Jackass Number Two (2006)
Johnny Knoxville: Self, Irving Zisman
Photos
Quotes
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Johnny Knoxville : [while Bam is in trailor with Cobra] You crying?
Bam Margera : Yeah.
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[Bam has just been branded with a penis-shaped branding iron]
Bam Margera : You gave me a hologram dick! There's three solid dicks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.
Johnny Knoxville : But a sweet set of balls!
Bam Margera : Rad... I'd rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn!
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Man : [Wanting to fight Knoxville] You wanna step outside?
Johnny Knoxville : We're already outside, numbnuts! Hahaha!
[to his "grandson"]
Johnny Knoxville : He asked us if we wanted to step outside.
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Johnny Knoxville : It's gonna hurt a lot, but it's just loud.
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Johnny Knoxville : You alright?
Chris Pontius : Yeah, hold on.
Johnny Knoxville : What do you mean "hold on"? The bull's not gonna hold on!
Chris Pontius : Ah, my fucking leg. Goddamn, these bulls are strong!
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Johnny Knoxville : Rectal bleeding... another first for Jackass.
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[first lines]
Johnny Knoxville : Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!
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Johnny Knoxville : [Johnny Knoxville hands his fake grandson a flask] Don't hog it all you little prick...
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Johnny Knoxville : [after getting shot by riot explosive] Is this ok?
[points to face]
Johnny Knoxville : Then we're good.
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Johnny Knoxville : If your asshole can't see the camera, the camera can't see your asshole.
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Johnny Knoxville : I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm going to the moon!
Crew Member : 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Bam Margera : Later!
[Presses the launch button, causing Johnny Knoxville and the rocket to blast off and fall into the sea]
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Johnny Knoxville : Ok, who brought crabs to the party? Ha ha. One of the guys had crabs!
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Johnny Knoxville : That long hair don't cover that red neck, boy.
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Johnny Knoxville : [after taking a fall] My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that.
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Dave England : [gets knocked out by a large airbag] Ah... fuckin' shit... what was that shit? It's fuckin' in my eyes...
Johnny Knoxville : Oh! Oooo!
Dave England : Uh... what the fuck was that?
Johnny Knoxville : Oh my...
Dave England : I fuckin' don't understand... what the fuck did you do to me? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Johnny Knoxville : Uh... are you...
Dave England : You're fuckin' me up man!
Johnny Knoxville : Let's go inside man!
Dave England : Oh FUCK DUDE... I... that was fuckin' CRAZY!
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Manny Puig : The anaconda is the largest snake in the world. It feeds on large animals and can kill grown men within minutes. Wee-Man, probably in seconds.
Johnny Knoxville : Why would you say that right before we film?
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Johnny Knoxville : Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the Anaconda Ball Pit.
[Wee Man hits him in the groin]
Johnny Knoxville : FUCK! I have on a cup and that still hurts!
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Johnny Knoxville : [preparing Steve-O for the butt chug] I'm staring right down Main St. and it's not looking any good at all.
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Johnny Knoxville : You have no hair on your ass.
Ryan Dunn : It is pretty.
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Johnny Knoxville : This is REALLY gonna suck!
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Man : [after seeing Knoxville's, as Irving Zisman, "grandson" smoking a cigarette] Hey man, is that a real light?
Slater Davis : Piss off, man!
Man : Is it?
Johnny Knoxville : He said "piss off"!
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Johnny Knoxville : [shows Ehren a text message] Look at this. This is from Derek. "OK, who brought crabs to the party? Fuck me." Ha ha.
Ehren McGhehey : [vomits]
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Johnny Knoxville : [after Steve-O does the butt chug] He's peeing like a girl!
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Bam Margera : So the guys think they're coming here for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof and we've rigged the locks so they can't get out.
Johnny Knoxville : And when they do get out, we got some marbles waiting for them.
Bam Margera : This is the Beehive Limo.
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Johnny Knoxville : [while gagging after Pontius drinks the horse semen] I never puke ever, and I really almost puked then.
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Johnny Knoxville : Doc, can you help us?
Indian Doctor : Uh, yeah, why not?
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Johnny Knoxville : This is the Toro Totter. It's me and Pontius vs. Dunn and Bam - and the last guy on the Totter is the winner.
Chris Pontius : It's gonna be a blood bath.
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Bam Margera : The boys think they're arriving for a photo shoot, but little do they know we've got a shitload of bees we're gonna put through the sunroof, and we've rigged the locks so they cant get out.
Johnny Knoxville : And when they do get out we've got some marbles waiting for 'em.
Bam Margera : This is the Beehive Limo.
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[Just before the second attempt at "big red rocket"]
Johnny Knoxville : Even if the rocket doesn't blow up on me this time, there's really not a lot of great ways for it to end, anyway.