Reviews

At four and half hours long, this is like sitting through three 90 minute movies or two 2+ hour movies. It was a marathon but it was soooooooo worth it. Simply amazing. Not perfect, unfortunately, but worth just about every one of those 250 minutes! The Battle Of Gettysburg in the American Civil War was a monster fight over the course of three days leaving in its wake approximately 50,000 casualties. Not all of the battle is portrayed here as the movie would need to be 10 hours long! The main focus is on Joshua Chamberlain's hold of Little Round Top on Day 2 and Pickett's Charge on Day 3. Amongst many notable performances, there were tremendous performances by Jeff Daniels as Chamberlain as well as Sam Elliot as Union General John Buford. Unfortunate casting of Martin Sheen as Robert E. Lee and C. Thomas Howell as Chamberlain's brother don't ruin things too much. Lee should have been more of a commanding actor, taller, more in your face so his underlings had no chance to argue against him. But he was on the bad guy's side so I did not feel too badly about that casting choice. The North's fight was the point of view I was interested in. Background of characters is not strong nor is the sentiments of those fighting. Why are they fighting? Chamberlain gives one of many speeches in the film about fighting to free men. One soldier from the South says he's fighting for the the South's rights (which means to own slaves.) Lee's #1 man, General Longstreet, also laments the South should have freed the slaves before starting the war. (He may have meant this for political reasons -- to gain England's support -- though after the war he was also outspoken for equal rights for blacks.) Not much more than that is spoken on the slavery issue as the film primarily wants to show the fight. And that it did. As I said right at the start -- epic. At times I sat stunned in horror at the fighting that took place. I cried at being so thankful so many fought to the last to defend freedom of all men. Now, I know that's not why every man put on the uniform and took up arms, but Colonel Chamberlain's sentiment alone on that had me in tears. Wow. I went to Gettysburg National Military Park as a youngin' and could not understand it's full meaning as I could as an adult. Now I'm ready to go back to observe this hallowed ground. Why did I never see this movie until now? Glad I finally did. It takes preparation to sit through 4 1/2 hours but I will surely do it again one day!

8.9 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Pierce Brosnan's third turn as James Bond and again another modern day Bond movie that I am only seeing for the second time and for the first time since seeing it in the theaters! (Unlike Connery & Moore Bond movies which I've seen 3 to 6 or 7 times each!) The story is lacking here. The main villain uninteresting. He had very little depth. Bond Girl Sophie Marceau also. And then there's Denise Richards. Just a terrible casting choice. Additionally where was the Bond Theme? It was not as prevalent as in the previous movie. The score here also subpar. But as we enter the 21st Century, the action scenes seem to get better. I am more and more impressed with Brosnan as 007. He was bent on revenge which took him to a slightly darker place, not as dark as Timothy Dalton's Bond, but up off the cheeky goofyness Roger Moore brought to the character while maintaining the cool Connery exterior. He is really possibly becoming my favorite Bond. Overall not a spectacular unbelievably awesome movie but still worth seeing again!

7.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

A small picture from England that was renamed upon U.S. release as Unfinished Song. An absolutely amazing movie! Almost perfect. Terence Stamp pretty much is perfection. He was nominated for Best Actor at the British Independent Film Awards. Vanessa Redgrave was nominated for Best Supporting Actress. The movie follows a senior citizen and how he deals with his wife's cancer. In England they're called OAPs or Old Age Pensioners. I knew nothing about the movie going into except the title. Soon enough it's clear how predictable it will be but the events that unfolded tore me to pieces. There was crying from sadness but 5 times as much crying from overwhelming joy. Gemma Arterton? Never heard of her (because I haven't seen any recent Craig 007 movies) but now I am in love with her. So pleasant to watch! Christopher Eccleston was great as was the little girl who played his daughter. Everything here works. Almost. Some of the free outdoor concert scene was a little lame and could have been much better but otherwise an all-around outstanding movie. If it doesn't make you cry, you have no soul! I'm probably gonna watch it again in a few days and it will be one of the very few movies that I burn to disc to keep.

