Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)
Dyan Cannon: Simone Legree
Photos
Quotes
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[Philippe Douvier just set up a trap for Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and invited him to it with a phone call]
Simone Le Gree : That's so obvious, he's bound to think it's a trap...
Philippe Douvier : Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't be a trap.
Cato : It's so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : That is why you'll never be a great detective, Cato. It's so obvious that it could not possibly be a trap.
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Simone Legree : Oh, my God.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Mine, too.
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Simone Le Gree : Now why do you suppose he wanted to have me killed?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Elementary. He wanted you dead.
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Simone Legree : [palm reading Scallini's hand] You see this. You see this. I can tell by you're heart line that you're a very passionate man. Do you see how long this is?
Julio Scallini : Keep watching: it's gonna get longer.
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Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : [after Dreyfus faints when seeing Clouseau] Now I know why this place looks so familiar.
Simone Legree : Why?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Chief Inspector Dreyfus lives here.
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Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Who were those two men have tried to kill you last night?
Simone Legree : Killers.
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Simone Legree : But I saw your funeral on TV!
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Yes, even the Poop was there, you know?
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Julio Scallini : That's a nice hand.
Simone Legree : Oh, thank you. That's only the right one.
Julio Scallini : You type, too.
Simone Legree : A hundred words a minute.
Julio Scallini : I may faint.
Simone Legree : [laughing] Mr. Douvier has asked me to apolgize. He's going to be a little late. If you'd like, I'd be happy to keep you company until he arrives.
Julio Scallini : If I like? Does my mother cook spaghetti?
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Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : You keep talking about this Douvier.
Simone Legree : Mm-hmm.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : But Philippe, who is... who is-who is Philippe?
Simone Legree : Philippe Douvier.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : His son?
Simone Legree : Whose son?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Douvier.
Simone Legree : He has no son.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : His brother, then?
Simone Legree : His brother's name is Fred.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Then it has to be his father.
Simone Legree : His father's dead.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Ah! Now we're getting somewhere. Then who killed him?
Simone Legree : No one. He died of natural causes.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Then who is this Philippe?
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Philippe Douvier : We have to stop seeing each other.
Simone Legree : Your wife?
Philippe Douvier : Mmm-hmm.
Simone Legree : That witch. Okay, how long this time?
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Simone Legree : It's not gonna do you much good if you don't take your pants off.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : What?
Simone Legree : You gotta take your pants off.
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Simone Legree : How many people do you think know that Douvier, the millionaire businessman, is also Douvier, the French Connection? How many?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Well, I suppose his mother, for one.
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Simone Legree : But if you're not dead, who's dead?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : A wandering transvestite took my car and stole my clothes at gunpoint. I have been working under the covers tracking the killer.
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Dr. Auguste Balls : Now, how can I serve you?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Well, I...
Dr. Auguste Balls : Through wind and mud, snow and hail, whether long or short, dark or pale, remember that when duty calls, you've got Balls.
Simone Legree : I gotta sit down.
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Simone Legree : Not me. Not me. I am not going to Hong Kong. Are you kidding me? Douvier would shoot me on sight.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Not if he doesn't recognize you and he won't.
Simone Legree : Why not?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : We will leave that up to the great Balls.
Simone Legree : The great - balls?
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Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : My goodness, you look *ravishing* tonight.
Simone Legree : Oh, yes, I know that.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : You know that?
Simone Legree : Oh, yes, I know that.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Yes, I knew that you knew that. Yes.
Simone Legree : You did? I knew you knew I knew that.
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Philippe Douvier : Simone! What the hell are you doing here?
Simone Legree : I'm waiting for the firecrackers to go off.
Philippe Douvier : What firecrackers?
Simone Legree : The ones I just stuck in your pants.
Philippe Douvier : [bang!] Woah!
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Simone Legree : What made you decide to become a detective?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Well, it's not something one decides every day of the week, you know. But in my case, it began when my great-aunt was kidnapped and held for ransom by an unlicensed Armenian phrenologist.
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Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : Have you ever had your bumps read?
Simone Legree : I don't think so.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau : I would guess that your bumps would make excellent reading. Would you mind if I read your bumps someday?