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Reviews
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2021)
I don't know ow wtf I just watched... but it was delightful
I have this movie as a 6. I feel like I should explain since everyone seems to have VERY different views of the 1 to 10 system.
For me, 1-4 is unwatchable and variants of terrible.
5 is not "average" or "median", it's just not good enough.
6 means it's worth a watch. Not great, but not bad. You won't regret having watched it.
7 is good. Would recommend to others.
8 Very good. Great even. I will tell many people to watch.
9 So good i know I will watch again. It moved me in some way and resonated to a point that I'll remember it for days.
10 Reserved for the ultimate greats. Shows/ movies that I'll watch repeatedly for years to come. Over and over.
Dream Scenario (2023)
Nick Cage does it again...
Whenever I see a Nick Cage film I immediately think back to that Community episode where Abed tries to discern whether Nick Cage is good or bad. It's becoming more clear in recent years that he's just awful. He tries way too hard and never seems natural. I wonder if he even knows what "natural" is at this point. He both over and under inflects his voice even in roles such as this playing a boring college professor. Facial expressions are awkward and fake. It's incredibly distracting to watch and takes away from any possible message that the film is trying to portray. But hey, if people are still willing to pay him, he'll keep showing up (even in your dreams)...
Squealer (2023)
What's worse than Terrible?
Peacock has actually made some decent original content. Both TV series and movies. But this was sooo bad. Like embarrassing awful. I had watched some previous Peacock originals and was surprisingly impressed. Then I saw some recognizable names in this movie: Amos from The Expanse, Juice from Sons of Anarchy, Tyrese.. should be decent enough right? Wrong. Have I met the ridiculous minimum character standards yet? No? Ok fine, 170 more to go... The writers must have been fresh college grads because this movie was cookie cutter from the jump. Dialogue was less than amateur. Film lens was cheap. Clearly low budget. Character limit met. This movie sucked.
Strays (2023)
Not great...
This was pretty awful. Terrible story, and garbage visuals. Big name voice overs don't do anything to help the entertainment. Making it rated R was a cheap attempt to add value. A couple funny lines don't make it an even decent movie.
And now I have to add a bunch of random words to meet the new IMBD minimum requirements. There were 4 dogs, and a couple humans. 2 cats made a random appearance. A lot of actual funny people were involved in this movie, which is even more disappointing that is was so terrible. I still have 84 more characters to go. Now only 33. If I can write one more sentence I'm good.
The Menu (2022)
Mediocre is generous
Right from the beginning the viewer is hit with the standard setting that we've seen a million times. A group of strangers (in this case sharing the common bond of being wealthy, yawn) meet up for 1 night of promised extravagance on a private, secluded, no escape island... The writers force feed you character descriptions through their awful dialogue in the first 15 minutes. The once famous, now washed up actor and his underappreciated assistant, the arrogant food critic and her yes man colleague, wall street bros, rich couple who's marriage is on the rocks, blah blah blah. All the usual tropes are thrown at you like it was a script written as a Mad Lib. No surprises. Just predictable outcomes that are literally explained before they happen. Riddled with plot holes and character flaws. It was filmed ok visually but it seemed like it was written on a Friday afternoon and wrapped on Sunday. Don't be fooled by a few of the bigger named actors. They took a paycheck for a weekend of work. I don't blame them, but I'd leave this one off the resume.
Two Sentence Horror Stories (2017)
Getting worse
I wanted to give it a 6 because of season 1 and most of season 2 (ok, but not great). But season 3 is as cheesy as the old Goosebumps series. I loved Goosebumps...when I was ten.
Cobra Kai (2018)
It's somewhat nostalgic
Let's be honest. The writing is terrible. The acting is terrible. The fight scenes would be hilarious if this was a comedy, but it's not. If you loved the original Karate Kid movies then this will slightly fill a void. I only watched because I did like the original franchise... I kinda wish I didn't.
The Mimic (2020)
Trying hard doesn't always count
It's like when someone assumes they're artistic just because they're bad at math. It tries way too hard to be smart but falls flat on execution. Messy metaphors and convoluted dialogue that attempts to unravel the main character's fight to identify his own flaws.
Windfall (2022)
Wow
What an overwhelming failure. Right from the beginning, the music proved to be more of a distraction than the artistic homage it was intended to be. Slow moving and never builds any suspense. The ending was predictable and cheap. The ongoing theme of broken marriage, mistreated unhappy wife of rich billionaire, blah, blah, snore... Hitchcock? I think not.
Murderville (2022)
Escape Room Improv
Genius concept for a show. Reminds me of an escape room concept. All actors with a "general" script but each episode includes a celebrity playing the role of new partner who has no idea what's going on and has to improv while trying to figure out a "who done it" murder. Hilarious! Apparently the people hating on the show, calling it cheesy or cringy didn't understand what the show was. I recommend you Google it first to understand the concept, then watch. I hope this show goes on forever because there are so many people I want to see on it.
Tales of an American Hoodrat (2019)
Wow
One of the worst things I've seen in a long time. Terrible dialogue made even worse by the awful acting. It felt like a high school film project (that barely met the requirements).
Adventure Beast (2021)
Has potential
Once I read up on the "real" man behind the main lead of the show it makes a little more sense but it needs a better identity. It's too adult for kids, yet too childish for adults. It tries to clumsily throw in facts about obscure animals (which I can't tell if they're real or not) while the characters find themselves in precarious situations in each of the short 15 min episodes. I want to like it, it's just not there yet. 5.5/10.
Away (2020)
Melodrama
Not what I was expecting. Very slow, not much action or suspense. Supposed to be more character driven but the back stories are very drawn out and the show moves at a snail's pace. Cheesy, short scenes strung together over sad dramatic music. Gave it a 6 because of the occasional nice visuals. Acting is decent even when the writing is more suited for a made for TV Lifetime movie. It killed time while I was sick in bed.
Bingo Hell (2021)
Expect nothing and you'll still be disappointed
Amateurish. Felt more like a cheesy episode of Goosebumps (except for the minor gore). Terrible acting fueled by even worse writing. Cringy. The way it tries to use music to manipulate the mood as if it hides the trash on the screen is embarrassing. Viewers should feel personally offended that its' creators felt this would pass as anything more than a high school art project.
Valley of the Gods (2019)
Pretentious and dull
In its' attempt at artistic beauty through ambiguity, it fails miserably. An overly ambitious display of meta story telling that omits one key ingredient... a point.
Goosebumps (1995)
Kid Stephen King meets Jr M. Night Shyamalan
R.L. Stein was the perfect horror author for kids in the early 90's. Plots always consisted of some underlying theme and/or lesson. The tv series brought the books to life. Books were only about 100 pages and the episodes were seemingly shorter but still great. It was the second coming of Nickelodeon's "Are you afraid of the dark".
Guava Island (2019)
Artistically woke
*Disclaimer: you have to be a fan of his music and understand his message. Don't focus on trying to categorize it as a film or music video. Just appreciate what it is and focus on what it's trying to convey. Reminds me of the old Michael Jackson videos that incorporate story telling, but with the added boost of Donald Glover's acting, singing and writing ability (credit also to his brother Stephen Glover). Rihanna doesn't do much but it was cool for her to be a part of this project. Very entertaining and worth the watch. Donald Glover AKA Childish Gambino is doing things no one has ever done and he's still only 35