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jtbenson-56329
** - Somebody probably cared. Nothing unique. Exists to fire off some hamfisted message or gimmick.
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Fatal Exam (1990)
The Audacity...
In a way it reminds me of those incredibly talky 1940's / 50's crime serials where conversation was just a vehicle to explain every last detail and consequence to the audience.
The real stunner to me is the total disregard for the 90-minute runtime that was so integral to the success of the cheap 80's horror genre. Two hours? You're insane!
I can't give it less than three stars, though. That's reserved for movies that proselytize without entertaining, that pursue b-movie charm synthetically and intentionally, or that engage in other bad faith movie-making behavior.
This is shot-on-video. There are no trained actors, models, or bodybuilders. Just a bunch of average kids trying to make a movie, and in that way, it's kind of endearing. There's cheap murder, not-too-terrifying glints of death and an honest attempt to make a movie the entire group would be proud of.
Above all, though, there's just too much damn talking, too much explaining, and too much runtime.
Three stars for effort. Watch if you have a really laissez-faire attitude about how your time is spent...and want to see a kid solve a demon problem with a handgun.
Cruising (1980)
Mixed Bag
The writing for this movie is not very good. "You made me do this" is probably one of the most tepid serial killer catch-phrases I've ever heard. The main character being allowed to hang out at gay bars and S&M clubs without really talking to people or building relationships is just not believable. "You're acting really weird, you're either a cop or the murderer, get lost..." seems like the more likely outcome.
Al Pacino is surprisingly forgettable here. It's like he was uncomfortable with the source material and was never able to settle into his role. Too rigid to even really convey the discomfort of a 1980 straight man immersed in NYC gay culture.
...But it's not all bad. Joe Spinell's stoic, eerie lending of a crushing personal anecdote to the beginning of this movie perfectly sets its misanthropic tone. He should've gotten more roles. The fact that he keeps showing up across scenes builds its own sort of uncomfortable momentum and winds up being one of Cruising's few strengths.
Even though the story itself was weak, I thought William Friedkin did a really good job of casting the New York gay and trans community in an empathetic light. The characters you're introduced to seem like real people. Attention is drawn to their heightened vulnerability vis a vis cops who resent and exploit them, and of course, violent crime.
The soundtrack is interesting. An unreleased Germs song, Willy DeVille, John Hiatt.
I don't feel like I completely lost two hours, but I can't see myself circling back to watch this again.
Johnny Handsome (1989)
Al Pacino Was Right...
Johnny Handsome is just plastered with b-movie qualities. The thirty minutes of facial reconstruction and speech therapy that should have been a montage, the violent-but-total-nonsense opening scene, the "____ weeks later" interstitial scenes, the facial surgeon who is also apparently a psychologist?
I'm a b-movie fan. Sometimes I just wanna see some hokey, overstimulated junk. There's just too much dialogue in this, and it's all stilted attempts selling Louisiana authenticity.
The Plow That Broke the Plains (1936)
Not entirely fair to the nesters...
Yep, they got swept up in WWI row crop mania. So did every other section of the country. The South and the Midwest paid for it, too.
Soil conservation practices weren't common knowledge to American farmers back then, either. The American Ag community learned a lot about soil conservation through this calamity. So yeah, this would've played like pure, distilled hindsight back in 1936.
I guess the main thing, though, is that there was a major government initiative starting in the 1880's to get the plains settled and converted into farmland. The Department of Agriculture worked hand in hand with real estate agents and bankers in marketing campaigns. The Expanded Homestead Act of 1909 lured legions of the poor to a part of the country that had been previously understood as a grass-covered desert.
It's important as a visual aid, but it hardly tells the story, and it's easy to understand why this didn't sit well with farmers back then.
Return to Horror High (1987)
Yikes...
This movie and Popcorn had cover art that would just grab my attention when I was a kid sneaking around the horror section of our local video store. Those skeleton faces, I guess.
It's weird coincidence in my world that their themes are essentially the same...and it just doesn't work in either instance. Maureen McCormick's libidinal fascination with blood & guts is kind of funny, but doesn't really make up for the rest of the film.
Takeaway: Movies that simulate the production of horror movies and then become horror movies can't be anything other than tedious.
Full Moon High (1981)
Larry Cohen Tries (and Fails) to do a Mel Brooks
Yeah, it just didn't work. The punchline-to-setup ratio was off balance. The jokes felt forced. It got tedious in a hurry.
