Change Your Image
malseeds
Reviews
The Poison Rose (2019)
All the famous actors in the world can't save terrible writing
Tries so hard to be noir but proceeds like a Horror-Comedy where none of the jokes land. The cast does what they can, but the lines are so idiotic and often grossly redundant that there's really not enough talent in the world to make the content palatable.
Every character doesn't just have vices, they announce them whether in narration or open conversation, and it doesn't work at all in the situations.
Honestly as I sat there watching for the first 15 minutes, I kept asking myself "Is it really gonna be like this the whole time?" By the end of the movie I was wishing the answer was yes because what started as a mild to tepid attempt at noir only got worse the longer it went.
I'm often happy to watch a film even if it's not great because at least I saw it and usually there's a few good moments, but I truly regret watching this.
White Elephant (2022)
I want my time back
This was a raging pile of dung from the very start. The movie itself isn't so much telling a story as just having several events happen in succession, and there's no character development whatsoever.
Even at the end of the film I couldn't root for any side or connect to any character at all because among all the bullets, shootouts, and deaths you never really "meet" anyone. The characters exist to shoot guns and nothing more, and when the subject of morality introduced it's a split second conversation before more shooting.
In fact most of the conversation in this film is characters rehashing the events you just saw, which is almost insultingly silly because it's as though the writer assumes you've seen none of what happened and need it explained twice or even three times in forced cutouts.
Can't even give it points for the shootout scenes either because the characters are presented as tactical and experienced yet don't cover exits, shoot at nothing to kill their element of surprise and tip off the target, and then act shocked when the one they're after escapes for the fifth time.
Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)
No bad guys?
As others have pointed out, there's really no bad guys in this film which makes for a complete lack of humor when the good guys just trying to save their family get beaten and bruised by hellish traps.
Whoever thought it was fine to change the plotline from "Kid defends himself from Wet Bandits" to "kid nearly murders caring couple over misunderstanding" doesn't understand the original or why it was so good. This one hurt to watch.
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
Strays too far with no explanation
So this is a movie made for fans of Arthurian legend and sword magic fantasy backdrops, yet strays so far from the established legends with zero explanation as to why. Half of the most important names in the legend are altogether missing or get killed off a generation before they're meant to exist, and new names are used to strangely play the exact roles of the missing characters.
Vainglorious montages mark the important scene changes and time shifts with cacophonous music blasting over the visuals to distract from the actual story. In fact the movie strays so far from actual legends and the catastrophic differences often happen in these aggressive montage moments such that halfway through you're not entirely sure if the movie's started yet.
The VFX budget was all but spent in the first five minutes as evidenced by the comparatively lackluster second half of the movie's extended magical fights with awkward animations.
Honestly, I can't recommend this film despite the talented cast and genuinely good acting because the slipshod rewriting of a renowned legend mixed with overly aggressive montages just make this movie genuinely unpleasant to watch.
Dalgliesh (2021)
Remarkably dull
This show tries so hard to be dark and grim as the detective susses out the story, but in doing so ends up as just dry and uninteresting. Additionally the show keeps trying to push the envelope on topics like rape and racism, but really just brings up the topics without addressing or exploring them - they exist simply to darken the show's already overdone tone. Add to that how predictable each of the two-parters has been, and the whole season is only build with no payoff.
Honestly a waste of your time that won't scratch any detective show itch.
Âya to majo (2020)
Honestly not sure what I just watched
Studio Ghibli tried a new animation method, and don't get me wrong the actual animation was completely fine. It was new and unusual but didn't subtract or distract.
The glaring problem is that there is absolutely no plot or character development throughout the whole film. Studio Ghibli is known just as much for incredible stories as outstanding visuals, but in trying to completely change the game with a new visual medium they seemed to have forgotten to include any actual storyline or motivations or character development.
This entire movie can be boiled down into a single sentence. "Girl learns she's a witch and makes some potions." That's it. No character development. Can't even spoil anything because there are no twists, no turns, no surprises, no thrill in watching.
I found myself asking if they were gonna find a point only to see there were just five minutes left in the film, as in the whole thing is setup and substance never comes.
The Prom (2020)
James Corden kinda ruins this
I honestly think if James Corden and Andrew Rannells had swapped roles this would have been a home run but it's so weird to have James Corden put on a strong gay lisp and get the fleshed out gay storyline while Andrew Rannells is openly gay, a fantastic actor, and well established on Broadway and in show business yet gets pushed into the background with barely any say-so or character because I guess James has the bigger name?
It was a hell of a choice and James delivers his own character's storyline poorly thanks to a painful amount of overacting, whereas the actual story itself is very real and is something that deserves to be told well.
The rest of the movie is fun and exhilarating and the overacting is done tastefully to make it just ridiculous enough.... until James Corden gets way too much screen time with way too much lisp and never brings the scenes back down to the serious undertones the show needs. Thank the heavens for Meryl and Nicole being greats who do manage to do such in their scenes but Andrew never even gets a chance to participate much at all because he's basically the gay foil for James's mess of an acting job.
Feel the Beat (2020)
Thrilling and fun
I expected this to be goofy and probably subpar but at least entertaining. It actually ended up being much better than I expected with fun storylines that kept me enthralled.
As a movie, it was splendidly fun and often took itself seriously one moment only to play around the next, keeping the pace and story alive and fun the whole way through. Sofia Carson also got to flex her intense skill in dance after years in The Descendants while also giving some serious proof that she's a great actress.
This is absolutely worth the watch.
Filthy Rich (2020)
I really wanted to like it
I can see why this was canceled after one season when it repeats the same pattern for every individual episode. It becomes so tired that I ended up just keeping on watching to see if there was any payoff - there isn't.
