- Jeremy Lloyd: Yes, eh, well, Goldie, how, where do you stand on the pill?
- Goldie Hawn: Stand on it? I thought you were supposed to swallow it!
- Judy Carne: I'm gonna marry a rich man. I don't believe in struggling.
- Arte Johnson: Well, if you don't believe in struggling, you should be able to get any man you want.
- Judy Carne: Nice.
- Theresa Graves: Buddy, have I got news for you. I just found out what NBC stands for.
- Buddy Hackett: NBC?
- Theresa Graves: Hm-hm. Nothing But Commercials.
- Jo Anne Worley: Speaking of cars, Boris and I almost had an accident last night. But fortunately, a policeman made us move on.
- Pamela Rodgers: My mother told me that girls shouldn't be kissed on a first date, but that doesn't bother me. I never go out with girls.
- Sandy Hackett: Aw, gee, Dad, can we leave now?
- Buddy Hackett: No, I told you your punishment is to be here for a full hour!
- Alan Sues: My car uses two quarts of oil a day.
- Byron Gilliam: Is that a lot?
- Alan Sues: For just the door hinges?
- Jo Anne Worley: Now mothers, I'd like to leave you with two really beautiful words... you ready? Paul Newman.