- Detective Cameron: I got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here.
- Sorority Sister: What's the bad news?
- Detective Cameron: They're dead.
- Detective Cameron: Zombies, exploding heads, creepy-crawlies... and a date for the formal. This is classic, Spanky.
- Chris Romero: Look, detective, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but, other than just kinda wanting to confess to a murder, is there a point to this story?
- Brad: Okay, so we put you up to it... but we said the Phi Omega Gamma house, *not* the Kappa Delta sorority. Do you know the difference?
- Chris Romero: [shrugs] It's all Greek to me.
- Detective Cameron: I suppose Rip Van Winkle would be the other body; where is it?
- Sergeant Raimi: The other body isn't here, sir.
- Detective Cameron: What? Did he have a date? Whaddya mean it isn't here?
- [answering phone]
- Detective Cameron: Thrill me!
- Sergeant Raimi: Detective Cameron?
- Detective Cameron: No! Bozo the Clown!
- J.C. Hooper: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Do you think it's taking the Lord's name in vain to say "oh my God" a whole bunch of times really fast like that?
- Detective Cameron: What's this?
- Detective Landis: It was a grad student. He was scheduled to work here this evening.
- Detective Cameron: Looks like he worked a little too hard, huh?
- Detective Cameron: Corpses that have been dead for twenty-seven years do not get up and go for a walk by themselves!