Dean Santoro: Professor Edward Bellows

Quotes 

• Professor Edward Bellows : Alright, Joanna. Now, you'll relax once I anoint you with these bat livers.

• Professor Edward Bellows : Hello?

  Joanna Loudon : Hello, everyone. I'm Joanna Loudon and this is my husband Dick.

  Professor Edward Bellows : I'm Professor Edward Bellows. And this is Nancy, Amy, Reese and Kendra.

  Joanna Loudon : Well, nice to meet all of you. Please, everyone, help yourselves to refreshments.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Oh, thank you.

  Dick Loudon : It may just be a hunch, but I think by the end of the evening, you and Kendra...

  [signals with his hands that they'll be friends as he walks into his office] 

  Professor Edward Bellows : Your husband won't be joining us?

  Joanna Loudon : Well, he has friends. I mean, he's got work to do.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Well, shall we get started? Amy, why don't you bring us up to date on our last meeting?

  Amy : The meeting convened at 8 PM. The first order of business was to choose a date for our annual society dance, November 3rd. Is that alright with you, Joanna?

  Joanna Loudon : Fine.

  Amy : At 8:15, Reese read the treasurer's report, but then he thought he heard his wife calling him. So he went into the woods, turned into a raven and flew home.

  Joanna Loudon : You turned into a raven?

  Reese : It's the easiest one.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Thank you, Amy. And now I suppose the next order of business today should be to welcome Joanna Loudon

  [applause] 

  Professor Edward Bellows : and to initiate her into our little circle.

  Joanna Loudon : [as they put a black veil on her]  What's going on?

  Amy : It's just our initiation ceremony, Joanna. I mean, if you want to be a witch, you have to marry the devil, right?

  Joanna Loudon : What? Agh!

  Professor Edward Bellows : What's the matter? You don't like weddings?

  Joanna Loudon : Who are you people?

  Professor Edward Bellows : The Elm Street Society.

  Joanna Loudon : I mean, what are you?

  Professor Edward Bellows : Oh, a satanic cult. Everybody knows that.

  Joanna Loudon : I didn't.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Really? Amy, I told you that newspaper ad wasn't clear.

  Amy : Don't blame me. I laid all three versions of that ad on a bed of nightshade, and the sacred toad hopped right onto that one.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Oh, well then, Joanna must have misread it. Alright, Joanna. Now you'll relax once I anoint you with these bat livers.

  Joanna Loudon : Dick!

  Dick Loudon : [coming out of his office]  What's going on?

  Joanna Loudon : These people are witches.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Gee, Joanna. You say that like it's a dirty word.

  Joanna Loudon : Out. Everybody, out. You too, out.

  Professor Edward Bellows : Joanna, give us a chance. You know, we're not so different than other people. We even have a credit union.

  Joanna Loudon : Out!