At least one character has a come to god moment halfway through every single episode and immediate moral growth ensues only to be reset to their episode one jackass self in the first minute of the next episode.
Add to that how the main character matriarch has no depth to her character at all - which honestly isn't even the actress's fault when she got smacked with a reset button every episode - and you have a tired show that just never finds a good pace and has no lasting development.
Finally the plot itself tries to move at breakneck speed with so many cliche twists and turns reminiscent of a soap opera on steroids, but because the characters aren't allowed to keep up it becomes just an exasperating watch.
Mix all that together and you have one hell of a bad watch that I regret sitting through. If they'd dedicated one episode to each character growing in some way and let them stay grown and not had everyone constantly reverting, and added about... fifteen less twists? They might have had a great show on their hands.
Dolittle (2020)
All name, no substance
The list of names this movie has is absolutely incredible, with acting greats and comedy heavy hitters aplenty. It should have been a home run, but everything is just done so terribly wrong.
There are too many cheap gags and half-hearted jokes forced on the actors in serious scenes while comedy greats like Kumail Nanjiani get saddled with quick one-liners every ten to fifteen minutes with little to no purpose and no build. Some are good, solid cracks that are just so jammed in and out of place that you barely have time to register them much less give a light chuckle. Add to that how each animal seems to get one singular joke they continuously repeat in new ways every time they get a moment, and this movie is more exhausting than funny.
Don't get me wrong, the actors involved all do fine and did their jobs well, but the script is tired and the comedy is so underwhelming that it set them all up for failure from the start.
Spinning Out (2020)
Bipolar is a central point, but what they depict is not bipolar.
Look, I have Bipolar Type 1 which is the type that takes lithium, and is referenced just about every episode of this show since the main character and her mom have it. At first it's a pretty fair depiction, but as the series goes on the difference from actual bipolar gets bigger and bigger to the point that it's extremely uncomfortable for me to watch thinking that if I told anyone I had my disorder that's what they'd think I'm likely to become.
While the plot and cast chemistry is great at first, the focus on the disorder that they inflate and make into some form of true insanity that needs to be chained down just really made me hate the second half of this show. Every bit of the dark plot that remained at least mildly positive goes out the window around episode 5 and only one subplot even gets a happy turnout and it's the one they've forced me to care about the least by completely botching what could have been a seriously good deep cut into normal people struggling with mental illness.
Instead it becomes a smear campaign on anyone with bipolar telling viewers if they don't take lithium every second of every day they'll become evil beasts. I'm just shocked this was allowed to be a thing, because the early episodes are intoxicating and I couldn't stop watching but the last four I had to watch ten minutes at a time for the complete inaccuracies.
Love, Victor (2020)
A much needed gay coming of age show
A few reviews have criticized the lack of originality in using some classic coming of age tropes but that's what makes this show perfect in my opinion.
It's a classic coming of age show like all the rest but this time the gay characters and storylines aren't best friends or guest star side plots, they're the central storyline and the conflict is front and center.
Previous gay shows and movies have had a tendency to be raunchy, campy, and/or wild and that's great, but to have a show like Love, Victor that's instead very young and innocent with pleasantly cute romance is a great step to take.
This show is a much needed representation of gays exploring their identity before college and getting to know themselves in a beautiful way
The Letter for the King (2020)
Starts strong but the end is trash, whether you read the books or not
I haven't read the books and let me start by saying a huge amount of the strong reviews are coming from those who haven't finished the series yet.
The ending is AWFUL. So rushed, absolutely nothing is explained, and they try so many dramatic tricks at the end that you're left predicting everything simply by thinking "well it would be absurd if this happens too, so it will."
Let's look at the "prophecy" which can be summed up in one sentence: At the blood moon great evil will battle good and lose. That's it. That's all they ever say about the prophecy. No more details are given but everyone is acting like it's this epic poem that's shaken the world for centuries. Even the lengthened version doesn't even make a whole paragraph. There is no development of character backstories much less THE PLOT-DEFINING PROPHECY.
Tiuri doesn't have powers? Okay but why since he's the confirmed descendant of the shamans who do have powers. Lavina does have powers? Great, but why does she have powers when her father doesn't and her mother is never explained?
The start is strong and promises much but ends up with so many plot holes and absolutely no development. All this leads to the good versus evil "battle" where all I could think was "Is this it? Is this the great climax? Wow. This is crap. Where was the story?"
The Edge of Seventeen (2016)
Great potential but an awful ending
The first 3/4 of the movie are completely enthralling, there's no doubt about that. It's a whirlwind of events and life's curveballs, conflict that only gets worse and messier as the plot goes on, all building to the climax, which is meant to be the protagonist's catharsis.
So then why is Nadine, the one who has been beaten down the most without remorse, the only one apologizing at the end? The brother who treats her like garbage and says unforgivable things makes no effort at an apology, instead his only resolution is a single hug he gives her when he accepts her apology *for her entire life*. And the mother who has emotionally abused her for as long as she can remember? Well her non-apology comes in the form of deleting an angry text she's about to send, instead simply letting her be.
And then there's the lifelong friend who betrayed her trust in the first place. What does she do, other than deny any responsibility for abandoning a friend in an unfamiliar atmosphere at the party when she's supposed to be trying to make amends for screwing Nadine's brother? No really, I'd like to know, because that's the last meaningful interaction they have. Nadine gets ditched, and when she holds Krista accountable all she says is that's not what happened. The next interaction they have is in the last minutes of the movie, and it's as emotionless and simple as just accepting that they're maybe talking again.
The only person who makes any progress in the entire movie is Nadine, and nobody else is held accountable at all. It's nice in the sense of yay the movie ends on a good note for her, but the character is left with a still toxic family who accept her apology and offer none of their own, which isn't exactly inspiring for any imagined epilogue.