Smokey Bites the Dust (1981)
Walter Barnes: Sheriff Turner
Photos
Quotes
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Sheriff Bleed : [noticing his wrecked police car] This is an unacceptable waste. A filthy shame. You're under arrest.
Sheriff Turner : Sherm, you're in my county, now and you can't even arrest a butterfly.
Sheriff Bleed : But the crime was initiated in Knotsie County. I have a right to pursue people across the state line.
Sheriff Turner : Look, only the FBI can cross a state line, Sherm. You're so stupid about the law!
Sheriff Bleed : Oh, yeah?
[takes out his handcuffs]
Sheriff Bleed : Well, I know a criminal when I see one.
[Sheriff Turner starts to run]
Sheriff Bleed : Stop or I'll shoot!
Sheriff Turner : [laughs] You shoot me and I'll hang you!
Sheriff Bleed : You'll never live to see it!
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[first lines]
Sheriff Turner : Bentley, don't reveal your position. This time, we'll get that son of a bitch and bury him under the men's room, then there'll be no more car chases in this town. A man on this force loses another car in pursuit of the suspect, he'll lose two year's pay.
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Sheriff Turner : [he and Bentley interrupt the homecoming's band's practice] Uh... whose tangerine Triumph Convertible is that out there in the parking lot?
Triumph Convertible Owner : It's mine, Sheriff. It's gonna be in the homecoming parade.
Sheriff Turner : [crazed] Your ass it's gonna be in the homecoming!
[he and Bentley scramble around the students to capture him]
Band Director : [sarcastic] Don't mind me, you know? What the hell.
Kenny : [walks over to Peggy Sue] Hey, Peggy Sue, what time do you want to be picked up, tomorrow?
Sheriff Turner : [angrily] Picked up? What time do you want to be PUT DOWN? Mess with my daughter and all you'll pick up is your teeth!
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Sheriff Turner : [to the rabbi in the stolen pickup truck] Sorry to run off with you, like this, Padre, but my little girl's been abducted by some goddamn teenage car thief and anything I hate is a car thief. If I ever get my hands on him, there's no power on God's brown earth that'll keep me from killing that son of a bitch.
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Deputy Bentley : Sheriff, you got them. They went down there. It's a dead end.
Sheriff Turner : Where in the hell have you been all day, Bentley? Boy, you look like you got yourself the Galloping Ringworm, boy. Put yourself on report!
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Sheriff Turner : [planning to steal the lady sheriff's car] All I really need, Nell, is your car!
[laughs]
Woman Sheriff : Oh, no, you don't, Hoagy. That's a big, hot no-no.
Sheriff Turner : War is hell, Nell!
[speeds off]
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Deputy #3 : [Sheriff Turner and Bentley arrive in the school parking lot] I got him, sheriff. I think he's hiding in the trunk.
Sheriff Turner : What the...?
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Sheriff Turner : If there's anything I hate, it's a car thief, a loudmouth, and a chicken-shit runaway!
Roscoe Wilton : Hey, porky, want me to turn around and come back?
Sheriff Turner : That'd be the only sane and sensible thing to do, son!
Roscoe Wilton : Well, yes, sir, officer. That's just what you'll get.
[He suddenly turns around and speeds past Turner, who loses control and crashes his car sideways]
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Sheriff Turner : [describing his nemesis, Sheriff Bleed] Getting anything from him is like trying to shit in a shoe.
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Sheriff Turner : [to two officers pulling into Snake Lake before stealing their car] My mother, she's drowning!