The Road to Hong Kong (1962)
Bob Hope: Chester Babcock
Photos
Quotes
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Harry Turner : Chester, I give you my SOLEMN word. THIS time it's not dangerous.
Chester Babcock : Not dangerous?
Harry Turner : No.
Chester Babcock : That's what 'cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not goin'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, *Charly*!
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Harry Turner : [hands Chester a hand mirror] Who's that?
Chester Babcock : [seeing his reflection] I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.
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Chester Babcock : I'll never look at another banana split.
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Chester Babcock : Why do you suppose they're sending *us* up?
Harry Turner : They wanna find out if it's gonna be safe for the apes.
Chester Babcock : Oh.
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Chester Babcock : [espying Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra] The Italians have landed!
Harry Turner : That's the grape and the twig, isn't is?
Chester Babcock : Yeah, and they got the bar open.
Harry Turner : Let's break it up.
Chester Babcock : Those tourists.
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Leader of the 3rd Echelon : In that rocket, we're about to send two animals around the moon; and, if we succeed, we shall next send two men. And from the moon, that point of impenetrable power, I shall go before the United Nations and demand that they accede to our total and absolute control.
Chester Babcock : [to Harry] I think he rolls his own.
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Harry Turner : An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it.
Chester Babcock : Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure.
Harry Turner : Father figure?
Chester Babcock : Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.
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Diane : There must be some sensible solution to this problem.
Harry Turner : Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.
Chester Babcock : Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.
Diane : What about Sunday?
Chester Babcock : Everbody rests.
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Chester Babcock : No, I can see the tears forming in your wallet.
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Harry Turner : Don't I always get you the best medical attention available?
Chester Babcock : Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month.
Harry Turner : How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor?
Chester Babcock : You should have known by the size of his thermometer.
Harry Turner : Yes, was a bit large.
Chester Babcock : When he shook it, I was still on it.
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Harry Turner : Happy landings, buster!
Chester Babcock : I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.
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[as the neurologist plays his flute during Chester's examination, a cobra rises from its basket]
Indian Neurologist : Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple.
Chester Babcock : Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach?
Indian Neurologist : That is when you find out who your real friends are.
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[while agent Diane mistakenly thinks she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer, Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, simply believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]
Diane : [whispers] Do you think we're being watched?
Chester Babcock : [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar] Definitely.
Diane : Oh, then we'll have to hurry.
Chester Babcock : Have we got time?
Diane : If you work fast.
Chester Babcock : I'll do my best.
Diane : Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.
Chester Babcock : Good.
Diane : I've made all the arrangements.
Chester Babcock : Fine.
Diane : The shades are all drawn.
Chester Babcock : Very sensible.
Diane : And we can lock the door from the inside.
Chester Babcock : Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.
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[Agent Diane continues to mistakenly think she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer while Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, still believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]
Diane : Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?
Chester Babcock : [suffering from amnesia] Well, I MUST have. When do we start?
Diane : Right now.
Diane : [suddenly shouting] Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again.
[She slips him an envelop as she kisses him]
Diane : [whispering] You've got it.
Chester Babcock : [ego stroked and oblivious to the envelop] I know it.
Diane : Don't lose it.
Chester Babcock : Don't worry.
Diane : I'll see you at the hotel.
Chester Babcock : Pull the shades and lock the door.
Diane : One final thing.
Chester Babcock : Yes?
Diane : In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.
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Harry Turner : You got a mind like a sponge.
Chester Babcock : Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.
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Chester Babcock : [cracks open a fortune cookie and reads] "You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty."
Chester Babcock : [passing it to Harry] Here, it's for you.
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Harry Turner : [gazing out an airplane window] There she lies, Chester - Hong Kong.
Chester Babcock : Yeah, what a monument to fried rice.
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Chester Babcock : Hey, we're UNDER water! That's the ocean!
Harry Turner : So?
Chester Babcock : So? We spring a little leak, we'll drown.
Harry Turner : Well, you don't have to worry. You got a built-in snorkel.
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Chester Babcock : [seeing a shark outside the porthole] Looks like he just ate Lloyd Bridges.
Harry Turner : Don't worry. They don't eat people.
Chester Babcock : How about actors.
Harry Turner : We're safe.
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Diane : Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.
Chester Babcock : That still leaves my fellow women.
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Harry Turner : Chester, search your secret soul. Ask your patriotic conscience what to do.
Chester Babcock : I already did.
Harry Turner : What'd it say?
Chester Babcock : "Yankee, go home."
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Chester Babcock : My nose bleeds when I put my carpet slippers on.
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Diane : At least you can die like heroes.
Chester Babcock : Nah, but we're to old to die.
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Diane : I could love you, body and soul.
Chester Babcock : They're available, in that order.
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Chester Babcock : Who do you think they'll be shooting at - you or the schnook with the I.B.M. machine up his univac?
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Diane : Trust me and you'll come to no harm.
Chester Babcock : Trust me and I make no promises.
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Harry Turner : How do we get out of here?
Diane : The submarine. I can handle it.
Chester Babcock : I know. I read the script.
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Harry Turner : Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders.
Chester Babcock : Besides that, they're unfriendly.