- Ruth Fisher: Well, when are you going to invite him? I need to know how many yams to buy.
- Claire: Look - if he's coming, I'll tell him to bring his own yam.
- Keith Charles: Lord, for food in a world where many walk in hunger, for faith in a world where many walk in fear, and for friends in a world where many walk alone, we give you thanks, O Lord, on this Christmas Day. Amen.
- Saleswoman: [in a store] Anything I can help you with?
- Brenda: Yes, I'm looking for clothes so expensive only an idiot would buy them. Oh, there they are...
- Saleswoman: [to the male shopper with his hand up Brenda's skirt] Your wife would like you to see how she looks in her Jo Sanders sweater.
- [he walks away - to Brenda]
- Saleswoman: I think you should leave. Or I'll have to call security.
- Brenda: Do you validate?
- Nathaniel Fisher: Y'know when you were little? You always wanted to leave milk and cookies under the tree for Santa Claus, you remember that?
- David Fisher: Yeah. And you used to always laugh and say 'What Santa really needs is a shot'.
- Nathaniel Fisher: And I was right.
- David Fisher: I always thought you meant a shot, like a shot of penicillin.
- Saleswoman: Anything I can help you with?
- Brenda: Yes, I'm looking for clothes so expensive, only an idiot would buy them. Oh, there they are.
- Toby: If you just take a look at your life, you really don't have that mush to be angry about.
- Claire: Ah, you don't know anything about my life.
- Toby: Yeah, and I'm not really sure I want to, considering how you like to shit all over everything.
- Claire: You know what? I fully support your little desire to have some life you'd see on Nickleodeon, but I don't support you being a judgemental dick!
- Keith Charles: How 'bout if we sing some christmas carols? Come on, I've got a CD. We can all sing along to it.
- Taylor: You've gotta be kidding me.
- David Fisher: Come on, we'll scare the neighbors.
- Taylor: OK. You two sing songs. I'm gonna go get a Ding-Dong and watch the Simpsons.
- Nate Fisher: [looking at a card accompanying a funeral flower bouquet] From Jay Leno.
- Bitsy: Sure, he always sends fowers, never comes.