- Goldie Hawn: You know, I have to improve my mind, or bust.
- Dick Martin: Well, two out of one ain't bad, you know.
- Ruth Buzzi: My daughter-in-law is so sweet. She gave me my Christmas present early; a set of matched luggage, already packed.
- Ruth Buzzi: Did you hear Flipper got arrested?
- Greer Garson: Yes, i heard he crossed the state line for immoral porpoises.
- Pamela Rodgers: If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what do you have to eat to get him to make a house call?
- Alan Sues: Ruth, why are there so many babies born out of wedlock?
- Ruth Buzzi: I can't think of one legitimate reason.