- Gil Turner: Do you smell perfume?
- Jack Harrison: Yes. I know what was in this room.
- Gil Turner: What?
- Jack Harrison: The Creature from Estee Lauder.
- Odette: [Pulling Ed to her chest] Tell me that you want me too!
- Gil Turner: [Muffled] I want you too!
- Formerly Ugly Hattie: Ooh, bazonkers! I never counted on bazonkers.
- [grabs her bazonkers]
- Formerly Ugly Hattie: I'm so content!
- Radu: You should be.
- Jack Harrison: Look, didn't you hire me to raise the journalistic level of this paper?
- Mac Turner: Wrong! I hired you to raise the vocabulary level of this paper. I want to keep the journalistic level very low. Why do you think I teamed you up with him?
- [points to Gil]
- Gil Turner: Hey, I'm a team player.
- Mac Turner: Crap? I like crap. I love crap. I need crap. Crap is what sells newspapers. Look around you. Crap, crap, crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap.