- Michael: [an angry Michael is carrying Joshua to his room and explains the doors' signs] Do you see this writing...? Do you know what it means...? Hospitality.
- [he goes into Joshua's bedroom and drops him down on the bed]
- Michael: And you can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!
- [he starts to adjust his belt]
- Joshua: [fearfully] What are you going to do to me, Daddy?
- Michael: Tightening my belt, by one loop, so I don't feel hunger pains and your sister and mother will have to do likewise. Okay, Joshua, you wanna get rough with me? You wanna show me that you don't like the choice of this house for our vacation by going on a hunger strike? Well, I'll accept the challenge. But, just remember, when I was your age, I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but, just remember, I've got more practice than you. I'll see you tomorrow.
- [Elliott sneaks into Holly's bedroom]
- Holly: Elliott! What kind of idiotic joke is this? You scared the shit out of me!
- Elliott: I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman.
- Holly: [Punches Elliott in the groin] Release your instincts in the bathroom.
- Elliott: Are you nuts? You tryin' to turn me into a homo?
- Holly: Wouldn't be too hard. If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you.
- Drew: Coffee.
- Drugstore Owner: There's no coffee in Nilbog. It's the devil's drink.
- Drew: Eggs.
- Drugstore Owner: Bleah!
- Drew: Bacon.
- Drugstore Owner: Are you crazy, boy? We're vegetarians here in Nilbog. Didn't you know that? Here's some Nilbog milk. Special milk. High in vitamin content. Here, it's free.
- Drew: Free?
- Drugstore Owner: Of course it's free. We love tourists here in Nilbog. Try some, boy, and have some of your friends drink some also.
- Diana: Grampa Seth has been gone for more than six months now. You were at the funeral, and I know it was very difficult for you. It was also very difficult for your father, and for Holly, and for me his daughter.
- Sheriff Freak: There're sandwiches for tonight in here! It'll go easier on you if you eat'em. It'll make our work easy. Otherwise, we'll be forced to kill you VIOLENTLY!
- [Throws bag at front door]
- Drugstore Owner: It would be a shame! The blood would mix with the meat, and we'd have to leave it in vinegar for the whole night!
- [after her seductive dance in the mirror]
- Holly: Dear Elliot Cooper, tomorrow morning will be your final chance. The beautiful Holly Waites, or your little boys. Make a choice Elliot.
- Arnold: [after his female companion sips the broth and starts immediately getting sick] What's wrong, what's wrong with her?
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: Quit worrying about her and drink your broth.
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: This is MYYY HOUSSSSSSSE!
- [arrives downstairs]
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: Allow me to introduce myself. I am CREEEEDENCE Leonore Gielgud, of ancient druid origins... My ancestors came from Stonehenge!
- Arnold: [confronting a group of trolls chasing a girl] Let me give you some helpful advice, you... dwarves. Get out of here... or you will be in a lot of trouble.
- [winks at girl]
- Arnold: [Trolls look at each other in confusion]
- Arnold: And remember...
- Troll: Kill him!
- [throws a spear at Arnold]
- Arnold: Arrgghh! Arrgghh!
- Seth: These evil creatures can transform themselves into fleas-and-blood people whenever and however they want.
- Joshua: You're making a mistake Grandpa. Who said they can? You should of said they could or what kind of fairy tale is it?
- Seth: They can! They CAN! Goblins still exist! Your Grandpa Seth is telling you!
- Holly: [after vigorously dancing to some music played on a radio in front of her reflection in the mirror, before turning it off] Dear Elliott Cooper, tomorrow morning will be your final judgement. Either me, or your boys. Take it or leave it. The beautiful Holly Waits...
- [fluffing her hair]
- Holly: or your lovely little boys. Make a choice, Elliott!
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: Helloooooooooooo!
- [appears at the door, realising that Drew was trying to take Arnold, turned into a tree and glued to the pot, out of the mansion, grinning eerily, showing rotten teeth]
- Arnold: Oh no!
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: [whacks Drew across the face, knocking him onto a bed unconscious] Thinking of leaving us... my little flower? Yooooooouuuu will be PUNISHED for THISSSSSSSSS!
- [takes out chainsaw]
- Troll: Ow-ur qu-een is callin... g us...
- Drew: Damn. there's no milk, there's no coffee. there's nothing. Guys, didn't anyone remember to bring supplies?
- Elliott: [Elliot and Brent laying in bed together] We left in too much of a hurry Drew. Go into town and do the shopping now.
- Drew: Yeah, with what? i don't have any money.
- Brent: Just take it out of the group fund.
- Sheriff Freak: Is it ready?
- Man with bowl: [stiring bowl of white goop] Here it iiiiis nice and creamyyyyy...
- Seth: [Grandpa Seth's whole head only appears in front of Holly's reflection in the mirror, before the lights begin to flicker] Joshua! Joshua!
- Holly: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- [dashes out her bedroom]
- Holly: Ahhhhhh! Mom! Dad! Mom!
- [banging vigorously on her parents' bedroom door]
- Diana: [comforting Holly who is at this point panicking] What is it?
- Michael: What's the matter?
- Holly: I saw him!
- Diana: Who? Who did you see?
- Holly: Grandpa Seth!
- Joshua: See, it wasn't me this time!
- Creedence Leonore Gielgud: [twitching her eyebrows before cocking her head towards Arnold and Cindy] Am I mistaken, or is there something wrong with the two of you?
- Holly: [staring and smiling maniacally into the camera, during Joshua's dream sequence as he is turned into a tree] I'd like to see YOU get sick!