He was right to return to the realm of monster babies, zombie cops, and NYC dragon murder procedurals.
Margin Call (2011)
Gross
Bad stats, banker mania, and the echo chamber of an insulated class. I've read a lot about the 2008 financial crisis. It's lead up. It's fall out (After the Music Stopped is a great place to start).
I've read enough to not have any interest in watching investment bank leadership and "quants" get gassed up for two hours. The Big Short does a great job of capturing the stupidity that ensues when people don't have to worry about consequences.
"Heavy lies the crown" is the wrong tone for what transpired...
Crimes of Passion (1984)
Arthouse with Commercial Ambition
I love glimpses into seedy 70's - early 80's New York and L. A. I don't even care how bad a movie is, if it has some good shots of 42nd street, I'll probably re-watch it at some point.
I can't see myself re-watching this, though. The constant commentary on humanity's relationship to sex doesn't make for good passive viewing. To top it all off, for a movie so intent on dragging out unspoken truth, I didn't really feel edified by the end (we really needed more out of Annie Potts' character).
It's most definitely seedy. In spite of some of the most graphic L. A. red light district scenes I've witnessed, it got kind of tedious. Arthouse films are short. This should have been shorter. There's real redundancy in this movie, padding it out for greater box office return potential?
Killer Party (1986)
Might as well.
Not sure how things worked in the 80's, but I was in a fraternity in the 90's. If we had a bad relationship with a sorority, we'd give them an opportunity to get their philanthropy hours in and do all the heavy lifting - we'd follow it up with a cook out and beer. The bee / voyeurism scene would've gotten people kicked off campus. It's kind of an unintentional theme throughout this movie; attempts at portraying normal frat rat shenanigans come off as creepy and uncomfortable - we had a Martin type at our school and he didn't make it the full four years.
All that being said, the three female leads (only one of whom has an IMDB pic) are actually pretty good actors. I don't need that to enjoy a slasher movie, but it holds this one together for the most part. I totally bought their portrayal of goofy, ambitious college girls.
The kills are pretty average, but it's not offensively boring like Popcorn or Killer Workout. If you're going down the rabbit hole, might as well add this one to the list.
Starcrash (1978)
I kind of liked it?
"HEY! That's not what space looks like!" - Was my reaction to the first few minutes of this film. As another reviewer pointed out, the 60's style Godzilla micro-sets in this movie were pretty garish. They kind of grew on me, though. Maybe in some alternate universe, space really is multi-colored Christmas lights protruding through black cardboard.
The weird space renderings, the bizarre use of moving cloud stock footage and planet earth poster, stop motion animation, and really overdoing it with toy spaceships lend it some unintentional psychedelic vibes.
The dialogue is hilarious. "He has total brain damage, sir." Joe Spinell, of Maniac fame, is dubbed over I think.
They duped John Barry into doing the sound score, so it's not bad.
Battle Beyond the Stars, another Star Wars coattail-rider, was a color by numbers Seven Samurai rip-off. I found it kind of boring. This is a chaotic (idiotic?) amalgam of sci-fi past. Luigi Cozzi was on a mission here...one that he really just fails in style.
Both a disaster and a delight.
Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1990)
Of the Ghoulies movies...
This one's the best. Kinda reminds me of a late-80's / early-90's Fred Olen Ray movie. Made with that same "Hey, we know we spent a grand total of $0 on this film you're paying to see, but we'll hook you up with sight gags, one liners, and lots of nudity" ethos. I was expecting to feel ashamed of how I spent my 90 minutes. I do not. Low on violence, but still pretty fun.
Wise Blood (1979)
Very Catholic
"I believe in a new kind of Jesus. One that can't waste his blood redeeming people with it because he's all man and he ain't got any God in him." - This quote is really the key to understanding Wise Blood.
Flannery O'Connor was a devout Catholic and her message here seems to be that Christ redeemed through opening up, making himself vulnerable, becoming human and giving his blood for the sake of his followers. You can see the exact opposite take place with Hazel, who by the end of the film has pushed pretty much everyone away in belligerent fashion.
I don't use religion for anything in my life, but I'll admit, the writing is good. I couldn't get enough establishing shots of 1970's Macon, Georgia. Brad Dourif's unrelenting spite and outrage made for some hilarious scenes. There's a part of me that still really wants to like it, but I've never seen a movie that used the "N" word with more frequency.