9.2 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Finally something different in the Christmas genre. This made-for-TV movie has Dickens' A Christmas Carol getting all shook up to give it bunch of different situations not in the original story. Tom Arnold is excellent in the "Scrooge" role. He, of course, is visited by three ghosts meant to show him how he has every reason to stop being a scrooge. But all does not go as planned and that's what makes this refreshing. Unfortunately a low budget hinders this kinda unique story. Bright green grass with foamy looking snow covering portions of the ground? Just terrible. Throw in more money and a more talented director and you really coulda had something much better here. Still it's refreshing. Even though it was made for the ABC Family Channel, it's not exactly charming nor is it really family-friendly unless the family consists of only adults! It's still PG but does contain adult themes. Barely any Christmas music in it so not very Christmasy. But it kept my interest especially compared to so many repetitive and formulaic takes on the classic tale.

6.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Movies filled with swearing and vulgarity do not humor me as much as they used to. I've discovered Paul Rudd is a brilliant comedic actor but do so many of his movies need to be so juvenile? His character here is a dork and it's painful to watch sometimes. Plus he goes out on "man dates." Really??!!? Are men becoming women? What would John Wayne say about this? It's embarrassing. But still there are great moments of serious laughter in this movie. The Jon Favreau-Jaime Presley relationship was a bit of comedic backbone this needed, as well as the Thomas Lennon character (maybe funnier than Rudd & Segel.) Unfortunately it didn't have enough backbone. And the whole "bromance" thing? Not appealing. I don't understand why this has such a high IMDb rating. Funny yes but also awkward, girlie and stupid. A few elements of this will allow me to consider watching it again someday... but I would only recommend it for Rush or Lieutenant Jim Dangle fans.

6.1 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Mexican film that won the Special Jury Prize at Sundance. A story about lonely, friendless people and their inability to normally interact with each other. I'm not sure how the heck this was nominated for similar awards at a smattering of other festivals. The pace of the story makes it incredibly tedious to watch. The main characters are merely existing in their world of loneliness, wanting more but so uninspired or simply unable to have what might resemble a normal life. Their getting together is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I felt awkward watching -- this type of life, these types of people I am not used to. Are we supposed to feel hopeful for this couple? I'm not sure what we're supposed to be thinking as the credits roll. It was soooo slow to get to the end but I had to see the story through. When done I felt nothing. It wasn't even that entertaining. It was just something I couldn't take my eyes off of.

5.0 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Excellent performances, especially Jean Harlow. The Blonde Bombshell she isn't so much here, but more of a regular working gal. Such great talent, such a shame she died just a year and a few months after this came out. Gable is interesting in this straightforward businessman role and not the brash larger than life lead he often is. Jimmy Stewart gets fourth billing because he's not yet the big movie star yet but getting there. The story isn't so much full of comedy or romance, or bitter rivalry, but jealousy and misunderstanding. Don't convict and divorce on circumstantial evidence alone because jealousy might be mixing up all the signals you think you're getting when in fact there's no guilt there whatsoever.

8.0 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

What might be considered a made-for-TV "Lifetime movie" was actually produced by and shown on NBC originally. But it's definitely the type of movie that would show up on the Lifetime Network.

Beverly D'Angelo stars as a mom who wants justice for her adopted son's death. Based on a true story, it covers all the main points in the saga but blatantly appears quite abridged. Not that it matters. Acting is meh and it's just a straightforward story that's told with no twists or turns or nothing' like that.

Not the worst 85 minutes ever but nothing memorable.

5.0 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

From Thailand, this is a bizarre art house film about loneliness and the struggle to survive. Unfortunately it moves at a snail's pace and doesn't really have much to say. Our main character doesn't want to live then doesn't want to stay in his apartment because of the smelly corpses there. His brother's dead and he meets a girl whose sister has just died. They form a relationship in a weekend over nothing incredible happening. Really?! This is supposed to be comedy, in a way, but I fail to see it, perhaps because I'm just an American used to American or British comedy. I dunno. The camera work is at times beautiful but other times I was left scratching my head wondering why if this person knew what he was doing. Audio, too. I don't often have a hard time understanding a film but this is a little perplexing. Maybe, just maybe, I'll watch it again one day to see if I can see it in a different light, a light that sheds some sense on it.

4.6 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

My second time seeing this and first time since it was in the theaters... so it's been awhile and there's barely anything at all that I remembered. I knew it had a reputation for being spectacularly bad and that's exactly what it is. Well, I've seen much, much worse but it's still pretty stupid. I do like Bruce Willis so I wanted to give this a completely fair shake. He actually does a great job with the material he's given but the script is just ridiculous. It looked quite promising for the first five or ten minutes but it goes downhill fast and stays there. Moronic characters appear and the plot takes strange twists. Lame. Just lame. Anyone watching the Bruce Willis catalog should either save this for last in case you die first and never have to see it or watch it first to get the worst out of the way.

