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FUBAR (2023)
Totally unwatchable
I gave up after three and a bit episodes. It's just sooo boring to watch. The plot is lame. The actors are annoying - even Swartzburger is a drag. The one redeeming feature is Arnie can still act without a wooden plank stuffed up his back in order to remain upright. The father daughter relationship is tedious to say the least. It only works on the level of a TV soap opera or bad drama. The comedy is bad to non-existent - ditto the action.
3 stars is generous. Good luck to you if you like it. But this is not Twins or Red Heat. It's Dallas and Falcon Crest with a few shots in South America and Europe.
Take my advice and give it a very wide berth.
Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles (1975)
Where do you start with such hypocrisy?
Well, I grew up in London. Maybe Belgium was really dull in 1975 in direct comparison.
Frankly, this film makes Mary Hartman look profound. I get the "women must start portraying themselves" as independent entities aspect of life and indeed film-making and culture per se. But to suggest this film is a vehicle to such well-needed empowerment is both insincere and ludicrous.
For me, the dull life of Jeanne Dielman says far more about depression than it does feminism. Her unending continual monotony, and the film's severe lack of dialogue, insinuates that life itself - vis a vis modern culture - has betrayed womanhood. If indeed womanhood ever existed prior to the 1970s western world perceived need for change. Yet the film appears to actually betray real women's lives. It betrays the vast majority of men's attitudes to women. It betrays sexuality. It betrays morality. It betrays life. It betrays (or rather it ignores) the indoctrination suffered by literally everyone (men and women) courtesy of world culture. And it betrays the somewhat old hat 1970s permissive society zeitgeist circa 1975. Things indeed needed to change for women - and still do. But to imagine this is how you go about said change literally astounds me. Indeed, like Rock Follies, circa spring 1976, Jeanne Dielman was released at a crucial point in time when modern teenage culture was about to turn society on its head vis a vis punk rock. All of the post world war generations were threatening to achieve a break from old ways - and this is one of the primary reasons why feminism circa 1968 was both necessary and yet inopportune. So all in all, if the primary message behind Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du commerce, 1080 Bruxelles concerns a Catch-22 human condition paradox, then it works on that level. Yet the minimalism and drudgery is so utterly tiresome, the film, for me, stretches the imagination barrier to beyond breaking point.
Did Jeanne kill her husband for giving her an orgasm? Or indeed for not giving her one?
The son has got the right idea. Get the hell out of it and go live your life far away from this very tedious product of her own self-inflicted environment.
I know the son is rarely home. But what kind of woman turns to prostitution - instead of getting herself out there to meet real people? Why does she not just get some kind of non sexually abusive related job in order to support her son? What kind of woman brings strange men home to have sex - whilst her son could arrive home at any point in time? These points are more about bad scripting skills than bad parenting skills. It's almost like Akerman is saying that prostitution is one the only ways out of the near complete humdrum directly associated with pre-feminist dogma. Along with a nonetheless continued display of thinking, staring, preening, baking, and cleaning. Indeed, the film is more about Akerman than Dieman; the continual and admittedly somewhat mesmerizing personal contemplation aspect of the film reveals a steady dive into a soon to be murderous hatred for manhood.
I cannot help but wonder whether or not Akerman had such grand design grandeur delusions of gender related genocide directly related to sexual pleasure in real life.
This film is preposterous, ridiculous, and pretentious in equal measure. It is no accident that hardly no one has ever heard of it until recent times.
Hitchcock and Welles must be spinning in their graves.
The Ice Road (2021)
Don't listen to the gun crazy buffoons.
Great film. Good story. Well acted. Not the useless mindless drivel usually seen on film screens nowadays. Not quite sure why the gammons don't like it. But who cares what the Neanderthals think.
Black Summer (2019)
Zombie Groundhog Day minus the comedy
I tried to like it. But it was just plain boring to be honest. A lot of the early sequences feel like watching in slow motion - which is really annoying given the context of a zombie type apocalypse. So annoying I almost turned the damn thing off after two episodes. It gets a bit better and some of the action is existing at times - bit overall it's a total mess.
The episode in the school is just plain stupid for a variety of reasons - at one point a Rambo type trap is set and the character trapped in a room by a clearly visible wire, which another guy trips, then miraculously appears a minute later having somehow escaped the room, having clearly ignored the other guy who also re-appears a bit later on. And as another reviewer said, this lord of the Flies rip-off is accompanied by doors being left wide open and lots of noise that you simply would not make in such a situation - unless you were a total idiot who wanted to be discovered.
