Family Guy (TV Series)

The Perfect Castaway (2005)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Captain Seamus, Vern, Superfriends Announcer, Construction Worker #2, Paddy Tanniger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stewie Griffin : Oh, bitch! You got jacked, bitch!

• Brian Griffin : I'll be in the basement.

  Lois Griffin : Doing what?

  Brian Griffin : Whaddaya think?

• Glen Quagmire : [while on a raft made out of blow-up dolls]  Careful guys, even the slightest prick will pop these things. Gigity.

• Tom Tucker : In local news we have more on the approach of Hurricane RuPaul, which is working his or her way up to coast. Let's go live to Ollie Williams with the Blaccu weather report. Ollie?

  Ollie Williams : It's raining sideways!

  Tom Tucker : Sounds rough, Ollie. Do you have an umbrella?

  Ollie Williams : Had one!

  Tom Tucker : Where is it?

  Ollie Williams : Inside out, two miles away!

  Tom Tucker : Is there anything we can do for you?

  Ollie Williams : Bring me some soup!

  Tom Tucker : What kind?

  Ollie Williams : Chunky!

• Peter Griffin : Hey, hey! I got an idea! Let's play "I Never..." Y-you gotta drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.

  Cleveland Brown : Oh, I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on.

  [Peter, Joe, and Quagmire drink] 

  Joe Swanson : I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.

  [Cleveland and Quagmire drink] 

  Peter Griffin : Uh, all right, let's see. Uh... I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom.

  [Quagmire drinks. Several minutes later, we see lots of empty beer bottles in front of Quagmire] 

  Peter Griffin : God. Let's see. What else is there? Um... I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, God!

  [takes a swig] 

  Joe Swanson : I, uh... I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, come on!

  [takes another drink] 

  Peter Griffin : Um, I never did the same thing, but with someone from JoAnn Fabrics.

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, God, this is ridiculous!

  [takes a drink and gets knocked out] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, boy, he's out cold. Hey, let's write on him!

  [Peter, Joe, and Cleveland giggle] 

• Peter Griffin : Okay, okay, I've got one. Black or handicapped?