Night of the Demons (1988)
The Worst
This movie purchased some goth kid equity with a Bauhaus song and some scream queen credibility by casting Linnea Quigley. That's really all it traded in. It worked! Look at all the positive reviews! If you can stop yourself from being wowed by those two shiny affectations, you'll realize the whole movie is lazy garbage.
Lazy, not just cheap, practical effects and make-up. Like they stopped by the Wal-Mart Halloween aisle shortly before shooting. I don't expect brilliant writing in horror, but I do look for some coherence, some attempt at myth building or some form of logic native to the 90 minute world they're creating, just to let me know that the writer(s) cared. None of that here. This is why it's never gotten the MST3K or Rifftrax treatment. There's nothing to punch at. At least you can laugh at Demon Wind or the Video Dead. It's ether, white noise, which in my estimation makes it no fun.
Lazy. You'll like it though! It's got Bauhaus and Linnea Quigley!
Truck Stop Women (1974)
Kinda Gross!
For nine months in my early 20's, I ran a hardware store next to one of the largest truck stops in the US. I'd regularly come across stuff that would make me feel physically ill.
Truck Stop Women was, for me, a little too reminiscent of those sights/experiences. Maybe it was the casting that hit a little too close to home, the prostitutes in this movie definitely looked like lot lizards.
The story would have been interesting had there been any character development to support it. Instead, this movie is propelled by mounds of greasy, hairy, unappealing human flesh undulating to the brink of hardcore, without the slightest attempt at generating any pathos towards the central characters.
This was pretty much the kind of movie I was looking for when I went down my 70's Drive-In / Exploitation rabbit hole. Now that I've experienced it, I kinda wish I hadn't.
Four stars for being shot in the beautiful state of New Mexico.
Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979)
I'll admit it...
I probably had a soft-spot reserved for this movie before seeing it. Reasons:
1.) I'm a huge fan of Corman movies. Dick Miller (star of my favorite Corman film, A Bucket of Blood) even makes a cameo.
2.) I like P. J. Soles. She's that classic goofy 70's girl that the 80's just didn't have much use for. Here, I think she does a great job of selling some bad dialogue; y'know, making it seem natural - like something a teenager might actually say.
3.) I'm a big fan of 70's punk. Obviously there's a lot of Ramones music, including a pretty stout/fun live set. Eddie and the Hot Rods, Nick Lowe, and MC5 also make an appearance on the soundtrack. It's not punk, but I'm all for 70's Brian Eno, too.
4.) I like hanging out with B-Movie riff-raff. I knew I was going to feel right at home around the likes of Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, and Clint Howard.
Outside of that, there's a smattering of tongue-in-cheek humor, just enough odd-ball/weird stuff to keep you off balance, some mildly-transgressive themes, and teenagers sticking it to overbearing authority figures.
So yeah, a solid 6 for B-Movie degenerates. It doesn't exhibit the same degree of negative attention-seeking behavior that 80's Corman or Troma would, and If nothing I mentioned above interests you, you might find yourself falling asleep to it.
Mean Streets (1973)
Inspiring
Watching this is a pretty cool movie nerd experience. You can see real talent start to surface for both De Niro and Scorsese, and also glaring flaws.
For De Niro, glints of being able to take over a scene with nuance get washed out by some pretty one-dimensional overacting.
For Scorsese, you can clearly see how he wanted to distinguish himself in the industry. Jamming bombastic pop music into a scene to sell its melodrama. Sudden, jarring realism. But there's not really enough consequence in storytelling to bear the weight of either here.
Taxi Driver was right around the corner, and the improvement between movies is pretty stunning. You get the feeling that they were self-aware, looking for kinks to iron out afterwards. For Scorsese, it's "can I tell a more sophisticated story?" For De Niro, it's "can I be more than just the loud guy?"
Inspiring, not in the sense that we're all gonna be great filmmakers one day, more like we're gonna figure out how to keep the alfredo sauce from breaking next time.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
This Movie Was Written by Korn
Jason X came out when I was in middle school and I stayed the hell away from it - the ads had me convinced that it was birthed from the cringe factory of late-90's / early 2000's nu-metal culture. I was wrong. That movie is downright enjoyable. Unique kills, David Cronenberg, some witty humor derived from the enduring tropes of the series.
This right here, Freddy vs. Jason, is the movie I should've worried about. The two villains tear through kills, spilling copious amounts of CGI blood in completely unremarkable fashion - paralleling the homogenized edge-lord bullcrap we got from the music of that era.
