of the world was flooded. For those of you who haven't read The Bible, God flooded the Earth because it was filled with evil (this movie seems to forget that He promised he would never do it again). Yes, it's two-and-a-half hours long, when it really didn't have to be (as usual with 2.5 hour long movies).
Having said all of that, all-in-all, it was a fairly entertaining movie. The special effects were pretty damn good. The story is fairly compelling. The acting is marginal, but the actors didn't have much quality dialogue to deal with. The direction was a little sketchy too, but with a guilty "pleasure" like this movie, you can even excuse that. I know it sounds like I'm talking you out of the movie, but I'm actually trying to talk you into it. It's worth seeing.
21 (2008)
Many, many "roll your eyes" moments
This story is so improbable (even after suspending disbelief) that it doesn't even make for a Let me see if I've got this straight.
A super-smart geek with nearly everything going for him (but money) decides to risk his entire future by joining forces with a crooked professor who used to be a gambler but now teaches at Harvard, just so he can win $300,000 so he can go to medical school. Furthermore, the professor (who has everything to lose in this scenario) recruits his super-smart students in some kind of organized crime syndicate that flies to Vegas on the weekends.
Oh, and the super-smart geek changes his mind about joining the blackjack group for absolutely no discernible reason. He turns down the brilliant professor. Then he turns down the beautiful temptress. Then, suddenly, for seemingly no reason whatsoever, he shows up to the card-counting class.
Oh, and instead of flying to Vegas and withdrawing the money there, these supposedly super-smart geeks stuff the money into their pants to get it through airport security.
Oh, and the card counters, who are not supposed to know each other, walk into every single casino in a dramatic slow-motion Delta formation -- and gather in the same suite to plan their strategy, as if there are no cameras in the hotel portion.
Oh, and 10,000 security cameras on the floor are not supposed to notice the tall, lanky HOT women obviously and conspicuously CROSSING THEIR ARMS BEHIND THEM to signal the super-smart geeks at the high-roller tables.
Oh, and the super-smart professor who manufactured this brilliant scheme does not suspect a thing when his ostracized prodigy comes back to the fold to help him win more money without the professor lifting a finger.
Get my drift? There are more "roll your eyes" moments in this movie than any movie I can remember in recent history. Not only that, the musical score seems oddly out-of-place
In the ultimate irony, when the DVD ended and I changed over to regular TV, the scarecrow was in the middle of singing "If I only had a brain." I wish he had sung it before the movie started and given me a little hint of what was to come.
Iron Man (2008)
EASILY the best superhero movie ever made
Yep. It's better than the first Spiderman. Better than the first Hulk. And the second Hulk. Better than the first Superman.
I have to admit, when I first heard Robert Downey, Jr., was playing Iron Man, I thought it was a joke. But, he pulled it off with gusto. Favreau really proved himself as a director straight out of the gate.
Even though the "real" Iron Man doesn't make an appearance until the third act, you still feel like you got your money's worth out of this one -- and they've primed the pump for the sequel too. Downey should score big on that one if he can keep his nose off the mirror.
The dialog is snappy, the plot moves along nicely and the characters are all interesting and very well developed. All in all, this is one of the best movies I've ever seen and it's easily the best superhero movie ever made.
I can't wait for this one to come out on DVD.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Ledger is good at being bad; Bale bailed
In my 43 years on this planet, I have never seen a more manic depressive movie than The Dark Knight. This movie alternates between insufferable, back-aching boredom to frenetic, hold-on-to-your-seat action. And most of the action sequences are amazing. It's probably worth the price of admission just to see the action sequences and Ledger's performance.
It does not surprise me that this movie had FIVE WRITERS. I knew this half way through the movie before I even looked it up. How did I know this sitting in the movie? Four things will tip you off to multiple writers in a movie. (1) Haphazard, rambling direction. (2) Storyline on top of storyline on top of storyline. (3) The movie ends FIVE TIMES (one for each writer). (4) More than two hour running time (this movie is almost three hours -- remember the mess that was Spiderman 3??).
From the very beginning, this movie seems to have no direction whatsoever. You could literally take the script to this movie and divide each scene up on separate sheets of paper, throw them up in the air, gather them up and shoot this movie again and nothing would change. That's how disorganized and haphazard the story proceeds. There are at least five side-stories, all of which are hard to follow and difficult to understand how they fit in to the overall story (blowing up two ferries?).
BY FAR the most annoying part of The Dark Knight is Christian Bale's unbelievably over-the-top, angst-ridden portrayal of Batman. As Bruce Wayne, he delivers a great performance. When he straps on the gear, he becomes this growling, hilariously overwrought caricature of the Batman we know and love. He had people in my theater LAUGHING when he talked. It's a ridiculous performance and it's the director's fault.
And, who is the annoying basset hound playing Rachel? Horrible actress. Not even remotely hot. I never thought I'd miss Katie Holmes.
I'd rather see Iron Man fifty times before seeing this again.
But don't let that keep you from seeing the movie. Ledger alone is worth the price of admission.
The Bridge (2006)
This movie will haunt you for weeks
This movie is, at once, sad and hopeful. When I first heard about it, I thought it had to be a joke. A guy sets up a camera near the Golden Gate Bridge for a year and records people leaping to their deaths? Is there a person on this planet who's that morbid?
But, this film is much, much more than that. Through interviews with the families, we discover the lives of these poor tortured individuals -- and we even hear the story of someone who jumped and lived. He claims he regretted jumping the moment his hand left the rail. This movie is worth the rental just to hear his story and the miraculous way he survived after he hit the water (hint: his back was broken in three places, so he had to have some help).
For the first few hours after watching this movie, you feel completely drained and empty. Then you may start to realize that there is a larger purpose to this movie, that it's is not just a chronicle of the end of 23 lives in a year, it's a chronicle of everything that led up to their demise.
Particularly poignant is the story of a man who traipses back and forth across the bridge trying to screw up his courage to jump. I won't ruin the end for you, but it's pretty shocking.
Rent this movie.
The Happening (2008)
Written by a 3rd grader, directed by a moron, acted by amateurs
Here's how bad this movie is: the people in my theater were LAUGHING at the corny dialog. Are you kidding me? In a "horror" flick? Not to mention the fact that this movie is nothing more than a commercial for the radical left wing agenda.
Here's another indication how bad this movie is: the boom mike is seen at the top of the screen not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES!!! And you call yourself a professional director? How does this make it past the editing room? This is worse than a high school production.
Here's a small example of the cheesiness of the dialog in this movie. Upon hearing that there are dead bodies all over the road, a young military policeman stands upright and exclaims, "Cheese and crackers!" Unbelievable. Did no one during the making of this movie look around and say, "Wait a second. This is junk. We can't release this crap."
And for those of you claiming that this was M. Night's F.U. to the critics, I say: B.S. Even if it was an F.U. to the critics, why would you bill it as a legitimate movie and con people into paying real money for it. Why not release it at Sundance or Cannes where people can see if for free and it would get more media attention? Why would you intentionally make a movie this bad if you wanted to showcase your so-called "talent." M. Night just committed career suicide.
This movie starts out bad and just gets worse. Not even Marky Mark's furrowed brow can save this unbelievably bad movie. Not since The Blair Witch Project has a movie so underdelivered after being so oversold. There is no coherence to the movie and the storyline just make absolutely no sense.
I can't believe the same guy who made Signs, made this garbage. I've never walked out of a movie, but I came very close on this one. It's that bad. I read a lot of the reviews on IMDb before I went to the movie. I wish I had listened to the ones that criticized the movie. I would have saved myself $7.
So, in a nutshell, if you want to be bombarded by the radical environmentalist left-wing agenda in the context of a movie that makes no sense, is horribly acted and has no coherence, then this movie is for you. Otherwise wait until a friend rents it and borrow it from them.