5.2 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

A most excellently done WWII propaganda film done without the participation of Hollywood. With just a small budget there isn't big action, no tanks, no bombers, no heavy artillery. It takes place in a small English country village. If you imagine yourself in England at the time this was released, the events could be real and very frightening. The war was still on and the British needed to always be alert for Nazi spies infiltrating the citizenry. The Germans are to be incredibly feared for they will kill without mercy, executing even children just to get their way. But the good guys will fight to the last person to defeat the heinous evil that salutes Hitler. As a way to push the realism this is much more violent than usual for this era. It's interesting to see how ruthless the Nazis are portrayed as; they really wanted to get to the heart and soul of all England and succeed they do.

7.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Laughed my butt off! But is it a buddy cop action movie or slapstick comedy? It really is the latter but the killing with head shots between the eyes really says the opposite. Melissa McCarthy is hil-freakin'-larious. She's gotta be the best comedic actress today. This role takes the genius she displayed in Identity Thief and escalates that. Sandy Bullock, on the other hand, is, well, Sandy Bullock and that's nothing outstanding in the comedy department. She doesn't really add much to the outbursts of laughter … she's kinda like Danny Glover to Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon. The paper-thin plot needs wrapping up by the last half hour and that's where the movie slows down. The comedic moments are fewer and far between. Then we get mushy and gushy with our two female leads for a finish that wants you to feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Yawn. So not needed. And it didn't help that there's no chemistry between McCarthy and Bullock. One extended drunk bonding scene that was supposed to be funny just fell completely flat. I would never imagine a The Heat 2 where these two are close friends. Partners in law enforcement perhaps but not buddy-buddy outside of work. The script should have been thinned out to just give us stupid, fun comedy and left the cop action stuff for another movie. Still – really funny!

7.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Here's the good news: when you lump this in with all the Christmas movies, including the (seemingly) thirty or forty dozen small screen, made for television each and every single year, this isn't that bad. But comparing it to other big screen Christmas films: meh, not very impressive. I do think the IMDb rating and several (many) reviews gives this a worse rap than it deserves. It's not unfunny, in fact, there are a few very good, seriously funny moments and plenty of small laughs throughout. Problem is it's just so lame at times. It seems like it wants to be National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, in a way. That's been done and it's a classic. Why, then, couldn't they come up with enough originality for this script to make it a great holiday movie? Danny DeVito gives it his best to counteract Matthew Broderick but the whole story never allows the comedy to happen as much as it should have. Then the ending, oy vey, ay caramba. MTV News? The spontaneous O Holy Night? It falls apart quickly and dissolves into a fizzle. Not even Harold's best friend Kumar can save the show. Oh well. Amazingly, if you're watching a few dozen Christmas movies during a cold and snowy Christmastime, I'd recommend throwing this in the mix... maybe while recovering from a root canal surgery or a really bad sleigh ride crash. The pain killer meds should help make this more entertaining than it is.

6.1 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Romanian film about two college students arranging an illegal abortion under Communist rule in 1987. Not really anything to enjoy about this movie as the subject matter is pretty intense. The director goes to great lengths to let us feel as if we're spectators watching these two girls go through this entire ordeal. There are very long takes (minutes-long) as well as acting and dialog that is extremely genuine. There's never really preaching to be done on the abortion issue. We're presented with a window to what's going on without any morality judgment. One dude in particular, though, we can make a judgment on -- he's one sick mother— it's sad these girls have to deal with such vial scum. Unfortunately the movie is also quite boring. Not a lot happens. There's no antagonist to step in and put a halt to things or cause the storyline to have to alter. It's straightforward reality without the need for Hollywood-type situations to arise in order to stir excitement in the viewer. There's also next to no explanation for the whys of decisions and consequences before us. Some background would have been nice. How on Earth this won the Palme d'Or at Canne I have no idea. It's gripping but often a snooze and there's nothing happy about it whatsoever. If it had told a modern day story it might have more weight. Instead it's a slice of history that has no bearing on the now. With such an issue, wouldn't you want to have people think? Instead, all we think about is what it was like at that time. It's almost more suited for The History Channel. It sucked back then but so what? That's history. There are things to like about the production here but not so much to love about the movie itself. Highly over-rated.

