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Jacob's Ladder (I) (1990)
9/10
Wonderfully Well-Written
24 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Warning - Major Spoilers

Let me start by saying that I had to watch this movie four (4) times before I truly understood it. For some people, a movie this complicated can be horrible, for others, a wonderful experience.

The movie starts with Jacob in Vietnam. He experiences a horrible fight one evening that we later learn was between the members of his squad. He manages to live through the battle and returns home. Back in the United States, Jacob returns to a "normal" life . . . for a little while. Then the demons start to appear, seemingly stocking him. He looks for solutions in various doctors and psychiatrists getting the whole ball rolling.

At first glance, the events play out like a Vietnam vet experiencing some flashbacks and post-war stress. There are a few important keys to keep in mind though:

1. Jacob is always going to the chiropractor for a stiff back. The chiropractor tells him that he should probably be stiff since he's dead.

2. There are parts of his memory that are missing.

3. Absolutely the most important part of the film is the very last scene where Jacob is being lifted into a helicopter and the medics are saying they are losing him.

This all roles into one marvelous twist - Jacob actually died in Vietnam and the entire movie was a hallucination brought on by "The Ladder". An absolutely genius bit of story telling and a must see for the serious viewer.
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4/10
"Destroy All Monsters" it Ain't
23 January 2006
As far as recent Godzilla movies have been, this one isn't too bad. It's better than, for example, Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster (or whatever name you've seen it under). Of course, it is far worse than the original and honestly isn't even as good as GMK. Viewers would think that since this movie celebrates the 50th anniversary of the big guy on top of being "the last one ever" (whatever), it would be a serious movie.

This isn't the case. The cheese is laid on pretty thick with bad sound effects like the cartoon boing when the pimp and cop lose their hats and the skidding tire sounds of anguirus sliding to a halt. Minya (or Minilla or whatever) doesn't really seem to fill any roll other than irritating the viewers.

The mutant humans in this movie were so stolen from The Matrix that it is hard to watch some times (without vomiting anyway). They are there for the sake of action (they do move the plot also, but there is so little plot, it's hard to see it moving).

Simply put, this movie tries to substitute action for the sake of plot. I love all of the monster fights in this movie, but they just don't really help move the plot. Directors really need to learn that action, singing and/or women's breasts just aren't a substitute for a well-written story. If you want a good story to a Kaiju film, check out the original Gojira.
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4/10
Minor Disappointment
19 January 2006
Unlike some, I was a big fan of Zombie's first movie, House of 1000 Corpses. Although a take off on Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was extremely fast paced (good for my limited attention span), did wild things with the camera work and did a wonderful job of building tension as the movie progressed.

I didn't find this movie nearly as exciting. Following three of the characters from the first movie, it personalizes them . . . makes them human. One of the things that was so scary about the first movie was that the people in the farm house were so inhuman.

Ultimately, this movie screams knock-off of Natural Born Killers. Rob Zombie decided to forgo the fast paced and jumpy camera work of the first moving (something that scared the snot out of me in House) for a more leisurely paced gore-fest. Boring.

My favorite character, Captain Spalding, isn't even as much fun. He didn't carry the same foreboding sense of violence he had in the first movie (heck, that prostitute had him begging for his life). The character Baby . . . what happened? I had her pegged for a lady that loves pain and she cries just like everyone else.

Oh well, I'm sure Rob Zombie has plenty left up his sleeve.
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Kronk's New Groove (2005 Video)
4/10
Major Disappointment
18 January 2006
The Emperor's New Groove was a great twist for Disney. It wasn't a musical! It had clean, fresh jokes and no political twists. It was just a darn funny movie.

Kronk's New Groove, on the other hand, is tired and weak. My 3-year-old still loves Emperor's New Groove, but fell asleep during Kronk's. There really isn't any really conflict (that, in the first movie, lead to all of the wacky adventures). Because of the lack of conflict, it almost seems like the animators threw out the writers and just made the storyline up as they went along.

I kept waiting for something to happen that would make the movie fun . . . and still am.
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Madagascar (2005)
9/10
Wonderfully Surprising
18 January 2006
This is the highest rating I have ever given a movie. Madagascar appeared at first to be a typical kids show in the style of Ice Age and The Incredibles. Surprisingly though, it was absolutely hilarious! The discerning adult will have fun just trying to pick out how many different movies are parodied in this film (Planet of the Apes and Castaway were the most obvious . . . see if you can find what looks like a reference to The Ring).

In addition, the jokes were fresh and fun. Unlike The Cat in the Hat, the jokes that had adult references were very well hidden (not just a dirty joke with clean words). The penguins' reaction to finally reaching Antarctica was snot-slingingly funny and Alex the Lion's experiences with the tranquilizer darts are still good for a laugh.

A must see for anyone with or without the kids.
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Cry Wolf (2005)
6/10
Slick Little Horror Movie
17 January 2006
Unlike most horror movies, Cry Wolf does not rely on sheer "gore factor" (such as Hostel) to make a slick movie. Quite to the contrary, this movie can be viewed almost as more of a murder mystery than a slasher film.

The concept of the movie isn't really that original. A group of teens deciding to play a game that gets out of hand (haven't I seen this before somewhere?). On the other hand, Cry Wolf pulls the hood over its eyes, continually pushing the viewer to believe this is a pure slasher movie and distracting the viewer away from important details.

Those details, blatantly thrown out for the advanced viewer, make Cry Wolf fun to watch, if not somewhat predictable . . . just as long as you aren't expecting the typical slasher movie (remember, the movie will push the viewer into thinking they are watching a slasher movie).
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Godzilla (1954)
8/10
Sets the Standard
17 January 2006
For those who are mildly interested in this movie, you must understand the seriousness of this movie. More than a movie about a guy in a rubber suit breaking toy buildings, Gojira is a very serious consideration about the horrors of nuclear war.

A few items to watch for include:

The first scenes of Tokyo after having been leveled by Gojira (Godzilla) almost mirror the photographs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the bombings.

The images of the injured people in the hospitals again, mirror the photographs of "survivors" of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

Look for references to the American nuclear tests on the Bikini atolls (they are abundant).

Finally, keep in mind that Gojira is a symbol of nuclear war. The reason that tanks, planes and heavy artillery don't stop it is because once a nuclear bomb is dropped, nothing can stop the devastation. The only way to avoid it is to not be there in the first place.

Gojira (Godzilla, King of the Monsters) is a definite must-see for anyone interested in film-making at its best.
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Hostel (2005)
2/10
Standard Fair, Nothing Original
17 January 2006
This movie really contains nothing out of the ordinary.

The "gore factor" was no higher than other movies of its genre (i.e. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A Nightmare on Elm Street). For a movie that seems to be banking on the prospect that it is one of the most bloody films going, it falls short.

The plot becomes evident very early, so there is no real suspense (such as in Saw). The camera work is standard and the horror comes not from psychological suspense, but from the amount of blood on the screen (see above).

The only redeeming qualities I found in this movie were the abundance of nudity (not really something to sell a movie on) and Ollie. Ollie's antics make the movie almost worth watching.

My suggestion, wait until it comes out on video and then talk someone else into paying for the rental.
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