- Norman Kane: [17:30] That's it? Just like that, huh?
- Maggie Cavanaugh: Mr. Kane, there are only two things that you have to remember - never fall asleep where anyone can see you and make sure your name is very clearly marked on your lunch.
- Norman Kane: Well, I can handle that.
- Bruno: [19:15] Pay attention fatboy! It's canine control. You got it?
- Frank Dooley: Daaahhh, I think so.
- Bruno: Don't be a smart ass Dooley!
- Judge: [9:15] Mr. Kane, you are one of the worst lawyers I've ever known.
- Norman Kane: Well, then I move for a mistrial.
- Judge: Shut up!
- Maggie Cavanaugh: [15:00] Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets come out going very, very fast. So make sure to keep the weapon pointing away from you. Now that's about it. You are now armed... guards. God help us all.
- Noreen: [48:22] Gosh, I didn't realize it was going to be this formal. If I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn underwear.
- [Norman wants to question the union officials about "mandatory" contributions]
- Frank Dooley: [27:02] Forget legitimate, all right? Take a look up there; I bet you fifty bucks any one of those guys could tell you where Jimmy Hoffa is buried!
- Frank Dooley: [1:16:00]
- [panting]
- Frank Dooley: Listen... I'm only gonna say this once. I'm a special officer. You have to get me to the corner of 83rd and Aviation in 10 minutes... otherwise, two wonderful people that I know are gonna die.
- The Cowboy: Well, climb on in here, Slim.
- Frank Dooley: [enters the truck's cab] Whew! Thank you.
- The Cowboy: Well, let's just see how fast this son-of-a-bitch'll go!
- [the psycho Cowboy truck driver starts up the tanker truck and suddenly begins slaming into all the parked cars in the traffic jam!]
- The Cowboy: Hold on tight to your saddle horn, son!
- The Cowboy: [1:18:10] Slim, I ain't never seen a handgun that big before.
- Frank Dooley: Yeah, it's a 50 caliber. They used to use it to hunt buffalo with... up close! It's only legal in two states. And this isn't one of them.
- The Cowboy: You're somthin' else, Slim.
- [Frank and Norman exit the porno bookstore disguised as a transvestite and leather man respectively when they run into the bad cops looking for them; Frank and Norman freeze]
- Sergeant Rizzo: [1:02:20] What are you looking at you schmucks?
- [Frank and Norman sigh with relief that Rizzo does not recognize them and quickly get into their characters]
- Frank Dooley: [mimicking 'Divine'] Oh, isn't he cute? And look that these muscles.
- Sergeant Rizzo: Take your hands off me! I'm a police officer.
- Norman Kane: [falsetto voice] Oh, he gets so frisky every time he sees a badge.
- Frank Dooley: What are you doing later on tonight?
- Sergeant Rizzo: Take a walk you jerks!
- Norman Kane: [to Frank] Come on, let's trot.
- Frank Dooley: Why can't you look this good?
- Norman Kane: Mother Nature wasn't kind to some of us.
- Sergeant Rizzo: [shoves Frank and Norman] Move it!
- Frank Dooley: Ooo, he touched me! I got my Christmas goose early!
- [Frank and Norman are hiding in a overheated steam room]
- Norman Kane: [54:16] "Let's go in the steam room." Great plan, Frank! It's a good thing we didn't hide in the barbecue pit because Carlino would have had a sudden craving for ribs!
- Police Captain: [1:22:51] Dooley, you are a disgrace to this or any other uniform, you know that? So I guess we're going to have to put you in plain clothes when we bring you back.
- Frank Dooley: You mean that, I'm back? Would that involve a raise or a promotion?
- Police Captain: Not a chance.
- Raisin: [12:07] Let's say somebody's lyin', right? And you KNOW they're lying. Can you shoot him?
- Captain Clarence O'Connell: Well, that depends. Use your own judgement
- Raisin: Thank you. I appreciate that
- Maggie Cavanaugh: [41:03] I uh, I got divorced recently and I needed a job and my father asked me to come work for him until I got back on my feet.
- Frank Dooley: Now, they're planning to hit this armored truck between here and Riverside. But we're gonna nail them first, right here at Seventh and Elm. Now, this where you come into it, Maggie. You arrange that Norm is driving that truck. That way he can lead Carlino's men to our rendezvous point where I will be waiting to catch them in the act.
- Norman Kane: I'm driving the truck?
- Frank Dooley: Yes, did I forget to mention that?
- Norman Kane: Yes, you did forget to mention that! I'm driving that truck? Sorry, but it sounds a little flaky now. This whole plan sounds dangerous. What if you're not there, Frank? Do you have a backup plan?
- Frank Dooley: There's no backup plan, buddy boy. This is it. I'll be there! You see the point is this, there's good guys and there's bad guys. There's right and there's wrong. And there comes a time in every man's life where he's got to take a stand. And this time is now!
- Norman Kane: You're right. I agree. You're right.
- Maggie Cavanaugh: Well, count me in.
- Frank Dooley: Thanks, Maggie.