5.6 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Early work by horror specialist Wes Craven; his fourth film and first into the 1980's. Also one of Sharon Stone's earliest screen appearances. Unfortunately it stinks. IMDb reviews seem to be biased Craven lovers because this most certainly is not a gem. It's boring. The religious sect next door is supposed to have a deep secret. They don't. They're just ridiculous. Almost no chills in this except for a scene or two and they're very brief. A twist at the end doesn't do much to excite. Very bored with this.

4.6 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Surprisingly not terrible. This made-for-TV action-horror-thriller has a good amount of shark kills and blood, especially for the ultra-gooey, super-sappy Hallmark Channel. I didn't know going into this that it was 2 hours and 38 minutes long (apparently shown in two parts over two nights on television.) When I finally glanced at the time on the DVD player, it showed 1:52 and we were nowhere near wrapping it up yet! Okay, if the time passed by that easily it must not be that horrible. John Schneider (Bo Duke) was actually really good. Darryl Hannah meh. Armand Assante was in his element in a stereotypical bad guy role. Lots of blood but little gore but still like 2 to 3 dozen kills. But why was no one concerned all these people were going missing?!?! Not exactly the most well-written script but I have seen much, much worse. Production value is better than I expected. Anything on Syfy Channel would have been pure trash. This actually rises to the top of the trash can.

4.8 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

A theme that pops up at a relatively high rate in foreign films I watch is that of children trying to go about their lives with a turbulent world all around them. This film from Colombia portrays one boy, a nine year old, and his friends who just want to play futbol after school. They just want to be kids. And isn't that what we should wish for children, to have happy, playful lives growing up? It's not so easy when guerrillas and paramilitary harass and even kill those who don't ally themselves with one side or the other. Here in this remote part of Colombia it's "Join us or we kill you" or "You're still here so you must be a bad guy, we kill you." Very difficult to live a quiet, peaceful life. Why must there be such warring violence? What can you do except try to rise above it and live... or run away to where it's safer. Here in this village, they just want to go to school and play soccer and tend to their farms. Such genuine performances in this beautifully photographed film. Children who've never acted are some of the finest actors ever thanks to a director who doesn't force acting but allows it to happen so naturally. Our story never relies on sap to evoke emotion, nor does it include over usage of violence and death to get to the point -- just life through these children and their families and their brave teacher who tries so hard to give them normalcy. If this followed the yellow brick road to shangri-la, it would have a happy, hopeful ending. Unfortunately life does not always take that road. Sad because of the circumstances surrounding our characters but a story that I so very much appreciated seeing and will most definitely watch again!

8.7 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Wonderful film from Egypt that is definitely amongst the better I have seen. It really makes me appreciate civilized society as screwed up as it is. In Cairo, people fear for their lives if they carry the AIDS virus. Asmaa was a strong woman, not afraid to stand up to a man in public, something so forbidden in Islamic culture. Things change and she becomes HIV positive. Her fear for her life is not from dying from AIDS, but potentially being killed if she's found out. Society is scared of people like her. Not only would she face ridicule and perhaps stoning but another problem is she will die without a simple gall bladder operation. The real woman this is based on did. Doctors there are woefully ignorant of the disease, obviously those who did not study in a western culture in modern universities; they're often unwilling to treat HIV/AIDS patients for other illnesses. In steps a savior who hopefully will help get Asmaa the treatment she needs and deserves as a human being. The film is not without is flaws, unfortunately – a couple unplayed out story lines and issues not discussed in depth enough give less background than could have been provided. Still I was so very able to empathize with our protagonist and feel what this movie is all about – equal rights, HIV or not! Middle Eastern Islamic culture needs to step out of the stone age in many ways. This is just one more way how people are treated so appallingly.

8.3 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Daddy (Santa) lets his daughter leave The North Pole to go live on her. Welcome to Los Angeles where it's not so easy to have a wonderful yuletide feeling. Annie gets a job, transforms a business and falls in love, all of which adds up to a mountain of sugar-coated Christmasy schmaltz in its purest form. What's here is average at best but on the plus side it does have Christmas at its very core which makes it one of the better Christmastime made-for-TV movies. Plus the lead actress (Maria Thayer) is so cute to watch for 85 minutes!

