Scrubs (TV Series)

My Lucky Night (2003)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• The Janitor : Hey! We solved your dumb game.

  Troy : We been to the libary!

  The Janitor : -brary... Troy! Library! Anyway, what two coins, when you put 'em together, make 30 cents and one of them isn't a nickel? Uhm... A penny and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection, today worth exactly 29 cents.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No, no no. The correct answer is a quarter and a nickel.

  The Janitor : Uhm, no, because you said one of them isn't a nickel.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Right. The other one is.

  The Janitor : You lied to me.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No. It's a riddle.

  [leaves] 

  Troy : [to the Janitor]  Uh, your face is red like a strawberry!

  The Janitor : ...Don't have kids.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : [to herself]  What's wrong with me? Here I am, trying not to let fear rule my life anymore, and then... Sean moves away and i don't even have the guts to tell him how I feel...

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [to himself]  ... how I feel. I mean, life's too short not to go for it with Elliot. Plus, now Sean's out of the picture. Stop being such a chicken!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [to himself]  Stop being suck a chicken! I know it's a complicated procedure, but I can do it without Carla, there. What am I so scared of?

  Dr. Perry Cox : [to himself]  What am I so scared of? That I might actually get this job and have no one to blame it on if I fail? Good Lord, I'm pathetic... When was the last time...

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : [to herself]  When was the last time he ever apologized for anything? I wanna help him, I do... but in a lot of ways I guess I'm as stubborn as he is. I wish I could make sense out of this...

  The Janitor : [to himself]  I wish I could make sense out of this. 30 cents, to be exact... damn riddle! Easy, Janitor... you'll get this.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Uh, listen, while I have you here -- I'm applying for a fellowship, and I could really use a letter of recommendation. I was thinking that, when you wrote it, instead of using a girl's name you could refer to me as "Dr. Dorian." I think it sounds a little more professional and, frankly, each time you call me a girl's name, I die a little inside.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Look, Janice, Denise, Tiffany Amber Thiiiieeeessen! Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry's Perspective. One: If someone's standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called "Bring back the porn!" Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor -- nay, respected as a man -- is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.

  [Addressing a body bag being wheeled past] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Isn't that right, spike?

  [to J.D] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : The point is, and you just might want to jot this down: only the weak need help.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I should get that tattooed on my neck.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Just a real nice helmet, there, princess.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Actually, it's not a helmet, it's a Hairmet -- it has extra room so you don't mess up your hairdo.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Fair enough. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testicles; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want.

• The Janitor : Hey. C'mere a sec -- we wanna do stuff to you.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  Crap. The Janitor. And he's with Sloppy Joe Guy! Okay, just distract them before they do whatever they've got planned!

  The Janitor : We were thinkin'... .

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I've got a riddle for you!

  Troy : [to Janitor]  This isn't how you said it would go.

  The Janitor : Troy!

  [to J.D] 

  The Janitor : We're listening.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Two coins add up to thirty cents and one of them is not a nickel.

  The Janitor : So what are they?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : It's a RIDDLE. You figure it out.

  The Janitor : [J.D. leaves]  Troy, get your hat. We're going to the bank.