- Dr. Perry Cox: It turns out we can't save people from themselves. We just treat 'em and when he comes back with cancer, go ahead and treat that, too.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Smokers, drinkers, druggies, fatties, whatever.
- Dr. Perry Cox: All I'm saying is if you keep living and dying on whether or not a person changes, well.
- Dr. Perry Cox: You're not going to make it as a doctor, that's all.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: [to Elliot] Now listen, Dr Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is: you tattled yesterday, I responded... I feel closer to you than ever, really. But the ramifications are yours! So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies...
- J.D.: How's it going?
- Janitor: I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?
- J.D.: Now, there's nothing wrong with being a janitor.
- Janitor: Really? Thank you. You've turned my life around. I have to go tell my janitor wife and all my janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.