- Phil: [in the carrot suit] Nobody likes broccoli!
- Charlie Hinton: [in the broccoli suit] Ben likes broccoli! Don't you, Ben?
- Ben: Nope.
- Charlie Hinton: You turned my own sprout against me? Now you're gonna die!
- Charlie Hinton: So... what else can we learn about?
- Jamie: Dolphins. Dolphins are good.
- Max: Dolphins are fish!
- Becca: No, they're not!
- Max: Yeah-huh, they live in water!
- Becca: That doesn't mean they're fish!
- Charlie Hinton: Hey, hey, hey... Calm down now. Maybe we should just ask another question here.
- Jamie: ...Where do babies come from?
- Charlie Hinton: Eh, eh... Y'know, why don't we go back to the dolphins, or something other than *that*?
- Ben: Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
- Charlie Hinton: I did not break your yo-yo.
- Ben: You did!
- Charlie Hinton: I did not break your yo-yo.
- Ben: Yes, you did!
- Charlie Hinton: Your yo-yo was broke.
- Ben: Yes, you did! Yes, you did! Admit-admit it! Ya killin me! Ya really killin me!
- Charlie Hinton: Hey, man, how did it go in there?
- Max: ...I missed.
- Charlie Hinton: Heh heh... what does that mean?
- Max: I missed!
- Charlie Hinton: Oh, hell, no!
- Charlie Hinton: If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.
- Charlie Hinton: Today we need some organization and planned activities.
- Phil: No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
- The Flash: We need more chasing bad guys!
- Marvin: Hey, that's an excellent idea!
- The Flash: Like the Joker!
- Marvin: No, you see, buddy, that's Batman's bad guy. You're the Flash, you need to be fighting...
- The Flash: Lex Luthor?
- Marvin: No, that's Superman. You need to be fighting Captain Boomerang, Gorilla Grod, the Reverse Flash...
- The Flash: How about the Riddler?
- Marvin: [to Charlie and Phil] What are you doing to these kids?
- Charlie Hinton: Any boob can run a day-care center but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on, a family.
- Charlie Hinton: If you put your kids through this, they're gonna be miserable in four languages...
- Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: Five. We start Portuguese in the fall.
- Charlie Hinton: OK, you're gonna go out straight for a pass, and I want you to be my blocker. You're gonna come across and cut left and I'll...
- Max: How 'bout we just run in a circle?
- Charlie Hinton: ...Yeah, OK, that's a better idea! How 'bout we just aaaallllll run in a circle?
- Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: Rock for Daddy Day Care... Do you know what this means?
- Jenny: A... chance to prove ourselves in a little healthy competition?
- Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a deathwish.
- Becca: We need more learning about things!
- Charlie Hinton: More learning about things?
- Becca: Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
- Crispin: [shouts] Shut-up, Butthead!
- Charlie Hinton: Shut-up, Butthead? I'm sure your mommy and daddy don't like you talking like that. When your mommy comes to get you I'm going to tell her what you said.
- [Crispin kicks Charlies shin]
- Charlie Hinton: [yells] Owww!
- Jamie's Mom: Who are you going to call if there's any problem?
- [gives her a phone]
- Jamie: 911, Mommy.
- Jamie's Mom: Oh, such a good girl!
- Mr. Carrott: B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I! I am the broccoli and don't know why! C-A-R-R-O and a T! Carrots are healthy for you and me!
- [last lines]
- Charlie Hinton: Whoa! Hey, little man!
- [looks around room]
- Charlie Hinton: I'd say this wasn't a bad trade-off.
- Ben: Yeah, Dad.
- Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan: My dear Jennifer... In life, there are winners and there are losers; and to win, you have to play dirty!
- [first lines]
- Ben: Good morning, Daddy.
- Charlie Hinton: Hey, Ben, how you doing, man?
- [yawn]
- Charlie Hinton: Oh, God. Daddy's got to get ready for work.
- Ben: Can't you stay home?
- Charlie Hinton: No, I got a big day at work today. A real big day.
- Kim Hinton: So, Pooch, how was your first day at school?
- Ben Hinton: OK.
- Kim Hinton: Just OK?
- Ben Hinton: I don't know anybody there.
- Kim Hinton: Oh, well, give it some time. You'll make some friends.
- [to Charlie]
- Kim Hinton: How about you, baby? How was your day?
- Charlie Hinton: I lost my J-O-B.
- Kim Hinton: You lost your J-O-B?
- Charlie Hinton: I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
- Kim Hinton: They cannot do that! What about Jim Fields? Can't he do something?
- Charlie Hinton: Jim Fields is the one that pulled the trigger. Now, he's not gonna be inclined to do anything 'cause when I found out it was him, I told him he could take a flying F...
- Kim Hinton: Charlie!
- [Charlie and Kim turn to Ben, who wipes his nose on the back of his right hand; they turn back to each other]
- Charlie Hinton: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P. Don't worry about this. I'm a guy in demand, and I'll have a new job in a week. A week.
- [after the failure of the presentation of Veggie-O's]
- Jim Fields: We're killing it.
- Charlie Hinton: Hey, come on Jim, we had one bad test and it's a hard nut to crack. Any fool can sell chocolatey chocolate balls and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids, man.
- [Jim takes out his notebook and a pen and writes something down]
- Jim Fields: Cotton candy. That's not bad. Hey guys, look, I'm sorry, but it was a dog. Kids just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knew?
- Charlie Hinton: It's exactly what I told you six months ago when you put us on this project.
- Jim Fields: You did? Well, it's not just Veggie-O's. We're shutting down the whole health division.
- Phil: That's like 300 people.
- Jim Fields: Yeah, it's just not a business we want to be in.