The teenagers trade awkward barbs that I'm positive would've gotten me made-fun-of at my high school. Freddy hammers his favorite curse word and the whole film stops like they're doing the audience a favor. It's not special when you do it twenty times.
I hope the concept gets revisited by people who know how to have fun with it.
The Video Dead (1987)
My gosh...
There are some positives. The practical effects involving televisions sets are pretty cool. They put serious time and effort into the zombies - they look great for a no budget movie!
However, the movie itself is driven by some absolutely absurd logic and ridiculous decision-making on the part of its characters. I'm at a loss for how it didn't get the MST3K treatment and hasn't gotten the Rifftrax treatment.
It's fun, but in a you're laughing at it, not with it, sort of way.
Class of 1984 (1982)
Four Stars for Stegman
I liked Timothy Van Patten's character and thought an exploration of how a kid from his background might become a total sociopath would've been an interesting thread to the story.
Instead, we get dorky moral panic. Maybe Tom Holland and Mark Lester were legitimately scared of punk rock (and the budding hip-hop movement)? Perry King's character was painfully street-dumb.
I'm a huge Fear fan and think they're better experienced through Decline of Western Civilization and Repo Man.
Let Us Prey (2014)
Last Shift
...Is the superior creepy police station movie from 2014, and the only one worth watching.
This movie saunters around with pseudo-religiosity and beats you over the head with not-so-subtle clues as to who it's mystery character might be. Also features the dumbest kiss I've seen in film or television.
It's Alive III: Island of the Alive (1987)
My favorite of the three.
I like the fact that Larry Cohen finally said to hell with playing it straight and embraced absurdity. I like the ridiculous looking "adult" monster babies. I like the fact that there's an island full of them. I like the fact that they descend upon a city to wreak havoc. I like the ramped up blood and guts. I like the no-reason punk rock street brawl. I like the court scene dramatics featuring a monster baby in a cage. I like Michael Moriarty's bizarre, arrhythmic acting.
I. Like. This. Movie.
Intruder (1989)
Necessary Viewing for Genre Fans
The violence starts almost as soon as the opening credits end, which makes this feel like a super long slasher-kill-scene montage as opposed to a movie.
There's a reason the great slashers spend around ten minutes on exposition. That's enough time to get you strapped in for the ride.
Anyways, this is kind of compensated for with interesting camara work, which generates its own sort of immersion.
The other weird flaw is that the movie takes place in a small grocery store...and yet the group never notices when one of their own is being butchered. Not very believable.
The deaths themselves are extremely brutal / creative, and absolutely worth seeing. Another positive is the aforementioned camera work. There's also an eerie story that gets told effectively a few times (it was borrowed from Raising Arizona, and takes on a life of its own in this movie).
The people involved in this would be a major point of interest for movie buffs / genre fans. Both Sam and Ted Raimi are a part of the main cast. Lawrence Bender, producer of many Tarantino films and a lot of movies that became ubiquitous with the 90's, wrote it. Scott Spiegel co-wrote Evil Dead II and worked with Eli Roth on the Hostel movies. Bruce Campbell makes a legitimate cameo.
It's not on the same level as Friday the 13th or Halloween, but it's got enough going for it to warrant a watch.
April Fool's Day (1986)
Not a Slasher
I promise I'm not trying to be a gatekeeper here. I just have really strong feelings about this film.
It's budget was ten times that of the late 70's - early 80's slasher classics, putting it in St. Elmo's Fire or John Hughes movie territory. Between the sound score and the cinematography, it certainly possesses the glossiness of those films. The characters even look like they were modeled after the St. Elmo's Fire cast, and we waste time learning that they're at similar inflection points in their lives.
Okay, blending the slasher concept with the sheen and melodrama of 80's pop cinema, that sounds like an interesting idea. Only, there are no on-screen deaths. There's no horrific imagery to lead you down the rabbit hole of a killer's warped pathology. No menacing solo scenes of a boogeyman (or woman) in their misanthropic trance. It never stops to play in the same dirt as the subgenre it's trying to reimagine.
To refer to what happens in the last fifteen minutes as a "surprise ending" seems like a bit of a mischaracterization. If it had been interested in implementing any conventions of slasherdom, it would've felt like a screw to the audience. Instead, it just comes off as one final reminder that this is the film equivalent of a rich kid sterilizing the art of the underclass.
It's cozy. It's the James Taylor of 80's horror movies.