The diner episode is better - but it's still a bit of a cluster**** of a script that is full of holes, bad dialect, and worse decisions by most of the main characters.
I am currently up to episode two in season two and finding it very hard to keep watching. Everyone just seems to be killing everyone else - mostly people who are not infected - and the plot seems to have run out of what little creative steam it had in the first instance. Oh, and didn't that Japanese woman who cannot speak English just blurt out a perfectly nuanced sentence in English? This sums up the effort for me. Badly scripted. Amateurish. Drivel. The writing and continuity is frankly apalling. Some of the premises are literally atrocious - although the acting is good enough, the action is passable for the most part - bar the silly script, and the set designs are actually good. But there is far too much time-wasting for me. It is far too boring. And sometimes totally ridiculous.
So all in all - do not expect Romero or Fulci. Expect third year film making student submissions that get a B+ grade from a sympathetic tutor for effort.
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)
A massive let down
All the good reviews must be thirteen year olds. As bad as Suicide Squad - maybe even worse. I was praying the 84 minutes would end and was glad for the 13 minutes of credits that stopped the misery. The quips were annoying - the comedy was non-existent and so was the violence. Even Tomy Hardy could save this wet squib of a film. And that extra scene at the end was the icing on the cake. Complete garbage aimed at kids and also money no doubt. What a let down.
Black Friday (2021)
literally torture
Very difficult to even get through to the ridiculous end scene. Nothing made sense and the comedy was literally non-existent. I don't think I even came close to laughing even once. Hollywierd has forgotten how to make a decent film.
Reservation Dogs (2021)
absolute classic
Right up there with Wilderpeople and JoJo Rabbit - not to be missed. Great writing and the characters are all top notch. Probably the best comedy drama to come out of America since People of Earth. Please make a season 2.
Resident Alien (2021)
absolutely fantastic
Alan Tudyk makes this pure comedy gold - but the other characters and storylines are also great as well
trust me - it is not to be missed on any account.
Avengement (2019)
dreadful
Boring.
The trailer sums up the film. Constant fighting but it just isn't a very good film. It isn't a realistic film - but no film is these days. The actors all behave like extras from Lock Stock who try too hard to be cockneys.
Some people might like it. But i thought it was mediocre at best.
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)
what a let down
More of the same, but the humour is awful, the character repitition is just annoying, far there's too much ridiculous gun play and not enough good storyline ideas, and they all suddenly turn into kung fu experts as well.
The wife is particularly annoying. Great character first time round. This time you just end up wishing someone would put her out of our misery once and for all.
Tried to watch it twice - had to go a second time just to see if it really is as bad as i thought ... and it is
Nowhere near the 6.1 rating - well under 5 for me.
I watched the first one again beforehand - and part two is disappointing to say the very least.
Fair enough, it's a comedy, but it just isn't that funny - in fact, i found it continually annoying and boring far more than anything else.
Good childish fun for the easily satisfied.
Please don't let there be a part three.
Red Woods (2021)
absolute rubbish
Makes no sense whatsoever. There is literally no storyline. It is just a tour of a bunch of old houses and some bad actors using bad dialogue roaming around in the woods.
A woodland, some abandoned homes, and some gormless looking teenagers doth not make a good film. The 'spooky' psychic is useless. There are no character arcs. The attempted dead ends are rubbish. The helicoptors provide meaningless additions to the script. The main actors need putting out of our misery. Plus the main killer also looks like a total dork
Do not waste your time.
Whistleblowers: The Untold Stories: Twin Towers (2012)
dark forces
As far as i am aware - this documentary (the entire series) has been totally airbrushed from history
and that is highly problematic in my opinion
Mr. Arkadin (1955)
quote
"A scorpion wanted to cross a river, so he asked a frog to carry him.
"No," said the frog. "No thank you. If I let you on my back you may sting me, and the sting of the scorpion means death."
"Now where" asked the scorpion, "is the logic of that. No scorpion could be judged illogical! If I sting you, you will die - I will drown."
The frog was convinced and allowed the scorpion on his back, but just in the middle of the river he felt a terrible pain and realized that after all the scorpion had stung him.
"Logic!" cried the dying frog, as he started under, bearing the scorpion down with him. "There is no logic in this!"
"I know," said the scorpion, "but I can't help it - It's my character.
Let's drink to character."