5.7 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Independent picture that played for a mere 4 weeks in art house theaters. At most it was only in 60 theaters one weekend. It made less than half a million dollars in the U.S. but over 9 million foreign. Stars Kirsten Dunst as a rhymes with witch and her coke head friend Lizzy Kaplan and her idiot slut friend Isla Fisher and Rebel Wilson as the one they all pick on because of her weight. She's barely in the movie which takes away a bunch of laughs but it still manages to be quite funny. Humor and laughs but kinda lame. One night of partying till dawn before a wedding. Not much story, not much depth. I love Kirsten Dunst when she has a meaningful role but this is skipable. Not horrendous but nothing special.

6.1 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

One of the funniest freakin' movies! Fifth time I've seen this, second time in less than a year. I really should make it an annual watch because movies this funny need to be a regular part of life! It's got a thin plot but who cares! Some people find a lot of this movie not so funny which I simply cannot comprehend. They want a real movie with meaning but that's not this – this is just for laughs! There's some hilarious stuff here! This is one of those that I have a hard time rating based on how actually good of a film it is. For what it is, it's well done, well acted, coherent, makes sense, and provides plenty of humor. That last one: priceless!

9.3 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Norwegian coming-of-age story about a teenager realizing the strict church life in the 1950's is not for her. Almost the whole entire background is Scriptural church life while our main character is discovering herself. She's learning in her heart that she does not want to turn into a "church hag." Her dad is the pastor and quite a strict father not to mention a hypocrite. It's a well-told story with bits of humor and a lot of hopefulness for people who don't want to conform to a way of life that is being forced upon them, a way of life they know is not for them. Longing, tragedy and hope. A decent film that moves along at a nice pace. Not so sure it deserved to make the short list to be nominated for the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. Interesting yes. But I can't help but wonder if that was in large part a slap in the face of religion. In any case, I suppose it was an alright watch but nothing anyone needs to immediately download. Norwegians perhaps. Otherwise there surely are better films from Norway.

6.2 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Independent film set during the bleak wintertime in the Mississippi Delta. It was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Film and won Best Director and Best Cinematography Dramatic at the Sundance Film Festival. All three actors playing the main characters made their acting debut right here and only one of them has acted since. The film starts off slow with choppy editing and takes a while until all the pieces come together. Direction is stark, there's no background music or score at all. It's a struggle for these people trying to survive poverty and drugs and being a single mom in a world with very little hope for a better future. Nothing new in that tale. There's a true sense of tragic realism here which doesn't help the story so much. The characters never rise above and give us something truly interesting or hopeful. It's almost like watching a depressing documentary with no rainbow at the end. Rainbow not needed, of course. What sets this apart then, if anything? Location and the basic simpleness of it all. There's no wow, just life portrayed honestly. That's not enough, perhaps, for all viewers, but engaging enough for others.

7.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

Snooze-fest. And I was duped! I was looking for a Vietnamese film with English subtitles. Not many to be found. Came across this which was nominated for the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film representing Vietnam. It previously won the Camera d'Or at Canne. Well, turns out it was filmed on a sound stage in France. Seriously?!?! I wanted Hanoi, I got Paris. In any case, it's a well-filmed art-house movie, beautiful in its aesthetics (and thinking about it retrospect, a very close-up shot film to hide the fact it's all a studio set!) Unfortunately the movie suffers terribly in more ways than it's good. I'm not sure I've ever seen a slower moving film practically about nothing. An ordinary servant girl goes to live with a family at age 10. At age 20 she's working for someone else. That's about it. Antagonist? Conflict? Tension of any kind??? Not until about the last 10 minutes. Yawn. Sort of a Cinderella ending so perhaps a bit of a chick flick. Very well acted but yawn. Agonizingly slow. (Yawn!) High rating on IMDb but for my zero pirate dollars spent, it was (at the time) my 10th Worst Movie watched in 2013.

3.4 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener

I saw this around 5 or 6 years ago so this is the second time I've seen it. I recalled it wasn't too bad the first time so I was not dreading see it again. There are some great laughs and great acting from Julia Stiles, Alison Janey, Daryl Mitchell and Larry Miller. Heath Ledger was also not bad. It's a predictable movie but predictable happens a lot... so it's how you get there which determines if it's any good. This rises above dumb and keeps it just funny enough to be entertaining as well as interesting. It works and is probably one of the better (at least teen) comedies of the 1990's.

7.2 / 10 stars

--Zoooma, a Kat Pirate Screener