If you do spend the money to go see it in the theater, halfway through the movie, you will wish that the same thing killing all the people in the movie will start seeping through the ventilation system.
Hey M. Night! I want a refund!
Help! (1965)
So silly it's almost unwatchable
Even by Beatles standards, this movie is so unbelievably silly, it's hard to watch at times. Yes, there are some fairly funny interactions and some fairly funny one-liners. The Beatles were always great at those. And, with a Beatles movie, you never expect much in the way of a plot anyway. But this one is so far over the top, it comes across as self-indulgent and self-aware.
Rent it if you want two hours of mindless entertainment (and not that much good Beatles music) -- but don't buy it. Unless you're a true-blue Beatles fan, you'll probably only want to sit through this silliness once.
Transformers (2007)
Really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY BAD
This movie looked so good in the trailers. It had to look good on paper too. All they had to do was stick to their original concept and this would have been (at least) a good movie.
Instead, halfway through the making of this movie, it seems, somebody decided to make it a kids movie. I'm guessing some marketing dude saw the dailies and screamed: "IT'S TOO VIOLENT!! WE'LL NEVER SELL ANY PRODUCT WITH THIS MOVIE!!" Insert cheesy dialogue. Insert circumcised plot. Insert "kids' movie" action.
Yes, the special effects were amazing. It's SKG. Of course the special effects are going to be awesome.
If you go see this movie, just soak up as much of Megan Fox as you can. She's about the only reason to go see it. You won't be engaged in the plot, since there really isn't one (I DEFY YOU to figure out what the movie is about at the 1.5 hour mark).
The Transformers talking to each other goes from absurd to sublime -- and then to comical. The cheesy dialogue will have you laughing out loud.
Also, the 900 subplots (ala Spiderman 3) will wondering what in the hell is happening at any one moment in the movie.
Skip this one. Rent it. Better yet, have a friend rent it and borrow it.
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
What a mess
My original comment on this movie included a 6/10 rating -- mostly due to the amazing special effects in the movie. I saw the movie at an IMAX theater and the special effects overwhelmed the movie. But after considering it a bit, I've decided the special effects really don't compensate for the horrible muddled-mess of a storyline. As I mentioned before, there are no less than NINE subplots. Nine. The movie is so unbelievably difficult to follow, that I'd probably have to rent it to figure out all the story lines. But I'm not going to. I'm not going to waste my money on this horrible movie again. I wish I had known how bad this was before I paid $12 to see it in IMAX.
I cannot believe that the word has not gotten out about this movie and that it's still #1 in the country. I guess people are starved for entertainment. So, now I'm giving it a "2" so that will make my average rating a 4 -- which is what it should have been in the first place.
King Kong (2005)
This movie absolutely sucked
I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a movie less than this one. The special effects were sub-par, the acting was horrible and it was about three hours too long (running time: 3 hours). Not to mention the fact that the ape changed sizes at least three times and they spend the first TWO HOURS (!!!) of the movie on the island! The action sequences lasted WAY too long and the outcome of most them was so improbable that I found myself rolling my eyes and checking my watch after the first hour of the movie! This movie is so corny and sappy that it's almost unwatchable. I truly cannot believe how many movie critics are recommending this movie.
It could have been cut down to less than two hours if there hadn't been any of the extraneous CRAP they put in the movie. Like the dinosaurs. Did I miss that angle on the original or in the remake or in the book? Where were the FAKE LOOKING dinosaurs described in the novel?
The actors were also far too aware of themselves, and this is the first movie I can say that Jack Black actually sucked. Bad. The monkey's teeth looked like something out of a Nintendo game and sometimes the airplanes flying by him while he was on the Empire State Building looked disproportionately huge compared to him.
And I can't really chalk my disappointment up to elevated expectations, because I had no expectations of this movie. If the STORY had been worth a damn, they might have salvaged this unwatchable piece of crap, but they ruined it as far as I'm concerned.
DON'T believe the hype!